RE: noob question about keeping it all objective

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RE: noob question about keeping it all objective - 2/7/2010 7:34:00 AM

lucylucy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SternFather

I'm talking about ownership. As in I own you and you belong to me. I always have a feeling of responsibillity. But this was the first time I ever felt ownership.

What I really want to know is can I get that feeling without a loving relationship at all? Can I get it without it being a sexual one?

I think some people do manage to cultivate the feeling of ownership/being owned with someone they don't love. For me, it wouldn't work. I am owned and it is the most intimate, intense, overwhelming, transcendent feeling I have ever had in a relationship. I'm not a "romantic love" kind of person, so I don't see the feelings I have in the frame of hearts and flowers and chocolates, but my relationship is 100% a "loving relationship." I can't imagine the intense intimacy occuring outside a loving relationship. But that's just me.

My guess is that you can explore your feelings in a casual way outside of a loving relationship, but once you meet a woman who is a good match for you and you begin exploring your dominance within a loving relationship, you will find that everything you enjoyed in the casual relationship is exponentially more intense in the loving relationship.

Good luck.

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“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

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RE: noob question about keeping it all objective - 2/7/2010 8:19:26 AM

SternFather

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You know what? I wrote this long reply and in doing so I think I answered my own question.

I'm not a promiscuous guy. I have only had one sexual relationship with a woman I didn't care for, and I didn't like it at all. But when I examine what it was I didn't like (because she was hot and willing) it was the fact that I did not feel Dominant to her in any way. And by that, I mean I didn't feel like there could ever be anything between us, and since there was no potential for any kind of relationship to develop, there was nothing to feel dominant about.

So I answered my own question at least as it pertains to me. (with all of your help of course).

(in reply to KatyLied)

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RE: noob question about keeping it all objective - 2/7/2010 8:54:40 AM

KatyLied

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From: Pennsylvania
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In my experience, I need to feel a connection in order to submit. It does not need to be love as I do not fall in love often or easily, and to find love would mean finding a connection with an extraordinary person (and they are rare). But there can be connection and chemistry, and most importantly an environment in which I submit easily. For me it is organic and can't be written in a contract. And the dominant, through his interactions with me, provides the environment in which I submit. The fact that someone was hot yet did not call out your dominance does not surprise me, it is (or should be) much more than a hot body.

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RE: noob question about keeping it all objective - 2/8/2010 8:04:23 PM

RealSub58

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As I said in my introduction, what brought me here was the understanding that what I valued most from my last relationship was the associated feelings I recieved that came along with the sense of ownership I had for the woman I was dating. Until her I had never experienced anything as intense or as good.

Even though every other aspect of the relationship was a disaster, I didn't care, I was hooked on the feeling and when it ended I was devistated. It's only now, that I am starting to understand why I was so devistated and that it was because she let me explore my D side with her.

While I want the good feelings again, I don't want any part of the devistation.
****************************************************

But here you are again asking how to dominate without emotional attachment cause you want the "good feelings?"

You realized you need emotional attachment. So find the whole package.......
physical, emotional, social, psychological, mental and spiritual attachment !!

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RE: noob question about keeping it all objective - 2/17/2010 4:23:48 PM

slavefinder30

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Joined: 11/5/2009
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It seems more like your question should be how can I continue to have good kinky sex without having my hearbroken? Be introspective, work faithfully on your personal flaws, and dilligently search for compatable play partners. Chemically, the wonderful cocktail of drugs produced when people have orgasms together, includes hormones that make us BOND strongly to oneanother. There isn't any way around it. It's what your body is meant to do. A BDSM relationship with a person more compatable with you might make all the difference.

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RE: noob question about keeping it all objective - 2/17/2010 4:38:13 PM

OriginallyFromLA

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Actually the question was what in the world is going on when I have good kinky sex that makes me feel like I'm in love? And since I posed the question I have been very introspective about it, annoyingly so as a lot of people will attest.

I figured out the answer, which is pretty much what you said. It wasn't love, it was the "chemical swicth" kicking on full blast when someone was submissive to me, because sex with someone that wasn't submissive never generated the same results.

Now I'm working on turning that "switch" into a "volume knob".

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Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

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