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why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 10:34:01 AM   
rocky219


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		goood morning everyone ... question ???? why are there so many mistress's looking for sub's / slave and i can not find one i send messeage's to mistress's and i get no reponce back why doe's your profile say looking but no one answer's .. please answer this question ..... i am willing to do any thing for a lady / mistress and cain't find no one hmmmm why  ???? rocky219 / roger
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 10:41:29 AM   
Spankinatrix


Posts: 90
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline 		Of course I can only answer you from my perspective - but you may find it useful.  Begin by editing your profile, especially for punctuation.  Think of this quest as a combination between a kinky personals ad and a job interview.  You've got the personals ad part down well (aside from punctuation), the job interview part is lacking.  Put down specifics about your past service, if any, and where/how you've learned about BDSM.  Be much more specific about the ways you feel you can best serve a Lady.  I get MANY emails saying "I will do anything" and I know, from experience, that this is (hopefully) false.  Tell me what you feel you do particularly well.  Begin with these updates, and follow them up by joining a local munch, if you have not already.
N

(in reply to rocky219)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 10:56:21 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rocky219

goood morning everyone ... question ???? why are there so many mistress's looking for sub's / slave and i can not find one i send messeage's to mistress's and i get no reponce back why doe's your profile say looking but no one answer's .. please answer this question ..... i am willing to do any thing for a lady / mistress and cain't find no one hmmmm why  ???? rocky219 / roger


Well, the spelling might be a turn-off for some and I'm sure the "i am willing to do any thing for a lady / mistress" is for a lot more.  I think I can guarantee you aren't willing to do anything.  Saying so indicates you are unimaginative, inexperienced or willing to say anything.

Try some face to face venues.  A quick check of www.darkheart.com/usalist.html gives groups in both Battle Creek and Detroit. 

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to rocky219)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 11:20:26 AM   
MsSophie


Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline 		Apart from what previous posters have said about punctuation I would add a few things which I think could increase your chances of finding a match.

1. Drop the green highlighting of the text. Personally I find that difficult to read and I imagine others do too.
2. Your photo is a sincere one, but think about what it tells the person who views it for the first time. "This is a chap, who is sitting in his kitchen looking into a webcam." I think I would rather scan a picture of you out doing something you love. Maybe a snap-shot from when you were out travelling, maybe just from a lovely autumn day sometime... A photo which gets across just what an interesting person you are, and yu really seem to be!

Good luck!

Sophie

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 11:22:19 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Aside from the grammar, spelling and punctuation issues, I would add that what I read seems to be a highly romaticized attitude toward D/s.  If you wrote to Me I would have little to go on.  And, as has already been stated, the
"I will do anything" line is very general and does show a lack of imagination.  It puts all the weight of pursuing and making determinations on the Domina. 
Do be careful about your letters of introduction.  If they contain sloppy grammar and punctuation, along with a general offer "to serve" as so many do, it doesn't give a Lady much to begin.  So you most likely won't get a reply.
There are some excellent threads on these boards that can teach you a lot, if you are willing to take the time to read and learn. 
 
**Edited to add:  Good luck and welcome to the boards.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 3/26/2006 11:23:57 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to rocky219)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 12:14:05 PM   
rocky219


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		thank you to everyone who replyed to my messeage  .. i am new to all this .. again thank you .... rocky219 / roger

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 1:38:55 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I'll also let you in on a little secret. Finding a mistress is actually quite easy. Finding the RIGHT mistress (and having her realize you're ALSO the right submissive/slave) takes A LOT LONGER. In some very rare cases, you can have the connection happen overnight. Other times, you can spend years before that right woman finally decides that you are as sincere as you claim to be.

(in reply to rocky219)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 1:49:38 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I'll also let you in on a little secret. Finding a mistress is actually quite easy. Finding the RIGHT mistress (and having her realize you're ALSO the right submissive/slave) takes A LOT LONGER. In some very rare cases, you can have the connection happen overnight. Other times, you can spend years before that right woman finally decides that you are as sincere as you claim to be.


Subs need to stop hanging their hats on boasting traits like "I am sincere" and I am "devoted" -- especially right out of the gate. 

Is it years before the right woman DECIDES you are sincere, or is it years before you ARE sincere?

Why is it the femdom's fault when love-at-first-site does not materialize?  A submissive may become immediately infatuated and thus immediately devoted and sincere. However, the devotion and sincerity will tarnish as soon as he finds some fault with his new Goddess or realizes she is not what he believed her to be. 

Does this make him a snake? Hell no -- it makes him a realist.  People do not offer DEVOTION out of the gate and on the first date.  Any man that does is a chump.  That's why vanilla guys don't offer women devotion after the first date; they are protecting their pride, heart and ego.  They are building trust first. They are making sure she is "the one."

Men can be incredibly devoted. However, I am suspicious of men that claim to be devoted and sincere right out of the gate simply because they are submissive. These traits are not reserved only for sub men.  What these instantly sincere and devoted subs are saying is, "I will be as sincere and devoted as my fantasies dictate me to be as long as you hold up your end of the fantasy."  It also tells me that devotion and sincerity are an on/off switch for them - they can turn it on fast, but can turn it off just as fast.

If a woman doesn't believe you to be sincere right off the bat it isn't because she's jaded or cruel.  She is realistic and heard the "devotion" song and dance a dozen times that day already.  More importantly, some women are deservedly suspicious of a man who claims he will be devoted and sincere unconditionally to a woman he barely knows. 

A woman will accept your sincerity and devotion if she wants it and if she feels the same way about it. Otherwise, if you are 'claiming it' and trying to prove it over again and making an issue of it, you are nothing more than a clingy sub.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 2:03:12 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I'll also let you in on a little secret. Finding a mistress is actually quite easy. Finding the RIGHT mistress (and having her realize you're ALSO the right submissive/slave) takes A LOT LONGER. In some very rare cases, you can have the connection happen overnight. Other times, you can spend years before that right woman finally decides that you are as sincere as you claim to be.


Subs need to stop hanging their hats on boasting traits like "I am sincere" and I am "devoted" -- especially right out of the gate. 

Is it years before the right woman DECIDES you are sincere, or is it years before you ARE sincere?




Quite often both. It can take years to convince someone that you are sincere because there are so many people who claim to be sincere who really aren't. And as you pointed out: No one really knows how sincere he or she is until tested.

When I get involved in a relationship, I AM sincere. It's not really a boast; it should be the natural disposition of EVERYONE, be they dominant, submissive, vanilla or whatever. But I'm not devoted. Devotion takes time to actually grow. I can be devoted to the relationship, but I'm not devoted to a person until time has caused me to become devoted to her. Otherwise, they're just words.

Submissiveness these days is a lot like candidate voting. You may know absolutely nothing about the person but the party they registered for, yet we transpose our own beliefs upon someone we know little about. It's a lot like this with submission because I can't believe how many times my "sincerity" is questioned by someone who knows nothing but her interactions with insincere people. At the same time, I'm often called to task for my brand of submissiveness because it doesn't fit a pardigm I never signed onto. Yes, I'm a subservient person to the woman to whom I choose to serve; that doesn't mean I serve every woman because I am naturally submissive. Nor would you ever know me to be submissive if you ever saw me on the streets or at some party. A lot of suppositions get placed upon submissive lifestyle behavior based on previous encounters with those in someone else's past.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 3:18:35 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rocky219

goood morning everyone ... question ???? why are there so many mistress's looking for sub's / slave and i can not find one i send messeage's to mistress's and i get no reponce back why doe's your profile say looking but no one answer's .. please answer this question ..... i am willing to do any thing for a lady / mistress and cain't find no one hmmmm why ???? rocky219 / roger


How are you selecting who you write to?

If you do not target the appropriate audience, you will not get a response.

Then how do you write to them? Do you have standard approach? Do you vary it by person?

Frankly I think you'll have more luck finding partners offline but that's just my general experience.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to rocky219)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/26/2006 4:05:33 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I'll also let you in on a little secret. Finding a mistress is actually quite easy. Finding the RIGHT mistress (and having her realize you're ALSO the right submissive/slave) takes A LOT LONGER. In some very rare cases, you can have the connection happen overnight. Other times, you can spend years before that right woman finally decides that you are as sincere as you claim to be.


VERY well said.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/27/2006 12:38:17 PM   
trikebrontosaur


Posts: 15
Joined: 2/25/2006
Status: offline 		can someone help me in this regard too..finding a Mistress?

(in reply to Cloudz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/27/2006 1:17:15 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trikebrontosaur

can someone help me in this regard too..finding a Mistress?


Welcome to the boards.  I have taken a quick look at your other posts, and there seems to be a running plea for help.  There is lots to read, and plenty of ways to learn.  Check out your local munches and other activities, and read these message boards. 
Unfortunately, Dominas are not dealt out...(Here's one for you, and one for you, and one for you).  You need to do some work.  The place for your ad is on the other side. So you should also begin with adding something more to your profile. 

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to trikebrontosaur)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/27/2006 1:36:20 PM   
subden


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline 		excuse my ignorance, but may i ask what "munches" are?

_____________________________

(subden) zenda destiny
was given temporary name by Mistress that invited me to join this comunity

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/27/2006 1:39:58 PM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline 		Akasha:

What a profound and insightful statement. This reality is something I often forget myself... I tend to be inclined toward getting reeled in by this Instant Devotion package. Being young and impatient lends itself to all of that. I want it to be quick and passionate and lasting. I continuously lose track of the fact that this Instant Devotion often comes with devotion eluding at some point. This being because the person(s) hasn't invested enough time and trust, so the complicated emotions, life circumstances erode at this devotion until its not in existence. I appreciate the clear way you worded this frustrating situation's realities.

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/27/2006 2:32:41 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subden

excuse my ignorance, but may i ask what "munches" are?


In most areas, munches are no-play, no-fetish-dress gathering taking place in a public area like a mall food court or a restaurant.  They are generally lightly organized with people coming together for conversation.

The name comes from burgermunch, a gathering of people who met on the old alt.sex.bondage newsgroup that took place in Palo Alto, California, at a burger place.



_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to subden)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/27/2006 4:59:09 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
When I get involved in a relationship, I AM sincere. It's not really a boast; it should be the natural disposition of EVERYONE, be they dominant, submissive, vanilla or whatever. But I'm not devoted. Devotion takes time to actually grow. I can be devoted to the relationship, but I'm not devoted to a person until time has caused me to become devoted to her. Otherwise, they're just words.

Submissiveness these days is a lot like candidate voting. You may know absolutely nothing about the person but the party they registered for, yet we transpose our own beliefs upon someone we know little about. It's a lot like this with submission because I can't believe how many times my "sincerity" is questioned by someone who knows nothing but her interactions with insincere people. At the same time, I'm often called to task for my brand of submissiveness because it doesn't fit a pardigm I never signed onto. Yes, I'm a subservient person to the woman to whom I choose to serve; that doesn't mean I serve every woman because I am naturally submissive. Nor would you ever know me to be submissive if you ever saw me on the streets or at some party. A lot of suppositions get placed upon submissive lifestyle behavior based on previous encounters with those in someone else's past. 


i dont understand how his being unable to find a domme has turned into a devotion and sincerity issue.

fact of the matter is i am very sincere and devoted and have no quams in saying so.  now there are many domes out here who would not differentiate lifestyle from fantasy land and have a conditioned response to interpret everything in the fantasy lite and "assume" it means on initial contact.  in those cases i simply right them off and move on.








_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/27/2006 5:12:03 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:



i dont understand how his being unable to find a domme has turned into a devotion and sincerity issue.



It hasn't.

However, "sincere", "devoted", "very submissive" are buzzwords that a lot of people use to the point where they have morphed into having little to no meaning - not to the one saying it, and not to the one hearing it.

When trying to find someone, it would be far more helpful to be more specific.


_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/27/2006 6:59:45 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
When I get involved in a relationship, I AM sincere. It's not really a boast; it should be the natural disposition of EVERYONE, be they dominant, submissive, vanilla or whatever. But I'm not devoted. Devotion takes time to actually grow. I can be devoted to the relationship, but I'm not devoted to a person until time has caused me to become devoted to her. Otherwise, they're just words.

Submissiveness these days is a lot like candidate voting. You may know absolutely nothing about the person but the party they registered for, yet we transpose our own beliefs upon someone we know little about. It's a lot like this with submission because I can't believe how many times my "sincerity" is questioned by someone who knows nothing but her interactions with insincere people. At the same time, I'm often called to task for my brand of submissiveness because it doesn't fit a pardigm I never signed onto. Yes, I'm a subservient person to the woman to whom I choose to serve; that doesn't mean I serve every woman because I am naturally submissive. Nor would you ever know me to be submissive if you ever saw me on the streets or at some party. A lot of suppositions get placed upon submissive lifestyle behavior based on previous encounters with those in someone else's past. 


i dont understand how his being unable to find a domme has turned into a devotion and sincerity issue.

fact of the matter is i am very sincere and devoted and have no quams in saying so.  now there are many domes out here who would not differentiate lifestyle from fantasy land and have a conditioned response to interpret everything in the fantasy lite and "assume" it means on initial contact.  in those cases i simply right them off and move on.









HIS post had very little to do with sincerity and devotion. You're coming into the middle of a conversation, which was actcually at that point a response to Akasha, not him, who had addressed questions to me from my previous post. My only usage of "sincere" before that had been based on advice of indicating that if one is seeking a mistress and one is sincere about one's intentions (meaning serious and not playing games), it can often take time to convince her that you are, in fact, serious. Nothing more than that.


< Message edited by littlesarbonn -- 3/27/2006 7:01:53 PM >

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: why cain't i find a mistress - 3/27/2006 8:34:41 PM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
Who is sincere? Well only truly sincere people are sincere. (Insightful I know, bear with me.) How do you know if a person is sincere? Certainly not by them stating it. A truly sincere person, being sincere, might sincerely tell you they are sincere. An insincere person, being insincere would gladly tell you they are sincere. (OK, I’ll stop that now.)
Seriously only through a period of truly getting to know someone will sincerity shine through. I’d go so far as to say that a truly sincere person might not tell you they are sincere because they know it means nothing, but would instead set out to prove it. Action speaks louder than words.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 20
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