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winterrose77 -> RE: Is it odd? (2/5/2010 11:27:26 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LeBlueDude
Is it odd that I want my dom to earn my trust before I let them dom?
No. You want a relationship, not casual sex, and the safest way to go about having a D/s relationship is to build up trust and care before doing anything "dangerous". If it's what you want, you have every right to go about your search for a relationship based off of that desire. You are first and foremost an individual, and you need to look out for yourself while you're single. You're doing the right, and the most commonly supported thing for any submissive seeking a dom to do.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LeBlueDude
I can't imagine myself willing to sub for a random stranger off the street unless someone I trusted a great deal wanted me to. I run off of trust, and for my friends, (who are the people I trust) I would do pretty much anything. I recently had a domme, who contacted ME by the way, get hyper offended when I asked her questions about what she would do for me, what she liked, who she was, what she was interested in. She acted like it was strange that I didn't go belly up for her.
If you don't like it, can't picture it in a realistic sense, and wouldn't do it without a certain prerequisite quality, that means you're doing it right. You have set limits for yourself which result in you having a sort of 'safety net' so as to find a partner while remaining true to yourself. Being someone who 'runs off of trust', you know where your strengths lie and you're recognizing and depending upon that. That's smart.
Offended doms are never good. If you manage to offend a dom who doesn't know you and who you don't know, especially while trying to get to know them, they usually have something to hide and are covering up panic by trying to make you back down and never go there again. It's only once you know what a dom expects from you and what you need to be doing to be 'good' that that dom has any right to be offended or judgemental of you. You asked all the right questions of this lady, and she gave you the wrong answers, failing the test. No need to linger over the specifics; she wasn't right for you and you were right to move on.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LeBlueDude
I can't understand why I would though. I want someone I can trust. I'm not going to roll over to some stranger and let them wipe their feet on me, it needs to be someone I know. It's not a one way relationship. I expect my domme to love and cherish me, and to always build me up stronger when they're done tearing me down.
Aftercare is one of the most important parts of building a stable relationship. If you know what you want and what you will and won't do, and you're clear in those specifications, you have every right to impose those situations on potential doms. Let them know your expectations. Some will honor them, some won't. It's up to you to make sure they know, and up to them to make sure YOU know what THEY expect and want from you. Talk it out from there. D/s isn't an abusive type of relationship, when done right. Make sure that's always a common fact.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LeBlueDude
I don't want any specific sexual situations. I don't have any special fantasies. I just want to trust. I want Emotion. I want Love. And in exchange for love, I will do anything that won't kill me.
This is called compromise, and it's the most stable foundation of any BDSM-related relationship.
You know what you want, and you know what you're willing to give in exchange for it. It's like putting up an advertisement on Ebay or Craigslist; willing to sell this item, in exchange for this item. Nobody has the right to say "Well, I want your item for nothing and you're obligated to give it to me". That's illegal.
In short, you're doing all the right things and it is no way 'odd' of you to set limitations and needs for your relationship. That's how you find the person who is right for you.
I wish you the best of luck in your search.
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