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personal journal postings. - 2/5/2010 2:25:39 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Greetings to the most respected Sirens of the CM group.

Recently i was attracted to a profile picture that happened to belong to a local lady dominant so i couldn't help myself so i commented about her beautiful feet... Cut long story short i did not hide my interest of becoming a part in her world so i went further on to ask if i could be aplicable and suitable. She did encourage me somehow to fill a questionnaire and asked me to call her "Mistress" in private and her name in public, this was all online up to this point. We also agreed to meet over a public outing in a form of a picnic. I asked her if i was to be considered as under consideration or not and she answered positive. Again i could not hide my excitement so i published the news on my journal along with changing my status from single to "under consideration" or dating keeping all privacy of identifications of profiles. Her response to me when she found out this was condemning and one that she lost all trust in me.. To my surprise and expression of disappointment i asked her if she did not trust me then maybe we should cancel all plans of meeting as i also felt uncomfortable meeting some one that wasn't comfortable of trusting me and condemning my excitement. My question to the respected ladies of this group is ? : Did i act premature by stating and changing my status? Is this an act of breach of privacy? Was this a disrespectful gesture from my point and did i expose the dominant party by doing so?? Thank you kindly for taking the time to read this post.

petpete

< Message edited by petpete -- 2/5/2010 2:48:25 AM >

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

Post #: 1

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/5/2010 4:59:34 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Petpete,

This is another one of those situations where unfortunately, there is no one "right" way to act.

quote:

Did i act premature by stating and changing my status?

According to her, yes. She saw it as jumping the gun perhaps. Other women might have seen this as highly romantic. I personally would have liked to have been asked first and made a decision based on the circumstances.

quote:

Is this an act of breach of privacy? Was this a disrespectful gesture from my point and did i expose the dominant party by doing so??

It is only a breach of privacy really if you say in your profile our journal that you are being considered by Mistress X and she isn't aware of this. What you might not know is that you might not be the only one she is considering and might want to have the opportunity to let the others know when she has made her final decision. Now if you left things anonymous, I can't see how this could be a breach of privacy.

For me, I would rather keep who I'm dating private in the beginning to see if it works out, but then I'm discreet that way. Sure I'll tell good friends, but that's about it. I wouldn't want a prospective submissive to write in his profile that he's being considered by me, that is no one's business.

I would just say that when you feel you are under consideration, best to err on the side of caution and talk to her first. She obviously told you how she wanted to be called so she isn't afraid to let you know what she wants, right? I think this might be a better strategy in the future.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 2

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/5/2010 6:47:28 AM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

From the perspective you portray, I don't necessarily feel you did anything wrong.

However...............

So much of this story speaks to me of you, and probably her being a bit new.

Unless you intend on the relationship being mostly online, to call someone Mistress or 'be under consideration' before actually meeting, seems incredibly premature. You don't even know if you're going to like each other. You could each find out that the other is exceptionally unattractive and have no interest after the first meeting.

Power exchange is just another dynamic between real people. Interacting online only shows you limited facets of a person, when really there is so much more. I did the same thing when I was new, but consider this a lesson for future interactions. It seems to me there were a lot of assumptions made by both of you, and that doesn't make for a very solid relationship foundation.

Good luck for next time!

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 3

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/5/2010 7:12:12 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petpete

Greetings to the most respected Sirens of the CM group.

Recently i was attracted to a profile picture that happened to belong to a local lady dominant so i couldn't help myself so i commented about her beautiful feet... Cut long story short i did not hide my interest of becoming a part in her world so i went further on to ask if i could be aplicable and suitable. She did encourage me somehow to fill a questionnaire and asked me to call her "Mistress" in private and her name in public, this was all online up to this point. We also agreed to meet over a public outing in a form of a picnic. I asked her if i was to be considered as under consideration or not and she answered positive. Again i could not hide my excitement so i published the news on my journal along with changing my status from single to "under consideration" or dating keeping all privacy of identifications of profiles. Her response to me when she found out this was condemning and one that she lost all trust in me.. To my surprise and expression of disappointment i asked her if she did not trust me then maybe we should cancel all plans of meeting as i also felt uncomfortable meeting some one that wasn't comfortable of trusting me and condemning my excitement. My question to the respected ladies of this group is ? : Did i act premature by stating and changing my status?

According to your own words, you asked her if you were "under consideration" and she replied with a positive answer. I do think it would have still been best to let her know of your desire to make this more public by posting about it in your journal.

Is this an act of breach of privacy? Was this a disrespectful gesture from my point and did i expose the dominant party by doing so??

It was a breach of privacy only if you used her name/screen name in your post making her identifiable to others. This was "jumping the gun" on your part and in that sense, yes...you were disrespectful if you didn't clue her in on the fact you were outing your "relationship" with her.

I'm curious, although you mention you and she were planning to meet, was this to be mainly online? I ask because I think it's difficult to consider a person for any kind of relationship dynamic if you have yet to meet them. There is something to be said for slow and steady as opposed to rushing headlong. This is all based on what you've shared and my interpretation..fwiw.

Thank you kindly for taking the time to read this post.

petpete

edited for spelling

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 2/5/2010 7:48:38 AM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 4

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/5/2010 7:30:47 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

i thank the ladies for there input and making me feel a little lighter.. i know i was wrong and being a "bad boy" that i am, i found out from another forum she was new as SthrnC4rt has guessed and very nervous. Not that i am experienced and in any better way to know of how to deal with situations like these. She did however explain to me all the "terms and conditions" in other words i knew the fine print of this relationship if it was going to happen. As to answering CarieO if this was to remain online or real life my answer is that we where to have a picnic and get to know each other. Not her neither i would engage and have no interest in online relationships.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 5

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/5/2010 8:53:36 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

Hi.

Sounds like you both got nervous and jumped to conclusions. Best to remain calm and see where things lead instead of having high expecations. I know it's hard because it can be nervous meeting new people but hold your breath, bite your tongue, and take things slow. It helps.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 6

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/5/2010 10:11:46 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Well said AcademyForSlaves. Its a little too late now but i hope it can be a lesson for others not to jump in the same conclusions that i suppose we got. Thank you all for the constructive and informative input. Imagination can be taken to extremes when communicating with electrons.. They tend to send shockwaves and ionise the atmosphere.. i still think that the blame lays with me at the end of the day. No matter which way one puts it i wasn't cooperative and according to protocol. Thank you all once again.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)

Post #: 7

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/6/2010 11:34:28 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t

From the perspective you portray, I don't necessarily feel you did anything wrong.

However...............

So much of this story speaks to me of you, and probably her being a bit new.

I agree with SthrnCom4t. If one was single and the relationship status changes to dating, it is fine to make such an indication in one's profile without seeking permission if no one else's name is being used. I have been contemplating a similar change in my profile. I do not feel a need to seek permission to make such an indication if I am not listing a name--it is a way to indicate my availability or whether I am seeking--but I do consider it important to make sure that we are on the same page about whether we can be said to be dating or not. While I don't think it's necessary to ask about such a change, it never hurts to ask. Also, I think instead of asking whether one can change the profile to indicate dating (is it ok if I say in my profile that I am dating), a better idea is to have a conversation to see how one's partner sees the level of dialog to be (how do you see our dialog to be--do you see us to be dating?).

Similarly, it seems the idea of being under consideration is very exciting to you, and it is reasonable to write a journal entry about something which is exciting so long as privacy is maintained.

One possible scenario is that your respective interpretations of what it means to be under consideration are different. You might interpret it to simply mean that an introductory dialog is in progress. She might interpret it to mean something deeper (like a collar of consideration). Or when she said you are under consideration, she might have meant that so far things are fine and she is getting to know you, and your wording might have, in her perspective, overstated the matter. Thus, part of the response you have seen might have happened because the two of you have different ideas about the extent of your dialog, and your statements might have made her uncomfortable for space, or she might have perceived your statements as too presumptive or a violation of sorts.

Also, if in your journal entry you wrote details of what you said and she said, or what you did and she did, it might feel like a violation of privacy to her even if names are not mentioned. I think it is best to not reveal details in that amount. At times one needs to share and let out what one is feeling. If that is the case, I think sharing these feelings with a confidant, or writing to a private journal might be a better approach.

I wish you well.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

Post #: 8

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/6/2010 1:19:17 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Thank you undergoundsea.
i also would like to remind ourselves that were still acting on our behalf through a public forum so we do may have other profiles that we have established some communication with (friends, peers etc). My thought is that we owe to inform of what is happening with us as long as nobody else is not exposed or feels exposed in anyway.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 9

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/6/2010 2:07:32 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

Op:
I think it is best to ask for direction as to changing status etc..
Each s and D have different ideas about consideration...training etc..
I have had some think on line talking is under consideration or even anwering the first message is...when I DONT consider it so..
and yet some do..
We are all different so it is best to COMMUNICATE..
and ask ask ask
GM

_____________________________

"Better served women will better serve the world"

** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 10

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/6/2010 2:59:46 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Thank You GYPSYMAMBO.
Getting the brain to work before the body has been an issue of mine that i still am trying to come to terms with it. Your comment is very appreciative and let it be a lesson for me and others that wish to prevent from being in my position. Take care.
pp

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)

Post #: 11

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/6/2010 5:58:33 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petpete

Thank you undergoundsea.
i also would like to remind ourselves that were still acting on our behalf through a public forum so we do may have other profiles that we have established some communication with (friends, peers etc). My thought is that we owe to inform of what is happening with us as long as nobody else is not exposed or feels exposed in anyway.

You are right to a degree. I would never change my profile to include someone else, unless she asked me to. That is out of courtesy to her. You could always tell anyone who contacted you that you were already exploring a possible relationship.

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 12

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/6/2010 6:55:09 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Thanks P53. Watch that coffee or tea that your drinking isn't too hot..

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 13

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/6/2010 7:14:52 PM

OMGlikegagme

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/22/2010
Status: offline

Here's my opinion, not as a Domme (obviously) but as a pretty well-mannered person. I don't understand or care much about all the nuances of scene protocol, and when the interactions take place online it only adds another layer of confusion for me. I just do my best to go by the maxim "When in Rome...", but I am the last person who would judge someone for a minor gaffe. But I do think it's just an example of good online etiquette, whether you're on a kink board or a vanilla journal site, to ask someone the first few times you reference them in any kind of public posting. From the point of view of someone who has been on the receiving end of public journal entries in various places from people with whom I've never even interacted, I can say it's a weird and sort of uncomfortable feeling. Given that the "Under Consideration" designation is a thing that, apparently, a lot of people take pretty seriously, that makes your gaffe even more serious from Her point of view. It's clear enough that your heart was in the right place, but in the future it would be an excellent idea to err on the side of caution.

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 14

RE: personal journal postings. - 2/6/2010 8:10:48 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Thank You OMG(and please don't gag me..) ummm. What fueled me to ask the respected members of this group is the fact that the potential profile that i was interacting with had also jumped the gun by making remarks of me and creating a character of me being a person that has no relevance of me to add salt on my wound and intimidate me further. i felt like a low life intimidating creature who is desperate to form any sort and kind of relationship in the expense of someone who requested a rightfully committed relationship.. i have been divorced from my ex wife after a 14 year relationship (1997). Since then i've been sole searching myself of who i am. i never thought i would 've found other like minded people that can understand me or have similar desires. i grew up with the idea that straight sex is only legitimate and right and anything else is condemned damned and abnormal. Growing up in a greek island in the 1970's had plenty of beach going and mates that all they talked about was how to.... the next blond tourist that was sighted was not as encouraging to discuss nor learn about who i was. Thanks to www. in the early 90's i started to find out that there are members of the opposite sex who do portrait the image of the female that was in my fantasies but vary with the form and definition of kinks. i managed to meet and had some play in form of "paying a price" through professionals and semi professionals. i have made friends with some ladies of which i see only as friends as we don't meet each others criteria to suit lifestyles. In this occasion in my own mind i was requested clearly and given the feeling i was to be "under consideration". The fact i was asked to call her "Mistress" spurred me on to do what i did. i clearly asked her a couple of times the "maybe not" question to her but she insisted i was a potential candidate. She could clearly drop me at anytime without accusing me in other forums and i would not say a word just like i have shut myself up in the past and will in future. The fact that she was new and is new to the seen is what makes me very sorry that this all has happened but i had to find out from different sources... Its intimidating for me to be called "desperate" and "ugly incident that marked her search" when i have many friends on the seen have many opportunities to play one way or the other, and to be categorized and even further "black listed" as that public forum has. My profile stands here for years and has never changed nor will change its name or status unless a higher authority requests it and i have spoke my thoughts and injustice no matter what the consequences.

PS i gotta make funny remarks as comedy is what keeps me ticking and keeps my mind in some... state... i dont mean to offend, apologies if so..

< Message edited by petpete -- 2/6/2010 8:13:17 PM >

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to OMGlikegagme)

Post #: 15

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