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RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 12:59:39 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

No I haven't, not out of any particular desire for secrecy, I just rarely discuss sex lives with my friends.

I rarely discuss my sex life with friends. I do not like to live through my sex organs either (meaning I do not want to live my life out of balance in any aspect). I suppose this was the first vanilla friend I told because she asked some specific questions, like how some women are able to shut off their minds long enough to have an orgasm, whereas other women are so caught up in what they are thinking that they cannot achieve orgasm. She assumed because my wheels are always turning that I would fall into the latter category, well she was mistaken. When she asked how I could turn my brain off because it seems like I am always thinking about something, I told her that I am simply a masochist and that it is hard to keep the mind full when your lover is beating the crap out of you

_____________________________

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 21

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 1:13:12 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I've told many of My vanilla friends and work associates over the years. It comes up more often than not because I go out of town so often and people get curious. I am more prone to discuss the dynamic and the sadism, rather than the sex.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 22

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 1:13:28 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

You are right this topic is like beating a maso. No one in their right thinking mind cares that the generic you like getting pissed on as part of your foreplay. Unless your a jerry springer fan what would possess you to tell ppl that in your off time you like screwing dogs??? Help me out here it makes zero sense

BadOne

_____________________________

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 23

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 1:22:24 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

You are right this topic is like beating a maso. No one in their right thinking mind cares that the generic you like getting pissed on as part of your foreplay. Unless your a jerry springer fan what would possess you to tell ppl that in your off time you like screwing dogs??? Help me out here it makes zero sense

BadOne

I guess you did not read the rest of the thread... as per usual...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 24

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 1:52:40 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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I am facing east at the moment.

Ron

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 25

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 1:54:17 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

what would possess you to tell ppl that in your off time you like screwing dogs???

To avoid being asked by them to 'pet' sit?

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 26

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 1:58:50 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

what would possess you to tell ppl that in your off time you like screwing dogs???
To avoid being asked by them to 'pet' sit?

That is freaking funny

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 27

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 2:13:26 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

what would possess you to tell ppl that in your off time you like screwing dogs???
To avoid being asked by them to 'pet' sit?

That is freaking funny

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 28

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 2:28:57 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

I've reached a point in my life where I'm pretty unapologetic about who I am and what I'm about. If you don't like it, K thanx bi. My friends are all very liberal and progressive people, and are perfectly fine with the knowledge that I'm a perv. I'm a bit of an odd duck anyway, so it's not exactly a surprise. Most people see me and the tattoos and say "man that girl can take some pain!" yep.

I have very frank conversations with my friends about sex and sexuality. In fact, after this information came to light, a lot of them come to me for advice on sex and relationships. Some of my female friends have started "coming out of the kink closet" as a result, a few of them saying "well I can't see wanting someone to hit ME but I can certainly see the allure of being the one welding that whip!" Heh heh. Sex toys, rough sex, techniques, how to get your guy to be more kinky, I get all the questions and it's actually pretty cool, my own acceptance and embracing of my desires is helping other people to do the same, and that's a good thing IMO. :)

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 29

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 3:20:04 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't go around talking or bragging about my sex life. I just find it tacky but there have been moments with my very closest friends and sisters after a few margaritas where we talked about sex and we've all talked about things we like, don't like, find gross, huge turnons, etc...so yeah..those closest to me know I like to be thrown up against walls, bondage, liking it rough and anyone who knows me well knows I'm attracted to dominant personality, successful men...always have been my entire life, nothing new there.

No one's ever thought any less about me or turned me away or banned me in their lives. Sure some think I'm absolutely insane, some just shake their heads but then in the next breath we're talking about where are we going to go for dinner tomorrow. Life goes on and it's not a big deal.

It's never been something I've struggled with though of felt a need to share. Life just happens between drinks and laughter.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 30

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 3:43:48 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Have any of you ever shared that much info with your vanilla friends?

I had to think about this. I'm not really sure any of my close friends (I don't mean acquaintances) are pure vanilla. I think they are all pretty open minded and have a kinky side.

Of those close friends, most know I'm a woman who is strong and dominant in my every day life. I get called the tigress from them, the maneater, etc. Hey we all grew up clubbing together and they've seen me on the make! They make jokes about me keeping spare boys tied up in my closet for when I have an urge... all in good fun!

A few have seen my toys, a few know I've experimented, a few know of the rare occasions I've been to fet nights, etc. Only 1 knows I have a profile here and that is my very best friend in the world and is anything but vanilla actually. Another two know I'm a domme but have no idea how I find men.

The rest of the people I interact are acquaintances. I don't share my sex life with acquaintances.

All this said, I think if my vanilla friends found out, none of them would be shocked or surprised.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 31

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 3:45:07 PM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

I tried to tell a vanilla friend about my wanting a D/s relationship. It did not go well at all and I think damaged that friendship in some ways that cannot be fixed or even addressed. She misunderstood, as many do, "dominant", and in her head she heard "domineering" or "controlling". She perceived my emotional needs to feel taken care of, protected, as "unevolved". I have told 3 male friends; one, as it turns out, is a "Daddy"; the other 2 were very supportive. I think many vanilla feminist friends - and I do consider myself a feminist - would not understand and would think I had gone over the edge. Some would understand aspects of a D/s relationship, and, for example, about decision making in a D/s relationship. I have 2 women friends who I have told, and they accepted it but they have known me for over 35 years.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 32

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 5:22:27 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

what would possess you to tell ppl that in your off time you like screwing dogs???
To avoid being asked by them to 'pet' sit?

Oh my God, LOL!!!!

OK to answer the original question, my relationship is not based on sex, so talking about my relationship does not mean I'm telling people about my sex life, as has been alluded to in some of the responses. I give people as much information as I believe they can handle. For example, I have a Mennonite sister (talk about differences, lol) and we are very close. But she would be worried to death if she knew some of the details of our dynamics. So why put her through it? She sees him as "head of household" and thinks that is wonderful.

As for friends, I tell them he makes the final decisions, with my input. Some of them I tell more details to, if they're interested and ask. I do talk about sex with certain friends and I've given them an idea of our dynamic but again not all specifics, just as they don't give me all the specifics about their sex lives.

We all just love and respect each other and want each other to be happy. They see him as a strong and caring man and me as a woman who loves to dote on him, and they think it's cool.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 33

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 5:24:58 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

I've reached a point in my life where I'm pretty unapologetic about who I am and what I'm about. If you don't like it, K thanx bi. My friends are all very liberal and progressive people, and are perfectly fine with the knowledge that I'm a perv.

Well said...can totally agree to that view...and quite frankly the ones who have an issue with it I don't want in my life anyway...

I prefer a couple of true friends who accept me how I am ten times to 20 shallow ones who are useless if you would ever come in a situation where you really need them.

My last meeting with that friend where it is falling apart at the moment, who tried to force her view about cats onto me and my cats, recently dared to censor me when we were out for dinner before going to a show, as I dared to say something negative about a colleague where I have more then enough valid reasons that this colleague is toast for me.

Well...that was pretty much her final action needed for me to bin her...we were on the edge since quite a while but after that attitude (despite not having even said much about him at that moment, and after she had chewed up my ear for hours in the past about her oh so horrid manager a year ago...) I have no interest anymore to give it another go to continue our contact...

I simply don't feel the need to waste my time with people when you aren't able to talk freely about normal topics. So someone daring to tell me I can't talk about something despite that it was important for me (in that respect) can just f**** o** as I always am happy to listen when one of my friends needs to vent.

In regards to that lifestyle I would avoid it if I would know that the person is very sensitive in regards to such aspects (e.g. my shy-ish uni mate who was happy to dump her ex once she had her kids, I would not have gone on about it near her as she seriously seems to have some issues in regards to sex...however, unfortunately with the other two involved it became now our running theme that sometimes a saucy comment slips out and so it continues...when I shut up about it one of them certainly will start it all over again).

Also if I would have known that a colleague went through domestic violence I would have never mentioned it to her when it slipped out (we get on very well and I am glad she can differentiate). However, under normal circumstances I am rather open about it as long as it is not someone involved close to my family...

_____________________________

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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

Post #: 34

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 6:25:20 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Be very careful who you share with. Some people will think it's cool and/or interesting, others will think you are a sick pervert and never be able to respect you again.

but i am a sick pervert

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 35

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 6:36:54 PM

oceangem

Posts: 360
Joined: 2/9/2004
From: Mission, BC. Canada
Status: offline

I am very open and out with my kink to my friends and not so friends, if they ask i will talk about it. i have a bumper sticker that has a man holding a cane with a lady bent over and the saying Please Sir can i have some more.

Have a moose in thumb handcuffs and blindfolded with a keychain flogger hanging from my rear view mirror so that gets interesting questions from any passengers.

_____________________________

she gives a smile when the pain comes... the pain is gonna make everything alright.

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 36

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 6:51:12 PM

Scheherazade67

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

I have told people before. I wouldn't recommend it. At first they didn't say anything negative but ultimately they did.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 37

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 6:52:36 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

Yep, I agree with the person above me.

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to Scheherazade67)

Post #: 38

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 8:24:25 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

I've reached a point in my life where I'm pretty unapologetic about who I am and what I'm about. If you don't like it, K thanx bi. My friends are all very liberal and progressive people, and are perfectly fine with the knowledge that I'm a perv. I'm a bit of an odd duck anyway, so it's not exactly a surprise. Most people see me and the tattoos and say "man that girl can take some pain!" yep.

I have very frank conversations with my friends about sex and sexuality. In fact, after this information came to light, a lot of them come to me for advice on sex and relationships. Some of my female friends have started "coming out of the kink closet" as a result, a few of them saying "well I can't see wanting someone to hit ME but I can certainly see the allure of being the one welding that whip!" Heh heh. Sex toys, rough sex, techniques, how to get your guy to be more kinky, I get all the questions and it's actually pretty cool, my own acceptance and embracing of my desires is helping other people to do the same, and that's a good thing IMO. :)

My situation is very similar to HSE's. Although I have some very conservative friends, etc.,too. Some of them know what I'm about and some don't. Most of them either giggle or roll their eyes if they don't understand completely. Heck, one of the most pious of my "upright citizen's brigade" friends sent me a text today that said, "Prep for the snow, Red. Bottle of wine, batteries for your toys, and a whip or two, and you'll be just fine." I nearly drove off the road, but it was great that she was so whimsical and bold to send that to me because she really is quite the right-wing-evangelical.

I've told some past co-workers what I'm into because they brought up "alternative lifestyle" things that they were into. At my current office, they do not know. They just think I'm a free spirit, which I am, but that's all.

I have an older sister who knows, and like I said, most of my friends know. They all still love and adore me, floggers, whips, and all.

_____________________________

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Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

Post #: 39

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation - 2/5/2010 10:24:16 PM

littlegirlangel

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline

I haven't told my vanilla friends, my mom and my brother know. My mom because she'd ask questions otherwise about bruises or cuts ect. My brother because he found my "bondage garage" t-shirt and wants some. Mom also knows I'm in a poly relationship but she does ask me sometimes if there was anything she could have done in the past to stop me from getting into this lifestyle. I know one or two that I could tell a bit about but never any details. I save those for my friends in the community.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 40

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