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Daddysredhead -> RE: Life is too short to... (2/8/2010 4:52:30 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MstrPBK
I agree with this but how does or can one deal with other family members who do this to you?
At what point ought one to avoid family members when this seems to be a recurrent sticking point at gatherings?
At some level I am feeling helpless. I view it impossible to alter the perception of others in society from my past who have cast this image on me; which in turn is perceived by family members as failure.
Since you asked, I will offer my thoughts.
Question 1:
How one deals with others who have a negative perception of you, is a matter of choice. There are many options: ignore the person, confront the person, compromise with the person (agree to disagree)...
Question 2:
The same options apply for this question. If you willingly engage with that person, create the relationship and boundaries that you expect. If they violate rather than respect your boundaries, you can choose to remove yourself or that person from your sphere of influence.
Question 3:
You are helpless in the sense that you cannot alter another person's views, opinions, or judgments about you. The views and opinions of another person belong to that person, not you.
The best way to find some sort of comfort and serenity in yourself is to accept what you cannot change, and leave it there. Once you agree to stop jousting with dragons (in the form of another person's perception of you), you will come to view your life as more manageable. You can only control and manage that which is yours. What belongs to someone else is their responsibilty, and chances are, what you do or don't do will not matter much.
People pleasing or wanting acceptance from others is human. When that desire becomes something that hinders your own sense of happiness and contentment, it spells trouble. I know. I have lived it. Change your focus to that which is under your control... your sense of accomplishment and well-being. Let your "validation" or serenity and peace to lay your head down at night, come from within, and not from external sources. Opinions of other people, like the weather, will change. Trying to keep up with those changes, much less staying ahead of it and thereby in good stead, will only serve to make you exhausted... emotionally, physically, and mentally.
I wish you the very best.
Respectfully,
Red
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