Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (Full Version)

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SublimeAvatar -> Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 3:41:35 PM)

Two years on this site, and I've only come across Two Dommes online that I hope to meet at a future time, but I've been left wondering if my self description is too idealistically demanding or am I just a minority mainly detected by those miles, and miles away?  The only bleak, bright side is that I have stood firm on qualities I seek in, but lacking motivation doesn't increase any success of developing faint capabilities I have.  A Catch--22 has been my reality for a longer while than I like, but BLAH!  BLAH! is the daily response to start anew. 




sexyred1 -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 3:44:41 PM)

I tried, but I do not understand your question....[&o]




juliaoceania -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 3:47:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I tried, but I do not understand your question....[&o]


I think he is commenting on the lack of available dommes on here, but I could be wrong




ForeverOwned -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 3:50:46 PM)

Stay true to yourself and hopefully and eventually what you want will happen. Do you go to your local Munches and events? If not you might want to try those.

Remember there are more wanna be's and internet BDSM'ers than there are people looking for something real, Don;t give up and whatever you do never settle. Good luck in your search.

PS

You might want to use a more flattering picture of yourself, maybe one with you smiling.




DesFIP -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 4:19:53 PM)

So why not just date strong women who appeal to you and explain to them that you prefer to do things for your partner instead of vice versa. If they are interested in this, they will say so and you can talk more. Don't talk kinks.

Saying something like that will not get you branded as a pervert. And there are bound to be many more vanilla women who are interested in this then those who are self identifying as dommes due to the media representation of a domme as wearing thigh high stiletto boots and always carrying a whip.




mikeyOfGeorgia -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 4:23:52 PM)

quote:

Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept?


Monogamy is a trained, learned and was basically created my religion and the government as a form of control (in my opinion). by nature, humans are not monogamous. we're just told it's wrong and that we'd all burn in Hell if we do it.




DesFIP -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 4:25:51 PM)

Speak for yourself Mikey.

My religion doesn't have a burning in hell concept. Nor have I any shame or conflict over my sexuality.

I am monogamous by nature. I do not register other men as sexually attractive when in a fulfilling relationship.




littlewonder -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 4:29:17 PM)

Stay true to yourself and don't let your dick or desperation speak for you.




lizi -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 4:29:40 PM)

Your communication style is a bit esoteric. Maybe if you proceeded at first with something easier to understand and more straight forward you'd find more people willing to converse with you which is where you start with anyone. What may seem clear to you may not be as clear to others and rather than put in the effort to 'get' you they are moving on to people that they can understand with less effort at first.




hopelessfool -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 4:30:35 PM)

Mikey Since you speak for EVERY monogamous person EVER...
Explain then how i exist, Hell how my parents existed, how several million people exist.
I dont listen to what most of the government tells me and i find no attachment to any religion and yet im monogamous by choice...

Why I cant handle loving more then one person sanely.

As for the OP.... I dont think Monogamy is a minority concept, I just think that in this day and age, where people are like kids in candy stores being told "Take all you want... theres no consequences"

that people prefer to take as much as they want instead of as much as they need.

but then im monogamous by choice, and i havent had much luck finding an owner whos monogamous  and compatible either.




lizi -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 4:37:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mikeyOfGeorgia

quote:

Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept?


Monogamy is a trained, learned and was basically created my religion and the government as a form of control (in my opinion). by nature, humans are not monogamous. we're just told it's wrong and that we'd all burn in Hell if we do it.


I really can't agree with this. I have always been monogamous and it's the way i feel most comfortable. So that pretty much blasts this theory to hell if there are people who prefer monogamy and find their bliss in that type of relationship.

Edited to add that I don't listen to the government either as a way to live my life and I certainly am not religious so monogamy to me is a true choice. I have found an owner that is monogamous along with me and it's been great. We have what we need in each other. If it ever stops being that then we'll part but it looks like it's going to be going strong for a good while.




mikeyOfGeorgia -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 4:55:28 PM)

http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/FYS/Barash%20on%20monogamy.htm




mikeyOfGeorgia -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 4:56:48 PM)

The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People
By David P. Barash, Ph.D. and Judith Eve Lipton, M.D.
I picked up The Myth of Monogamy while doing research for my Monogamy Rant, part of the Slut Rants. The book ended up becoming the linchpin of the essay, cited so often that I'm embarrassed -- I should have just referred people to the book. In the re-write, I intend to include more extensive sources, but that's another blog. I found The Myth of Monogamy so intriguing, because it finally detailed scientific evidence for something I had long suspected: that monogamy is not a natural state, for people or animals, but simply a socio-cultural creation. Monogamy is just a choice we make (like going vegan, for example), using our amazing big brains and free will, following the norms of our culture. But genetically, biologically, it not only doesn't exist, it doesn't even make sense. In the book, Barash and Lipton look at the behavior of animals primarily, but also draw connections to human behavior, as well. They present the most common theory, that the institution of monogamy began when human beings ceased a hunter-gatherer, nomadic lifestyle, and began cultivating land, staying in one place. Monogamy was simply a useful way of ensuring that a man's property would be passed on to his own family, his sons. In one fell swoop, monogamy and inheritance law came into being. But because monogamy is a cultural construct, rather than a natural urge, I also think that monogamy also brought about the birth of prostitution. In this way, natural urges could be satisfied while still maintaining a "monogamous" relationship with one's spouse, as contradictory as that sounds. There is a difference between social, and genetic monogamy. Prostitution exists in the animal world as well, as The Myth of Monogamy points out. Several species of birds show these behaviors, exchanging sex for something of value, in this case, food. Further, and perhaps most importantly, the book demonstrates that animal species which are well-known to "mate for life" -- whales, swans, golden eagles, to name but a few -- don't actually mate for life. Perhaps only 10 percent, maybe less, of these famously monogamous animals really do take mates for their entire lives. Barash and Lipton demonstrate that with modern genetic and DNA tracking, it's become obvious that when the Daddy swan is away from the nest, the Mommy swan is getting busy with anyone who swims by -- while the Daddy swan pays housecalls to the neighborhood ladies. They may indeed spend their lives together, but they definitely fool around on the side. While the book deals with animal and human behavior from a scientific perspective, it does so with a wonderful sense of humor, in easy to read, flowing prose. It's a fun read, and fascinating besides. As I've been saying for a long time, from a survival of the species standpoint, monogamy just doesn't make sense. It's hard-wired into our DNA to spread the seed, to create as much diversity in the gene pool as possible. Look at species of cats (like Persians) or dogs (like Cocker-Spaniels) that are so inbred that the brains and survival skills have been bred right out of them. Makes white supremacy seem even more dangerously idiotic than before, if that's possible. Further, I personally tie all of this in to the notion of attraction, which I discuss in my Attraction Rant. The things that we perceive as attractive, or beautiful, are the things that nature tells us are examples of the best our species has to offer. Humans of mixed race, whether Asian and Caucasian, or African-American and Asian, etc.... these people are amazingly beautiful, physically speaking. Our DNA calls out to us, to share quality genetic material. And monogamy, and "purebreds," just don't fit with that utterly natural equation. Social monogamy, in our culture, makes some sense, as it takes quite a few years to raise children. But genetic monogamy is not present, in my opinion. And trying to force our bodies to follow our minds clearly isn't working that well. I know a great many happy polygynous people, but far fewer joyful monogamous folks.




hopelessfool -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 5:05:11 PM)

and i know more unhappy poly relationships then i do unhappy monogamous relationships.

I know more FAILED Poly relationships then failed monogamous ones.

Ive seen many long lasting meaning 30+ to 60+ years being together monogamous then poly relationships in fact aside from a few board members ive not seen any relationships where theres a long term third last more then 3 years.

sure I could be wrong, but my mother and father NEVER slept with someone other then each other in the entire 50 years they were married. They were each others first and last.

So...please take your biased opinion and stop speaking for "everyone" your "theories" arent based on "scientific" anything...
just your opinion and your information and your meh...








lizi -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 5:15:20 PM)

mikey....you aren't paying attention. You can haul out whatever 'evidence' you want to support your opinions but it doesn't work for me and some others. You have your opinion and I have mine.

I'm not the only one in the world who prefers monogamy and likes it. Whatever book or article you care to cite is not going to change the fact that monogamy is a happy choice for me. If you believe that it's all a plot of the government and church ok...but I don't believe that. Even if you read it in a book it still doesn't work that way in my own life.




RedMagic1 -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 5:16:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Your communication style is a bit esoteric. Maybe if you proceeded at first with something easier to understand and more straight forward you'd find more people willing to converse with you which is where you start with anyone. What may seem clear to you may not be as clear to others and rather than put in the effort to 'get' you they are moving on to people that they can understand with less effort at first.

Yes.  I suggest you adopt the philosophy that what you say is unimportant; only what other people hear is important.  That will force you to communicate in such a way that other people actually hear what you are trying to say.




KatyLied -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 5:53:53 PM)

quote:


I know more FAILED Poly relationships then failed monogamous ones.


It stands to reason that having a relationship with 2 or more people might be more complicated than a relationship with one.  I would expect that statistic and do not see what is bad about it.




mikeyOfGeorgia -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 6:23:13 PM)

all i'm saying is that monogamy is a choice, not an instinct. *drops subject and leaves*




AnimusRex -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 6:29:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Stay true to yourself and don't let your dick or desperation speak for you.



But what if our dick and desperation IS our true self?




littlewonder -> RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? (2/7/2010 6:32:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Stay true to yourself and don't let your dick or desperation speak for you.



But what if our dick and desperation IS our true self?


They may very well be..never said they may not be...only that if you want a relationship that won't fail as easily, don't let them do the thinking for you unless you like living that way which it seems he does not.

I could be wrong though since I really have no idea what he's trying to say.




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