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Um, public? - 2/8/2010 4:52:00 PM

truk

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Hi. First, will say I have never attended a bdsm event. But I do plan to do so soon. I am Not shy, but should I go for the public-play thing? If so asked, lol? I'm decent looking, so this may bring out the Domme I seek............

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RE: Um, public? - 2/8/2010 4:54:35 PM

Madame4a

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Are you going to a party for the first time? You're showing up without a date? I'm going to guess that you're not likely to just be invited to play by a stranger. You might be invited to feel something if its that kind of evening.. but in truth, for the most part, all the public events and public dungeon that I tend to frequent people don't do that very much.

As for should you? Not my cup of tea.. playing with strangers, even in a public dungeon, is risky.

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RE: Um, public? - 2/8/2010 4:56:43 PM

JohnWarren

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If you do go don't forget the manners your mother taught you. I can't count the number of people I've seen crash and burn because they somehow thought the social rules could be thrown out the window at a BDSM event.

Most importantly, don't forget the domme you are looking for is a woman. She's not a life support system for a whip. She doesn't exist to satisfy your needs; she is there to satisfy hers. Treat her like a person you're interested in and you have a chance.

As to how to act, take the comment of one of my oldest friends. "I don't want a man to come to me on his knees; I want to put him on his knees."

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RE: Um, public? - 2/8/2010 5:01:21 PM

truk

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This is a club-type ordeal. A freind suggested I would have more fun if I was open to play. Hmm

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RE: Um, public? - 2/8/2010 5:03:39 PM

Madame4a

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Perhaps that is the case... if your friend is familiar with the club and community.. then by all means follow that lead.. I'm not familiar with your club or community... ignore most of my previous post then.. .I will admit, I don't play with people the first time I meet them... there are people out there who do...

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RE: Um, public? - 2/8/2010 5:08:54 PM

LadyPact

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I actually still do play with people that I've never met before at BDSM clubs and events. Two qualifiers go with that. One is that I am very much in the minority with this, so it's rare. Two is that I will almost always chose to play with someone that I've played with before, rather than do a scene with someone that I'm meeting for the first time.

Not to burst your bubble here, but don't count on being asked. If I go somewhere and I have no one on My dance card, it's more likely to happen when someone asks Me, not the other way around. I'm more the type to accept offers rather than make them. This tends to fade a bit over the course of the evening and I'm more in top space. Then again, by that point, other people have seen the first scene that I've done and more folks will have already approached Me.

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RE: Um, public? - 2/8/2010 5:10:13 PM

truk

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Yes, She did say she would be there. Actually, Her suggestion to play public........

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RE: Um, public? - 2/8/2010 5:24:38 PM

Madame4a

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truk

Yes, She did say she would be there. Actually, Her suggestion to play public........

Ok.. so you're meeting someone there you're going to play with? or you're counting on being asked by a stranger? I'm confused...

playing publically is one thing
playing with someone you meet, in public for the first time, is another...

I play publically all the time.. with my boy.. or a play partner or two.. or a good friend..

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RE: Um, public? - 2/8/2010 5:44:01 PM

truk

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My fault. I don't wish to confuse anybody. Cool? lol. A "freind" said she will be at this club. On this night. She said I would have a good time if I was not afraid to "play".! Am willing...........

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 8:03:02 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Yeah, I am TOTALLY kicking his ass! Heh. But my own sub comes first, of course.

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 10:50:03 AM

thetammyjo

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Personally, I find public play at an organized event to one the safest ways to get a taste for BDSM activities. You have DMs who should be circulating to hear safewords and correct for unsafe actions. You have the opportunity to watch someone first before you agree to play.

But at your first play party, I'd watch at a polite distance and quietly. I wouldn't accept invitations yet until you've seen someone top a few times.

A good way to do that is to volunteer to help out at the event. You get to watch things and learn about people but you have an excuse to refuse invitations to play too if you don't want to.

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 11:02:34 AM

LillyoftheVally

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I'm a sub girl so its easy for me I get to play at any part I go to if I want to, not bragging or anything its just true, I know that one of the most annoying things for a lot of dominants I know is male subs bugging them for play. Best bet is to just chat with people, I tend to have people walk up to me and ask but also a fair few will make a comment about wanting to play with someone which would be the bet opportunity. As to whether its a good idea, its generally safer than meeting a stranger at their home, also less risk of safewords being ignored. I always have fun.

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 1:36:05 PM

CdnExplorer

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Ahh! Ok, so it does sound like she'd like to play with you. If you're interested in playing with her then a club setting like that is a good place to do it, assuming you're not too shy to do it haha. There are monitors there to make sure everyone plays safely. For a first time play date this is a lot more ideal than meeting in a hotel room somewhere. It's a neutral, safe setting.

As others have mentioned - mind your manners at the club. There will likely be an orientation, or at least an explanation of the rules. Pay attention to them ;)

The number one rule on the list will most likely be to not interrupt someone else's play session, or interact at all with anyone in the middle of play unless they start the interaction.

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 3:36:48 PM

Madame4a

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I really want to point out that not all public play venues have DMs and then even when some do they are either ill trained or have no clue. Personally, I don't think that DMs make something 'safe' and again, I've played at more than a few venues without them.

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When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 3:39:29 PM

thishereboi

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If you want to play, then you should. If you don't want to play, then you shouldn't.

Have fun.

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 3:46:28 PM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Yeah, I am TOTALLY kicking his ass! Heh. But my own sub comes first, of course.

Are we talking Wicked here?

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 3:50:08 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Yes, wicked! Come OUTTT I haven't seen you in ages!

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 4:02:42 PM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Yes, wicked! Come OUTTT I haven't seen you in ages!

I know and I think it's time I put in an appearance. Been busy with school, but I think I deserve a break.

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 6:42:33 PM

LadyHibiscus

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You DO deserve a break!!! Come out and hang!

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RE: Um, public? - 2/9/2010 6:45:56 PM

GloriousMorning

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My advice is if you meet some one and feel comfortable playing, then I don't see any reason not to.

Going to a BDSM event does not mean you have to play though, so don't feel pressured to. Sometimes the first time out, people use it as an opportunity to just take it all in and learn the ropes, so to speak ;)

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