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RE: Consideration? - 3/27/2006 5:51:01 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Sadly enough this also tends to mean that subs will fall for the first dom who pays them any sort of actual sincere attention.

Just because the sub falls fro them... doesn't mean the Dom just take them in a deep intimate relationship. Sometimes the considerate thing is actually to say No thank you but we are not compatiable.

This is of course the other side of being conciderate..The art of refusing gently shows class.... Excelent Post!

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RE: Consideration? - 3/27/2006 5:58:09 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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To Raven..I have had a few meetings with a Dom,and for the most part all have been quite polite. However..there was this one time where we had set up a meet at a restaurant.He was already there,but I didnt see him,so I called and he did not pick up his cell phone,about 5 min later he calls back and says he is at the bar.I finally spot him and walk over to him,he mumbles hello and goes to reading the rest of an article in a newspaper,when he finishes,he puts it down and looks at me.Being a bit trepidatious I begin to make some small conversation.Now this whole conversation is fully onesided,with an occasional yes or no issuing from his mouth.I finally catch his eye once more and just say to him directly "this does not seem to be going well, maybe I should leave"..he says "no lets give it another half an hour"...now personally I think I have no more to say to this man,I have run out of conversation.We order dinner,eat ,both of us get phone calls at same time, and we part.Now for me personally,is it to much to ask for just some nice conversation? A wee bit of consideration on his part would of been nice,but heck! at that time I was more than willing to settle for just a bit of verbal exchange.So not a horror story of a meeting but one that I could of done without.Now I know that some people can be sometimes a bit socially inept or shy,but this was not the case.But simple courtesy and politeness,even if there was not a fit between us ,it would of made the evening end on a more pleasant note, and a better taste in ones mouth...Ahh well..just my 2 cents worth...be well...tempting

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RE: Consideration? - 3/27/2006 6:38:22 PM

IronBear

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Raven, hou chinyeh,

Everything I've learned about you tells methat besideshaving a strong sence of honour, loyalty and duty ansl tels me that you are both conciderate and compasionate.... Hmmmm The Scots blood perhaps?

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Post #: 23

RE: Consideration? - 3/27/2006 8:21:10 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
I've had comments like "gee you are so nice"--and I wonder, why wouldn't I be? so IMHO I do think its a trait that's lacking somewhat today---

I really have to agree with this statement, sadly.

The other day I took a few moments to make sure a gentleman, who was visually impaired, caught the right bus, at a busy bus loop. A woman came up to me later, and went on about how considerate and nice I was.

I was floored. Since when is helping someone such a surprising action?

I replied, as I always do when people comment on something similar I've done: I guess my mom just raised me right.

Raven, you acted in a considerate manner, as is your nature and upbringing, and I suspect this woman just hasn't seen a lot of that in her life, especially if she is much younger than we are.

She's a lucky woman to have met you, no matter what the future brings.

Cin

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RE: Consideration? - 3/27/2006 9:24:32 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Sighs..wishes we had a few Ravens in Indiana..handsome,considerate,reflective,experienced..hes got one lucky submissive..

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RE: Consideration? - 3/27/2006 10:31:02 PM

Vendaval

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I do not think it is so much a comment on Dom/Domme behavior as a comment on the lessening of civility, courtesy and respect in general. Those qualities tend to be considered quaint and old fashioned in today's rush-rush-hurry-hurry-work-a-day -world.

Best wishes on the new friendship, wherever it might lead.

-Vendaval-

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Given her comments about the consideration involved being a rare thing.... my question is this...

Are most Dom/mes so socialy inept that such things REALLY are that rare? I know there are several on the board who I doubt would have acted much diffrently than I did. IB of course, MH, MoGa, Phoenix, Gage and even I suspect KoM.... but in general, out there in the real world, is the standard really so low that such actions are seen as rare?

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Post #: 26

RE: Consideration? - 3/28/2006 2:08:34 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
My first thought is ... why does she consider it rare... what kind of people is she choosing to meet and socialize with. It has been my experience that the very great majority are generally well mannered. But, I keep hearing about this ideal that so many Dominants are rude and assuming... so where are these people... do you know very many of them? I sure don't.

I wouldn't say 'know' as when I spot the type of person they are I don't look any closer, but yes I have met such, Usualy among the younger end of things, my own age and below.

quote:

Then there is the third, are all these nice up standing individual Dominants we know an entirely different person when they get the little innocent subbie alone.... well I know I am... I tend to be even more careful in my interactions, I suspect most are the same.

Diffrent yes, less considerate no and though we may have some clash of personality, from what I have seen about the interaction between yourself and those lovely girls of yours, both from you and, to some extent more tellingly, from them, I suspect you are much the same. Sure the 'rules' are diffrent once they are yours, once there has been submission, but they are still valued and it shows.

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RE: Consideration? - 3/28/2006 2:23:29 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz
I suspect it comes down to the difference between being comfortable with who you are or playing a role. I am very comfortable who I am and my persona does not change. I HAVE been told by more than one submissive that I am too gentle and caring to be an effective Domme. They were correct on one point - I was not what they were looking for.

Quite, I have had similar comments in the past myself, just seeing the velvet glove rather than what lies within it. Everyone takes on roles at some point, when I was doing security I was much more the hard ass persona that such folks expect to see.... Yes it is part of me, but I'm not a cardboard cut-out, not 2-dimensional and yes, I can be rather laid back and amiable as well. Like you, my dear, I am comfortable with who I am, I worked hard to become the person I see in the mirror and have no need to flinch when I look my reflection in the eye

quote:

The sweet boys who have the pleasures of experiencing the full compliment of my personality have found that my eclectic mix of caring and sadism, humor and honesty have worked well for them. I do not need black leather or whip brandishing to be who I am. For some it is the black leather and whip brandish that...for a few moments...makes them who they are.

To take something I often quote in pagan circles, power comes from within, if you can't do it without the tools, then you ain't going to be much good even with them! You might fool a few people on the way, but not for very long when you are being that shallow.

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RE: Consideration? - 3/28/2006 2:35:10 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
To Raven..I have had a few meetings with a Dom,and for the most part all have been quite polite. However..there was this one time where we had set up a meet at a restaurant.He was already there,but I didnt see him,so I called and he did not pick up his cell phone,about 5 min later he calls back and says he is at the bar.I finally spot him and walk over to him,he mumbles hello and goes to reading the rest of an article in a newspaper,when he finishes,he puts it down and looks at me.Being a bit trepidatious I begin to make some small conversation.Now this whole conversation is fully onesided,with an occasional yes or no issuing from his mouth.I finally catch his eye once more and just say to him directly "this does not seem to be going well, maybe I should leave"..he says "no lets give it another half an hour"...now personally I think I have no more to say to this man,I have run out of conversation.We order dinner,eat ,both of us get phone calls at same time, and we part.Now for me personally,is it to much to ask for just some nice conversation? A wee bit of consideration on his part would of been nice,but heck! at that time I was more than willing to settle for just a bit of verbal exchange.So not a horror story of a meeting but one that I could of done without.Now I know that some people can be sometimes a bit socially inept or shy,but this was not the case.But simple courtesy and politeness,even if there was not a fit between us ,it would of made the evening end on a more pleasant note, and a better taste in ones mouth...Ahh well..just my 2 cents worth...be well...tempting

If he wasn't going to bother to make more of an effort then frankly what was the point in him agreeing to meet in the first place. I expect subs to make more of an effort than that (Although I do expect the Dom to help them over any nerves) let alone Doms, who if they are going to use the lable then they 'should' at least try to live upto what it entails.

Glad to hear that the majority meeting you have been of a better quality

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Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: Consideration? - 3/28/2006 9:13:54 AM

cravinspankin

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I've never agreed to meet someone who didn't show consideration or respect during our prior online or telephone conversations.
But I do find that many show a lack of social skills and respect during initial contacts. So when a Dom or vanilla man makes contact with me and is a gentleman, indicates a sincere interest in me and doesn't come out of the gate telling me his sexual fantasies involving me or demanding I do this and that... then when that first conversation is coming to a conclusion, i do thank Him for being a gentleman, as I do find it refreshing.

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Post #: 30

RE: Consideration? - 3/28/2006 5:48:47 PM

candystripper

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quote:

Hmmmm The Scots blood perhaps?

IronBear

i am scottish and a pain in the ass. Wait..no.....i'm a sweetie....ahem...as Y/you were.

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< Message edited by candystripper -- 3/28/2006 5:49:48 PM >

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RE: Consideration? - 3/29/2006 5:48:31 AM

MysticalPhoenix

Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Are most Dom/mes so socialy inept that such things REALLY are that rare? I know there are several on the board who I doubt would have acted much diffrently than I did. IB of course, MH, MoGa, Phoenix, Gage and even I suspect KoM.... but in general, out there in the real world, is the standard really so low that such actions are seen as rare?

I'm rather a traditionalist when it comes to first meetings, the safety of the people meeting each other is more important to me than mental comfort. Brightly lit, public place, for coffee. No drinking, ever, on a first meeting.

However, in the real world, most people don't even think about physical safety, much less comfort levels. And a great many people meeting up from online these days don't have the slightest idea how dangerous it can be, or what the aftereffects might be (i.e. risky casual sex, finding out he's married and his jealous wife carries a Glock in her purse, etc.).

And then they have bad experiences and post them somewhere so the world can hear how badly they were treated.

Phoenix

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