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derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 7:25:10 AM

paperdoll

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/23/2005
From: indiana
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a friend of mine presented me with a thought provoking question last night, and i'll try to present it at coherently as possible.

essentially, he wanted to know how i seperated my own pleasure, and the things that brought me said pleasure, from the pleasure that i get from doing things that i do for my Top that he enjoys.

my answer, after i deciphered what he was really getting at, was this-- most of my pleasure is derived from the pleasure of my partner (be it in a bdsm context, or vanilla). additionally, i can't really reach physical gratification unless i'm mentally gratified as well, which is where pleasing my partner comes into play.

being a submissive, i'm curious as to whether this is an individual trait, or something that is inherent among submissives. i hope that what i said made some sense, and that i can gain perspective on this.

_____________________________

and so a secret kiss brings madness with the bliss, and i will think of this when i'm dead in my grave...

Post #: 1

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 7:32:39 AM

TigerLily23

Posts: 53
Joined: 12/16/2005
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Paperdoll-
I thought I was the only one who felt like that...although I don't consider me, myself, to be submissive, I can, and I only want to reach that pleasure zone after I know my Dom has reached that point first.

_____________________________

Lily

Nosce te ipsum...Know Thyself

(in reply to paperdoll)

Post #: 2

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 7:36:13 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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This was an interesting conversation My boy and I have had--he is of the very same mindset--and as with you, his extends beyond the sexual to everyday things, he doesn't feel pleased until he knows all My needs are met--he once said " Let me please you and be pleased that i do"--even in the sexual realm, he has conditioned himself that until I am satiated, he seeks no, or wants to receive pleasure for himself.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to paperdoll)

Post #: 3

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 7:37:15 AM

ivorylace

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Joined: 3/26/2006
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I know for me my pleasure is gained from the Doms pleasure. There is something so intense in the facial expressions, the moans or sighs, and yes the overall explosion that is sure to 'erupt'.

Pleasing him will give me my pleasure always.

~ lace

(in reply to paperdoll)

Post #: 4

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 7:38:42 AM

Halcyone

Posts: 93
Joined: 8/24/2005
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I can feel physical pleasure without a mental component. My pleasure is increased if I'm mentally turned on, and that does usually come from knowing that my Sir is enjoying himself as much as I am. I don't believe it's a trait limited to submissives because Sir has said he feels exactly the same as I do (his pleasure is increased by sensing my enjoyment), and he's as dominant as they come.

However, I also find it near to impossible to reach orgasm if I'm not stimulated mentally. All of the right buttons can be pushed physically but if my head isn't in the right place, it just won't happen. That may be more a female trait than a submissive trait. I have yet to be with a man who isn't able to reach orgasm just because their head isn't in the right place; if they can achieve erection, they can climax. But I know there are probably those out there who aren't that way. I can only speak for the ones I've been with.

It's probably safest to assume that this is simply more a human condition, and not limited to any one sub-set of the population. :)

(in reply to paperdoll)

Post #: 5

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 7:40:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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It's an individual trait. Many many MANY dominants will say that they get tremendous pleasure out of knowing their sub is pleased.

We're all doing things because they fullfill US. Whether it's in the immediate moment, or the long haul- we're doing it because it makes us happy, and it serves the things we consider important to ourselves. Good relationships work when it's a mutually fulfilling situation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to paperdoll)

Post #: 6

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 8:10:27 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: paperdoll...essentially, he wanted to know how i seperated my own pleasure, and the things that brought me said pleasure, from the pleasure that i get from doing things that i do for my Top that he enjoys...being a submissive, i'm curious as to whether this is an individual trait, or something that is inherent among submissives. i hope that what i said made some sense, and that i can gain perspective on this.

the only thing inherent to all submissives is that they all breathe the same air as everyone else, and they need sustenance and hydration--EVERYTHING else is subjective, especially "so-called" submissive traits.

for this slave, Master's pleasure is paramount. if whatever it is that we are doing (sexually or otherwise) happens to be pleasing to this slave AS WELL AS Master, that's GRAVY. if not, this slave sucks it up and focuses on behaving in a pleasing manner even if this slave's stomach is turning over it, after all, it IS all about HIS pleasure...here's an example:

lets say Master loves roller coasters and this slave is completely phobic about them(had a bad experience with the Matterhorn at age 5, but this slave digresses...)anyhoo, He decides we will ride one together, the Matterhorn in Anaheim even. this makes Him happy, partially because of His sadistic tendendcies which cause Him to enjoy this slave's discomfort and distress, and partially because He himself loves rollercoasters. After we get off of the coaster, this slave is an emotional wreck, but Master is pleased, so this slave is comforted with that, but was it a pleasurable experience for this slave? No. the desire to please Him(regardless of circumstance), and the commitment this slave made to serve Him is what got this slave on the ride, not the desire to please herself through an enjoyable activity.

(in reply to paperdoll)

Post #: 7

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 8:24:37 AM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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While knowing he is pleased is what pleases me, i had to learn that pleasing him means performing when and how he wishes, and if that means orgasming for him - - whether he climaxes or not - - then that is what i must do. Knowing how much he enjoys my orgasms, and how far he pushes me while i have having one, and that they are of him and for him and a result of his power over me, i see no barriers to doing so, whether he has been physically pleased or not. Ultimately i am doing what he wants, at his direction (i am not allowed orgasm unless directed by him), so that fills my need to satisfy him, and my pleasure comes from that. Often the places i go in orgasm are so deep and intense, they do not fall into a category of pleasurable vs. not pleasureable. They are an extension of him and his will, and probably not some place i would dare (or have the ability ) to venture to on my own.

(in reply to paperdoll)

Post #: 8

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 8:45:03 AM

littleone35

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A great deal of my pleasure comes from pleasing my Master in whatever whay he chooses be it making him his coffee the way he wants have a stimulating conversion or in the D/s way. When he is pleased i am pleased and happy and then he pleases me:).

Matt's littleone

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 9

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 9:04:51 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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While it might be an individual trait (like hair color), it's not specific to subs/slaves. I like to see the people I care about smile. Bringing a little joy to someone's life is fulfilling for a lot of us. Going to a movie that they'd like to see or giving them a gift I know would mean a lot is just a part of who I am. I don't do it all the time though, 'cause, damnit, there are movies I want to see...and sometimes I'm not in the mood for their movie. ;-)

Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to paperdoll)

Post #: 10

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 10:55:50 AM

fastlane

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Joined: 5/26/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's an individual trait. Many many MANY dominants will say that they get tremendous pleasure out of knowing their sub is pleased.

We're all doing things because they fullfill US. Whether it's in the immediate moment, or the long haul- we're doing it because it makes us happy, and it serves the things we consider important to ourselves. Good relationships work when it's a mutually fulfilling situation.

Points up at LA, that's what I was going to say.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 11:31:01 AM

justjill

Posts: 28
Joined: 3/19/2006
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I guess it is all about levels. I have found my highest pleasure comes from doing something that clearly causes my Master pleasure. Whether sexual or something mundane like cooking a nice dinner. I can and do take pleasure throughout my day on things that are just for me. I have hobbies and friends. I certainly find these type of things more pleasurable than doing the more mundane things for my Master like cleaning or doing his laundry.

One of the things though I cannot do is do something fun for me if there are things that need to get done for my Master or in general. I have to get my duties out of the way first. I think this is though how I am wired and not have anything to do with M/s.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 12

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/27/2006 6:11:16 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
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D/s is quite a spiritual phenomena for me and so pleasing and giving in general are very important to me. The only way i can truly separate what pleases me because it just pleases me from what pleases me because it pleases Master, is to think - would i enjoy this if i did it all alone? That's what makes the difference for me.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to paperdoll)

Post #: 13

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/29/2006 6:46:20 AM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

While knowing he is pleased is what pleases me, i had to learn that pleasing him means performing when and how he wishes, and if that means orgasming for him - - whether he climaxes or not - - then that is what i must do. Knowing how much he enjoys my orgasms, and how far he pushes me while i have having one, and that they are of him and for him and a result of his power over me, i see no barriers to doing so, whether he has been physically pleased or not. Ultimately i am doing what he wants, at his direction (i am not allowed orgasm unless directed by him), so that fills my need to satisfy him, and my pleasure comes from that. Often the places i go in orgasm are so deep and intense, they do not fall into a category of pleasurable vs. not pleasureable. They are an extension of him and his will, and probably not some place i would dare (or have the ability ) to venture to on my own.

I agree with you here, OG. My Master, too, totally enjoys how my body responds to Him sexually, as it has never responded in such a way to any other. My orgasms are controlled as well, and knowing that He is directing "when," I believe that He finds that pleasurable and gratifying. Knowing that He is pleased is, obviously, paramount to me, as His slave. In the beginning, I found it hard to believe that He could be genuinely satisfied without reaching His climax, while I had reached mine, sometimes more than once. As time went on, I began to see that sometimes He gets a huge "kick" from the fact that He makes me "go places" that no one else has been able to take me. That pleases Him. I, of course, thrill at the opportunity to please Him in whatever way that He enjoys. Sometimes, it's a bonus that pleasing Him allows my own personal enjoyment to soar off the chart!

(*Daddysredhead basks in the afterglow...*)

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 14

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/29/2006 7:11:46 AM

LordShepard

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/24/2006
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My part-time pet expressed the same sentiment to me just a few days ago. Pleasing me is what pleases her. I am new to the BDSM lifestyle and am very concerned with how I should treat my pet, I want to do it right. When I told her this, her response was that if it pleased me, it pleased her. The responsibility on my part that echoed in those words left me almost shaking. I want to push her limits, control her orgasms, use my flogger to punish and please her. But I want to do it well. For a Master who truley loves thier slave, the importance of being good at being Master becomes paramount, at least for me. I want to be a good Master, because I have found that living without the adoration of my slave is like trying to live without breathing.

Speaking of which, any pointers or advise to be had for a newbi?

Lord Shepard

_____________________________

Seek...and you may find me.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 15

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/29/2006 7:44:45 AM

starymists

Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
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For myself, taking on service changes me. My activity list changes based on my partner, my lifestyle habits change based on my partner, my food preferences, tv preferences...just about every aspect of my life...because for me, its not the activity itself. It's when I look across the table or the room and see the pleasure light up his eyes. It's when he uses that tone of voice that indicates his happiness and his contentment. It's the body language that tells me he is relaxed and wanting for nothing...its all the little things that bring me happiness, contentment and security. Does my Dominant take pleasure from my pleasure? Sure. He enjoys knowing he can take me to places I've never been before, places that I can only get to with him and for him...and his happiness in that becomes mine. He also, at times, enjoys making me wait and want, and waiting and wanting for something that I want still brings pleasure, because I know that this is what he wants, what serves him best, what is making him happy.

So is it an individual trait? Yes and no. I think a lot of submissives experience the pleasure that comes through service to varying degrees. For some, they will be more focused on service and less on themselves. For others, it's all about the Dominant, and most fall some place in between. But I do think that in order to be submissive, there must be some focus on gaining pleasure from serving.

(in reply to LordShepard)

Post #: 16

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/29/2006 3:20:12 PM

slavewoman

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's an individual trait. Many many MANY dominants will say that they get tremendous pleasure out of knowing their sub is pleased.

I would agree with this. My Master has told me, often, that he gets pleasure from my submission but he gets even more pleasure when I, too, get pleasure from whatever it is I'm being subjected to.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: derivation of pleasure? - 3/30/2006 10:35:35 PM

cutelinygurl84

Posts: 84
Joined: 3/29/2006
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I get alot of pleasure out of making my dom (bf) happy. Knowing he is happy brings a smile to my face. I love pleasing him in every way and not just in the bedroom. If my bf asks me to do something outside the bedroom like clean, cook him dinner, do his wash etc... I can not go to bed that night till I know everything is done and my bf is happy. My bf's happiness means the world to me. I put his happiness over mine.

Cutelinygurl84

(in reply to slavewoman)

Post #: 18

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