I will probably be shouted down ... (Full Version)

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carde -> I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 8:50:04 AM)

I have had enough ...
I am guessing that this particular bitching session is about North Carolina and not this website because I have met some wonderful people in other places.

I have never seen such a whiney group of Dommes (that is pronounced Domsssss, not Dom-mays) in my life. I know that there are many male subs that are dirt and just out for a kinky fuck, but in all reality, what do you expect by some of the ads that you run and responses that you use? Being a bitch doesn't make you a Domme, being nasty doesn't make you a Domme and being demanding doesn't make you a Domme.

If you can't even show a modicom of class and intelligence the chances of you attracting the the same is slim to none. In my case NONE.

Since being on here, I have been contacted by numerous Dommes with one line, quetions, demands, looking for photos etc. without even a short introduction. I have contacted Dommes whose criteria I meet, with well thought out and polite emails to not even get a "not interested" or even a "fuck off". But these same people whine that they cannot find anyone, or are not happy with some of the emails that they get. Or say "I am interested I want to go further" but never actually get back to you saying that they are "swamped with something or other" yet still manage to get online 5 times a day to check their collection of emails.

Lastly (at least for now) which I think possibly are the worst, are the middle-aged divorcees that are out to find another husband. The post a picture that is at least 10 years old, and go on and on about respect and commitment and create this little world in their mind about how experienced they are (usually online experience). It turns out that they are 100 lbs heavier than than the old picture, have never done anything in real life other than maybe flailing on someone's ass with a paddle, and actually are directing their anger to their "ex". Look, it is ok to be overweight, most people in their 40's and more are, it is ok to be divorced, again at this age it is common, but ... if your husband left you because you had decided to stop trying to look good for him (and I do not mean extra weight, more like dressing up, and at least showering), you didn't like to go out, or get involved in things, sex became mundane etc., then why in hell's name should someone else pick up where that left off? At least in your ad post a recent picture, and say "I'm a couch potato, horny and want to learn more about being a Domme" You would be surprised at how many more people will be interested in you. If you are not comfortable enough with yourself to be honest, how can you expect anyone else to "accept you as you are"? It is much better than crying and bitching in your ads that people are fake ... look in the mirror.

When all is said and done D/s is a relationship that has a unique and wonderful added depth to it that has no equal anywhere but, the basic foundation is still the same as any other relationship ... unless it is D/s only, then the rules are entirely different of course.

Well, I guess I have said enough. I am not meaning to be rude to anyone, truly. I am just sick of male subs being picked on when it is an equal thing. To those who do not fit into the above I do apologize (maybe I need to be spanked). I just needed to get this off my chest.

Thank you for listening.
carde [&o]




Oumae -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 8:55:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: carde

(maybe I need to be spanked).



Lol...nice try! [;)]

Oumae



JohnWarren -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 8:55:53 AM)

What in the world are you talking about?  Which "bitching session?"

All I can say if you've made an initial entrance that probably haved (at best) your chance of any woman reading it and wanting to meet you.  It contains just about every negative cliche and a whining, needy tone that's guaranteed to put most women's teeth on edge.



kittensmailbox -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 8:56:54 AM)

i think it was very well written...



BeachMystress -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 9:09:33 AM)


Since your online experiences are so bad, why don't you go out and meet people for real? http://www.psicorps.org/triangle/ You'll no longer have the problem of outdated photos or people hiding behind a keyboard being rude.

I do suggest you leave the negativity at home if you decide to attend the munch. People tend to avoid complainers.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 9:17:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: carde

If you can't even show a modicom of class and intelligence the chances of you attracting the the same is slim to none. In my case NONE.



you're quite right. Now, consider, does this introduction to the forums display your true class and intelligence? I'm betting not...I'm betting that, once you get over your frustration about whatever, you can do much better. Yes, there are crappy Dominants out there...yes, there are Bitch Goddesses out there. If you don't like what they say, just block them.

Those of us from North Carolina who ARE nice Fem Doms find temper tantrums (as you have stated you are throwing) undignified and childish. Plus, we're offended that you've lumped us into a group of not-so-pleasant people (politely put) simply because we are from NC. Generalities suck.

When you're done throwing your fit and if you'd like information about a real-time group of absolutely incredible Fem Doms in NC, contact me and I'll point you in the right direction.

Fire




MHOO314 -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 9:19:10 AM)

Actually carde, if you remember, we were once engaged in chatting and emailing ages ago, we were set to meet for vanilla coffee and you were the one who wanted nothing more to do with Me--although all things happen for a reason and I am happily involved--I would say that you met at least one that was real---well almost <smiles>--it takes alot of patience to find the right one--and as we have all discussed, there appear to be many who do not meet our criteria ( note I didn't use the "p" word)--
 
But patience and a modicum of optimism may help, I do wish you well, I am glad to see you at the boards, you are bright and intelligent and your ideas will be most welcome. There are many Mistress' here that I hold in high regard, so it may gain you more exposure.



LadyMorgynn -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 9:19:56 AM)

Well, don't send him HERE!  I'm in N. Carolina too and don't want his whiny ass and judgemental attitudes infecting our really great play parties.  Let him stay online with all the other whiners and wankers!

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


Since your online experiences are so bad, why don't you go out and meet people for real? http://www.psicorps.org/triangle/ You'll no longer have the problem of outdated photos or people hiding behind a keyboard being rude.

I do suggest you leave the negativity at home if you decide to attend the munch. People tend to avoid complainers.



crouchingtigress -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 10:33:12 AM)

This too shall pass...



missprivate -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 11:05:24 AM)

I totally agree with you.

Oops. Heh.

But, I will say one thing, I have received many stupid one-line messages from subs to the effect of "hey sexy lets chat and maybe start a relationship" (literally) on here since I've joined, which was not very long ago at all. So you can't single out the Dommes. It's everywhere, I think. I dunno, I try to look at things from all sides and I guess that one-liner could be completely genuine but I can't help but being put off by a message like that. There is just no thought put into it at all.



MstrssScarlet -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 11:11:09 AM)

I hate to admit it, but he has some valid points.  I have seen some of the same things he has....outdated photos (I've seen them in person and the picture has to be at LEAST ten years old), Dommes who can't put their attitude away in public because they feel that being dominant = being bitchy and demanding, and inexperienced Dommes looking for someone to support them.  (Some may look at my profile and lump me into this last category.  I assure you, I do not do this to pay the rent money and I do have experience!)  Sometimes a little temper tantrum can make you feel better when you're done. [;)]  Now that you have it off your chest, perhaps you can go back and look again with a more positive attitude.  I would agree with BeachMystress - that meeting people in public is the best way to go.  Good luck.
Mistress Scarlet



carde -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 11:29:17 AM)

Hi again,
First, before anything I would like to thank everyone (Everyone that is) who read and replied to my first post, wether we are agreement or not [:)]

The "temper tantrum" was meant as a joke[:D]

I lumped many of you into the same group and as I stated near the bottom of my email " To those who do not fit into the above I do apologize ....". For those that read all of it, thank you, even if you do not agree with me.

I knew that this would raise a bunch of ire with some and given a couple of the insults that were replied think it proved my case better than I could.

I am not whiney .. at all .. period. I was expressing my frustration at actual experiences here, that is what message boards are for. All that I am trying to point out is that honesty, politeness and a little decorum is much better when trying meet someone of like mind. If you were standing at a bar with some friends, and a man walked by you, smiled and said hello, would you scream at him, or just turn your head? When you went to this bar, would you shower and put on clean clothes? Would you wear a veil? The same courtesies and manners apply here do they not?

Anyways, I am not going to get in a pissing match with anyone (please pardon the language, but the word truly fits for this) on here for any reason, although I am always up for a good debate. As for personal interactions, they are just that, personal, so you will all just have to live with one side of the story <grin>

Again, thank you for the replies and the opinions, they all are important, the supportive ones are even nice. [:)]

I know there are nice and real people out there, we just need to wade through the others.



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 12:09:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: carde

I was expressing my frustration at actual experiences here, that is what message boards are for.


I will politely disagree that this is the  purpose of message boards.  Yes, it happens at times, but it is tolerated much more when it is presented nicely, and when the person venting has some history. 
You have been a member of this site for over a year.  But you just came to the boards with a major whine, your very first post, and I, for one, flipped to your profile to see a cute notation about throwing a temper tantrum. Somehow it fails to impress.  As always, YMMV.
I have been watching and reading this thread with some interest.  As you should now be aware, this is not just a problem on the submissive male side of the whip.  Dominas have this problem all the time. 
My question is:  What did you accomplish other than venting your frustration?  You heard from one, Mistress Hathor, in your area, who was in contact with you, and you dropped her.  You heard from a couple of others in your neck of the woods who have not had any correspondence with you.  Did you get a message across to anyone who has acted in this manner toward you?  Are these bitchy ladies, who frustrate you so, participants on these message boards?  Will they ever see or understand that they treated you badly?
I am not sure what you have accomplished, but if you feel better, I am happy for you.
Welcome...I do hope you will stick around.



proudsub -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 2:12:07 PM)

quote:

I am not whiney .. at all .. period. I was expressing my frustration at actual experiences here, that is what message boards are for.


I also disagree. I don't come to the message boards to read everyone's rants. I come to learn and share experiences in this lifestyle.



michaelGA -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 2:25:23 PM)

and you're just now finding all this out now? and you're surprised to boot?

probably 25-40% of the people here are genuine...the rest are players jerk-offs (since i am American and don't use the British terminologies like "wanker" whatever that is)

all i can say is, pay close attention to the replies and you will know who is genuine and who's pulling your chain. it's subtle so watch very carefully as i can't name names.



cloudboy -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 2:31:20 PM)

quote:

My question is: What did you accomplish other than venting your frustration?


Its a little like the Guy in Network asking everyone to lean out their window and scream, "I'm not going to take it anymore."

It may not solve the problem, but there's a certain catharsis to it. Clearly its not a rallying cry to someone like John Warren, whose cubbard is full, but for others his rant may validate their own negative experiences, hence sending out a little message of frustrated kinship.

As for me, I have to apologize to a very special someone out there for getting a little bit negative about things myself. Sorry about that. Sometimes in a dark moment its all one can do.



angelic -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 2:31:50 PM)

The boards are imo a community.  Yes occassionally we all rant but for the most part all do it in a polite, non-condemning, non-flaming sort of way.  As others have said, welcome to the boards there are some really fabulous, enlightened folks here that have a lot of knowledge and r/l experience. 



carde -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 3:20:34 PM)

It's nice to see some people that actually get what I am trying to say, Thank you.
I know that there are good people out there, even some local ones. And also thank you for the welcome words, I have actually been here for over a year and just never posted anything, this time I just had something to say. [:)]

As for if this has accomplished anything, yes it has. I don't particularly like to rant, it is not what I am like for the most part. If nothing else it perhaps rattled some well deserved chains, but more importantly it has shown me the good people that are on here. I am not sure that I will search again for awhile, I just might enjoy sharing some chat with the people on the message boards.

Be cool y'all .... errrr Y'all
carde



MizSuz -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 3:33:06 PM)

You seem...upset.

Feel better?



MizSuz -> RE: I will probably be shouted down ... (3/27/2006 4:31:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: carde
The "temper tantrum" was meant as a joke[:D]


I didn't realize it was a joke.  Thanks for the clarification.


quote:

ORIGINAL: carde
I was expressing my frustration at actual experiences here, that is what message boards are for.


Now this didn't get by me.  In fact, I thought you did a pretty good job of communicating.  I can appreciate that not everyone may have enjoyed the content, so what?


quote:

ORIGINAL: carde
All that I am trying to point out is that honesty, politeness and a little decorum is much better when trying meet someone of like mind. If you were standing at a bar with some friends, and a man walked by you, smiled and said hello, would you scream at him, or just turn your head? When you went to this bar, would you shower and put on clean clothes? Would you wear a veil? The same courtesies and manners apply here do they not?


I thought this was a wonderful analogy.  It reminds me of something I often find myself telling submissive men.  To understand it you first have to understand the preferences of the players.  Essentially, I don't care to get inquiries for service from strangers.  To me a stranger sending me an email that details (or laundry lists) the things they find titillating or are 'searching' for is tantamount to walking up to any strange woman in a grocery store and telling her their prefered condom, tongue length and favorite position (even if she didn't ask).  I realize men are from mars, yadayada, but there is a common misconception among men, particularly submissive men, who discover this venue; the misconception that because a woman happens to be kinky it by default means she's interested in everyone elses kink.  T'aint so.  I can understand that someone's been living their whole life trying to figure out who they are, or feeling alone, and they discover the venue and think "WOW!!! Not only am I not alone but there are women with similar interests!!!" They're so excited at the possibility of their discovery they forget to remember they are interacting with humans who are women first.  So it's possible for this poor misguided schmuck to write a long and polite email detailing his experience, desires and goals in the scene (thinking he's really going the distance) and all I'm going to see is yet another hardleg looking for a service provider.  Why do you suppose so many people come to sites like this and ONLY put forward their kink?  For some this is the way they want it.  Seeking this, want that, line 'em up and let's see whose the best fit.  More power to 'em.  I want no part of it.

If someone approaches me with something to say that's not about their kink I'm usually amenable to polite interaction.  As you say, courtesy and manners.  But if someone approaches me assuming I want to know about their kink I feel no compulsion to educate them, show them the narrowness of their approach, or explain why I'm offended.  It suits me to disengage and lots of folks find that rude.  More power to them, too.  I still want no part of it.

So it seems to me that you and I have had significantly different experiences, we find different things to be frustrating, and yet we both agree that courtesy and manners can often bridge a chasm.  Thing is, it's possible that we may have different standards for what polite and courteous is.

It ain't all bad, huh?



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