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would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 12:38:13 AM

doomedaries

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Hi I'm posting this because I need some advice. I'm looking to get into the BDSM scene and have been for a few months now, but I'm finding it hard making first contact. It seems subs don't like the idea of inexperienced doms and masters.

I live with a housemate and his sub, im not involved in their relationship but have flogged people and generally learnt some basics form him, but now i need to expand my horizons and advice would be gratefully received.

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 2:01:59 AM

FelineFae

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Submissives and slaves will contact Doms if they read their profiles and find it interesting.
Everyone has to begin somewhere. Being new will deter some, but not all.
Try listing what you do have expirience with, even if it's just book knowledge.
The more you list, the more likely someone will read it that shares an interest with you.
Hope this can help- fae

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 2:06:30 AM

allthatjaz

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First of all you need to direct your interest on English sites. Informed consent would be a good start and has a full calender of munches and events in your area. They also have forums and if you become popular you may get invited to some private parties. Make a trip to Londons alternative markets because as well as markets they are great social gatherings. Go to clubs like Crimson or even Torture Garden which are full of young and beautiful submissives.
From what I am reading in your profile and on here it sounds like you need a fun play partner to really get this journey going.

Good luck.

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 2:47:22 AM

RCdc

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Yes I would. Yes I have. It's all cool!

the.dark.

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 3:53:58 AM

DesFIP

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Female subs here don't normally contact doms.

But since you have zero experience, instead of presenting yourself as dominant, why not present yourself as someone curious about this looking for someone who also wants to explore. And try explaining it this way to women you date instead of limiting yourself to online partners solely. And go to munches, get some experience in a safe dungeon.

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 4:04:05 AM

ResidentSadist

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After "a few months" it is not likely you know what you like, what you need, what you are good at. It will be hard to lead a submissives that is self aware and established in her needs. You may be best exploring local BDSM societies, clubs and online groups for submissive fellow newcomer to explore the lifestyle together with. Buy a good book, read it together and discover yourselves.

... just saying.

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 5:48:46 AM

sunshinemiss

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Hello,
Would I personally? Sure. I don't contact titles, I contact people. If he were into photography or travel or what I'm into, why not? There is nothing that says people can't be friends.

However for more than that? Here's the thing. A bottom (which is what you describe) is putting their life and well being into your hands. Would a reasonably sane person do that if they were not assured you knew what you were doing? Nope. However there are lots of ways to figure out if you know what you are doing - going slowly is one of them, meeting people, going to BDSM get togethers, learning from others, having someone mentor you, etc. You will become known, and then the ladies will be more open to interacting with you.

As for Fifi's suggestion:

quote:

Try listing what you do have expirience with, even if it's just book knowledge.

IF you choose to follow that, please make sure you SAY that you have only book knowledge. I for one would not like to go to a surgeon who had book learning and no practical experience. Also, if you say you have experience, most people will consider "experience" to have some passing acquaintance with action. There are two words for "know" in Spanish - one means I have heard of / read of something. The other means I have actual physical real time doing / understanding with something. Please be sure we know which one YOU know. *Some people "know" about snow but don't know that this material keeps you warmer than that one or mittens keep your fingers warmer than gloves do. I know about snow. I have made snowballs, snow angels, walked past yellow snow, nearly frozen my fingers off. I KNOW what hand warmers to buy.

Best,
sunshine

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 7:08:23 AM

binewbitch

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I personally would contact a new Dom. Sure, He/She may not be experienced at that side, but anyone with intelligence and a genuine interest in D/s could make a decent Dom/me.

Plus, seeing as how subs outnumber Dom/mes by about 20 to 1 in real life, how could I rule out new ones? Lol

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 2:20:20 PM

LillyoftheVally

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I still think that one of the best ways to start a relationship is through munches and events because people talk to you without having your resume in front of them, they can't see how experienced you are or how much you love football or whatever, they talk to you and learn if they like you from a totally level playing field, after that all bets are off.

I do agree with Maria that wandering over to IC would be good, much as I love CM it hasn't been the best place to make friends in the real world as it is so american.

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 2:31:10 PM

AquaticSub

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~Fast Reply~

I would contact a new dom - in theory.

But considering that I tend to get more messages than I need from doms and I seem to have reasonable luck at munches and other events, I don't particularly go looking. Now, if I saw a new dom who really fit what I'm looking for... oh hell yeah I would contact them. I'm perfectly ok with someone who hasn't had a lot of experience as long as they are willing to learn.

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/11/2010 2:56:56 PM

osf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

Submissives and slaves will contact Doms if they read their profiles and find it interesting.
Everyone has to begin somewhere. Being new will deter some, but not all.
Try listing what you do have expirience with, even if it's just book knowledge.
The more you list, the more likely someone will read it that shares an interest with you.
Hope this can help- fae

most of the contacts i get are because of miss cillie then the really interesting ones contact me after reading my profile and journal

erxtra grapes for miss cillie goos

< Message edited by osf -- 2/11/2010 2:57:41 PM >

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/12/2010 9:37:19 AM

lexey

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Get involved in your local scene. Utilizing the online world to get information about your locale might be useful.

Best of it all to you.

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RE: would you contact a new dom? - 2/12/2010 12:02:04 PM

myotherself

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~fr~

yes, I have had relationships with new Doms, and have found there to be very little difference between noob and experienced when the initial nervousness has calmed down. But to be honest, I have never contacted a Dom in my life, mostly because they've all made the first move.

Munches are an excellent idea, and Informed Consent is a good way to start, as is fetlife. There's likely to be a group for people in your area.

Good luck!

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