"I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 9:24:58 AM)

"I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?"

We see versions of this type of statement all the time. I'm not talking about when someone's S.O tells them they want to try S&m and they were designated the dominant, I am talking about people who have decided they ARE dominant, and now they just don't know what to do.

Is "being the dominant" a role that people arbitrarily select? Is that why people try it for awhile, then say, "Well I tried being dominant for awhile and now I decided I am really a submissive," (femdoms, how many times have you heard this from a man emailing you from his "Master John" account). Is it that people "want to be kinky" and then when they believe their are filling out their kinky-application, they pause for a second and think, "hmm, so am I dominant, or am I submissive, hmmm...well, I like to be in charge so-- oh, wait, but no, I don't like making choices. Hmm. OH WAIT, I can be a SWITCH! Cool"

I've always thought it went the other way around- your urges, desires and behavior define what you are. You don't decide you want to be x or y and then go around asking how to do it in order to get other people to buy into it.  How can someone be dominant based on assuming some behaviors, not natural to them, and then hoping their partner buys in?    How do you wake up one day and decide to be dominant, and then log in to a message board and ask people how you should behave?  And what is it that you are seeking -- you are essentially seeking the approval of others, their belief in your dominance - ultimately, this is already a failed situation since you are the one chasing the fantasy and hoping someone else "believes you"? Or is that too harsh?

I didn't pick dominance. Dominance picked me.  I was sadistic before I knew there was a word for it.  I was into acts that were confusing to me, I liked seeing guys suffer to please me and I wanted to make men squirm -- After some soul searching, I realized these 'drives' were dominance and sadism.  I didn't have to ask anyone "how to do it," I had to ask people, "am I crazy for wanting to do this?"  and "how can I do THIS safely?" and "how can I get a man to let me do this to him?" -- which is far different from asking "how can I become a dominant?"

For female subs, I imagine this has to be the most frustrating - are there are a lot of men that slap a label of "dominant" on themselves to give it a test drive and you realize they are just kind of guessing their way around it - or, asking YOU how they should behave to get you to submit?  Or, are you able to see, sense, actually feel it when a guy just is naturally drawn to controlling, dominating or enjoying consensual sadism?  Do you have a femsub radar to help pick it up? Have you submitted to a man before and found out later he really had no idea what he was doing?  Do you get an overwhelming feeling some men dominate you physically but desperately want approval for it, or are worried the whole time they are doing it wrong?

Akasha



VaguelyCurious -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 9:44:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I've always thought it went the other way around- your urges, desires and behavior define what you are. You don't decide you want to be x or y and then go around asking how to do it in order to get other people to buy into it.  How can someone be dominant based on assuming some behaviors, not natural to them, and then hoping their partner buys in?    How do you wake up one day and decide to be dominant, and then log in to a message board and ask people how you should behave?  And what is it that you are seeking -- you are essentially seeking the approval of others, their belief in your dominance - ultimately, this is already a failed situation since you are the one chasing the fantasy and hoping someone else "believes you"? Or is that too harsh?


It's not necessarily that simple for everyone, AAkasha; I make a conscious decision to be dominant, because I enjoy it and I get off on it. That doesn't mean I've always known exactly what I wanted-I found my own style as a Domme through exploration.

I personally didn't set out thinking 'aaargh! where do I start?!?!?!', but I can see how other people might do. Being dominant doesn't necessarily come hand in hand with being self-confident. Does not knowing quite where to begin automatically mean you are 'chasing a fantasy', as you put it? In my opinion, no it doesn't-you just might need a little nudge in the right direction.



LanceHughes -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 9:49:20 AM)

I agree that Dominance found me. And very early on, I might add. As "we" learn more about genes driving behavior, I think we might find the answer to why I'm a gay BDSMer.  The "gay" example is that no one came up to me and asked "Which do you want to be?  Gay or straight?"  If appropriate, I ask the other person, "What day did they come up and ask you if you wanted to be straight?"

Now to a more spot-on addition to your <very good> topic:  Unfortunately, it's a chicken-and-egg stiuation. I find that confidence in one's ability and skills is necessary. So how to you get good skills? Have good experiences.  How do you get good experiences? Have good skills <and the confidence to use them.>  ARRRGHHHH!  Fortunantely, one can take baby steps...... on both sides of the problem <and both sides of the kneel.>  Get a mentor to show how to throw a flogger.  Practice on a pillow.  Ask a more experineced sub if they'd let you try....

Of course, there's more to WIITWD than equipement....  Hands are good for spanking, but that's not what I mean.  One's character is exposed by the trust that is at the foundation of EVERY scene and real-life experience, no matter how brief or long. (In the example above, you have to get the trust of the first-ever-sub-but-experienced-with-others. LOL)  That's why the "Kneel, bitch" aproach by on-line, wanna-be "Masters" is so very fruitful. <Stamp of sarcasm on last sentence. LOL!>

Joseph Bean writes about the "Bank of Consent."  The Dom makes deposits of trust, the sub makes withdrawals in the form of consent.  Bank sometimes goes dry.  Bank sometimes is blocked at one end or the other (or both.)  Sometimes the Bank is robbed by a third party. Ouch!

So, real short answer: You (as the Dom) must be able to build trust with a sub that is willing to consent.

Even shorter answer: Yin-Yang



OrionAndi -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 10:15:55 AM)

quote:

So, real short answer: You (as the Dom) must be able to build trust with a sub that is willing to consent.


Never a truer word said. I'm sick and tied of hearing horror-stories from subs who's "Master" turned out to ne a wife-beater/complete noob/general diskhead (delete as appropriate).

I real Dom doesn't need to advertise. He (or she) just IS. If the subject is broached I'll tell someone I am the Dom (sexually anyway) but it took years of experience and the only reason I'm the Big Hard Scary Dom is because my love allows me to, wants me to and above all trusts me to. And that trust makes me feel all the more humble for her letting me into her life and sharing it with her.

Orion



Reform -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 10:20:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
"I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?"

We see versions of this type of statement all the time. I'm not talking about when someone's S.O tells them they want to try S&m and they were designated the dominant, I am talking about people who have decided they ARE dominant, and now they just don't know what to do.

Is "being the dominant" a role that people arbitrarily select? Is that why people try it for awhile, then say, "Well I tried being dominant for awhile and now I decided I am really a submissive," (femdoms, how many times have you heard this from a man emailing you from his "Master John" account). Is it that people "want to be kinky" and then when they believe their are filling out their kinky-application, they pause for a second and think, "hmm, so am I dominant, or am I submissive, hmmm...well, I like to be in charge so-- oh, wait, but no, I don't like making choices. Hmm. OH WAIT, I can be a SWITCH! Cool"


I made the choice to be a switch, I don't really see why it's a problem. BDSM has been a journey for me, who cares what I choose? It seems like you're trying to say that anyone who chooses is somehow wrong or incorrect, and I don't really understand why.

quote:

I've always thought it went the other way around- your urges, desires and behavior define what you are. You don't decide you want to be x or y and then go around asking how to do it in order to get other people to buy into it.  How can someone be dominant based on assuming some behaviors, not natural to them, and then hoping their partner buys in?    How do you wake up one day and decide to be dominant, and then log in to a message board and ask people how you should behave?  And what is it that you are seeking -- you are essentially seeking the approval of others, their belief in your dominance - ultimately, this is already a failed situation since you are the one chasing the fantasy and hoping someone else "believes you"? Or is that too harsh?


I'm naturally an exhibitionist, a masochist, kinky, and highly sexual. I made the decision to get into bdsm. Doesn't everyone at some point realize there's a term for how they feel? That they're not abnormal? I may not have "known" I was a top or bottom since I was young, but I've known that there's something lacking in vanilla exchanges. How is my journey any less worthy of participating in this than yours? Or anyone elses?

quote:

I didn't pick dominance. Dominance picked me.  I was sadistic before I knew there was a word for it.  I was into acts that were confusing to me, I liked seeing guys suffer to please me and I wanted to make men squirm -- After some soul searching, I realized these 'drives' were dominance and sadism.  I didn't have to ask anyone "how to do it," I had to ask people, "am I crazy for wanting to do this?"  and "how can I do THIS safely?" and "how can I get a man to let me do this to him?" -- which is far different from asking "how can I become a dominant?"


I did pick dominance, and so far, I enjoy it. When I think back to my childhood, I can recall how I was always the boss of all the neighborhood boys. I'd hurt them, play games with their minds, and overall assert myself over them. Even with this in mind, I still identified as a submissive first. I wonder why that is? Maybe becoming a switch was just a natural progression to return to how I used to be? I agree that there is a big difference between asking "How do I become xyz" and "How do I do xyz safely?"

quote:

For female subs, I imagine this has to be the most frustrating - are there are a lot of men that slap a label of "dominant" on themselves to give it a test drive and you realize they are just kind of guessing their way around it - or, asking YOU how they should behave to get you to submit?  Or, are you able to see, sense, actually feel it when a guy just is naturally drawn to controlling, dominating or enjoying consensual sadism?  Do you have a femsub radar to help pick it up? Have you submitted to a man before and found out later he really had no idea what he was doing?  Do you get an overwhelming feeling some men dominate you physically but desperately want approval for it, or are worried the whole time they are doing it wrong?

Akasha


I've only had one Dom, and yes, he was quite inexperienced, and had little control over me. I was a brat, a bitch, and it just didn't work. My boy does a better job now than my ex did, but I don't consider him to be my dom at all. My journey is still very much in progress, I have a lot to learn. But my choices don't make it any less real or valid.



DesFIP -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 11:02:21 AM)

Being a dominant is not the same as a sadist. But nobody was born with a flogger in their hand. We spend our school years learning to work well with others, being socialized. Even when someone says they want to ordered around, spanked etc and you have secretly fantasized about it, I would expect the person to do so with trepidation. To try it expecting their partner to jump up crying, saying he/she is a horrible person and never wants to see them again.

So yes I would be expecting people to be totally confused. Which is why we make recommendations about reading books like The Loving Dominant,  The Topping Book etc.



osf -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 11:13:00 AM)

next you get a bunch of cyber bitches , use different nic's if you have to


so out of lets say 10 cyber bitches you may actuality have three real ones



OriginallyFromLA -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 11:28:28 AM)

quote:

"am I crazy for wanting to do this?"  and "how can I do THIS safely?" and "how can I get a man(woman) to (willingly) let me do this to him(her)?"


Bingo!!!! That is the 64,000 dollar question(s)!



catize -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 11:33:56 AM)

quote:

are there are a lot of men that slap a label of "dominant" on themselves to give it a test drive and you realize they are just kind of guessing their way around it - or, asking YOU how they should behave to get you to submit?

In a word; yep! Not only that, many men label themselves dominant but in my opinion, they are tops who like sensation play. Don't get me wrong, I certainly can enjoy the bottom role, but it is not the same.
quote:

Have you submitted to a man before and found out later he really had no idea what he was doing? Do you get an overwhelming feeling some men dominate you physically but desperately want approval for it, or are worried the whole time they are doing it wrong?

Reminds me of the time I played with a man who started apologizing for how red my butt was after a spanking---and I'd been thinking it was a nice warm up! I had to assure and comfort him! Again, nothing wrong with that, we were just not on the same playing field, so to speak.
quote:

Or, are you able to see, sense, actually feel it when a guy just is naturally drawn to controlling, dominating or enjoying consensual sadism? Do you have a femsub radar to help pick it up?

If they plead for......whatever........ on the first meet (yes, that has happened) I don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out they are not dominant.
What exactly is it I sense when I meet someone and 'know' the difference? Self assurance, self control, perhaps? They do not exhibit an air of desperation and would walk away if it is apparent we are not compatible. Most importantly, to me anyway, they are patient, intuitive enough to know that time is a friend, not the enemy.



CalifChick -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 11:36:11 AM)

No one (well, no one that I've enter run into) asks, "how do I be heterosexual?" or "how do I be homosexual?"  To moi, dominance and submission is an orientation, not an activity.  That's not to say that people cannot seek help when an aspect of their relationship needs work, or is troubling (just as a heterosexual couple might seek tips on communication or other relationship issues).

The physical things that people do is an entirely different subject, and I have a feeling that's where the confusion comes in... many people treat it as one thing.


Cali



LanceHughes -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 11:43:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

quote:

"am I crazy for wanting to do this?"  and "how can I do THIS safely?" and "how can I get a man(woman) to (willingly) let me do this to him(her)?"


Bingo!!!! That is the 64,000 dollar question(s)!


"am I crazy for wanting to do this?"  Well, actually, offically and legally, "yes."  The DSM-IV TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual - 4th edition - Textual Revision.) is THE legal definiton used by ALL psychs (and the courts.) You see, DSM-IV TR still lists Sadists and Masochists under the "Paraphilias."  Once Homosexuality (with a capital "H") was removed (in 1984), gays became members of society and not afraid to be "out."  Do I think you're crazy? Nope. More importantly, "Do YOU think you're crazy?" LOL!  Google "Mooser BDSM" (no quote marks) to learn more about the effort to remove the paraphilias.

"how can I do THIS safely?"  Books and classes abound.  Annual, national seminars. www.ThunderInTheMoutains.com is just one.  Local, monthly meetings - i.e. munches, Regional meetings can be found by going to the local munches - google is your friend.  There ARE BDSM "clubs."  Bless you Michael and deb for: www.EnclaveWest.com

"how can I get a man(woman) to (willingly) let me do this to him(her)?"  See my post above about confidence, trust, and consent.



janigrey -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 11:48:52 AM)

My knee jerk - submissive answer is - Now that you're a dom - HERE - (hands you a stack of books) go read - everything you possibly can that anyone has written about what it takes to be a good dominant, a great top and a decent partner.
(there many lists of what you should read on this forum somewhere)

When you see other people talking about Dom Douchebag- try to find out what DomDouchebag did that caused the community to sandbag him. Its not about judgement - but its good to know what standards you will be compared to - and then choose if you want to stay in that community.

The basic answer is - there is no proper answer. You have to find out whats good for you.
Do you want to be part of a community or not?
If so - by what standards does the community hold you ?

What do you want or what you do not want in a partner?
Is poly going to an option or not?

What I would encourage you to do - is detail what gets you off - what makes you happy and angry.

I've said this before - and I'll say it again - the things that make us good bdsm d/s or M/s partner is the things that make us good people in general. Honesty - with ourselves and our partners- and I'd like to throw in good body hygiene too.


jani



LanceHughes -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 11:54:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: janigrey

When you see other people talking about Dom Douchebag- try to find out what DomDouchebag did that caused the community to sandbag him. Its not about judgement - but its good to know what standards you will be compared to - and then choose if you want to stay in that community.



jani, I agree.

Here's a very recent example of what NOT to do:

String is titled "Master in need of a Slave"
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3062128/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3062744



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 12:52:24 PM)

I'm a Dominant, though some things get a little Switchy Iffy at times, but not to the point I'm a switch. I'm really not the submissive type. When it comes to S&M is the only time I'm leaning more to the S side of things. I do however have a M(asochistic) side that insists upon being feed. So I have to attempt to Top from the Bottom to get my way. If I just ask nicely and not make a big deal out if. If somebody wants to do something to me, and I enjoy it, I just might let them provided they ain't pushing/bossing me around like I'm submissive. I don't switch nicely into a submissive role. Clearly, I've figured all this out through exploring things. I have managed to work at not being Sadistic. However, that's sort of Switchy because the sadist inside of me is more controlled. At least the Urges are. (hope that makes sense).

"How do I become a Dominant?" I'm like a Tits Empty Bra for how to answer that question for anybody.




LadyPact -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 1:05:33 PM)

Good stuff in this thread.  I have to admit, I do get a kick from those who slap the label on themselves, make a date with a submissive, and then come to the boards asking exactly what it is that they should do with them.  LOL.

I was saying on another thread recently that I tend not to understand why some folks have difficulty in being Dominant, if that is who they think they are.  The reason for this is that it does come naturally to Me, so I have trouble understanding why others have this obstacle.  Granted, life experiences challenge us and we grow.  Still, I have to tell you that I don't sit around at home trying to figure out how to be in authority or how to be responsible for decisions.

The topping part of this isn't all that hard either.  Yes.  Read books and learn from others that have skills.  Most people can do it, they just don't realize it yet.  The technical part is extremely easy.  Learning to read the bottom is a bit more complicated, but it still is something that most people are capable of.  Out of all of it, I'd have to say that the mental aspect is the hardest to grasp. 

Too often, sadism and dominance become interchangeable terms around here.  Even though they overlap for many people, that's not the case for everyone.  We don't necessarily bemoan anyone who wants to engage in BDSM to receive the sensations during play, even if they are not necessarily submissive.  I tend to think tops, who want to engage in giving sensations, but aren't necessarily Dominant, should be seen in the same way.  Happy in what they are doing and just as welcome as those who only want to engage in D/s.



Kaiel -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 2:02:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Good stuff in this thread.  I have to admit, I do get a kick from those who slap the label on themselves, make a date with a submissive, and then come to the boards asking exactly what it is that they should do with them.  LOL.

I was saying on another thread recently that I tend not to understand why some folks have difficulty in being Dominant, if that is who they think they are.  The reason for this is that it does come naturally to Me, so I have trouble understanding why others have this obstacle.  Granted, life experiences challenge us and we grow.  Still, I have to tell you that I don't sit around at home trying to figure out how to be in authority or how to be responsible for decisions.

The topping part of this isn't all that hard either.  Yes.  Read books and learn from others that have skills.  Most people can do it, they just don't realize it yet.  The technical part is extremely easy.  Learning to read the bottom is a bit more complicated, but it still is something that most people are capable of.  Out of all of it, I'd have to say that the mental aspect is the hardest to grasp. 

Too often, sadism and dominance become interchangeable terms around here.  Even though they overlap for many people, that's not the case for everyone.  We don't necessarily bemoan anyone who wants to engage in BDSM to receive the sensations during play, even if they are not necessarily submissive.  I tend to think tops, who want to engage in giving sensations, but aren't necessarily Dominant, should be seen in the same way.  Happy in what they are doing and just as welcome as those who only want to engage in D/s.



Great thread!!

I agree with 99.9% of what LadyPact stated above...

For Me, My dominance is very natural has been probably since I was a little child. I forgot who stated it in this thread, but I too was a dominant before I knew anything about BDSM. It's simply My nature (the toys, whips, and shackles just make Me a little more interesting).

Even as a child I was "bossy" and in control... or liked to be in control. I don't know if that come from being the eldest child or not. But, the role of the leader in My home was very natural and established very early with amongst My siblings. Consequently, I believe  that feeling of leadership, authority, and control carried on and evolved as I grew into adulthood and began experiencing relationships.

Unfortunately, because of My very strong will and domineering ways, I have had unsuccessful marriages...  according to past My spouses I never let them "wear the pants". However, over the last 7-8 years that has changed tremendously because I make it a point to be engaged with those that understand who I am and how I am (a FEMDOM) and that it's not going to change... and understand their place in the relationship (submissive). There is no switching amongst the roles whether we are playing or living our day to day lives.





MzMia -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 2:12:12 PM)

What LadyPact and Kaiel said!
womb to the tomb!

I especially agree with what LadyPact said about topping, and learning to
increase the technical "skill set".
One day I am going to meet LadyPact and she is going to teach me a few things.
[;)]
I have never claimed to have an extensive "skill set", but the Dominant part, I was born with.

I also agree that Dominant does not have to equal Sadistic.
We are all not the same or looking for the same types of relationships in this lifestyle.
 
Me? The only thing that attracted me to this lifestyle was D/s.
I heard about BDSM 25 years ago, but I thought it was only S/m, until
I learned D/s was possible.
Back then, I was like many other people that thought it was all about whips and chains.

I have never sought or wanted an S/m relationship.
D/s and S/m relationships can be very different.

I crave D/s, and I would bet money LadyPact craves S/m,
often very different animals.
Also, that would mean we PROBABLY desire VERY different types of submissives
and relationships!



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 2:27:29 PM)

I am dominant. Despite that, I've had occasions, when exploring something new, that I had to pause and figure out which way to go next. Sometimes I still do. For individuals who are more "toe dippers" to my "dive in and sink or swim" nature, I can find it completely logical that they would find others who are -doing- what they are doing and ask the necessary questions to get themselves started. I don't think that doing so automatically causes revocation of their "dominant" card.

I also think that it is completely possible to be a dominant individual and have -nothing- to do with BDSM or even authority-exchange relationships (though, frankly, I can't do it -- even my vanilla relationships ended up succumbing to my bossiness). The thing is, dominant vs. submissive is like saying gay vs. straight -- tossing out just the two categories leaves a WORLD of options unexplored, and it's been my experience, in any number of walks of life, that it is possible to -be- a dominant individual and still yield to another's direction when absolutely necessary, AND to be a dominant individual and just do what any person of any orientation does.... live, learn, choose, act, and deal with the consequences of one's actions.

That being said, on a purely practical level, if you want to tattoo someone, pierce someone, flog someone, or humiliate someone, it makes sense to make sure that you have enough knowledge, awareness, and caution to keep from doing permanent damage. But that, comes under the heading of "learning good topping techniques" and really, at least to me, isn't about being "dominant", as I've had some awesome sessions being topped by a submissive individual to get my intensity fix in, and our orientations as far as leadership certainly didn't change.



MzMia -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 2:35:40 PM)

I agree with you Calla, but if you ask my ex-husband, family members,
friends and most that have met me, I can tell you without a doubt,
they would tell you I am a Dominant woman.

I was born this way, and it is just how I am.
I am not saying that some people are not in the middle, I am saying that there
are people that are born with Dominant or submissive tendancies.

I never have considered this a contest, or a game.
I am talking about an innate personality trait, that some people have.
I also don't feel I am better than someone who is a switch, or does not have a strong Dominant personality.
I often wish I could be more submissive, I don't really consider having such a strong willed personality a great virtue.

At the end of the day, we are what we are.
I do the best that I can with what I have.
Like Popeye, I yam what I yam.
 
**At the end of the day, I ask the age old question, "What is a real Dominant or submissive?** 
[;)]



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 2:54:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiel

Great thread!!

I agree with 99.9% of what LadyPact stated above...

For Me, My dominance is very natural has been probably since I was a little child. I forgot who stated it in this thread, but I too was a dominant before I knew anything about BDSM. It's simply My nature (the toys, whips, and shackles just make Me a little more interesting).

Even as a child I was "bossy" and in control... or liked to be in control. I don't know if that come from being the eldest child or not. But, the role of the leader in My home was very natural and established very early with amongst My siblings. Consequently, I believe  that feeling of leadership, authority, and control carried on and evolved as I grew into adulthood and began experiencing relationships.

Unfortunately, because of My very strong will and domineering ways, I have had unsuccessful marriages...  according to past My spouses I never let them "wear the pants". However, over the last 7-8 years that has changed tremendously because I make it a point to be engaged with those that understand who I am and how I am (a FEMDOM) and that it's not going to change... and understand their place in the relationship (submissive). There is no switching amongst the roles whether we are playing or living our day to day lives.



Love this post, because you openly admit to having Domineering ways. :-) I cringe every time I see Domineering being debated if somebody is or is not a true real Dom/me. I look at it like being Sadistic. Simply an Add-On label. Thank you for posting this.



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