RE: How things have changed..

RE: How things have changed.. (Full Version)

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Icarys -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 8:04:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheHeretic quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys There are however tons of other possibilities that are just as much that..possibilities. Occam's Razor says Daddy is an abusive piece of shit, though. That's what I'm going with. Of course.

calamitysandra -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 8:05:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LatteAddict Most of us can remember the "good old days". Though whether the "good old days" ever actually existed I not so sure. Kids have always been regarded as a pain in the arse since the dawn of time. They frequently get up to some sort of mischief. Grown-ups aren't always much better. I can't really comment about what went on between your neighbour Roy and the local kids (teenage boys). After all, I wasn't there. That said, I've dealt with similar situations. Having a bit of tact generally works, "look lads, please... " etc. etc. generally results in "okay mister" and off they go to play elsewhere. There's an art to handling kids and people in general. It's called respect. Go in all guns blazing and people are likely to return fire. Nice when somebody does all the typing work for me. I believe in teaching by modeling the behaviour I want them to exhibit. How shall they learn respect if they are not shown respect?

Icarys -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 8:23:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b Yesterday I was talking with my neighbour Roy who was upset that the local kids (teenage boys) kept coming and kicking each others' balls near his kitchen window. When he came out to 'sort them out' one of the youths pulled out a cellphone and threatened to call the police. This incensed Roy, who is older, in his sixties, born and bred in South London, and we had a conversation on how things had changed. Which indeed they have. I can always remember that specific way my parents had of communicating with me. I'd say something like, 'Can I go out and play on my bike?' 'WHAT? BIKE? I'LL GIVE YOU BIKE!!' (But I've got a bike) Or it'd be something like 'There's a concert in town tonight, and do you mind..?' 'WHAT? CONCERT? I'LL CONCERT YOU ROUND THE EAR'OLE!!' Or my father would ask 'Do you want a good hiding?' What if I'd have turned round one day and said 'Yes please.'? Things were different back then. I'd remember getting up for school. 'You're late for school!' Wallop! Wallop! Then when you're on your way to school there'd be the kids from the other school nearby. 'Why look who it is..' Wallop! Wallop! Then when you get to school there'd be a teacher at the entrance. 'You're late! Get to your class immediately.' Wallop! You'd be standing there in assembly, singing something like 'All things bright and beautiful' and you'd shuffle your feet or scratch your nose and out of nowhere there'd be a teacher 'Stop fidgetting!' Wallop! Then you'd be in a lesson and you'd have to hand in your homework. And your homework just had to be that sheet of paper which fell out into the mud when you got attacked on your way to school. 'What is this?' the teacher would demand. Wallop! Then it'd get to dinner time and you'd be there in the queue with everyone else all pushing and shoving, and there'd be a dinner lady with a big ladle yelling 'Be quiet!' Whack! Whack! It wasn't just me, it happened to everyone. It was the sort of district and school where the English teacher would ask 'What comes at the end of a sentence?' Some kid would call out 'My Dad gets parole and he comes home.' And we'd all laugh and the teacher would be there. Wallop! Wallop! You'd be on your way home from school, and there'd be the kids from the nearby estate. 'Why look who it is..' Wallop! Wallop! You'd get home and your mother would say 'Where've you been? Have you been fighting again?' Wallop! Wallop! 'Just wait till your father gets home.' And he did. And he'd say 'What have you been told about behaving yourself?' Wallop! Wallop! And people wonder why I turned out to be a submissive. How have things since changed you were younger? Anything you remember or miss? Anything similar to the above? Or would you have preferred to be a teenager nowadays? And now you want a "Wallop Wallop" as a submissive :> My upbringing was similar but I didn't turn out a submissive. It's funny, if you say things were different back then concerning BDSM..people get all in an uproar but if it's done about topics like this...not so much.. Even though it could very well all be true based on that person's experience. I agree that from my perspective things have changed. Too many to go into..Some for the better and some for the worse. I miss the camping trips I use to take as a child alone in the woods. I miss the wonderment I felt at life. I miss the togetherness, even if it was slightly dysfunctional lol, that my family had. We all go our own ways eventually. It's a part of life I guess. I still miss it.

Wolf2Bear -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 8:46:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: wulfgarw Yeah, some years ago, I was doing some grocery shopping and passed the candy isle. There sat a UM, looked to be maybe 5 or 6, sitting on the floor just opening bags of candy(usually to a great deal of mess) and eating maybe one or two, and throwing the rest down on the floor. The mother, standing over the male UM, tears in her eyes, PLEADING with the UM. "PLEASE stop that, Please come with me, please, please, please, please." The um just looks up, at which the mother shrinks back, and screams "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU STUPID BITCH CUNT!" and continues to open bags of candy. I had to walk away before grabbing him and turning him over my knee and getting myself into bigger trouble than the kid already was, who obviously didn't care about being in trouble. Just one more reason I don't want any UM's of my own. You dont want ums of your own because you dont have the strength to parent? Bottom line is to control your kids. Some are too weak and lazy to. Its easier to give in. I remind myself that I am trying to raise a conscientious and productive citizen. Sometimes its really the parents that need the spanking. It also can be a case where wulfgraw is also mature enough to fully understand that he may not want that huge responsibility of raising offspring (presuming here)? At least that is the prime reason why I never had any desire to procreate and it took me many many years to finally understand why. many people are willing to take on that responsibility, yet I don't; have enough with maintaining a home, making sure I am keeping my nose clean and being a production member of society. Some see my reasons as being weak - I see it as being responsible enough to know what I am able to take on and what I am not.

Icarys -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 9:02:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: wulfgarw Yeah, some years ago, I was doing some grocery shopping and passed the candy isle. There sat a UM, looked to be maybe 5 or 6, sitting on the floor just opening bags of candy(usually to a great deal of mess) and eating maybe one or two, and throwing the rest down on the floor. The mother, standing over the male UM, tears in her eyes, PLEADING with the UM. "PLEASE stop that, Please come with me, please, please, please, please." The um just looks up, at which the mother shrinks back, and screams "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU STUPID BITCH CUNT!" and continues to open bags of candy. I had to walk away before grabbing him and turning him over my knee and getting myself into bigger trouble than the kid already was, who obviously didn't care about being in trouble. Just one more reason I don't want any UM's of my own. You dont want ums of your own because you dont have the strength to parent? Bottom line is to control your kids. Some are too weak and lazy to. Its easier to give in. I remind myself that I am trying to raise a conscientious and productive citizen. Sometimes its really the parents that need the spanking. It also can be a case where wulfgraw is also mature enough to fully understand that he may not want that huge responsibility of raising offspring (presuming here)? At least that is the prime reason why I never had any desire to procreate and it took me many many years to finally understand why. many people are willing to take on that responsibility, yet I don't; have enough with maintaining a home, making sure I am keeping my nose clean and being a production member of society. Some see my reasons as being weak - I see it as being responsible enough to know what I am able to take on and what I am not. I agree. When I was younger it was pushed on me that it was the "normal" thing to do. Get married, have kids buy a house. Now your an upstanding citizen! I don't have kids and I'm glad I don't. I bet there isn't a handful of people who could tell you why they want kids on a personal level that I would believe. I know why I would but it's a scientific reason and isn't a good enough reason for me. :> I prefer my life just the way it is and I have tons of responsibilities. Besides they've all but outlawed the best part..The beatings!

lusciouslips19 -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 11:16:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Go talk to people who deal with spousal abuse and learn something, if you're capable of seeing past your own issues. A 5 year old child doesn't learn those words on Sesame Street. Yeah but it's not automatically the fathers fault. Pay attention to what you say. True and its not always a woman that the abused. But if the mom is standing there helpless, weak and crying. Its doubtful shes the one whos yelling "stupid cunt". Evidently you were posting this while I was typing..It is a possibility although I agree it's doubtful..There are however tons of other possibilities that are just as much that..possibilities. He is learning the language from someone who is verbally abusive. But true, we dont know who. But we can guess through the personality of the mother whos displaying helpless victim behavior how close the abuse is in the childs environment and that the child is patterning after someone else.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 11:34:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: wulfgarw Yeah, some years ago, I was doing some grocery shopping and passed the candy isle. There sat a UM, looked to be maybe 5 or 6, sitting on the floor just opening bags of candy(usually to a great deal of mess) and eating maybe one or two, and throwing the rest down on the floor. The mother, standing over the male UM, tears in her eyes, PLEADING with the UM. "PLEASE stop that, Please come with me, please, please, please, please." The um just looks up, at which the mother shrinks back, and screams "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU STUPID BITCH CUNT!" and continues to open bags of candy. I had to walk away before grabbing him and turning him over my knee and getting myself into bigger trouble than the kid already was, who obviously didn't care about being in trouble. Just one more reason I don't want any UM's of my own. You dont want ums of your own because you dont have the strength to parent? Bottom line is to control your kids. Some are too weak and lazy to. Its easier to give in. I remind myself that I am trying to raise a conscientious and productive citizen. Sometimes its really the parents that need the spanking. It also can be a case where wulfgraw is also mature enough to fully understand that he may not want that huge responsibility of raising offspring (presuming here)? At least that is the prime reason why I never had any desire to procreate and it took me many many years to finally understand why. many people are willing to take on that responsibility, yet I don't; have enough with maintaining a home, making sure I am keeping my nose clean and being a production member of society. Some see my reasons as being weak - I see it as being responsible enough to know what I am able to take on and what I am not. I agree. When I was younger it was pushed on me that it was the "normal" thing to do. Get married, have kids buy a house. Now your an upstanding citizen! I don't have kids and I'm glad I don't. I bet there isn't a handful of people who could tell you why they want kids on a personal level that I would believe. I know why I would but it's a scientific reason and isn't a good enough reason for me. :> I prefer my life just the way it is and I have tons of responsibilities. Besides they've all but outlawed the best part..The beatings! I was not trying to imply that people should all want kids or not wanting them was wrong. I just was making a statement that feeling too weak to Parent is not a good idea. Though if one was too weak to stomach proper parenting perhaps its a good thing. However there are no bad seeds. Only badly parented children.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 11:40:12 AM)
quote: I don't have kids and I'm glad I don't. I bet there isn't a handful of people who could tell you why they want kids on a personal level that I would believe. I know why I would but it's a scientific reason and isn't a good enough reason for me. :> I prefer my life just the way it is and I have tons of responsibilities. Parenting can be the single best learning experience a person can have. Its spiritually humbling and manys greatest accomplishment. I did wait till I was almost 37 before I felt half ready. I cant even say Im good at it. I do my best. I dont give in to my child and he has a sense of right and wrong and social justice. HE is my greatest masterpeice and I am proud of him.

winterlight -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 12:01:36 PM)
Kids today don't have parents that PARENTS, they are their buddies. This is the me generation. I don't have to work for anything. They have a sense of entitlement. WE worked for what we wanted. We had consequences for our actions...OUR PARENTS..and authorites and back then we did RESPECT authority such as teachers and police. Granted there were good parents that ended up for some reason with a demon seed child. No matter what a Jeffrey Dahmer appeared, or Ted Bundy....No one knows why a child turns out the way they do. I feel bad for the parents that put good teaching, manners, discipline etc. and end up with a child that just grew up to be absolutely horrible human being. In Dahmers case he was a horrible child due to the fact he liked to kill animals. I knew of a case where two kids were caught starting a fire in a neighbors garage. The fire dept. came and the kids came up acting all excited. They admitted doing it. One of the kids fathers was told. His reaction? Why are you bothering my kid...He just dindn't care that his kid could have killed somebody.....sad....I have to wonder what this kid grew up to be or will grow up to be..

DesFIP -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 4:44:19 PM)
"The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect to their elders.... They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and are tyrants over their teachers." Usually attributed to Socrates but one school of thought believes it is by Aristotle. And serial killers are made, not born. Sociopaths usually were heavily abused children. Their coping mechanism was to turn the pain they received outward onto others.

LadyAngelika -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 4:45:41 PM)
quote: There are however tons of other possibilities that are just as much that..possibilities. One thing that has not changed at all is human's natural reaction to jump to conclusions and make assumptions! I think we tend to believe that fathers are the abusers in homes. From my own circle, I have more friends and acquaintances who were physically and verbally abused by the hands of their mother than their father. Yes, yes, it's a small sample but it does make me think however. The ones that were by the hands of their father, their mother's were often abused too. Other than sometimes pushing me too hard to acheive and being a little strict and rigid about certain things, my parents where nowhere near abusive. My best friend's ex-boyfriend is teaching her son some negative ways of treating women. Thank goodness she left him and damage control can be done. They say it takes a village to raise a child and let me tell you, that kid has quite the village on his mom's side and he'll turn out a-ok! - LA

DesFIP -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/15/2010 10:54:35 PM)
True Lady A. However in the case being discussed, the mother was not exhibiting abusive tendencies. Instead she was exhibiting classic victim behavior. And it is that, which led to our assumption that the abuser in this situation was the father. But it is possible she lives with her parents and that one of them treats her in this manner. Possible but less likely.

juliaoceania -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/17/2010 9:24:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dominasola quote: ORIGINAL: TheHeretic Nothing has changed. What HAS changed, though, is how this behaviour is dealt with. There seem to be fewer consequences for misbehaviour from all levels of authority - from my experience, parents tend to just LET their children run rampant, and teachers are no longer allowed to instill discipline or to punish students for bad behaviour. Actions that may once have been met with negative consequences (a simple example - handing in an assignment late at school) have absolutely no consequences now at all (teachers - at least in the school board in my area - are not allowed to deduct marks from late assignments). I suppose it is all in what you believe will be effective when dealing with kids. I had one and raised one. I got far more out of him by playing to his sense of human dignity than I ever got from trying to beat him into submission... and yes, I tried both approaches. I am not a naturally punitive person so I only accomplished getting his back up. I think my adult son is one of the finest people I know, and one of the most respectful to others while at the same time able to draw his own boundaries.. Human beings tend to want to belong to the group. You don't have bully them into doing so. Spare the rod and spoil the child is really a wrong headed view in my opinion. Anyone that has worked with school aged kids knows how they operate and what gets them into line, and it isn't a whip. You can't watch them all day long every day, you have to instill the desire to behave.(BTW, I have volunteered with schools for several years and babysat more kids than I can count in addition to having my own).

DarlingSavage -> RE: How things have changed.. (2/17/2010 11:14:22 AM)
quote: Or my father would ask 'Do you want a good hiding?' What if I'd have turned round one day and said 'Yes please.'? Oh, my! When my daughter was about 3 yrs old, it was late at night, I had just got home from work and she gets out of bed to come see me and I told her to get back in bed. I'd put her back to bed, go back to the living room to wind down before I went to bed and she'd get out of bed again. This happened several times over. Finally, I said, "Dimi, do you want a spanking?" She said, "Yes!" So, I turned her over on her tummy in the bed and gave her a spanking and when I was done, she rolled over and looked at me and just started laughing! That was the first and last time I ever gave my kid a spanking. Other than that, my mom used the spatula and the wooden spoon, so she wouldn't hurt her hand, and my dad used the belt.

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