personal fulfillment

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fullofgrace -> personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 12:28:59 AM)
what are some things you do for yourself, things that are important to you, and how do they affect your relationship with your significant other (if you have one)? this was somewhat inspired by a post about personal grooming-type rituals and how much one's dominant is willing to financially support that in the ask a sub forum, but i was curious about it in a wider sense... for example, i have a book obsession. i buy books. lots and lots of books. i usually am pretty good with money, but once i am in a bookstore, i can spend $400 easily in one quick go. aside from money concerns, there are also spacial concerns with this. my Dominant is pretty understanding but also tries to temper my spending, though i am financially independent of him. some of my other "personal fulfillment" activities include piano, writing, making art, designing websites, volunteering (i currently help teach meditation to the homeless), working with local religious groups, and pursuing studies outside of school (like learning languages outside of my regular language classes, studying buddhist philosophy from a practitioner's perspective, etc). my Dominant pretty much lets me have free reign with this sort of stuff so long as it is not interfering with our relationship or my mental/emotional health. He does get onto me because i have a tendency to take on way more than i should and tire myself out doing things for others, like volunteering and dealing with religious group politics. i've compromised by volunteering once a week and drawing back from the administration side of running groups, as well as beginning to do more webdesign for money so that i'm getting more benefit out of the inordinate amount of time i spend on that. as far as personal grooming and stuff goes, i don't wear or buy makeup...He likes how my nails look with a french manicure/pedicure, so every month or two i'll get that done sort of as a surprise for Him...other than that, i get a professional facial once a month or so, so thankfully i don't have a whole lot of expense in that area. it's nice though because there ARE things we both enjoy...like antiquing, reading, and photography, things we can do together pretty often :) we also both love music, though He can't stand my favorite band, so i play them when i'm home alone (my roommates can't stand them either) as a sort of compromise for that. what things do you enjoy doing outside of work/school/bdsm? i think it's fun to talk about hobbies :) how does this play into working a relationship, and what sorts of hobbies do you have in common with your significant other? what hobbies are you limited in because of the expectations/lifestyle of your so?

slavejali -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 1:42:57 AM)
Working for the community is important to me, I help people in distress in various ways, teach life skills, meditation, conflict resolution and create opportunities for people to live up to their potential.I'm lucky as Master likes to do that too, we also run a non-profit martial arts school together. I think my favorite hobby would be finding bargains, I just love it, you wouldn't believe some of the things I've picked up grin (Picked up a $9k photocopier once for $100). I love clothes design and making them. This works well for Master as I make him and myself clothes. I love doing leadlighting and this hobby has worked well for us to as we have beautiful windows around us. I make some of our toys, we live on a property so one day when our Koori friends actually turn up to cull some kangaroos, we will prepare the leather and make some whips. (That is on my wish list of things to make.) I don't feel limited in my ability to partake in any hobby due to our Master/slave relationship. All of my hobbies are things we can either do together, or will benefit us in some way. Master loves how creative I am.

MHOO314 -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 4:51:08 AM)
What a great OP fullofgrace (and Welcome to the boards)--although we aren't FT living yet, the boy and I are going through the stages of what goes/stays/what works/what won't and how will life be---when relocation happens things do indeed change--the personal fulfillment things sometimes take a back seat or go away---but when we first started talking, one of the things we both agreed upon was O/our house would continue to help family and friends ( not to the detriment of O/our life) as that is so very important to us--so I envision it will become the desired vacation spot! <smiles>--I of course have horses--he was raised with animals, so he learns new skills--( he already loves My riding crop--). We both love to read but don't have the time at the moment--(and I buy books too!) and W/we share many of the same interests--To be honest from My perspective, My newest personal fulfillment, indulgence is going to be him--having been alone for so long looking, finally finding, I cannot wait to have him at My beck and call---to have the Circle and love of a family--love, laughter, joy and tears---corny huh?

Duncan -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 5:40:28 AM)
Hehe thinking back over the years of the hobbies and such I have had. I know 5 different styles of martial arts. I learned how to effectively use just about every practical weapon made with exception to a bow which I am currently learning. I have been active in the online gaming community for years and even gained national recognition in certain areas. I like audio books and hold an active membership to a club. I'm currently working on learning jewelry making more so that I can make my own sub's things. I have planed to start my own book.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 5:56:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fullofgrace what are some things you do for yourself, things that are important to you, and how do they affect your relationship with your significant other (if you have one)? I spend time with my nephews (and by "spend time with" I mean "spoil as rotten as possible") I spend time with my mother. I go to parties, plan events, organize get-togethers. I take mini-breaks to conventions and parties to visit friends whereever and whenever I can. I masturbate. I make new friends. I get into online discussions. I blog. I read newspapers. I watch some damn fine television and movies. They affect my relationship with my partners by me being more fulfilled, by us doing things together, by simply being happy mature adults together. quote: and what sorts of hobbies do you have in common with your significant other? We're all kinky, we all love movies, we all love music, we all love science stuff, we all love going out and exploring the world around us. quote: what hobbies are you limited in because of the expectations/lifestyle of your so? None at this time. If I want to do something that my partner doesn't, I wait and go out with someone else (like a friend). If I want to do something and my partner wants to do something else, we talk about it and work out something that we're both happy with. Amazingly enough, we're great examples of how vanilla relationships work awesomely well- adults simply living their lives in harmony together without a foundational authority dynamic. Of course now that I've said that, all of my partners will leave me in the next 6 months. This is a great post and illuminates an important understanding- we're all in relationships to be happy as ourselves. Just because a person is a slave doesn't mean you lose yourself...it should mean that you FIND yourself.

artglfr -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 8:25:07 AM)
Awesome post and I also welcome you. I find fulfillment playing music, golfing, reading and watching DVD's, reading in a hot tub with a cold beer with a sub to bring me more makes us both happy. Allowing her to massage me, wash me and cook makes us both happy as well as when i surprise her with a trip to the Zoo or a restaurant or a short trip...I live in Waco and history is all around and so close...going to surprise her with another trip to the underground caves soon so We can take another tour. Meeting other Lifestyle people and as LA said Masturbating of course.

justjill -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 9:02:17 AM)
I would have a hard time having an owner make me give up my garage sale fascination. I also love to buy DVD's of my favorite TV programs. I tend to be an Ebay addict. I do not buy just to buy but will wait and wait on many auctions until I get something I truly want for a perceived deal. I alos spend a lot of time with my niece and nephews. Of course they are great excuses for my other interest, amusement parks!

subtoFemDommes -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 10:31:07 AM)
A beautiful post, truly "full of grace"; i'd like to also welcome you to the boards here. You bring up a couple of things i feel are at the core of any sucessful relationship. One is that you do have a range of personal fulfillment that extends your circle of interests outside the relationship and therefore, brings so much back into it. The other is the importance of communicating the entire dynamic of who you are before you find yourself in a significant conflict over these matters. I made very sure to reveal as much of myself as possible, knowing that no matter how much my need for a D/s relationship was fulfilled by that dynamic being compatible, there is additionally a whole range of interests and values that extend themselves to the world, family and friends. I knew that if those were significantly surpressed, it would diminish my capacity to function within any relationship in a healthy manner. Fortunately, it's precisely those characteristics that Mistress supports and values, along with the value She places on how i relate to Her specifically. My feeling is that if anything, Her guidance will help me enable more, not less of all the positive traits and interests i have, and that i like about myself. And imho, it's the perception of being loved by O/one who understands as much as possible, all of what we are, that is the love W/we crave and truly connect with.

Moloch -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 10:34:35 AM)
Flying Shooting Gaming Tinkering with engines Those four things are like oxygen to me.

wild1cfl -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 10:41:56 AM)
With me it is collecting military uniforms from the past. I have uniforms from teh 1840s up to the 1940s. My wife tolerates this but I can tell when I need to back off adn stop for a while. My other obsession is cookbooks. Much like you in a bookstore, I can go crazy buying vookbooks. I am a retired professional chef so they did get a lot of use in the past, but many of them are just sitting now adn collecting dust. With my wife it is her music, she is a professional musician and has music scores all over the place. She also has several instruments. Her other obsession is stuffed animals and Barbie dolls. Our house is packed with all of our stuff LOL. Wild

proudsub -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 10:51:59 AM)
Golf (very active in my ladies club), travel, and internet games take up most of my leisure time.

Submotive -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 11:08:02 AM)
quote: what are some things you do for yourself, things that are important to you, and how do they affect your relationship with your significant other (if you have one)? this was somewhat inspired by a post about personal grooming-type rituals and how much one's dominant is willing to financially support that in the ask a sub forum, but i was curious about it in a wider sense... i agree with others here - my Master compares it with a 3 legged stool - He is one leg, i am the other leg and the third is what we create together. No one leg supports the stool completely, it takes all three. So yes, developing my talents and skills, maintaining friendships are all very important to us both. Fortunately for us, we do share many common interests, but we are bringing new interests to each other as well. However, our relationship is still quite new and does have both of our primary focuses for now while we are learning each other and creating our D/s relationship.

Rayne58 -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 5:05:12 PM)
I love to read, but right now I need to get my eyes tested I'm having trouble focusing especially if the print is small[8\|] I also have to watch the space we have if I want to buy more books, we've just bought a new bookcase and that is already full of Master's speedway videos! I enjoy watching TV dramas (CSI, Law and Order, medical dramas) and movies. Both of us go to speedway (dirt track racing), Master is on the crash crew and I sit on the hill with the other crew wives and watch the racing. I was a speedway virgin before I met Him and I've learned to love the smell of exhaust fumes and oily dust too![:D] Music is another love of mine, I love rock music and we now need to buy another CD tower......[;)]

kyraofMists -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 5:21:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross This is a great post and illuminates an important understanding- we're all in relationships to be happy as ourselves. Just because a person is a slave doesn't mean you lose yourself...it should mean that you FIND yourself. That is a great line; such a simple concept and one that so few actually come to understand. As for the OP, I am an avid reader, study/watch the weather, shopping with my mom, post to message boards, play card games, watch movies and love to travel. When I am at peace and content there is an energy about me that really pleases him. The more fulfilled I am in my life the better I am at serving him and making his life a pleasure. Knight's kyra

classykindasassy -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 6:51:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fullofgrace what are some things you do for yourself, things that are important to you, and how do they affect your relationship with your significant other (if you have one)? I meditate, spend time with ladyfriends - these don't impact things much. My volunteer work around transformational work has a pretty profound impact though. It is intense work and brings up concentrated issues for me as I am coming close to the weekend of the workshops we put on, and then for days afterward as I recuperate and decompensate. He does get onto me because i have a tendency to take on way more than i should and tire myself out doing things for others, like volunteering and dealing with religious group My dom actually helps me keep my sanity when I lose the thread...his getting onto me gets me back on track. it's nice though because there ARE things we both enjoy...like antiquing, reading, and photography, things we can do together pretty often :) what things do you enjoy doing outside of work/school/bdsm? and what sorts of hobbies do you have in common with your significant other? what hobbies are you limited in because of the expectations/lifestyle of your so? I am frustrated that we don't have more time together, and that we don't do much outside bdsm. I have a concern that seeing the same people and parties on the weekends is going to get old. It would be nice if he would surprise me by taking me to a movie, putt-putt, away for the weekend or the night just telling me what to pack, camping, concert, etc. Because he is married, I am not allowed into his life outside bdsm. Even though I have met the Mrs., the impact in their public life together has to be managed, plus impact on the kids. I also wish that my interests would be more of interest to him.

dorsaisgirl1 -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 6:56:13 PM)
i have alot of hobbies . arts n crafts. reading and much much more i unjoy takeing a nice candel lit bath and relaxing . daddy encourages me to try new things and grow as a person he encourages me to spend a little me time to. he knows that it helps to keep me happy and healthy

KittenWithaTwist -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 6:56:31 PM)
I enjoy volunteering and charitable giving (I currently give most often to the Humane Society shelter in my area), movie-going, drawing, puzzles, and playing computer strategy and role playing games. I also love to read (particularly the HP series, Goldy Schultz series, but also non-fiction regarding philosophy and religion). I collect old my little ponies too! This has not affected my relationship, though. If I cannot collect my ponies, I'll find another hobby to engage in. There are a few that my partner does not like, but even then we try to enjoy each others' company.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 7:53:07 PM)
To the OP ..welcome...As I have no SO as of yet..my habits have little impact on anyone but my family..However,I love to read as well..I am a Barnes and Noble freak,could spend hours of bliss there.I also enjoy buying fav DVDs (Sex and the City being one such large purchase)Then of course we can also go to time with friends/connecting having some good laughs over the events going on in our lives.or time with family ,all very good for a well balanced life.o o o..I forgot! summer soon to be here and the garge sales..cannot wait! I have purchased some awesome things there..And of course for most girls...SHOES!..(need I say more?..:0)..hehe)...be well..tempting

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 8:30:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fullofgrace what things do you enjoy doing outside of work/school/bdsm? i think it's fun to talk about hobbies :) how does this play into working a relationship, and what sorts of hobbies do you have in common with your significant other? what hobbies are you limited in because of the expectations/lifestyle of your so? Two of my biggest loves are writing and photography. These things are vital to me for self-expression, as well as for introspection. Within the framework of a D/s relationship both these talents come into play, erotically as part of our play, and as a way to communicate needs, and conflicts. From past experience I've discovered that I never feel really happy when I am dating someone who doesn't take a reasonable interest in my creative endeavours. Cin

amayos -> RE: personal fulfillment (3/28/2006 11:31:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fullofgrace what things do you enjoy doing outside of work/school/bdsm? i think it's fun to talk about hobbies :) how does this play into working a relationship, and what sorts of hobbies do you have in common with your significant other? what hobbies are you limited in because of the expectations/lifestyle of your so? I like to write, or make creepy art. ( http://www.amayos.com/tree.html ) I tend to enjoy digital and medium format photography, too. I love it when any of the above interests can be shared and explored with a girl who serves me (writing in particular).

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