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LanceHughes -> RE: Does a Pyroaquatic Make Any Sense? (2/16/2010 12:22:58 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic
Okay time for me to make a tired fool out of myself.
Since most of the time it feels like I am having an out of body experience I would like for everyone to take this silly little survey. I find that individuals have a difficult time digesting me.
I am not too sure here (which is why I am doing this poll) but in the land of Physical Interaction I get many odd stares.
I do not mean to be enigmatic. I just want to know if I am understood.
Also, some suggestions would be helpful. Constructive critique.
~Pyroaquatic from Pyroaquatica
It's hard to make sense of your writing.
Constructive criticism:
First, a very minor one, easily addressed: Your punctuation sucks, making it simply hard-to-read. Punctuation is there to aid the reader. There are many errors of omission in your posts..... Slowly read out-loud what you have written, and you'll see what I mean (I hope.)
When I typed that last sentence, I realized you are writing in a stream of consciousness manner...... That's okay to get the thoughts written, but then you need to edit, edit, edit. I pass through ALL posts at least twice before hitting the send button. <I have years of editing under my belt.... I was editor for a gay porno magazine.>
THE major difficulty you are causing the reader is: You often use phrases or words that seem to have a meaning (to you) that is not shared by the rest of us. One of the definitions of mental illness is that the patient has a different reality than that of the vast majority of people. So that's were you get the rep as a wack-o.
Some examples from your OP (Original Post) which is quoted above for reference:
"I find that individuals have a difficult time digesting me." Yep. I do have a difficult time digesting you.... as would anyone trying to digest any other person. One can digest thoughts, not individuals. To get your point across, use the word "understanding." OR write "I find that individuals have a difficult time digesting the meaning of what I'm trying to say." OR "I find that individuals have a difficult time digesting my point." And so on. I was reading along and the phrase "digest me" stopped me dead in my tracks..... That phrase means to eat, swallow and then digest your physical being.....
Next we have "I am not too sure here (which is why I am doing this poll) but in the land of Physical Interaction I get many odd stares." First, we take out the parenthetical phrase to get: "I am not too sure here, but in the land of Physical Interaction I get many odd stares." <I'll add the comma for you.>
Maybe you meant: "I am not too sure about here, but in the land of Physical Interaction I get many odd stares." That long-ish phrase "in the land of Physical Interaction," is weighing down the sentence with some hidden meaning to you. I haven't a clue as to where you're going with that idea. If you meant "real life," there's even an abbreviation for that!
That gives us, "I am not too sure about here, but in RL, I get many odd stares."
Well, guess what? One can NOT get "odd stares" here. Thinking "Whatever does he mean by 'odd stares here'?" de-railed me from following your train of thought. <Get it? .... de-railed.... train> And that problem is endemic in your posts..... you seem to have an odd manner of speech.... I like to say (after editing hundreds and hundreds of pages of stories submitted that never got published), "We write as we speak; we speak as we think." No wonder you're having trouble in RL.
I could go on, but one last one for now. "Pyroaquatic from Pyroaquatica," implies to me a sense of isolation. And not just from the rest of us, but (as above) there is no tribe. You're on the desert island, alone and have decided to make the best of it by naming your realm after yourself. Yes, yes. I know you're having fun, but the sense of despair of having been abandoned outweighs any implied playfulness. You have been serious throughout. Changing tone at the last minute rarely works.
I hope these few suggestions help. Punctuate correctly; watch for odd phrases; maintain your tone throughout. Humor is difficult to inject.... Especially in e-mails and posts. (That's why God gave us LOL.) Sarcasm is simply impossible to convey. Don't even try without clearly demarking it and so stating. <That's the voice of experience speaking, my friend.>
I think the easiest thing for you is to write in Word or Wordpad or some such. Read outloud. And then cut-n-paste.
Good Luck on your journey to find an appropriate voice for expressing your interesting and creative ideas.
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