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Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 6:19:38 PM

nigelthefreak

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

I have a question some of you may be able to help me answer. (if you dont mind of course.)

I have been a member of this site for a few years now and i have had no luck at all in meeting someone. I have no idea what i am doing wrong. I tried to be informitive in my profile i gave as many interests vannilla or otherwise as i could. All the people that have replied to my profile have turned out to be some sort of spammers. I have sent out messages and i always try to be polite and never use stupid one liners or vulgarity in my emails. I try to treat the prospective Domme with the respect i would give them if they were my mistress. Anyhow my question is is it something in my profile? Is it my pic? I mean i know im no GQ model or anything but im not like horribly disfigured or anything. Any help or suggestions would be welcomed.

is this the right place to post this or should i have posted in the Mistress forum?

Edited to add the following. I read the FAQ's in the ask a mistress and it didnt really help me i felt like i was at least close to most of the points made but i could be mistaken.

< Message edited by nigelthefreak -- 2/16/2010 6:31:05 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 6:30:17 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Ok Dude, here is the deal. There are roughly 784,521 Men here looking for a Fem Dom

There are approx. 67 Fem Dom's. Those odds are daunting.

You need to separate yourself. I would recommend posting here. Be who you are and let someone find you.

And remember, desperation is never pretty!

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 2

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 6:34:30 PM

nigelthefreak

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

Agreed didn't mean to come off that way at all just more curious than anything. I have been around here for quite a while and havent had a bit of luck thought maby there is a glareing issue that i'm not getting lol.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 3

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 6:41:54 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

Post on the Forums here and your beloved will find you!!!

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 4

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 6:44:58 PM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

Post on the Forums here and your beloved will find you!!!

I agree...

_____________________________

I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

(in reply to heartcream)

Post #: 5

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 6:51:42 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

I'm going to ask this and hope it comes across nicer than it sounds...

You've been here since Oct. '04 and the only responses you've gotten were from "spammers"? Really? Do you have a plan B?

I know you said you're shy but life is not going to come to you via a computer....you need to get out and make it happen.

Have you been to any local munches? That might be an option. Check out the FAQ thread on the Ask a Mistress forum for ideas and a link for finding local groups. There's also a thread about writing a profile, although yours isn't bad but if you're concerned it might help. Post on the forums so that people here can get to know you better. If you don't like your picture or feel it doesn't compliment you then get creative...just don't use a chair, that's my thing.

Seriously though, if the mountain won't come to Mohammed then he must go to the mountain....which means, YOU need to make things happen...make the effort...extend your reach...it comes back to YOU.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 6

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 7:06:06 PM

nigelthefreak

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

I'm going to ask this and hope it comes across nicer than it sounds...

You've been here since Oct. '04 and the only responses you've gotten were from "spammers"? Really? Do you have a plan B?

I know you said you're shy but life is not going to come to you via a computer....you need to get out and make it happen.

Have you been to any local munches? That might be an option. Check out the FAQ thread on the Ask a Mistress forum for ideas and a link for finding local groups. There's also a thread about writing a profile, although yours isn't bad but if you're concerned it might help. Post on the forums so that people here can get to know you better. If you don't like your picture or feel it doesn't compliment you then get creative...just don't use a chair, that's my thing.

Seriously though, if the mountain won't come to Mohammed then he must go to the mountain....which means, YOU need to make things happen...make the effort...extend your reach...it comes back to YOU.

Yes really i have gotten no honest responeses. My plan B is to continue going through with life the way I have been. Although i am curious and very interested in this (maby due to my lack of experience) It isnt something that completely consumes me to the point i can't function normally.

In all honesty i have never actually approched a woman. Let alone a dominate woman. I realise this probably sopunds stupid and probably a bit pathetic but it is the honest truth. I don't know what to say and i always feel like i am not good enough and i will just be laughed at and humiliated.

My lack of confidence i thnk is part of what drew me to this and part of my problem meeting people as well.

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 7

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 7:23:06 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Dude, your main pic... you can do better. Full on face pic, with a confident smile.

Also... you state that you're a switch looking for both Domme and sub women as far as the check boxes go. But your self description is pure sub. Change it to make it all cohere.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 8

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 7:23:51 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Have you tried to find your local munch? Have you been to any events? Have you even bothered to Google munches or events in your area?

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 9

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 7:34:02 PM

nigelthefreak

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

yes i have "bothered". Yes ive been to an even but I ended up sitting at a table by myself for a few hours till i decided i couldnt work up the courage to introduce myself to the people that were there. The event seemed very "clicky" and i was all by myself. I was very nervous and one wouldnt be very far off to call it scared. I'm not good with meeting strangers in person. Im extremely shy, this is why i have a profile on here so i can talk with someone before meeting them so that i am actually able to strike a conversation with them.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 10

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 7:43:47 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nigelthefreak

Yes really i have gotten no honest responeses. My plan B is to continue going through with life the way I have been. Although i am curious and very interested in this (maby due to my lack of experience) It isnt something that completely consumes me to the point i can't function normally.

Well, it's always good to be able to function as a living/breathing human and not a "I can't live/have no life without my kink" zombie. All things in perspective.

In all honesty i have never actually approched a woman. Let alone a dominate woman. I realise this probably sopunds stupid and probably a bit pathetic but it is the honest truth. I don't know what to say and i always feel like i am not good enough and i will just be laughed at and humiliated.

Ok...first thing, it's dominant woman not dominate woman.
Next...sounds like you have low self-esteem issues which really is something you need to work on. While I may know one or two "white knight" types who get off on fixing this sort of thing, generally most aren't.
See, it still comes back to you...it behooves you to make yourself a person others would enjoy being around. I read your profile and you have more than a few interesting things listed ("gourmet chef"...yeah, that caught MY eye)....I'm left to wonder how you present yourself. Having skills and abilities are great but not having the social skills to approach a woman means dinner for one.

My lack of confidence i thnk is part of what drew me to this and part of my problem meeting people as well.

I'm not sure why your lack of confidence drew you to "this". A spank and a tickle from a dominant woman isn't going to cure a lack of self-esteem.

So...Mohammed, my friend....are you looking at the mountain yet and sizing it up? Strap on your climbing boots, grab a walking stick and get going 'cause that mountain will always be there. The question is...will you be at the summit looking down and smiling or will you stay seated at base camp...scared and defeated?

**I just noticed you changed your main photo....nice! Can you smile? Smiling is allowed, you know.**

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 2/16/2010 7:44:47 PM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 11

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 7:43:48 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

Oh Nigel, I read your profile, you sound like a sweet man. I will concur with darksteven, do take a better photo, both of yours could be better, more smile, less did it yourself, you look very uncomfortable. I would try to do things to build your confidence approaching women in general. Yes you are a sub, but that does not get you off the hook for being positive about yourself.

I think it's sad that you have never approached a woman, because you fear being shot down. You surely are aware that that is a completely self fulfilling prophecy. Confidence is incredibly sexy, and just because a woman is dominant, I still believe that holds true. I am not a Domme, but I would think that your submission is sexxy because you choose HER, not because you believe you are not good enough to be chosen. Maybe I'm wrong about that, but I truly do think improving your self image would help you, even kink aside.

I wish you the best,
~A

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 12

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 7:59:11 PM

nigelthefreak

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

[I'm not sure why your lack of confidence drew you to "this". A spank and a tickle from a dominant woman isn't going to cure a lack of self-esteem.

Ill explain what i meant here nowthat i have read it myself it doesnt make much sence the way it's said.
Since before i know what BDSM was I wanted a girlfriend that could help me and guide me on the right path. I wanted to do whatever i could to make that woman whom ever she would be happy. I wanted to be with someone who would apriceate me for everything i was willing to do for them for their every wish, command, or desire to be fufilled. I wanted to know that i could make someone happy and give myself to them to in essence be a tool for them to achive their happiness. I always felt like this would give me meaning and perpose in my life where i have none. When i discovered this community and i started reading about the lifestyle and what it meant to be a sub I felt like it made a lot of sence and it made me feel like their was other people who felt the same way as me. This is why i am here. I am to the point that i feel like maby i am mistaken or misguided, this is why i made this thread so that i can se if i have had no luck because i am doing something wrong or if its because this is not the right place for me after all. If that makes any sence to anyone. If not i suppose it amkes me look worse than i already do lol.

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 13

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 8:23:09 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

Nigel (who I will try to not think of as Mohammed)...

Thank you for clarifying your thoughts a bit more. I understand it can be frustrating to have a desire for guidance and a need to feel wanted...I'm sure many people here can relate. Here's the thing, though, this "community" and "lifestyle" really isn't different from mainstream life. You wish of serving, pleasing, obeying a woman is no different from a man wanting to please his woman...with or without the bdsm trappings. This still comes down to relationships between people...with all the quirks and foilbles that entails.

You say you may be mistaken or misguided by the things you read or were exposed to that lead you here to CM...why? What originally drew me as a submissive woman (then...not now...funny how we grow/evolve/change over time. It's all a process if you're willing to be open to it), was the protocol and the commitment I saw in the subs/slaves I had contact with. Yeah, the kinky play and all that was fun but the D/s dynamic was something I could understand. Not everyone sees it the same way and that brings us back to the relationship between two people.

Stop worrying about if you look silly posting here....seriously, have you read some of the things people post? You're looking...searching for suggestions and help...this is good. Just don't forget, in the end you are the one who will set your course. Worry less about whether or not people see you as silly and more about how you feel about yourself and how you present.

One suggestion...if you would like to break out a bit here on the forums as a way to work on the shyness issue...get thee to Polls and Random Stupidity. Maybe even start a thread on gourmet food ideas...that would be a great ice breaker.

I really do wish you the best, regardless of what path you choose to take.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 14

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 8:27:59 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

I'm not good at approaching strangers and striking up a conversation either. I do a lot better if I'm in a serving situation where I *have* to talk to them for some reason. Then I just hope that they'll notice my fine service and decide to chat. Being a service-oriented submissive who is busy serving others at events can be a great way to meet people. Most event planners LOVE having a service-oriented submissive who will volunteer to help. (Or Dominants who want the event to go well even!!) You might want to try some volunteering. At least you'd be meeting people who know people who might introduce you...!

(And check your spelling. I know I'm not perfect when I'm typing too fast but I also edit so I notice mis-spellings and it's off-putting to many people. Just one of those free FYI thingies I like to see as a service to others.)

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 15

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 8:32:25 PM

nigelthefreak

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

I only say that i could be mistaken or misguided because i have been around for a while and it just hasn't been working out for me. It was just a possibility i was considering. In all honesty as much as i may think or be convinced that i know what i want there is really no way to know untill I come to a point where i have some sort of experience to know.

Thank you and I want you all to know that i appriceate your suggestions, and i appriceate that you took the time to respond.

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 16

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 8:57:36 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nigelthefreak

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

[I'm not sure why your lack of confidence drew you to "this". A spank and a tickle from a dominant woman isn't going to cure a lack of self-esteem.

Ill explain what i meant here nowthat i have read it myself it doesnt make much sence the way it's said.
Since before i know what BDSM was I wanted a girlfriend that could help me and guide me on the right path. I wanted to do whatever i could to make that woman whom ever she would be happy. I wanted to be with someone who would apriceate me for everything i was willing to do for them for their every wish, command, or desire to be fufilled. I wanted to know that i could make someone happy and give myself to them to in essence be a tool for them to achive their happiness. I always felt like this would give me meaning and perpose in my life where i have none. When i discovered this community and i started reading about the lifestyle and what it meant to be a sub I felt like it made a lot of sence and it made me feel like their was other people who felt the same way as me. This is why i am here. I am to the point that i feel like maby i am mistaken or misguided, this is why i made this thread so that i can se if i have had no luck because i am doing something wrong or if its because this is not the right place for me after all. If that makes any sence to anyone. If not i suppose it amkes me look worse than i already do lol.

Unfortunately, it seems like some men who are shy and especially so about women believe that a "female led relationship" is a godsend. It's very attractive to consider that a woman will call the shots, probably do the courting, reduce your risk for fear of failure, and then lay the groundwork for intimacy and how the relationship functions. For men who just want to please and are intimidated by women and by possibly saying or doing the wrong thing, this seems like it was a match made in heaven.

In the real world, though, the reality is the dominant women are ultimately the same as vanilla women when it comes to meeting men and dating. They want men who are happy with themselves, confident, and who are willing to take emotional risks to court them. They want men who can court them traditionally in some cases, all the way down to asking them out. You will face all the same intimidating things you do with traditional relationships until that moment comes when she decides she's interested in you *as a submissive* -- at that time, she'll take control in the manner that suits her style.

Until then, it's like vanilla dating. No way around that.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 17

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 9:39:37 PM

nigelthefreak

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

I have no doubt that your right. Considering i cant seem to manage either this is where my problem is. It doesnt help that every message i have sent on here has gone unreplied to or in some cases unread, I really have tried to get past this and work through my confidence issues. it has honestly hurt more than it has helped putting myself out there to write a message only to get no response witch is in some ways worse than a negitive response. I still do it now and then every so often i work up the nerve to send out a message or two. I dont have confidence issues in other aspects of my life in fact most of the people that know me wouldnt honestly belive i have such major confidence issues when it comes to women because of the way i carry myself, only my closest friends know and they only know becuase they were begining to question my straightness because in all the years we have been friends they have never seen me approach a woman.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 18

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 9:41:47 PM

CelticNightmare

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2010
Status: offline

Try getting out to some sort of bdsm event and doing some community service. At least you will get seen by some real people. Online in places like this is a total waste of time for male subs.

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 19

RE: Hi everyone, I dont post to the forums much. - 2/16/2010 10:55:22 PM

velt

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline

Though the worth of a profile here is questionable, you should still let spellcheck be your friend... can't really hurt. (Well, I guess it could if you accept a correction that turns a sentences into something simply horrendous.)

Also go here:
http://www.ttms.org/writing_quality/sentence_fluency.htm

Almost every sentence in your profile, as well as many in your posts, begins with, "I". Varying your sentence structure will make for easier, more enjoyable reading. Your usage of "would" also weakens the statements being made. Right now, even though others are reading this thread, I'm addressing you directly. You may want to include some sort of introductory statement that specifies who is being addressed, and then use, "you" exclusively when referring to the domme.

Make some sort of point in your first sentence. Not only is it the first read in most every case, but part of it will also appear above your picture. Currently it pretty much states the obvious, as not many subs will admit to being dishonest or indifferent about serving. The combination, "I would . . . to the best of my ability" is used twice only one sentence apart and doesn't really convey any new information, either.

If you mention a dog, maybe you should include a picture of the two of you. I'd suggest you look at my profile for ideas, but since I've had it hidden for years now and never filled it out it wouldn't be of any help.

(in reply to nigelthefreak)

Post #: 20

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