RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed to just 'roleplay'

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed to just 'roleplay'

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed to just 'roleplay'

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed ... - 2/17/2010 7:43:09 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Words like "real". "true", and "authentic" are always going to cause a shit storm. The reason the do is because people take ownership of what they feel is real, true, and authentic.When I first started posting on this board there was a lot more "debate" about what is real, true, and authentic... and there were a lot more people that posted here that thought they had the one true way to gauge this true-ness, realness, and authenticity. This has largely changed, and I am glad that there is a lot less of that going on here...

As others have mentioned, if it is real to you, it doesn't matter if it is real to me...

As far as my reality... there are entire spans of time I do not feel particularly submissive, and there are spans of time he does not feel particularly dominant. That dynamic does often underscore the way we are together, but it is not something we are trying for or a stick we hold up to measure it. I think that when we first started quite a while ago there WAS this expectation, this measuring stick, but it isn't something that I think about a lot anymore. I just wanna have fun! If it isn't fun then there is something wrong.

I suppose the most important thing to me, far more important than how dominant or submissive, or how power exchange-y we are, do we have fun? He can give me directions in s faux domly tone and make me laugh, and what he asked me for still gets done. It doesn't feel all that power exchange-y, but it certainly feels natural. And that is all I am after, him being him and me being me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to specialk2611)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed ... - 2/20/2010 10:27:08 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Personal power cannot be given or taken in a bargain or exchange. The authority to exercise power may be delegated to another, with free choice from self will. That process places the delegee in the role of authority.

The authenticity of authority delegation is proportional to the degree that the delegator honors and respects their own choice.

E.g., the success of an employee typically depends upon how effectively they honor their choice to delegate authority (surrender) to their employer, and follow the instructions or otherwise fulfill the requirements of the job. The employer/employee relationship is perhaps the most common D/s interaction.

So, how authentic is any particular employee, as opposed to just playing a role?

(in reply to specialk2611)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed ... - 2/21/2010 2:38:21 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Authentic cannot be determined by the observer but by the person doing. If it is an authentic expression of their feelings, then it's authentic.

quote:

It is authentic any time he has the power to tell me what to do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

Is there any such thing as authentic

Many forget that “role-play” is not so very different than choosing what relationship “role to play”. However, pretending to be a doctor and actually being one is very different. I firmly disagree with the general consensus that nothing is real, labels do not exist and our words, relationship categories and lifestyles have no meaning except our own private personal interpretations.

All those castlertealm.com style cyber debates, semantic gymnastics with infinitely shifting definitions are just that, cyber crap. The leather lifestyle and its defined variations are as real as the leather that slaps my slave’s ass and I am still ruler of my house, even when I sleep. BDSM is not some figment of a collective online imagination, it is real, “authentic” and comes in many flavors.

These two nail it pretty much for me.

I have to confess that terms like "authentic" and "real" and "true" irritate the bejaysus out of me, because they're so often used in the context of someone saying "I do authentic and if you don't do it my way then you are fake" - which is patent bullshit.

I agree with ResidentSadist when he points out that the "Nothing is authentic" brigade is equally vapid - But I don't buy the notion that the leather lifestyle and its defined variations has any more right to claim ownership of those definitions than anyone else. Not least because there's plenty of disagreement and debate even of those "defined variations". In acknowledging that BDSM comes in many flavors ResidentSadist highlights (in my view) the uselessness in establishing rigid definitions - Although there are some that may be very strong candidates.

At the end of the day, I am with the wonderful DesFTP - it's authentic if it's authentic for you.

< Message edited by crazyml -- 2/21/2010 2:47:57 AM >

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed ... - 2/21/2010 5:44:05 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

- Is there any such thing as authentic, and does it really matter, as long as our minds believe it?

that is a good answer, although you made it a question.
2 adults (or more)..both happy in the situation...that is what it should be, no matter what others say.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed ... - 2/22/2010 6:49:23 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

OP, you say you havent found IT yet and that you have felt empty after sessions, not aware that there is Ds as a continual state rather than as a temporary play 'fix'.

the thing is there is a difference between BDSM play as an acitivity and Ds which is a way of conducting a relationship. so it isnt about saying one is more authentic than the other. for people who are after play and nothing else, that is as authentic to them as a Ds relationship, its just different strokes for different folks.

there are people who just want kink in the bedroom or an occasional play partner. there are others who put Ds as their priority and BDSM as part of that package.

in a way its more about priority needs. for me, Ds or Ms is my priority need, whatever he wants to do BDSM-wise follows on from the intial understanding between us. so if you want 'more' than play you need to prioritise Ds or Ms as youre governing force and go from there.

i hope you find IT

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Justme696)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed ... - 2/22/2010 7:15:08 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

And let's face it, there are things that are fun to do now and again, but that you really don't want to do all the time - humiliation and degradation are forms of play, but I've heard even from people that are into it, that being subjected to it over a long term isn't exactly what they wanted - however you want to express it, low self esteem, or just taking the thrill out of it - one persons "real" is another persons tedious rut.

I guess to me, "real" is just the relationship itself, role play is a way of keeping it alive, and letting yourself grow within it, by exploring different aspects of your personality - they're all "real" aspects, and you can get used to anything - some may just feel "more right" to you, and that can change over the course of time.

"Real" assumes we all resemble certain symbolic abstractions: "Master" "slave", etc., but in objective reality these are only symbolic constructs, roles, and identity is often independent of role - thus those who identify as slaves are never going to be comfortable in a dominant role, and vice versa.

Thing is, we all define these roles, that reflect our identities, basically by trying out different things and seeing what works for us - play is how we learn, it's how all mammals learn, it's in our nature, and it's as real as anything else - maybe the only thing that is real.

Humans are generalists, in evolutionary terms, which means we are capable of adapting to almost any conditions - biologically, this typically means climate conditions, we inhabit every climate zone from the equatorial jungle to the Arctic Circle, the desert to the middle of the ocean - even outer space - and in every instance, somebody had to fool around a little and figure out the ropes: what works and what doesn't, and social adaptation is no different; it's just not always quite as life and death - there are some things you pretty much have to do, others that you can experiment with.

< Message edited by xssve -- 2/22/2010 7:17:00 AM >

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed ... - 2/22/2010 7:48:45 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

My take on it is this: I am my Owner's property. No, that ownership cannot be enforced legally. But we both feel it and both feel that we are our true selves in this arrangement. He is my Owner and I am his property. We don't imagine we are Owner/property, we don't think we are Owner/property, we don't feel we are Owner/property. It's a state of being. It is an expression of my true self to be his property. When I use the word "authentic" to describe our relationship, I am referring to that state of being, not to fantasy, feelings, or thoughts.

Some will argue that my "state of being" is a product of fantasy, thoughts, and feelings. Sure it is, but it isn't the same as fantasy, thoughts, and feelings. It's like saying pancakes are nothing more than flour, sugar, milk, and eggs -- it totally overlooks the mixing and cooking and flipping. Two people making pancakes with the same ingredients can end up with very different pancakes.

(Wow, I really need breakfast.)

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to xssve)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed ... - 2/22/2010 9:47:55 AM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

My take on it is this: I am my Owner's property. No, that ownership cannot be enforced legally. But we both feel it and both feel that we are our true selves in this arrangement. He is my Owner and I am his property. We don't imagine we are Owner/property, we don't think we are Owner/property, we don't feel we are Owner/property. It's a state of being. It is an expression of my true self to be his property. When I use the word "authentic" to describe our relationship, I am referring to that state of being, not to fantasy, feelings, or thoughts.

Very well stated!

I'd like to add that for many, the D/s aspect becomes interwoven into their everyday living that it is impossible to determine where the D/s begins and ends.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to lucylucy)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed ... - 2/22/2010 12:30:30 PM

elleX

Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline

!!! DarkSteven say it all,, it is about our identity,,,!

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 29