VaguelyCurious
Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
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You know what? I did it. I apologize for the ridiculous length of this post, but hey-he did ask sooo nicely.
I've removed the lines between paragraphs from Bob's writing in an attempt to save my own sanity.
quote:
Are you a good judge of character?
Every now and then I see someone saying we shouldn't judge others.
Which of us doesn't judge a liar who deceives us?
Which of us doesn't judge an abuser who abuses us?
All the examples you have provided are of people who have done personal harm to the person judging; How does this relate to you judging someone who has done you no personal harm, for example someone you have never met engaging in an activity in which you are entirely uninvolved?
quote:
Casual players like to believe casual bdsm is completely harmless, unaware of the emotional damage it does over time.
Not until they realize they no longer have the capacity to truly love another, to trust someone so thoroughly as to commit their life to that person do they become aware of the damage they've done to themselves.
In the pursuit of cheap thrills they lose the ability to love.
Healthy BDSM is not a cheap thrill. It is an expression of love and trust in someone who has demonstrated qualities worthy of love and trust. Every thought, every deed is meaningful and only deepens the love and trust shared.
Casual bdsm only attracts those who are afraid of this kind of intimacy. Those who are too emotionally-immature for a healthy, loving relationship. In the no-strings-attached world of casual bdsm they can pretend to be intimate without ever experiencing intimacy.
And thus they reinforce their emotional immaturity.
I can't speak for others, but I am not afraid of love. When it comes along I will embrace it with both arms. I don't see why the fact that I don't have it right now means that I can't interact with people in a BDSM setting; over and over in this thread you have said that people who engage in casual BDSM do not care at all about those they play with; for me this does not ring true. Are the only two states of feeling you can conceive of 'true love' and 'nothing at all'?
quote:
We each must judge for ourselves what is and is not "abusive". We each must take our stand opposing that which we judge to be abusive.
How else will we know which of us have thought this out, and which of us are here for a cheap thrill?
This seems to imply that the only way you can measure someone's 'seriousness' is by whether or not they object to the behaviours of others; this from a man who considers himself entirely self-actualized...
quote:
Isn't it strange so many seek multiple partners for no-strings-attached casual play, yet so few mention the risk of disease? Why am I not surprised? Isn't it common knowledge that the more you sleep around, the more likely you are to spread disease?
How many of you have partners who don't love you enough to protect you from that risk? Why are you risking your lives for them? So they can have a second woman in bed to make up for what you lack?
Think about it.
Casual play does not equal casual sex. You are conflating two entirely different issues. It is perfectly possible to play casually with multiple partners without any exchange of bodily fluids and with sterilized equipment; no risk of disease...
quote:
Don't be fooled by the wolves in sheep's clothing who speak of "friendship". They're the ones who won't tell you that casual bdsm is linked to emotional abuse.
Why?
They're already damaged and they don't care if they damage you, just as long as they get to use your body for their own amusement.
How do you know? Well, think about it.
If you found your true love, would you have time to waste looking for "friends" here? Wouldn't the two of you have enough friends in your own lives to keep you busy? Wouldn't your true love be enough to satisfy all your bdsm needs?
What kind of 'beloved' would he be if he won't make you feel you are all the woman he needs in his life?
What kind of relationship would require you to constantly pimp yourself to other women so as to keep your man happy?
Compare "rinnie" with "DeviousD64". Same couple, very different stories.
Casual players are "devious", pure and simple. They have to be to fool their victims.
When I do find a loving partner I may well stop playing casually, so it is not for me to answer this section. However, with regards to the bolded part someone like Aqua springs to mind; reading her posts I get the impression that it's not Val who 'makes' her play casually-she does it because she wants to.
quote:
How can anyone keep looking for "friends" year after year and not have a full social calendar?
Because they keep using up the "friends" they find.
Someone who can't make room for new friends is someone I pity, as is someone who isn't 'looking for friends year after year'-the moment you stop finding friends in this world is the moment you might as well just give up.
quote:
That's because "friend" is just a euphemism for "fresh meat".
They live in denial, so don't be surprised that they try to deceive you. When you've been around long enough you see the same lines written by the same people about each of their partners, only to be replaced by new partners at regular intervals.
For some people, the only way they believe they can keep the interest of their partner is to pimp themselves in the hopes that providing a constant supply of fresh meat for the bedroom will win them favour.
I am sure that there are couples for whom this is true. But there are also people who just like people. Maybe you find this hard to comprehend, or something, but being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that you have to cut off the rest of the world.
quote:
It is all nothing more than a cheap thrill to them, so don't let anyone divert you from your path to true love.
They're not worth the aggravation you'll feel later.
What, so all the friends you have ever had inevitably caused you aggravation? Either you are exaggerating massively for the sake of melodrama, or that is very very sad.
quote:
Why does bdsm attract so many broken women?
Just how "responsible" would a man have to be to involve a broken woman in bdsm? Taking advantage of her insecurities to manipulate her into giving him whatever he wishes?
What kind of man settles for a broken woman?
If you need fixing, you shouldn't be involved in bdsm.
First off, a definition of 'broken' would be helpful here. You keep calling this an essay, so I expect some essay structure; part of that is defining your terms.
Unless you inform me otherwise, I'm guessing by broken you mean abused, or something similar. In which case the statement what kind of man settles for a broken woman? makes me feel sick. Someone else can pick this point up if they want; I'm not going to.
quote:
Safe, sane and consensual depend upon one essential quality: competence. If you are broken, immature or both, you are not competent enough to choose such a relationship as this, and any man who tells you otherwise is flattering you so as to exploit your need for approval.
Again, hard to know what to make of this unless you define 'broken'.
quote:
It is an unfortunate reality on this site that so many women believe the only 'asset' they have that will attract men is their body.
Nude pictures and a short announcement that they are available is all they provide to attract the man of their dreams.
They say nothing about their heart, or thoughts, or anything that might attract a thoughtful, intelligent, responsible man.
No, it is enough they are nude and available.
I'm sure that works on the hundreds of wannabes on this site, the boys driven by lust who care nothing for anything but their next cheap thrill. Nothing attracts them more than a woman with low self-esteem and lower standards pimping her body for sex.
If you do not value yourself enough to set a high standard for the man you attract, who do you think will value you more?
Think about it.
I agree with this bit. But not one of the women arguing with you here have a profile like that, I would like to point out.
quote:
BDSM without Love is just another form of abuse.
If risking your life doesn't deserve love, respect, commitment, just what is your life worth?
'Risking your life'?! A minute ago you were talking in terms of SSC; since when did we get to life-risks? As a side note, play does deserve respect in my book. I don't play with anybody I don't respect.
OH MY GOD I'VE GOD THIS FAR THROUGH AND NOW I REALISE THE ESSAY HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET.
bugger.
You know what? I can't cope with the essay right now. I'll post this, and maybe have a bash at covering the essay tomorrow.
_____________________________
Sthetic on FetLife.
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RE: A legend returns ... - 
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