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RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/17/2010 6:39:35 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

SimplyMichael, I'll have to keep an eye out for that book. I've enjoyed Midori's classes and books, so far, and humiliation play is something that isn't a limit, but that I do have trouble wrapping my mind around (on either side).



LOL, you need to keep a better eye open!  Midori just did her humiliation class at the Citadel last month.  We are spoiled since she is local she does classes for almost nothing, it was $20 for the class.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/17/2010 6:48:45 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

I rarely disagree with what you write, but I really dislike the part of your post that I bolded.

People in relationships are allowed to communicate. They are allowed to tell each other what they would and would not like-that isn't necessarily 'topping from the bottom'.

I hate it when people use the words 'should' or 'shouldn't' when they are talking about other people's dynamics.



That's a fair comment.  i see where you're coming from.  "Should" or "Shouldn't" are probably too strong.  i can agree with that.

My primary point is that i believe that she is the Domme in the relationship.  While communication is definitely key, it sounds like they have communicated, and what he wants is making her feel uncomfortable, she doesn't get any joy from these activities, and she even thinks that it will make her lose respect for him.  IMO, that sounds like it is bordering on a soft limit for her. 

Every relationship is different, so this might work for them.  However, it sounds like he is forcing his wants on her, and she is not liking them.  i have shared my desires with many Dommes, but when i see that they really don't like what i desire, i usually back away from it.  If my desire for that activity is strong enough, it might even mean that this particular Domme is not the one for me. 

i can't remember ever pushing a Domme to do something that made her feel very uncomfortable.  Sounds like the definition of topping from the bottom to me.  But if it works for them, then more power to them.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 2/17/2010 6:50:29 PM >

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/17/2010 6:53:34 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

My primary point is that i believe that she is the Domme in the relationship.  While communication is definitely key, it sounds like they have communicated, and what he wants is making her feel uncomfortable, she doesn't get any joy from these activities, and she even thinks that it will make her lose respect for him.  IMO, that sounds like it is bordering on a soft limit for her. 

Every relationship is different, so this might work for them.  However, it sounds like he is forcing his wants on her, and she is not liking them.  i have shared my desires with many Dommes, but when i see that they really don't like what i desire, i usually back away from it.  If my desire for that activity is strong enough, it might even mean that this particular Domme is not the one for me. 

i can't remember ever pushing a Domme to do something that made her feel very uncomfortable.  Sounds like the definition of topping from the bottom to me.  But if it works for them, then more power to them.


I've checked back, and nowhere does the OP say she's being forced to do anything; she says he has made his wants clear-that isn't the same as saying he expects anything. There is no mention of 'pushing' anywhere that I can see.


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/17/2010 6:57:50 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissBeautiful2U

If you really cared about someone and they craved something in particular, could you do that for them even if it really didn't excite you?  We're talking things like watersports, spit, that sort of thing... nothing that is terribly unsafe, just not your cup of tea?

If you have stepped outside of your box of likes for someone, did you find that your feelings about the person in a vanilla setting made it easier or harder for you to do this?




I've done it lots of times. I've had partners do it for me as well both "nilla" or otherwise for the simple fact that it was part of the relationship and we both gave of ourselves. Neither one made it easier or  harder. It was just things we did for each other because we liked making the other person happy.


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RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/17/2010 8:02:55 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

We're talking things like watersports, spit, that sort of thing... nothing that is terribly unsafe, just not your cup of tea?


It would depend on how focused the person was on such activities. In other words, if I was getting to know someone that wanted to pee on me every day, well it wouldn't be my thing. If he wanted to pee on me once in a great while, sure, what the hell, why not? If someone has to have a certain kink that is something I find slightly uncomfortable, or kinda disgusting, and they are REALLY into it, well that is a sexual compatibility issue in my mind...

But it also must be said people change their sexual interests over time (at least in my experience most of us do), if my partner developed a kink that I found unpleasant I would comply with it and consider it part of my submission to that person...


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 12:23:17 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		There has been a lot on this thread.  Hopefully, I will have something worthwhile to add.

I tend to put all BDSM related subjects within a certain scale.  That being, things that I like, things I don't like, and things that I don't care about one way or the other.  These days, there are very few activities that fall into this last category.  Meaning, for most things, I have an opinion one way or the other.  This doesn't mean that I think I've experienced everything.  Instead, it means that I have explored a good number of things, and a good amount of it falls on either the positive or the negative side of the scale.

With that said, should someone come up with an activity that I am actually ambiguous about, I will probably try it.  Not so much for them, but more likely for Me.  This has to do with My personal experience and history of changing the way that I've felt about a lot of activities over the years.  There are things that I revel in today that you couldn't have convinced Me a decade ago that I would even consent to doing.  Who knew?  Oh, and I can promise you that I am stubborn enough to have swore up and down back then that I wouldn't like whatever it was.  If someone would have told Me back then that I would turn out sadistic, I'd have laughed My ass off.  Truthfully, I laugh at Myself just thinking about it.

Considering all of this, if I am honestly ambivilant to an activity, I will try it out a couple of times if it is important to the person that I care about.  If I still don't care about it one way or the other, I will probably cease trying it after a couple of attempts.  There has to be something about it that does it for Me.  If I am completely indifferent about it, yet it is a 'must have' for the person that I am dealing with, we've reached an area of incompatibility.  Very much like lying there while having sex if I'm not especially enjoying Myself but having no negative reaction.  I can think of scores of better ways to occupy My time.



A quick PS to Michael.  It is very rare that we have such opposing positions on any particular subject.  Someday, we will have to discuss our completely different observations that you have mentioned in this thread.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 12:30:30 AM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		Probably off topic..but am I the only one here twisted enough to see the opportunities for humor in this sort of an activity?

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 5:53:30 AM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		In the last year I learned to service top, which is really not my cup o'tea. I'm very submissive, and it takes a lot of work to service top for me.

I think the key is that you want to please your partner, or give them a special experience. I wouldn't be happy if all I was doing was topping, but on request to please someone? That does set off some of my happy submissive bells.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 8:22:42 AM   
MissBeautiful2U


Posts: 98
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		*smile*  Such wonderful answers.  I guess what I was looking for was strength to completely step away from what I normally do.  The activities that were requested would probably be classified as 'soft limits' for me because while they are not things that I am absolutely opposed to doing, they don't excite me on their face and even more than that, they make me feel reluctant.  I would not try these things for just anyone.  Isn't it funny how you can not put 2+2 together on your own?  Just Friday Scott and I shared a conversation regarding holding back on desires.  He told me that there is nothing he could learn about me that would change the way he feels.  Hello!  This is "his dark secret" I cannot believe I didn't put that together.  Thank God I did not share that it made me hesitate in my response to him, but rather tried to start thinking of HOW I could make it come true.

Camille: Thank you for reminding me that he must be feeling insecure and perhaps a little uncertain about how I will perceive him after all is said and done.  My initial thoughts were a huge swirl of how can I do this to someone I love... and I didn't even begin to consider how it must feel to bring up something that you are uncertain about.

lovingpet:  Wow... you really offered a lot of valuable insight here... you are right of course, if you really care about someone, removing barriers can bring you closer.  I loved your analogy with the aging process.  When you have no secrets, there is no need for embarrassment.  I really liked what you said about the biggest test being how you view one another going in and how he views you afterwards.  That really matches up well with what Camille said in reminding me to look at things from his point of view.

Madame4a: Personally, I see these activities under the larger humiliation umbrella too.  I was trying to distinguish though because some activities that are "humiliating" to a boy are exciting to me.  And I get that what is humiliating to one is exciting to another, so it is hard to throw labels out there.  You are right about emotional reprecussions.  I am really good about aftercare in any context so I am hoping that doing this will bring him and I closer together.

DesFIP: honestly when it comes to Scott there are no compatability issues outside of these few things.  Sure there are activities that don't float my boat as you put it that are not under the humiliation umbrella, but he is not into those... and really, even if he were, I would not have as difficult of a time participating in them once in awhile provided that I did not see a real safety issue there.  He's not asking me to do this sort of thing every day, but rather once in awhile.

Rochsub: I've enjoyed your posts before on other threads and do understand where you are coming from.  The difference here is that this is something he said he would like me to do, not something that he said I must do in order for him to submit.  He is someone that I would get up in the middle of the night and bail out of jail in the middle of nowhere (not that I've EVER had to do that) but to give you an idea in regards to where my feelings for him stand.  This was a request, but I could tell just how badly he wanted it from his words.  I thought I knew everything about him and realized that I didn't when he brought that up.

Whiplash: You actually might be right.  This particular man is someone that I've dated a couple times over the years.  My feelings and impressions here of him are quite set... and I am a little afraid of "liking" things that I associate with lack of respect.  Not sure if respect is even the right word here... putting my emotions into words seems difficult for me when it comes to this.  But I think I probably do need to try it at least once with him so I can say ok, we tried this... and if I really hate it, perhaps I could find someone who enjoys those activities and set up a playtime.  I don't care about monogamy, and the truth is, it doesn't bother me in the least that he desires those activities... I'm having a more difficult time visualizing myself doing them.  I really liked your analogy of the swimming pool.  I think that it will be a lot like that for me... and I will keep reminding myself that this is what he wants... it will help.

LadyPact: You brought up an excellent point about trying something out... like you a decade ago I would have scoffed at the idea that I might be a sadist.  Over time, I have tried different things for others and learned that I enjoyed a much wider variety of activities than what I had previously thought.  My impressions of these activities really come from imagining them rather than doing them.


Thanks to everyone for their advice... Now I need to start planning my scene.  I rarely put a lot of thought into what exactly I am going to do when I play... I just do what I feel like although I might have an idea about a particular something that I might do.  I think that it would be best if I have rehearsed this one in my mind a little before doing it, of course allowing for flexibility at that moment.

:)  Have a good one. Robin



(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 8:38:25 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissBeautiful2U

If you really cared about someone and they craved something in particular, could you do that for them even if it really didn't excite you?  We're talking things like watersports, spit, that sort of thing... nothing that is terribly unsafe, just not your cup of tea?

If you have stepped outside of your box of likes for someone, did you find that your feelings about the person in a vanilla setting made it easier or harder for you to do this?




Chances are I won't, based on the fact that if I were to indulge in an activity my partner loved and I didn't, I'd simply be going through the motions. When in a relationship with someone, I give all of me to them so to me not being able to give the best I can to my partner in an activity then essentially I am being deceitful by not being as honest as I could be. Granted that may seem a minor issue yet I look at that as something with greater importance. That's not to say I'd refuse to try said activity though I would try to be open about any reservations I have or if I wasn't all that fussy to do X, Y or Z. Regarding kink based activities which we have a mutual interest in, then yes I would indulge in with my partner; he would be happy and in turn I'd be happy.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 11:22:31 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Hello there MissBeautiful...tis really hard sometimes to wrap our mind around things...as Lady Pact noted, if you had told me outside of my office that I was sadistic I would have laughed and pointed at all the loving, caring things I did for my family and friends and the community, etc..  I laughed through the years when my patients told me I was sadistic.  Then, I discovered the online community during a difficult part of an ending marriage.  Lo and behold, I felt like I was home.  Then I discovered the "live" community and felt more secure in my knowledge of coming home, at least as far as D/s principles.  That triggered thoughts in my head...remembrances of my fuck buddy in college and how hard I got when I spanked her and the warmth that came over me each time her manner changed after a spanking.  Other incidents in which roughness combined with loving aspects in a relationship made it better for me.  When a submissive girl consented to my spanking her one night at the club and I discovered that same warmth and sexual excitement growing as the spanking and her struggles intensified even as she remained compliant, I realized "Duh...you ARE sadistic".

Still...there were things I would not have done...watersports, knife play, genital whipping/spanking/flogging, breath play, the involvement of others in a sharing manner in MY relationship.  Through the years, all of those have become things I have done and do...some with difficulty, some with an out and out enjoyment that I never thought I would experience at such an act.

In my mind, a lot depends on what I feel for the person.  Is this someone I am considering a long-term relationship with or someone who is a casual play partner?  Because for me, casual can range from a one-night stand to a weekend to a month...what makes it casual is that I will NOT do certain things with them that might make me OR them feel closer, either romantically or in a D/s manner, than one or the other or both of us want AFTER our negotiated time is done or I do not look at them as even a POSSIBLE long-term partner.  Even with a long-term partner, different things are done as levels of trust, relationship intimacy, and D/s are built and strengthened.
With a partner that I love and care for, that I know that I could develop...or want to develop...a long term relationship with, I am willing to set aside more of those things soooner and willing to consider things that make me extremely uncomfortable and which never will be comfortable.  Why?  Because you give and take with your partner...even as a dominant...if you love them and care about their feelings and needs and desires.  This is something we all espouse theoretically...but it is terrifically hard to do in reality;  I know. 
This is why julia's statement about her submission can, in my opinion, also be applied to dominants, at least smart ones.  Perhaps not as much but at least in part.  She said:  "But it also must be said people change their sexual interests over time (at least in my experience most of us do), if my partner developed a kink that I found unpleasant I would comply with it and consider it part of my submission to that person... "

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 12:43:16 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A quick PS to Michael.  It is very rare that we have such opposing positions on any particular subject.  Someday, we will have to discuss our completely different observations that you have mentioned in this thread.



Creative Dominant did a much better job of answering why than I did.  If you liken bdsm to a dance, there are ones I know, ones I know I don't like, and ones I haven't formed an opinion on.  Holding the right woman in my arms, feeling her body respond to me, her eyes pleading with me to do a dance I have in the past disliked is the sort of thing, for me, that just might reshape my experiences and something I previously disliked might become something I enjoy.

Frankly, that is the only sort of woman I desire.  The more things I can appreciate and enjoy in life the more joy and enjoyment I am going to have and to me that is a very good thing.

There are kinky things and kinky acts that didn't do anything for me in the past, that the right woman has opened my eyes to.  A past lover of mine introduced me to Tantric sex and other new age stuff.  Nobody since has really inspired me to go there since.  I am currently on a face slapping and making girls cry jag that was never my thing before, I am doing objectification, not as a scene with careful aftercare worrying about the difference between "you are MY slut vs you are A slut"...I am just using her as I see fit and if she doesn't like it...she knows how to get home.  A very new thing for me that she has provided the safe space for me to explore.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 12:48:00 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Hon, that wasn't exactly the part I was referring to, but I'm sure folks enjoyed what you had to say in the above.  Rather, something else you mentioned that I think is better discussed at another time.

By the way, you still owe Me some eggs.  LOL.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 4:05:15 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		After thinking about it, there were some things that I could have added that would have made a bit more sense.  I have bold-ed those statements.  Thanks!
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Hello there MissBeautiful...tis really hard sometimes to wrap our mind around things...as Lady Pact noted, if you had told me outside of my office that I was sadistic I would have laughed and pointed at all the loving, caring things I did for my family and friends and the community, etc..  I laughed through the years when my patients told me I was sadistic.  Then, I discovered the online community during a difficult part of an ending marriage.  Lo and behold, I felt like I was home.  Then I discovered the "live" community and felt more secure in my knowledge of coming home, at least as far as D/s principles.  That triggered thoughts in my head...remembrances of my fuck buddy in college and how hard I got when I spanked her and the warmth that came over me each time her manner changed after a spanking.  Other incidents in which roughness combined with loving aspects in a relationship made it better for me.  When a submissive girl consented to my spanking her one night at the club and I discovered that same warmth and sexual excitement growing as the spanking and her struggles intensified even as she remained compliant, I realized "Duh...you ARE sadistic".

Still...there were things I would not have done...watersports, knife play, genital whipping/spanking/flogging, breath play, the involvement of others in a sharing manner in MY relationship.  Through the years, all of those have become things I have done and do.  I admit that there are some that are fraught with difficulty which will probably never become any easier and yet, there are some that bring an out and out enjoyment that I never thought I would experience at such an act. 

In my mind, a lot depends on what I feel for the person.  Is this someone I am considering a long-term relationship with or someone who is a casual play partner?  Because for me, casual can range from a one-night stand to a weekend to a month...what makes it casual is that I will NOT do certain things with them that might make me OR them feel closer, either romantically or in a D/s manner, than one or the other or both of us want AFTER our negotiated time is done or I do not look at them as even a POSSIBLE long-term partner.  Even with a long-term partner, different things are done as levels of trust, relationship intimacy, and D/s are built and strengthened.
With a partner that I love and care for, that I know that I could develop...or want to develop...a long term relationship with, I am willing to set aside more of those things soooner and willing to consider things that make me extremely uncomfortable and which never will be comfortable.  While there are some places I won't go...detract from my dominance, my view of myself as a man, or because they just create too much inner turmoil and pain or because they hold absolutely no interest for me in the present and no reward in the future, there are others that---despite their difficulty or disinterest level---I will do.  Why?  Because you give and take with your partner...even as a dominant...if you love them and care about their feelings and needs and desires.  This is something we all espouse theoretically...but it is terrifically hard to do in reality;  I know. 
This is why julia's statement about her submission can, in my opinion, also be applied to dominants, at least smart ones.  Perhaps not as much but at least in part.  She said:  "But it also must be said people change their sexual interests over time (at least in my experience most of us do), if my partner developed a kink that I found unpleasant I would comply with it and consider it part of my submission to that person... "


< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 2/18/2010 4:10:41 PM >

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/18/2010 4:13:25 PM   
lexey


Posts: 17
Joined: 6/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissBeautiful2U

If you really cared about someone and they craved something in particular, could you do that for them even if it really didn't excite you?  We're talking things like watersports, spit, that sort of thing... nothing that is terribly unsafe, just not your cup of tea?


Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!! If he wants it, I'm all about it, whether I'm all about it or not. Intimacy makes it so much...more.

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/19/2010 4:16:23 PM   
HisEvelyn


Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline 		I would gladly try almost anything for my Master at least once, as long as it is not something that I know would damage me emotionally or mentally, or sets off a MAJOR squick factor for me.  There are some things that he likes that I'm slightly hesitant about (only hesitant, not to the point of any sort of limit), but because I love him and want to please him?  I will go that extra mile to try.  I'm pretty open-minded, so who knows?  Maybe I will find myself really enjoying something unexpected.

Were I to be under any other Dominant?  I'd have to re-assess my convictions.  It's all about the connection, how much respect and love and compatibility there is.  The more I truly care about my partner, the further I will go for them, even if my only pleasure in the act is knowing HE is enjoying it.  The pleasure of pleasing another can be extremely powerful for me all by itself.

(in reply to lexey)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/20/2010 4:55:53 AM   
StrangerThan


Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissBeautiful2U

If you really cared about someone and they craved something in particular, could you do that for them even if it really didn't excite you?  We're talking things like watersports, spit, that sort of thing... nothing that is terribly unsafe, just not your cup of tea?

If you have stepped outside of your box of likes for someone, did you find that your feelings about the person in a vanilla setting made it easier or harder for you to do this?




There is a bottom line in any type of relationship, be it vanilla or kink related. If you ignore your partners needs, there's a good chance they eventually will not be your partner.

Anyone who says it's all about the dominant side of the relationship is full of crap. Even those who successfully maintain relationships where it is all about the dominant side, do so because the meet that need in the other person. It's like doing it by default and sayin you don't.

Besides, rather than being the mean old bastard that I am now, I was once a mean young bastard who had no intention of attaching myself to any given person. As such, I went through a good body of submissives that belonged to other people for that very reason.

Figure it out.


_____________________________


--'Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform' - Mark Twain

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/20/2010 4:04:51 PM   
Lorenzo19


Posts: 237
Joined: 2/8/2010
Status: offline 		I'm with lovingpet on this issue and want to further add:

Whether some particular act is degrading or not is simply the feelings of the persons involved. Some people might think pussy licking is degrading. I knew someone like that.

I personally, would never do anything to My girl that I felt degraded her, no matter how much she wanted it.

And, if I thought her objective was to feel degraded. I would seriously question how I was ever attracted to this girl. I steer clear of girls like that. My purpose in this world is not to be her messenger from hell!

That said, however, if I did somehow end up in a commited relationship with a girl like that I would feel it is My duty to train her out of such desires.

_____________________________

Daddy Dom & Romantic Sadist

Everything I needed to know about life I learned by killing smart people and eating thier brains.
Give Me your heart. Make it real. Or else forget about it.

(in reply to StrangerThan)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/21/2010 2:07:51 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissBeautiful2U

If you really cared about someone and they craved something in particular, could you do that for them even if it really didn't excite you?  We're talking things like watersports, spit, that sort of thing... nothing that is terribly unsafe, just not your cup of tea?

If you have stepped outside of your box of likes for someone, did you find that your feelings about the person in a vanilla setting made it easier or harder for you to do this?


Yes, I've done quite a few things that weren't my cup of hippo where a sub craved them, and definitely yes (for me) my feelings about ther person in a vanilla setting have a huge bearing on things - especially in the context of degradation.

There's quite a long list of things that don't do it for me in themselves, but which may really really do it for me when done with a particular person. This is largely because my "thing" is really control and humiliation.. and the buzz I get is from my partner's response.

Quite a few of the things I list as "likes" on my profile are things that I was introduced to by sub partners - watersports and diapers for example. Prior to doing them, they were definitely not my "thing" - but having tried them, and enjoyed the reaction they produced they joined the list of things that might be just right for a given sub and a given situation.

In terms of my feelings about the person in a vanilla setting, I'm similar to Madame4a in that I don't really separate my feelings that way - But....

Personally speaking, I wouldn't enjoy degrading someone who wasn't smart, strong, clever and independent in their vanilla lives - Which may explain the coincidence that 5 out of 7 of my past long term playmates have been successful professionals.

The rush lies in taking an attractive, successful lawyer and turning her on by humiliating her or making her do humiliating things.. for me it's the contrast (if that makes any sense).



(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation - 2/22/2010 1:44:29 PM   
malephedre


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/22/2010
Status: offline
quote:

My initial thoughts were a huge swirl of how can I do this to someone I love...


Missbeautiful2U,

As someone who loves humiliation/degredation play, my feeling is how can Someone do this type of play with someone that they do NOT love. For humiliation play beyond "you have a small useless XXXX" it takes knowing your partner and his/her buttons. It comes down to what can be pushed, what shouldn't be pushed and when to back off.

It takes a huge amount of trust on both partners. Trust on the part of the bottom to be able to sink into that headspace without being damaged psychologically beyond the scene and trust on the Top that they will be able to stop and gauge when it is time to slowly bring the bottom back and "rebuild" them.

For me, it is about stripping away ego and all of the false layers built up through out ones life and to peek under the covers and see what exists. It is also extremely important for me to know that I am a strong individual and am in the frame of mind to come back safely. If I happen to be "off" for whatever reason, it isn't a good idea for me to engage in that sort of activity.

It takes a huge level of trust, knowing your partner and communication to engage in this. I think that he exhibits his trust in you by even talking about it.

Respectfully,
Jason

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 40
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