Service submissive question.

Service submissive question. (Full Version)

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specialk2611 -> Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 6:57:48 AM)
Is it assumed that a service-submissive requires nothing tangible in return for their service and that their joy is just to enhance the life of their Dominant? EG, If they asked for a service contract with rewards and punishments written in, does that mean they become something else? I know these label questions get old, but it's the only way to get clarification. Thanks.

juliaoceania -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 7:04:55 AM)
I do not understand the question.... Are you asking about people who have "contracts"? I would guestimate, perhaps incorrectly, that most of us do not have contracts, so your question may not get many respondents.... I think of a service submissive in two ways, as someone who has the motivation to serve their dominant one as the primary orientation, and then there are people who have submissives that only serve and there is no sexual or BDSM play... like they come over and clean the dominant's house... which one are you talking about?

FelineFae -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 7:13:06 AM)
A service sub can be many things. One that " requires nothing tangible in return for their service and that their joy is just to enhance the life of their Dominant? " is one type. There are many other types. So a sub is not disqualified if they wish to serve in exchange for another desired interaction within the relationship.

specialk2611 -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 7:17:59 AM)
juliaoceania - sorry I did phrase my question awkwardly. I think you answered it in a round about way though FelineFae - Thanks for your response! But I guess, does that sub then become another 'type' of sub and not a service sub?

SimplyMichael -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 7:24:16 AM)
Those who think that people do service without any gain are fooling themselves. That gain may be some intangible and may even be an unconscious desire of the person serving but it is there somewhere. Which is why service is so often short lived. People think they need nothing, perhaps get nothing, and then burn out. Or have a hidden expectation and when it goes unfulfilled, they get bitter and lash out at worse, or again, lose interest and wander off. In the public scene, lots of people do "service" seemingly without reward. Most are doing it as a form of "resume padding" and their payment is status. I once asked on a larger more real life forum for stories from people who had done service at that level over a year previously for positive experiences and while most felt they learned things from doing so, few had glowing memories of the time. I have long resisted having anyone in service to me but I am exploring a lot of new ground and have someone in service to me and it has been a very interesting experience and has allowed me to explore sexual and kink realms that I haven't done before in ways that are new to me. She gets to be in my presence (some might see that as punishment but she doesn't), status, and various other things. She doesn't get orgasms, she serves as my toy rack while I play with others, cleans up when I am done with someone, and in general enhances my enjoyment. I am a big believer in clarity. You want something from me, be up front and you might get it. Contracts can help, talking can help, but without self awareness, it is all just an exercise in futility. I am not big on passive aggressive forms of communication, you want something, ask and you just might get it. Oh, and one last thing. Punishments? I don't need a service slave in my life, if I have to spend my time punishing you, I am going to find something better to do with my time.

FelineFae -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 7:24:55 AM)
Well, what service is the sub wishing to perform ? Ladies' maid, butler, housekeeper, rope bottom, foot stool, accountant ?

pompeii -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 7:25:47 AM)
Even with a service submissive, there is always a quid pro quo.

juliaoceania -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 7:26:34 AM)
quote: Thanks for your response! But I guess, does that sub then become another 'type' of sub and not a service sub? It comes down to motivations... If a submissive's primary motivation is to serve, then it does not matter what she receives from the interaction... It is like having a vocation instead of a job.... A vocation is something that the individual would do for its intrinsic rewards without other sorts of benefits (like a lot of money), but just because one would do a certain job for nothing doesn't mean one wouldn't take a paycheck....

Madame4a -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 7:36:33 AM)
I agree with all of this... and it rings true for me, except the personal experiences... I'd add -- the labels are less important than the actions.. but rarely does anyone do service purely from that position... there is always something to gain and while it might not always be obvious, everyone does want something. quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Those who think that people do service without any gain are fooling themselves. That gain may be some intangible and may even be an unconscious desire of the person serving but it is there somewhere. Which is why service is so often short lived. People think they need nothing, perhaps get nothing, and then burn out. Or have a hidden expectation and when it goes unfulfilled, they get bitter and lash out at worse, or again, lose interest and wander off. In the public scene, lots of people do "service" seemingly without reward. Most are doing it as a form of "resume padding" and their payment is status. I once asked on a larger more real life forum for stories from people who had done service at that level over a year previously for positive experiences and while most felt they learned things from doing so, few had glowing memories of the time. I have long resisted having anyone in service to me but I am exploring a lot of new ground and have someone in service to me and it has been a very interesting experience and has allowed me to explore sexual and kink realms that I haven't done before in ways that are new to me. She gets to be in my presence (some might see that as punishment but she doesn't), status, and various other things. She doesn't get orgasms, she serves as my toy rack while I play with others, cleans up when I am done with someone, and in general enhances my enjoyment. I am a big believer in clarity. You want something from me, be up front and you might get it. Contracts can help, talking can help, but without self awareness, it is all just an exercise in futility. I am not big on passive aggressive forms of communication, you want something, ask and you just might get it. Oh, and one last thing. Punishments? I don't need a service slave in my life, if I have to spend my time punishing you, I am going to find something better to do with my time.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 7:59:57 AM)
it has been this slave's experience that some folks volunteer for service...it feeds a certain part of them with satisfaction. they submit to the direction and requirements of the individual/group they serve, without monetary compensation, to effect some kind of agreed upon goal on the part of the individual/group being served. this slave has done it. sometimes purely for the pleasure/fulfillment of another, because if pleasing them wasn't an important part of this slave's life, she would not have volunteered her time/talent/effort in that specific direction.

domiguy -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 8:29:14 AM)
Service subs? I need three. In time, I can only imagine that even the great joy of cleaning up my shit all day might begin to become a bit tedious. But after all, it is my shit and I think the status gained by letting the world know that you were graced with the privilege of actually being allowed to touch my shit would greatly enhance your standing within the community. Anyone out there want to touch my shit?

MissBeautiful2U -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 8:35:05 AM)
Hi there, you asked about pure service... I am sure that it probably exists, but I have not found it... perhaps it is because I have not looked too hard for it either. I do have several boys who come over and serve me by cleaning... while they are here, I will dress them up in pretty panties and generally have more than one over at the same time. When this occurs, I will generally have them play with one another some and just enjoy their reactions to one another. I will spank them within sight and earshot of one another... before they leave, I will either order them to masturbate and cum when I command it or to have another boy help them in their release. Naturally, there are no surprises here in regards of the expectations or the general activities that will transpire. I have had a few boys come and serve once or twice and then find it is not to their liking. I haven't explored the "why not?" question too deeply but will say that the idea of scrubbing someone's floor on your hands and knees and actually doing it are often not the same! I have to think that without the extra activities thrown into the mix, it would probably grow boring for the one doing service, with the rare exceptions of individuals who truly derive pleasure from serving others. I think that a contract with rewards and punishments thrown into the mix alters the relationship of one who is "pure service" but what difference does it make? By asking for this contract they are saying that they no longer want "pure service", they want something more. I have to agree with SimplyMichael though... if I have to punish a service slave, I don't want to deal with them. Rewards are fun, punishments are not. I don't NEED a service slave, so if they needed "punishing" I would figure we were not a good fit. Just my thoughts.

juliaoceania -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 8:44:35 AM)
quote: Anyone out there want to touch my shit? If only you could email it

LadyPact -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 8:50:18 AM)
I actually went looking for a response that I had written to a similar question that was posted not long ago on the subject of service submissives. It was a really good thread and there were some fantastic answers in it. I'm sorry I wasn't able to find it for you, as I tend to think what I wrote there might have been a bit better than what My early morning, caffeine lacking brain is about to write here. One thing that I think you may be overlooking a bit is that there really is something tangible in a service oriented arrangement. True, it may not be the obvious things such as sex or love, but that isn't always what drives everyone. Often, there is something underlying that may not be as evident. A part of that is that some people do thrive on pleasing others and doing that mixed with making the Dominant's life easier is definitely in there. Also included in that are those situations where the submissive gets their needs for control and/or structure met. It may be good for those individuals who are just starting out and are wanting exposure to the lifestyle. It can also be rewarding for those who thrive in high protocol environments. So, it really isn't a case of someone who just does things for the Dominant. They are actually getting something back from the situation. It isn't quite as one sided as you think. It's just that different motivations are at play.

domiguy -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 8:52:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: Anyone out there want to touch my shit? If only you could email it Unfortunately we can all only dream of the day when such an event might become reality.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 9:09:40 AM)
Domi, you are just jealous you have to buy toilet paper and I don't.

Pudicitia -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 10:04:20 AM)
To coin a new cliche ... "There is no such thing as a free lunch, even if you're Dominant." To the OP ... if they want something in return for service ... that is called being human, submissives ofter are. In my opinion as long as both people feel they are getting what they need why argue with it? My relationships have usually been on a strong service foundation. I have been live in, I have been visiting, I have been part time blah blah. With only one exception they failed when the service I gave became signifcantly higher in value that what was being returned. I do not mean I stopped washing the dishes when my ass stopped being whipped. Play/sex/money is not the only reward for giving service. A lack of anal rape is no reason to cease doing the laundry, but a lack of acknowledgement is reason - for me. I think there can be intensely subtle returns on service ... Sir standing behind you while you clean up after a party putting His arms around your waist kissing your neck, and thanking you for a job well done ... just as there can be overt returns on service. When there is neither ... it is time to re-examine your situation. Some people enjoy serving selflessly ... I am not one of them - well I can be in the short term but boy does it kiss ass. I need to feel that there is some form of payoff for what I am doing. Now many would read that as "You had better be fucking grateful I cleaned your floor for you Mister, drag my ass in the bedroom and beat it black and blue!" but nothing could be further from the truth. When a time comes when you look up from the dishes and you cannot remember something coming from the other side of the slash you have to wonder ... am I getting what I need from this?

specialk2611 -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 10:36:59 AM)
You are all awesome, thanks for your responses, I read each and every one of them intently. It is actually interesting to learn that perhaps that notion of totally altruistic service probably doesn't exist, that would make sense, it's just that perhaps some people say 'service is it's own reward truely and don't need anything else' on their profile as to say what they think is expected. I have read other threads elsewhere, where Domme's ask 'what do you want in return', which at the time sounded odd, but also makes sense now.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 11:34:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: specialk2611 You are all awesome, thanks for your responses, I read each and every one of them intently. It is actually interesting to learn that perhaps that notion of totally altruistic service probably doesn't exist, that would make sense, it's just that perhaps some people say 'service is it's own reward truely and don't need anything else' on their profile as to say what they think is expected. I have read other threads elsewhere, where Domme's ask 'what do you want in return', which at the time sounded odd, but also makes sense now. Since you are the submissive, if you want "pure service" that doesn't include "rewards and punishments" you have every right to say no. I got the impression that you were being presented with this contract by a dominant, not the other way around. But everyone's idea of "service" is going to have variations to it. Some people who say they want to be nothing more than a service submissive will expect rewards and punishments. Others will expect to have some type of "activities" such as MissBeautiful2U's weekly visitors. At the end of the day, it isn't simply the dominant who has to be satisfied with the events that have occured. The submissive needs to be satisfied as well. Whether that satisfaction is a job well done, or some other type of reward, punishment or activity, the submissive's reason for doing it should be taking some part in the choice being made of who to serve.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 11:37:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: specialk2611 I have read other threads elsewhere, where Domme's ask 'what do you want in return', which at the time sounded odd, but also makes sense now. You have to remember that there are lots of people who are brand new and call themselves Dommes, there are people who have been around forever, who call themselves Dommes, there are people who are completely nuts who call themselves Dommes, and there are a handful who are Dommes. Few look in the mirror and say "I am a complete fraud"...even if they are. Combine that with well meaning folks who are perhaps the most amazing Domme they know but forget that they only know two... Then, even the good Domme/Dominant has to fight the urge to "play dark" meaning to be all demanding/bitchy/edgy excetera and play to people's fantasies or to be very down to earth and grounded but risk sounding fluffy. People get all sorts of things from service, but if they think they want nothing...chances are they want LOTS but just don't know it. Which are the sorts people who have been around the block steer WAY clear of. And I know high profile people who really think that brand new chick is "serving" them out of sheer awe at how amazing they are, ignoring the fact that chick sees bdsm as some sort of ladder and "star fucking" someone big by serving them is a fast track to "being" someone. Sad really.

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