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Submission and Luv - 2/20/2010 8:59:11 AM

LadyOddsworth

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
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Is being able to really submit and trust your D give you feelings of love or luv for them? Do you form a deeper attachment because of the amount of trust needed? Do you feel more emotionally "at risk" by submitting?

< Message edited by LadyOddsworth -- 2/20/2010 9:11:03 AM >

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RE: Submission and Luv - 2/20/2010 9:01:27 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I do not know since we were never vanilla... so there is no before or after to compare how I felt about him. We spoke for 4 months over the phone, and when we met we played a few hours later... it was a pretty instantaneous bond

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Post #: 2

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/20/2010 9:03:48 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't submit to someone unless I know there's the real possibility of a committed loving relationship.

My surrender and submission becomes deeper the more I feel safe, secure in a loving committed relationship.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 3

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/20/2010 9:11:25 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Here is the thing, there are entire stretches of our relationship that were not D/s based as time went on, so I guess I could amend my previous statement slightly... my feelings for him are not completely based on the fact he dominates me, they are based upon mutual trust, friendship, compassion, interests and respect. He and I started with 4 hour long conversations, and we still have them (in fact one day we talked for 8 hours on the phone

). If he decided he didn't want to dominate me anymore I wouldn't dump him. As time has went by I have grown into someone that is submissive to my partner, but I do not necessarily have to be labeled a "submissive". He does not have to "dominate" me.

There are many threads that go on and on about "he doesn't dominate me like he used to", well our relationship isn't entirely dependent on my feeling dominated..

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/20/2010 9:12:06 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/20/2010 9:12:22 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
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I don't bother much about love as for me love is overrated...I do care about people...yes...but it takes a long time until I allow it to happen to love someone...therefore my love is usually limited to my pets of course and to the rare significant people in my life and in my past (such as my granny).

With my C-Dom I always felt incredible attraction to and sessions with him were hot (and painfull)...but still, I would not call it love...if I would stay in the UK and if we would date then I would more judge him on compatibility to my needs then on love him or him loving me.

It's just that the words "I love you" are so often said without thought or without really meaning it that I could not care less about those words, unless I really know that the person means it...and again, that takes time.

My last ex from here said never he loves me...and that was great for me...as at least he did not lie...however, despite that it never worked out for different reasons we still care a hell of a lot about each other...and thats much more worth for me then "love."

Therefore I don't need love to submit...I need the minimum level of attraction to consider to submit to someone (if that is not there, then it won't go that way) and in addition to that the knowledge that I can not only meet his needs but he can also meet mine...like one guy whom I considered to submit changed his mind about tolerating my cats...well, then he can't meet my needs and therefore won't have any of it...simple...

Therefore compatibility is the key for me...and not the dodgy word love...

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(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: Submission and Luv - 2/23/2010 12:53:36 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I love my Master for the person he is not the way he dominate's me. I don't feel anymore at risk, when you love you always leave yoursef emotionally at risk be is vanilla or D/s. If there is no feeling behind them the words i love you don't mean much, I know my Master loves me and the feeling behind the words so i like to hear the words. I trust him with my life and heart. Works for us will be 4 years for us on Friday.

Matt's ittleone

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 6

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/23/2010 2:12:50 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

this slave doesn't equate submission or dominance with love/luv, earning trust or being emotionally at risk.

love/luv, earned trust or emotional risk are not necessary components for either to exist in this slave's world.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 7

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/23/2010 2:42:45 PM

antinomy

Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

Is being able to really submit and trust your D give you feelings of love or luv for them? Do you form a deeper attachment because of the amount of trust needed? Do you feel more emotionally "at risk" by submitting?

For me, yes...it's always played a part in submission. And, I suppose, if I am being honest with myself- yes, there is an emotional risk there. Maybe not as much now, as when I was new to this, but....in the beginning, I had problems distinguishing that intimacy and trust from love. I sort of lumped it all together, because both fed a very similar place in my emotional needs. However, I found out that just becsause ~I~ felt that way, there was no guarantee the feeling was reciprocated. Which, is what made me vulnerable. It's also one of the reasons I don't play casually. I found out the hard way that I'm simply not wired for that.

Now, just because it's not healthy for ME to disassociate love from submission, I want to say that I totally get the people that can do it. I'm not saying my way is superior, or on higher moral ground. It's just what's true for me. I respect the people that don't need love to submit, I just don't think I could ever join the ranks in a way that would be positive for ME.

< Message edited by antinomy -- 2/23/2010 2:43:32 PM >

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 8

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/23/2010 2:56:38 PM

elleX

Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline

... there is certainly an emotional risk that come with submission , i am not talking here about the Top/bottom game or scenes ,,, in that cases , good talk and trust is what is needed
but if i am to submit my whole person to someone , , i woudl NEVER do it if there is no love from both sides
that simply would not work for me

(in reply to antinomy)

Post #: 9

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/23/2010 3:22:51 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

Is being able to really submit and trust your D give you feelings of love or luv for them?

I have submitted to some and felt no love at all for them.

quote:

Do you form a deeper attachment because of the amount of trust needed?

Not necessarily. The attachment and the love came because of the man and not because of what we physically do together.

quote:

Do you feel more emotionally "at risk" by submitting?

The opposite...I have never felt more emotionally safer than I have with him.

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Post #: 10

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/23/2010 4:18:01 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

What's the difference between "luv" and love?

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(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 11

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/23/2010 4:23:44 PM

LadyOddsworth

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
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Thanks everyone.

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Post #: 12

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/24/2010 5:23:02 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Other way around. I didn't submit until after we were both in love with each other. If I didn't love him, I wouldn't care about doing things to make him happy. If he didn't love me, he wouldn't be so careful of me that I could trust him. Love came first.

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(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 13

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/25/2010 5:33:40 PM

brattykajira

Posts: 22
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline

ah thats a good question. I know I have deep feelings for my One indeed. Although I am scared of love or more less afraid of the word. I have been let down many times in the past and walked out sort of speak so I tend to try not to love anyone that comes my way for this reason. I guess I try not to set my feelings up to fail sort of speak. If you dont fall in love you cannot be broken right?
-sugar

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 14

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/25/2010 7:32:39 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

Do you feel more emotionally "at risk" by submitting?

Do you feel wetter after having jumped into a swimming pool?

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(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 15

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/25/2010 8:14:04 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

Is being able to really submit and trust your D give you feelings of love or luv for them? Do you form a deeper attachment because of the amount of trust needed? Do you feel more emotionally "at risk" by submitting?

I love and trust him because of the man he is. That our relationship is best expressed in a power dynamic has nothing to do with my feelings of love or trust for him. There is nothing I trust him with that vanilla couples do not trust each other with (finances, pets, emotions, etc) or that I do not trust others who are not my dominant with (tying me up, beating me, scening, etc).

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 16

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/26/2010 8:44:59 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

I can definitely submit to a Domme without loving her. I do have to trust her, though. I enjoy being strapped up securely on a cross or otherwise, and letting her have her way with me. This means flogging, caning, CBT and whatever else comes up.

Trust is obviously extremely vital.

Ultimately, I suppose I could fall in love with my Owner, though it hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will, one day.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/27/2010 11:36:41 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't submit to someone unless I know there's the real possibility of a committed loving relationship.

My surrender and submission becomes deeper the more I feel safe, secure in a loving committed relationship.

THIS.

i have submitted with and without being in love with my Domme. When i am in love, my submission feels much deeper. The dynamic is much more profound. Her happiness becomes my happiness. Her pleasure causes me pleasure.

But when i am serving as merely a sub, without a deep, committed relationship, the feeling is very different. It feels more empty. At times, i feel as though i am submitting to my need to submit, rather than submitting to Her.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 18

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/27/2010 12:36:56 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

It's awfully easy to fall in love with someone that you completely trust with your mind and body...

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Post #: 19

RE: Submission and Luv - 2/27/2010 3:51:00 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

It's awfully easy to fall in love with someone that you completely trust with your mind and body...

Very, very true.

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 20

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