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Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 10:46:53 AM

MistressCaritia

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/19/2007
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Hello A/all

I have no idea if anyone/when someone has placed a post such as this before I am guessing they have, but a lovely sub and friend suggested I write something here which may or may not help others in this journey into the lifestyle.

I have been into bdsm/fetish for a long time, as with many of you here I have no doubt, I was interested in it before knowing all the terms and ettiquette. I took my time to learn and discover.

If I can pass on something of use to anyone - Domme, Dom, S/switch sub or slave, this is one of the pieces of knowledge I wuld share. Bdsm means and is something different to each of us. It is your perception of the lifestlye that you need to figure out for yourself. Your idea of service may not be the same as my idea of service, for you what constitutes a bdsm relationship maybe how much sex you can have during/after punishment, or that your bottom needs to be red raw before you feel you have done your bit. But without knowing this for yourself it will take a very long time to find someone who is compatible/ on the same wavelength as you. Finding someone with a like minded perception as you is important and to do that you need to communicate - not shout, harrass, bully, push or cajole someone into it, you need to know it for yourself and express that openly to those you have an interest in. To know you need to make yourself knowledgeable about yourself. Find out your likes dislikes, push your limits where possible and have some fun.

Perception plays a big part to much of what we see, hear and take in - people say it's not possible to undertake a 24/7 tpe (total power exchange) relationship, that is a matter of perception and opinion, which may stem from someones experience or no knowledge at all and just a feeling that it is not something they wish or could see themselves doing. Perception and life view are very personal, so be open communicate and don't be judgemental of those with less experience than you, help guide them this is a journey of adventure and discovery

Kind Regards
Mistress Caritia

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 12:24:22 PM

Lockit

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Very enlightening if one is totally clueless. If you want to come off educational, you might have something to offer more than some real basic's. You might try advertising in the proper area.

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 12:38:14 PM

MistressCaritia

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Did I upset you in someway Lockit?

I felt it was a general statement, so put it in general. Might you like to suggest whereelse to post it instead of being negative towards those who rarely use this forum.

Kind Regards
Mistress Caritia

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 12:43:46 PM

myotherself

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It would sit better in a blog or journal

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 12:44:33 PM

LadyPact

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I think what she (Lockit) might be saying here is that, while it's nice that you took the time to type that up, OP, that's not exactly discussion or a question. It's kind of like telling us that Windex is used to clean windows. Most of us are quite familiar on how this thing works. We didn't really need you to tell us.

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 12:45:09 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressCaritia
To know you need to make yourself knowledgeable about yourself.

Well, I thought it was a great first post. I've mentioned several times here that virtually everything I know I learned from female subs, not from mentors, classes or books. I think the #1 reason women with more play experience than me were willing to sub to me, and to teach me how to top them, was because they thought I was self-controlled and self-aware. So I agree that self-knowledge is a critical skill, and all too often, people don't have it, and cover up that lack by talking loudly about their own awesomeness.

Welcome to the boards.

Edited to add: Ah, I see the concern. Yes, I thought maybe it would be better as an introduction, rather than a question to the BDSM forum, but seriously. There have been plenty of negative newcomers lately. I'm glad to see someone who writes positively and politely.

< Message edited by RedMagic1 -- 2/22/2010 12:47:29 PM >

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 12:48:40 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressCaritia

Hello A/all

I have no idea if anyone/when someone has placed a post such as this before I am guessing they have, but a lovely sub and friend suggested I write something here which may or may not help others in this journey into the lifestyle.

I have been into bdsm/fetish for a long time, as with many of you here I have no doubt, I was interested in it before knowing all the terms and ettiquette. I took my time to learn and discover.

If I can pass on something of use to anyone - Domme, Dom, S/switch sub or slave, this is one of the pieces of knowledge I wuld share. Bdsm means and is something different to each of us. It is your perception of the lifestlye that you need to figure out for yourself. Your idea of service may not be the same as my idea of service, for you what constitutes a bdsm relationship maybe how much sex you can have during/after punishment, or that your bottom needs to be red raw before you feel you have done your bit. But without knowing this for yourself it will take a very long time to find someone who is compatible/ on the same wavelength as you. Finding someone with a like minded perception as you is important and to do that you need to communicate - not shout, harrass, bully, push or cajole someone into it, you need to know it for yourself and express that openly to those you have an interest in. To know you need to make yourself knowledgeable about yourself. Find out your likes dislikes, push your limits where possible and have some fun.

Perception plays a big part to much of what we see, hear and take in - people say it's not possible to undertake a 24/7 tpe (total power exchange) relationship, that is a matter of perception and opinion, which may stem from someones experience or no knowledge at all and just a feeling that it is not something they wish or could see themselves doing. Perception and life view are very personal, so be open communicate and don't be judgemental of those with less experience than you, help guide them this is a journey of adventure and discovery

Kind Regards
Mistress Caritia

Perception. A word that always seems to bring trouble to these boards.

While I can agree with you that, as a general concept or idea, MY idea of service may be different from yours, especially when it comes to something as personal as sexuality, I am of the opinion that when "service" is used to refer to something within the confines of D/s alone and apart from BDSM, it refers to the submissive performing an act of some nature that makes the dominant's life easier. I would have a hard time visualizing a "service" submissive whose only submission takes place in the bedroom as a "lifestyle" D/s person as an example. Is that just my perception or is it the reality? To say that it is reality comes close to what many perceive as "one wayism" but on the other hand, as discussed in a recent thread in which several of us noted our distaste for the invasion of PC into all areas of D/s, an all-inclusive mix of definitions that go completely off the grid serves no useful purpose either.

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 12:54:03 PM

OriginallyFromLA

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I thought it was good for the audience it was aimed at which is the beginner. And my comment has nothing to do with the fact that her avatar is FREAKING HOT!.

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 1:02:52 PM

MistressCaritia

Posts: 4
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Thank you all for your input.

I did consider putting it out as a journal, myotherself but also felt it would make an interesting topic to discuss others perceptions of there experience, although granted I did not pose a question (which can do), I felt it was open enough for people to discuss.

So let me ask the question(s) What are your perceptions of bdsm? When someone asks about service what is your perception of 'service'? Is bdsm purely sexual to you or something more?

Creative Dominant - matter where you post the word perception it causes ripples which is why it's a good one to bring up. So much of what we do, take part in or believe is a matter of perception in my personal opinion, because it is dependant on your knowledge at the point in time you are coming at a subject. I would also say that no one person's perception is less important than anothers but many think it is & jump to making statements before asking questions or helping to educate.

As I say if this should be posted else where I am happy to request the collarme menitors move it

Kind Regards

(Hope the questions help)

< Message edited by MistressCaritia -- 2/22/2010 1:03:39 PM >

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 1:23:50 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressCaritia

Thank you all for your input.

I did consider putting it out as a journal, myotherself but also felt it would make an interesting topic to discuss others perceptions of there experience, although granted I did not pose a question (which can do), I felt it was open enough for people to discuss.

So let me ask the question(s) What are your perceptions of bdsm? When someone asks about service what is your perception of 'service'? Is bdsm purely sexual to you or something more?

For Me, the questions do help. I appreciate the effort.

My perceptions of BDSM are pretty simple. I don't believe in the One True Way theory. I do believe in My Way, which works for Me. I also have the common sense to know that My Way isn't going to work for everyone else. At the same time, My Way does work for Me, which is exactly why that's the way I do it.

Service to Me are those things that make My life easier. There's a whole range of stuff in there. Everything from personal service, to things around the house, to I need X research done and I want him to do it. I tend to include all things related to protocol to be service as well. For example, if someone is new to the lifestyle, participation in his education of this lifestyle is also a service to Me.

BDSM isn't just sexual to Me. In fact, bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism don't necessarily have to be linked to physical sex at all. I would say the same thing if we were talking about authority dynamics. While it may be true for some, it isn't necessarily so for everyone. (It kind of goes back to the 'there is no one true way' thing.)

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Perceptions of BDSM - 2/22/2010 2:23:41 PM

DesFIP

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No difference between this and vanilla. Know what you want, have sufficient communication skills in both talking and listening to discuss what you want and what the other person wants, see if there's enough commonality to go further.

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