In defense of blue-ovary-ers ;)

In defense of blue-ovary-ers ;) (Full Version)

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Learn2ServeU -> In defense of blue-ovary-ers ;) (2/23/2010 4:19:18 PM)
In defense of blue-ovary-ers ;) Hello, Newb here, thinking maybe I should make some journal entries. I kind of wish I had been ordered to do so by a Wonderful and Loving Dominant Woman, but maybe I should show some initiative. I saw a term used by a Lovely Domme with whom I had corresponded briefly where she broke down Her disappointments by group. She used the term 'blue-overy-ers" for a certain group of frustrating potential subs who want to 'take it slow' and 'build trust' but who invariably chicken out at the last moment, calling it 'too intense' or whatever. I definitely saw myself in that, and I thought I should respond, respectfully and to a greater understanding between subs and Dommes, of course. And so, kneeling respectfully in deference to Her, allow me to defend the blue-ovary-ers She described. I can only hope She values my contribution. To begin with, I am neither married nor do I have a list of preconceived fantasies I wish to have 'performed'. But I am new to this, I am nervous, and while I am stubborn and individualistic in my life, this is really growing in me, now that I'm exploring it. And there are preconceptions and naivetes I have that have had to be unlearned. For one thing, I did not realize how many women loved pegging men. I had heard of it, but I had never thought of it as anything but a curiosity. Now that it's been suggested, I do find myself fantasizing about it.... but I am really, really nervous about losing my virginity. ;) For another, I didn't realize how many men enjoy it too. I would have imagined men who offer their asses would be a rare and precious commodity. How wrong I was! ;) The spam alone for Dommes runs into hundreds of messages, apparently. I can see how, in that context, the idea of waiting for a sub to come around, or taking the time to seduce him, is ridiculous. Again, I am learning. But it's taken a while to even learn what was going on. Now that I do, not sure how to proceed. But I'm glad to have learned. Now, I apparently need to reposition myself, (no pun intended) but I'm not sure how. I changed my listing to switch, to compensate for my not being full sub (yet ;), but I'm not a Dom really. So, where do I go from here? I'm definitely not ready to be 'outed' as a sub, so no munches or events. And I want trust, it doesn't have to be a relationship but there has to be a vanilla spark (I love to write and talk), and I would like to take it slow. Am I being dishonest? The more I learn the more I want to know, but I am still not sure I'll ever act on it. After all, it takes two compatible people to tango. Can a male sub reasonably hope to be seduced, and converted, or is that a chauvinistic fantasy, if only because of the sub/Domme ratio? Or does it go against the whole lifestyle? In any case, I thought I'd offer a submissive defense, and a look into what we're thinking, for the use and entertainment of Dommes who may be wondering wtf is going on with these guys. I prefer to think of us as shy, and maybe a bit romantic. Others may see us as manipulative and selfish. Any thoughts?

dreamerdreaming -> RE: In defense of blue-ovary-ers ;) (2/23/2010 4:28:34 PM)
Welcome to the forums. I order you to make a journal entry demonstrating correct usage of paragraphs. And to edit your OP in like fashion, as well. Start with the OP. Edited to add: Thanks! Now I can attempt to read it. bravely tries Okay here's what I've got: you're a switch, and you have newbie questions about how to proceed, and whether you will end up as fully sub or will always be part dom. Is that anywhere near close?

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: In defense of blue-ovary-ers ;) (2/23/2010 4:46:08 PM)
First, a quick, helpful tip: When posting, paragraph breaks are your friends. A wall-o-text is going to make people's eyes cross and you are less likely to get the types of responses you want as a result. Second, I think this might have been more effective in the Ask A Mistress forum, since we're your target audience. However, I'm sure it will be found by some of the more dedicated forum regulars so no worries. I'd like to take this opportunity to direct your attention to the Ask A Mistress Forum FAQ, in particular the sections dealing with Profile Help and CMail Help. These two sections are specifically designed to help you word your profile and introductory CMail in such a way as to cut down on the chances of miscommunication. And that's really what you're talking about. If you communicate well, being honest about your newness, your shyness, and your desire to take things slow, then you shouldn't have too many difficulties. The problems arise when a sub fails to be honest about one or more of these things. It's often a matter of one's mouth writing checks one's ass can't cash, so to speak. In other words, if you avoid gushing about how much you want to submit to a woman and then backpeddaling when she wants to meet, you'll also avoid "Blue Ovary Syndrome." Remember, most dominant women are going to want coffee, lunch, or some other vanilla activity at least once before they consent to play with you. In many cases, they'll want several "vanilla dates" during the negotiation and trust-building stage of the relationship. This is assuming you want a female-led relationship, as opposed to some casual playtime. Your OP seems to indicate you'd prefer the former, so please forgive me if I've misunderstood. In any case, this brings me back to the issue of clear communication. If you're communicating well and honestly, then you will have little difficulty finding a dominant woman who is willing to work with you and introduce you to many kinky activities at a rate you will find acceptible if not entirely comfortable. (Hey, some of us are sadists and enjoy watching you sweat and squirm. [;)]) I wish you the best in finding that special someone. Keep posting in an intelligent, thoughtful manner and you'll do fine.

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