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RadioFlyer -> my thesis on my own personal slavery (3/29/2006 6:38:54 AM)
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hello everyone :) i have joined collarme at the request of my Mistress (MistressCyn127) so that we can become active in the community. i have written a sort of thesis on why i am a slave and we are interested in any thoughts you all might have on it, so here it is.
All my life, i've been very into the idea of having a relationship. i may not have always thought of it like this, but i always wanted someone whom i could just throw myself at the feet of and live for. Now, of course i didn't realize that this was even possible, because in the vanilla world i grew up in, that sounds ridiculous. However, i do remember being a bit more...helpful with my girlfriends throughout high school than most of the other guys were. More helpful than the other guys who always seemed to have girlfriends and always seemed to be able to keep them for a hell of a lot longer than me. They didn't hold the door, or carry the girl's books, or do any of the things that just came naturally to me but i guess in hindsight sound pretty ridiculous. Whenever i did manage to get a girl to give me a shot, it was usually over in a week. You could clock it. One week. They would never tell me why, just that it wasn't working out. i guess the fact that i always wanted to make them happy or serve them (though there's no way of thought of it as servitude back then) was seen as clingy or needy to them, and they didn't want to have anything to do with that. It felt so natural to me, but apparently it was not what most girls my age were looking for. After High School, the only sort of relationships i went after were with girls with low self-esteem who i was pretty sure would be receptive to the way i wanted to treat them because they had been treated badly in the past. They were more receptive to the way i wanted to serve them, but there still was no BDSM environment, and i still felt something was missing. So that went on for a while, and actually, in most of those sorts of relationships i was the one who did the breaking up because i felt that missing space in the relationship. And then i met You. You told me about the whole BDSM thing and i knew almost instantly that this was what i had been looking for. o be allowed to totally devote myself to one person with no fear of them thinking that i am weird or needy or anything like that sounded too good to be true, and it still does. It keeps getting better every day, and i feel like i am growing and becoming more and more at peace with myself and with everything around me (including elements of my life i was not always happy with, like the fact that i have to have a job), and it's all because of You. i have had doubts that i could ever get to where You are, but now i really do believe that it's possible.
any thoughts or comments would be appreciated :)
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