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A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 7:32:27 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		I've been thinking about how to word this for a few days. Last weekend I went to a fetish club with another submissive, Master doesn't like loud places, but encouraged me to go out and have fun, with instructions on what to do and what not to do. I had never been before, but was excited to check it out.

I got ready with my friend, and we were laughing b/c her outfit looked very "domme". I was surprised when we got there though, every time we interacted with people, they assumed she was my submissive. After the third or fourth time this happened, I asked the guy what gave him that impression, and he said the way I carried myself, posture, energy, etc.

I'll admit, I'm very selective about my submission. In social settings, I am definitely dominant, especially when it's new and I'm a bit out of my element. It was still sort of strange though, everyone KNEW the girl I was with was submissive, but somehow I came off different. In the end, due to circumstances, I actually had to get pretty domme with a few people and i found it pretty easy actually.

Any other subs have this happen in public without your Master/Dom? If He were there, I imagine it would have read very different to others. I told Master all about this, and He was very proud of me, said I am confident and poised, and that's what people are reacting to. Part of me wonders if somehow all this makes me a bad sub, but my Master says it's a good thing, so I'm focusing on that. Who cares what others think, other than I guess my curiosity, hence me posting here.

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 7:41:47 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		For some, if you aren't a doormat (I just couldn't help myself) they can't see you as a submissive.  They have so little confidence in themselves they have to pick partners with even less confidence.  So to them, any woman who walks with pride seems a bit dominant, and if you carry yourself with grace as well it really throws them off.

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 7:50:21 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		There may be a potential switch inside, but I'll leave that for entirely other discussions.

I carry myself proudly.  There are many reasons for this, but among them are that I am proud to be his and that who and what I am thrills him to no end.  I am accepted as is and know it is possible to have happen.  Since I know this, I'm not terribly bothered with others' opinions.  That gives me an air of confidence and quiet grace that I am sure could be mistaken for dominance even when I am present in fully submissive space.  There's not a thing wrong with that.  It doesn't make me less submissive with him.  It just shows I am in a healthy place. 

lovingpet

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 7:53:22 AM   
antinomy


Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline 		I'm me. I don't try to be anybody else (not saying you do, either, just making my point here). While I have submissive tendencies in all aspects of my life (i.e., I have always been the nurturer, the one to put the needs of others first, the one to anticipate needs and make sure drinks are filled, everyone has enough to eat, that nobody is feeling left out, etc)- I do not think about myself in terms of BEING submissive, except within the confines of a power exchange relationship. I could mostly care less if others think I'm submissive or dominant. If we get each other, we'll get along just fine without labels, if not? No label in the world is going to make me show artificial respect or deference to anyone else. I admire experience, intelligence, strength, compassion, open-mindedness, generosity, kindness- and those characterstics garner my respect.

Confidence and poise are beautiful things. It's sort of sad if they are seen mainly as the domain of Dominants. I'd imagine that any Dom I was with would be looking for those very characteristics...lol...or we are not going to get along very well.

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 7:54:58 AM   
FelineFae


Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		i haven't been misidentified in such a way, but, i agree with your Master's pride.
You behaved in a manor that pleased him.
It also sounds like you provided a feeling of safety for your friend. Imho, nobility is quite a beautiful trait on either side of D/s .

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 7:56:22 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		I should add that there may be a certain amount of wishful thinking going on too, there were many submissive men there, so they may have been seeing what they want to see. That said, I do have really good posture and make eye contact pretty readily, usually with a smile. I'm pretty proud of who and what I am, and I guess that comes across, like you're describing LP.

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“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 7:59:33 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		so far, no one has mistaken the girl at the end of His leash as a Domme, regardless of this slave's outfit or leash, or lack thereof...even if we are hanging out with other folks.

perhaps it is the repulsive "Odeur de Doormat" this slave emits...hmmmm.

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 8:00:11 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antinomy

While I have submissive tendencies in all aspects of my life (i.e., I have always been the nurturer, the one to put the needs of others first, the one to anticipate needs and make sure drinks are filled, everyone has enough to eat, that nobody is feeling left out, etc)-



I find that interesting, b/c I am the same way, but sometimes you end up being the dominant one to fulfill these things, i.e. managing a group if you notice someone is left out, declaring it's dinner time at a party and moving people towards the table, where to sit, etc. I guess that can be sort of dominant, even though your goal is to be pleasing and make people comfortable.

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 8:04:52 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae
It also sounds like you provided a feeling of safety for your friend. Imho, nobility is quite a beautiful trait on either side of D/s .


That is the heart of it I think, any time I am out, I look out for anyone I am with. If someone gets nasty with me, I walk away, but if someone gets nasty with someone I am with, forget it, I'm letting them have it. I get very protective. Maybe I am a switch, LOL...

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 8:06:07 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		I guess that's the point though Beth, there was no leash, or Master there, just me and another woman.

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 8:10:24 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

Part of me wonders if somehow all this makes me a bad sub, but my Master says it's a good thing, so I'm focusing on that. Who cares what others think, other than I guess my curiosity, hence me posting here.


a) I don't know the details of your relationship, but your dynamic is with your Master, not with the rest of the world-being submissive to him is not the same as being submissive to everyone who crosses your path, right?

b) As for being a 'bad sub'-are you happy? Is he happy?

If the answers to either of those questions are 'no', think about why, but if the answers are yes (and from the way you post I very much get the impression that they are!), then you are a 'good sub', no matter how submissive you might look to other people when your Master isn't there...

(Obviously this is just my opinion-ymmv and all that...)


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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 8:12:56 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		Absolutely true, and at the end of the day, that's what matters to me is His opinion. It was just strange to me, having never been in an environment like that before, to have people react to me in a way very much different from how I view myself.

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 8:16:50 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think that everything would have been different had your dominant been in the room with you...

I do not appear submissive until my Daddy is around, and then it is apparent who has the power in the relationship.. my body language is totally submissive.


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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 8:21:10 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

I guess that's the point though Beth, there was no leash, or Master there, just me and another woman.


sorry, missed that part about Master not being at the function with you.

perhaps it isn't the "Odeur de Doormat" after all!!!

this slave has never been to a fetish function/club/dungeon without Him.

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 10:24:44 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
perhaps it is the repulsive "Odeur de Doormat" this slave emits...hmmmm.


I think it is the testosterone condensation on Merc's forehead that does it beth!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 1:03:42 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

sorry, missed that part about Master not being at the function with you.
perhaps it isn't the "Odeur de Doormat" after all!!!
this slave has never been to a fetish function/club/dungeon without Him.
I'm trying to picture beth at a club or event without Merc... and I can't do it.


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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 4:18:46 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've had "bdsm" people think of me as a "domme" which I've never quite understood. It's not like I go around with a whip in my hand or dominate people..I don't..ever..at all. Is it the fact that I wear heels and I dress nicely? Is it because I will casually chat with people that I don't even know? Is it because I can fit into almost any crowd and not look nervous? Is it because I tend to give a small smile to almost anyone just as a tension breaker to ease people and not cause trouble? I dunno. I've never understood it.

With people not into "bdsm"..some have seen me as being strong simply because they know my life..but dominant? No..never had anyone tell me that other than "bdsm" people.

I think for many "bdsm" men it's just wishful thinking though.

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RE: A sub in Domme's clothing? - 2/25/2010 4:31:39 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		I feel better knowing I'm not alone, thank you for responding!

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

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