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StrangerThan -> RE: What if?!?!? (2/27/2010 7:00:08 AM)
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Good question LaT. The issue I think is close to being moot where reasonable people are concerned. Responsibility comes with control, even when there is no binding emotional or romantic attachment involved. I think most realize that, even those who enjoy, or live for play at the extremities. We exist in a realm of consensual things where we can explore areas like pain and control because both sides of the equation have a need that is equal, yet opposing in that one needs to provide it and one needs to feel it. When and where it works best is when both trust in themselves and in each other enough to be able to ride that edge of need and want. It is what makes the experiences so powerful, so encompassing at a core level. No matter how dominating one may be, that responsibility does not evaporate with the willingness of any given submissive. And I think that one trait characterizes, as much as I hate to say it, denotes true dominance more than anything else.
That doesn't mean a dominant who asks his submissive to jump from a cliff is anything less. It does mean that a dominant who does so with no concern to the safety of his or her submissive is less in my eyes. It isn't a question of dominance at that point for me. It is a question of idiocy, on both sides. It is the kind of scenario that leads to sensationalistic headlines, the kind we've all seen, the kind that cast doubts on the intelligence level of anyone who would partake in aspects of this type of lifestyle.
There is always a point of calculated risk in the things we do. As practiced as I may be, I am not perfect. I accept that as a dominant. I also accept my responsibility in it. It is why I say the point is basically moot among reasonable people. Whether we do so as part of an on-going relationship, or play at clubs, we know that being able to maintain the trust of our partners lies both on our ability to ride those edges, while allowing them to emerge not just intact at the other end, but having gotten something they needed to get from the experience. It is not so much an issue of control really, but one of harmony, even if that harmony comes from the total subjugation of another.
It is those who don't consider the risk nor accept the responsibility to whom this question should be addressed, but who will most likely not appear here. I've known dominants who left strings of broken submissives in their wake and thought it their right as a dominant to do so. The issue I most often have however, is not with their perceived right, but the whining that comes with not being able to maintain a relationship, even the stability of one with casual play partners.
I also have no compassion for those stupid enough to end up with blue lights flashing in the yard and the looming image of a judge to whom said dominant will have to explain his or her rights.
Reasonable people doesn't mean those who avoid extremes of pain or control. It means those who understand they have an obligation to someone other than themselves.
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