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Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/25/2010 9:10:08 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Have any Mistresses had difficulty keeping more than one slave? Jealousy, finding time to train and/or play with everyone, clarity of roles? Were you able to successfully handle the situation?

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/25/2010 9:22:27 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I've had more than one in my life, but never slaves... I once had, at a peak and CRAZY moment, two boys and a girl friend... I've juggled two before... but each with different roles in my life... I don't like doing it, although I have done it a lot.  I'm not planning on doing it again to be honest... its way too much work.  I don't know how successful I was.. for me, success is usually perfection, so I never am.  Ultimately, I think success in that situation is happiness and fulfillment for all.  That never happens.  Funnily enough, most of the time, I was the one without the fulfillment... three people in my life and my needs weren't being met.  That's when I looked up and decided it wasn't such a great idea in practice.  Now I have one person in my life and most of my needs are being met.

I found it sad that I had so many around me and yet was not really getting much from it.

I could go on and on... its a very delicate balance and it requires all the same basic things that poly requires, from all parties -- clear sense of self and your needs, an ability to very openly and honestly communicate, ability to admit your faults and foibles, a sense of your role in the situation (and relationship to all others) and a lot of patience and willingness to make it work.

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/25/2010 9:52:04 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I like having a wide variety of "boytoys" at my disposal.  Unfortunately, I also have way too much empathy, I feel responsible for other people's emotions and I am my own worst enemy when people get hurt despite me making things clear.  As a way to avoid this, I have always been pretty good at developing boundaries, not getting too attached to a "play partner" and avoiding serious, longterm, "labeled" relationships.  So I don't tell a man, "you are officially part of my stable."  I don't "collar" and have a ceremony. I don't let things get so serious that I am asked, "So where are we, as a couple?"  I'm married, and I don't want a boyfriend, a romance, or a lover. 

Easier said that done, of course.  Good BDSM chemistry is so hot, and good partners are hard to find.  Even good bottoms are hard to find.  I get attached, it happens.  Things evolve and they have to be addressed.  I try to just be honest about my feelings along the way.  The longer I stay 'friendly-kinky' with someone, the better the BDSM gets, but the more risk there is for emotional entanglements on both ends. I don't think there's an easy solution.  All I can be is honest.

I get way, way, way too affected by men I barely know telling me that I have hurt them emotionally for allowing them to get attached to me.  For some reason, I am unable to distinguish between my responsibility/my fault and not letting that stuff rip me up.  I can tell a man ten times, "I'm not going to get romantically involved with you, I am married," but if we play 2 times and he tells me, "I think I am falling in love with you" (totally out of left field), I carry that burden.  

It's even more complicated if I get attached to someone.  As much as I am a hardcore sadist, it kills me to hurt someone emotionally.  I want longstanding, intense, hot & sexy BDSM relationships and would love to have them with many men. However, I am very intimidated by the emotional responsibility that comes with that.  So I stick to more casual play, and at the end of the day, I still do find myself in tricky waters at times.

I started another thread awhile ago about "collaring" and why I avoid it, how it feels way too "formal" and then becomes like a psuedo boyfriend/girlfriend thing. As much as subs want to belong, or feel owned, or feel like they are "officially property" of me, I feel like it's just asking for heartache down the road.  I mean what happens when it's time to "uncollar" someone?   I have an emotional conflict about the whole idea.

Akasha


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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/25/2010 11:17:33 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I enjoy having multiple people in my life but I don't think a stable of slaves would do a thing for me. 

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/25/2010 11:47:04 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		Poly is hard work, in any configuration.  Technically I'm not sure if some of the situations being described fall entirely under the umbrella of poly, but the same relationship maintenance skills are very likely to be applicable. 

It is also rewarding.  Yes, there are potential issues and conflicts in any multiple relationship, whether it's directly sexual between all of the participants or not.  Time and energy and resources are finite, and if the situation ends up being more of a negative competition and less of a positive "let's see what I can contribute to the poly family dynamic so that everybody has more of everything", shit can definitely hit the fan.  There's constructive and destructive ways to solve every conflict, and the poly group that chooses to focus on the positive is going to be a lot more stable and long lasting.

I do generally have multiple submissives.  I only do serious relationships with one or at most two at a time; I've found that this is my personal limit for rationing out my time and energy.  Currently I have two submissive partners in my poly triad, a primary and a secondary.  It's not really a hierarchy so much as a designation of who I share a physical household with and who I see less of because he lives separately.  There have been minor glitches along the way, mainly because one of my boys gets his feelings hurt easily and the other one is a bit socially clueless, but they're both rational adults who are committed to working things out constructively and communicating with one another.  So anything that comes up gets worked on and worked out. 

I also have some casual play partners/submissives, but we may not have frequent contact outside of BDSM community events, occasional emails or calls, and play sessions.  And then there's my personal fitness clients, whom I may have regular contact with, but am more limited in what I do.  They don't cause any complications as a rule, except when my dance card is insanely full at an event because both my collared submissives are there and some of my favorite play partners show up also.  Then it's a question of doing what and with which and to whom in a manner that won't leave me completely exhausted at the end of the evening.  LOL



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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/25/2010 12:15:50 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

Have any Mistresses had difficulty keeping more than one slave? Jealousy, finding time to train and/or play with everyone, clarity of roles? Were you able to successfully handle the situation?


The most partners I've had at one time in my life was 4 -- husband, slave, and two in training.

I simply applied the poly rules my husband and I set up at the beginning of our marriage.

Then I made sure I was able to do good time management and learned to say "no" or "yes" when it was right for me.

I actually miss that time, I was never bored and never felt I had to give up when I wanted to do something out of consideration for financial reasons which I must do now that I only have my husband and one slave.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/25/2010 2:41:50 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
You statement begs homage to luckyalbatross:

"Find stable partners, not a stable of partners. "

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/25/2010 4:03:07 PM   
Kaiel


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		About 3 years ago I have a full time 24/7 slave, 2 males subs, one strictly sex slave (yum) and one female sub. It was a lot of work.  I enjoyed the company of each of them, however, very quickly jealousy reared it ugly head and it become difficult to manage. I think it absolutely can be done, however, to do so I think One must have established rules and continue to maintain open and honest communication with all who are involved.

Even with that, personality differences will come into play...  insecurities and ego may make the situation difficult. Also, as Akasha mentioned sometimes the parties (D-types and s-types) fall in love and that stirs up additional challenges.

So, having been there done that, I found that it does not work for Me, not to the extent of having many many subs/slaves. What does work for Me is having one primary sub/slave and one additional if that person is the right fit.


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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/27/2010 8:40:18 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi.

I have one 24-7 slave, another that lives a few miles out of town, and some long distance slaves (LD) too. Each slave I own serves a certain purpose that we're all happy with but sure sometimes there's jealousy but that's something that can be conquered thru training. That's why training is so important.

My 24-7 slave does the home chores, errands, some webwork, cooks my meals, and is my sexslave too. I might later take in a second 24-7 slave if he's a really slave.

My out of town slave comes into town when I tell him to and does what I want, when I want, and how I want. He's at my beck and call. I'd like to get another like him.

My long distance slaves vary. Some I'm training, some I own, a few come into town when I tell them to, and others serve me from where they are.

And then there's the slaves we all share and exchange, me and the Mistress friends I know. We usually share our slaves at our parties. This helps both Mistresses and slaves learn how to handle jealousy and insecurities.

Hope this helps.

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/28/2010 9:43:52 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		In practical terms, when a Mistress says that she owns  long distance slaves, what does this mean?  Are these men allowed to date, have sex, be married to other women, or are their romantic and sexual lives completely under Mistress' control?  And does the Mistress have any sort of system set up to ensure the slave's faithfulness?

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/28/2010 3:14:18 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I know a few Dommes who are poly, but none who refer to their partners as a "stable" of slaves. I think the term comes across very bad-femdom-porn.

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 2/28/2010 4:08:31 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I know a few Dommes who are poly, but none who refer to their partners as a "stable" of slaves. I think the term comes across very bad-femdom-porn.


I dunno, the idea could be hot.  Pony gear, bits and bridles, and some sexy men who were hung like they belonged in the stable....sounds like pretty good porn to me. 


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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 3/1/2010 11:33:30 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I think it's GOOD femdom porn terminology.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 3/1/2010 2:14:03 PM   
MsHValentine


Posts: 80
Joined: 1/6/2010
Status: offline 		Great FemDom terminology no doubt!

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 3/2/2010 8:14:15 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

In practical terms, when a Mistress says that she owns  long distance slaves, what does this mean?  Are these men allowed to date, have sex, be married to other women, or are their romantic and sexual lives completely under Mistress' control?  And does the Mistress have any sort of system set up to ensure the slave's faithfulness?


I have no clue. I haven't long-distance relationships at this type for years and would never do them again because they quite simply can not give me what I need and want.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Handling/juggling a stable of slaves - 3/3/2010 4:15:34 PM   
LadyDelilahDeb


Posts: 52
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline 		First, I don't do slaves. Second, I don't do live-in or 24/7. That said, I am poly, and I have a poly lover who is also a kinky partner, both of us secondary relationships. I have a "long-distance" collared sub/servant but he only serves me when he is physically in town. The rest of the time we're friends who keep in touch very sporadically. He is married with permission to play when out of town, and a poly-friendly 'nilla spouse. I have a local sub who serves me and my garden chores but is not a poly partner of mine. And then I have a young sub who is most definitely submissive to me as well as a great bottom and play partner, but he is not, at present, a poly partner.

Stable? Naw. Just individual relationships which do or do not fit into my life well. The ones that don't fit well over time, those are the ones I use the broom on.

Lady Delilah Deb

_____________________________

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