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How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 8:24:09 AM

scarfslave

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If the definition of a fetish is being sexually stimulated by an object, I have a major fetish for silk scarves. I've had it since before I was even aware of what sex is. It has always been something I have been ashamed to admit, though. I don't know why, I've just always felt that way. As I got older, I finally found situations where I felt safe enough to open up (at least a little) about my feelings. Most of the responses have been that it is silly or weird. One girl-friend was so freaked out that she dumped me and outed me (which has some unexpected positive effects). But the most troubling have been when the woman responded by becoming very self-conscious about it.. This is the case with my wife. At first she was curious, and started wearing scarves more often. But after a while she decided she was turned off by the objectivation. How aware are women of the extent of men's fetishes? Are there women who have similar feelings? Silk scarves don’t seem to be so in style that many women wear them, but those that do seem to wear them frequently. Also, I’ve known women with a number of scarves way out of proportion to what they would wear in normal fashion cycles.

Post #: 1

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 8:39:33 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: scarfslave

How aware are women of the extent of men's fetishes? Are there women who have similar feelings?

I'd hazard a guess that the women who do wear scarves aren't reading your mind, they're simply wearing what they like. Yes, women have sexual fetishes of all kinds, too. I'm sure there's even those who find scarves to be a huge turn on.

Fire

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(in reply to scarfslave)

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RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 8:46:06 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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If you're in a relationship or dating someone, it tends to be pretty obvious when someone has a real fetish for something.

I'm ok with it as long as they keep it on the right place on the priorities list. My local partner has a huge foot fetish- but I don't become "a person with awesome feet" with him. Also, when he goes to my feet, he doesn't suddenly forget there's still a whole person attached to them.

As long as perspective is kept, then it's fine. It's when you lose perspective that it's no fun.

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(in reply to scarfslave)

Post #: 3

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 9:31:01 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
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From: Orange County
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
As long as perspective is kept, then it's fine. It's when you lose perspective that it's no fun.

and if pushed past the point of no fun, it becomes a source of irritation, resentment, loathing and a really big turn off.

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RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 10:12:18 AM

Slipstreme

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I agree with champagne. I know in my own experience, my love of flogging and fur has turned into a fetish, and I have to be mindful of the people I am with so that I don't bore them to death (Shauer-Masoch anyone?). Vice versa, my primary partner has quite a few fetishes as well that we both partake in.

Also I've noticed, for every fetish out there, there is someone else who will share in it. However, as you are married, as LA had mentioned, it is never a good idea to let your fetish cloud the fact your partners are people too with their own needs and desires.

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RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 10:20:06 AM

MsIncognito

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I posted a thread about being involved with fetishists a few months ago. My thoughts are clearly outlined in the first post in the thread.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_236441/mpage_1/key_fetish%252Chuman%252Crelationship/tm.htm#236441

(in reply to scarfslave)

Post #: 6

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 10:46:56 AM

MistressStchWich

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Joined: 8/31/2005
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....for most women, it is "girlie" clothes, make-up and a great hairstyle....Women do not even realize they are getting themselves turned on when the engage in the rituals of being a Female. The point of the exercise is to cause Our partner to find Us gorgeous enough to drool over and lust after us...We create the appearance We find alluring and gorgeous (as much as We can with what We are given to work with...lol), and while doing so, we are thinking of the ways we hope he/she will be affected or will respond; the thought of him desiring us gets us excited....
That is unless it is a blind date...then we are just praying they aren't axe murderers...lol

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RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 12:16:42 PM

Submotive

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i think communication is vital here, just as with any fetish - whether the fetish is the subs or the Dom/mes. Then it becomes lots of fun for both.

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(in reply to scarfslave)

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RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 12:47:51 PM

MsIncognito

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The foot fetishist I was involved with communicated his desire for me to really and totally get off on having my toes sucked. Oddly, that didn't magically make it "lots of fun for both." It just made me realize that I don't want to fake what turns me on for a partner anymore than that partner wants me to fake it for them. Communication is not the panacea many seem to think it is.

quote:

i think communication is vital here, just as with any fetish - whether the fetish is the subs or the Dom/mes. Then it becomes lots of fun for both.

(in reply to Submotive)

Post #: 9

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 12:53:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito
The foot fetishist I was involved with communicated his desire for me to really and totally get off on having my toes sucked. Oddly, that didn't magically make it "lots of fun for both." It just made me realize that I don't want to fake what turns me on for a partner anymore than that partner wants me to fake it for them. Communication is not the panacea many seem to think it is.

Very true. For the first few months with my local partner, the foot worship to me was more a reward for him, a way to dominate him, an outlet to get him more comfortable expressing his desires- but I had no real interest or much enjoyment out of the foot worshipping itself.

NOW, I love it completely and crave it (if it's someone who knows how).

But communicating fetishes and desires doesn't automatically mean the other person will be into it, however, there's no way to find out UNTIL you communicate.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MsIncognito)

Post #: 10

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 2:30:02 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: scarfslave
One girl-friend was so freaked out that she dumped me and outed me (which has some unexpected positive effects).

But a scarf is such a civilized fetish.

(in reply to scarfslave)

Post #: 11

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 2:40:33 PM

Vendaval

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A fetish is all well and good unless it gets in the way of no-holds-barred-down-and- dirty-sex! But seriously, I did get annoyed with a particular house boy who coveted
a particular piece of sparkly-blue-and-gold-costuming-lingere and kept trying to abscomb with it.

-Vendaval-

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(in reply to scarfslave)

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RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 2:41:06 PM

silkscarfgirl

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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I have never posted anything here in the message boards, although I have been reading many of the threads with great interest for the past couple of months, but when I saw this one I felt I had to respond.

quote:

Are there women who have similar feelings?

Very definitely. Luxurious clothing is a potent "feel good" factor for many women, although whether they would admit to it being a "sexual feel good" factor is another matter. Pick any random item of luxury clothing, and there are almost a few million women in the Western world who get a secret (or not so secret) thrill from putting it on - designer lingerie, silk stockings, glamourous nightwear, revealing gym-gear, smartly tailord office attire, silk blouses, corsets - take your pick.

quote:

But the most troubling have been when the woman responded by becoming very self-conscious about it.. This is the case with my wife. At first she was curious, and started wearing scarves more often. But after a while she decided she was turned off by the objectivation.

I suppose it might depend on how you treated your wife while she was wearing a scarf. If you didn't make it obvious that you appreciated her efforts to please you, and instead made it obvious that you were having a one-to-one love affair with her fashion accessories would be a real passion killer for your wife.

quote:

Silk scarves don’t seem to be so in style that many women wear them, but those that do seem to wear them frequently.

I can't speak personally about a time when silk scarves (I presume you mean the large 24" or 36" squares) have been "in style", but I'd never wear one with an outfit where it did not add something - colour, texture, contrast - basically, the scarf is an accessory to, not the focus of, my outfit.

I get away with mine occasionally at work, but mostly at weddings and christenings (dressing-up days!), and now that I am matched up with somebody (yay!) when we go out together for weekend things like shopping and country walks.

quote:

I’ve known women with a number of scarves way out of proportion to what they would wear in normal fashion cycles.

I'm afraid in some cases that will be retail therapy gone astray rather than evidence of a serious scarf fetish, and some women will go out and splurge on shoes, handbags, jewelery, hats, belts, lingerie, make-up, or whatever else takes their fancy that day. It's the act of purchasing that provides the "feel-good" factor for some women, not the actual object they buy.

I personally own 15 silk scarves - not a horrendous number I think - although one of them cost $400 (a brand new Hermès), and another couple ("almost as new" Hermès) over $250 each, but five of them cost only $35 each.

My Hermès scarves definitely aren't for bondage play, but the five cheap silk scarves have been used that way - they make lovely sensual blindfolds and wrist ties.

Hope this helps.

(in reply to scarfslave)

Post #: 13

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 2:46:46 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

I would say that my love of clothing and corsets is bordering on a fetish, it is certainly what most of my income goes on, that and pampering people I care about, I wonder what the most "common" fetish is....

(in reply to silkscarfgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 2:50:30 PM

MHOO314

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

But a scarf is such a civilized fetish.

I adore scarves---use them as gags, long silky scarves---mmmm

Made famous by Isidore Duncan--until her great asphyxiation of course.

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(in reply to amayos)

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RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 3:25:04 PM

slaveladyj

Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
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I recently learned my boyfriend has his own fetishes, and since I was so eager to explore this lifestyle we worked out a compromise, and have combined his fetish with my desire to be dominated. So far it's working nicely.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 16

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 7:24:27 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Joined: 10/1/2005
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To Vendaval....LOL....your post just cracked me up!..I got this image in my mind ,kind of like this creature from Lord of the Rings..trying to abscond with your gold lingerie.....(chortle).....be well....tempting

(in reply to slaveladyj)

Post #: 17

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 9:36:55 PM

scarfslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/24/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for all the insightful and non-judgemental responses.

quote:

ORIGINAL: scarfslave
I'd hazard a guess that the women who do wear scarves aren't reading your mind, they're simply wearing what they like.

That's true, I'm uncomfortable about talking about and don't understand it well enough myself to explain it well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

If you're in a relationship or dating someone, it tends to be pretty obvious when someone has a real fetish for something.

I'm ok with it as long as they keep it on the right place on the priorities list..

That hasn't been true in my case. The few people that have found out alway have been totally surprised. I am a big aggressive guy, pretty much rough around the edges. The women that have been attracted to me have always liked me because I am dominant, but protective.

The other thing is that my fetish is not really connected to the rest of my sexuality, it is in addition. Kind of like a button that gets pushed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

I posted a thread about being involved with fetishists a few months ago. My thoughts are clearly outlined in the first post in the thread.

That post was very good, as was the discussion it generated.

< Message edited by scarfslave -- 3/29/2006 9:54:07 PM >

(in reply to scarfslave)

Post #: 18

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 9:41:42 PM

Misstoyou

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quote:

ORIGINAL: scarfslave

The other thing is that my fetish is not really connected to the rest of my sexuality, it is in addition. Kind of like a button that gets pushed.

Mmmm yes...My submissive is a boot bitch. I have a lot of fun pushing his button.

_____________________________

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to scarfslave)

Post #: 19

RE: How do women feel about mens's fetishes? - 3/29/2006 10:03:16 PM

scarfslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

Mmmm yes...My submissive is a boot bitch. I have a lot of fun pushing his button.

I'm blushing here. I've seen your ad many times. I'm sure you know how to push his buttons.

With me, it's the extreme. A non-conformist business owner, sportsman, and protector of the weak and innocent, giving in to a stong woman brandishing some pieces of silk.

< Message edited by scarfslave -- 3/29/2006 10:11:13 PM >

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 20

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