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LadyNTrainer -> RE: Are all the courtship steps the same here? (2/25/2010 9:57:36 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: coolwrighter
During my very short period here it seems to me that many men (I'm talking about the ones that wish to be submissive) seems to think that the dominant women here are very different from 'vanilla' women. That they somehow are wired in a different way from other women. That they aren't attracted to the same types of men outside of the bedroom as vanilla women are.
You can't pigeonhole what all dominant women want any more than you can pigeonhole what all women want. It's going to vary a lot between individuals. There is no one size fits all formula, so for each individual lady, you're going to have to ask.
Personally I am wired very differently, and a "traditional" courtship approach won't work on me at all. But if a man can successfully show his desirability as a sex object while behaving with subtle deference and even a bit of shyness, that works like a charm to perk my ears up. If he then demonstrates that he is intelligent, articulate and geeky enough to be fun to spend time with, he's pretty much got me right there. Imma gonna hit that.
He has to lure me with his charms into making the first move, not make it himself, or I'll probably lose interest. A guy who can flirt effectively in a submissive way, offering teasing glimpses and promises of what I could have if I wanted to take him, is one who can always get my attention. If his flirting gives off any dominant or sexually aggressive energy, it stops working. It's not fun any more for me because his signals are all wrong and I'm totally turned off.
The vast majority of men who can flirt with me effectively are gay or bisexual. Heterosexual men almost never learn this skill, and it's a pity. This is why I rarely date exclusively heterosexual men. They can't engage my interest because they don't know how to act like a hot bottom boy who is trying to attract a top's attention. They do the traditional male-female dance instead, and it doesn't work for me because it's rooted in what are basically male dominant signals.
quote:
It just seems to me that many men do the mistake of skipping the first steps of courtship and go straight to the sexual part.
Yeah, that's not gonna go over real well with many people. Learn social skills. They matter. Or go find a gloryhole in a bathhouse or something. Or hire a hooker. *shrug* You won't have much success building a social relationship if you lead with your dick.
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If there ever were a part of your life when you weren't into bdsm, were you attracted to other types of men then from the ones you are attracted to now?
No. I've always been attracted to submissive men sexually. I don't dislike dominant men; they make great friends and workout buddies, but there's absolutely zero attraction or chemistry. It's almost like they're the wrong gender. Sexually they don't exist or don't register for me because their signals are the same as mine, so I read them as "same gender" or "same orientation" and totally incompatible. If I like them, there's a brotherly feeling that totally excludes romance.
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