RE: Distance and Dishonisty

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RE: Distance and Dishonisty - 3/1/2010 7:36:14 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PervertDADDY

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

That's why I'm encouraging you, if you decide to stay, that you communicate with her parents.

I've talked to her again and she's suggested I come to some arrangement with her mother whereby, whenever she goes away for any substantial length of time, i confirm her whereabouts.......ie i ring her mother and say she's with me.

I don't want to be the kind of person who does this.....it feels too controlling for me. And yet she speaks of her actions as if they're some sort of addiction. It's like she's looking to run away from something.....and yes i have considered the possibility that i'm just something she runs to.

Thanks for all your help.

Uhmmm.. maybe its just me, because I don't ever want to parent anyone in any way in an adult relationship, but this sounds REALLY unhealthy. Its one thing to enter into a D/g relationship with an adult and you both know when something is appropriate. Its another thing to basically take on a child. It sounds to me like you're doing that, not entering into a relationship with another adult. You're going to coordinate with her Mother??? I have to say this set off a huge set of alarms in my head.

She may think the parents are controlling, but she's clearly looking for parenting if this is what she wants from you. Is this what you want to do? I mean really?

I am sorry to say -- this sounds all kinds of icky and unhealthy to me...

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RE: Dealing with distance - 3/1/2010 7:57:57 AM

antinomy

Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
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You actually have to deal with several different issues here. The first is the nature of the relationship, and the fact that your girl still has some growing up to do. Will she grow out of the lying? Impossible to know...

But, yes, distance IS a liar's friend. Believe me, I know. I put my life on hold for seven years waiting for a long distance relationship to become 24/7; only to find out that for the majority of that time I had been involved with someone that could not recognize the truth if it hit him over the head. He was very good at his game, though- and even though I was a mature adult, and should have KNOWN better, I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. I WANTED his lies to be the truth, so I kept believing, even with the niggling feeling that one has when they know 'something' isn't right. It was my own fault, the red flags were there, I just chose to ignore them. I am no victim, I have nobody to blame but myself. I wasted 7 years of my life and who knows what I may have missed out on along the way? How much do you want to miss out on? How many months, or years, are you willing to invest in this? What are you hoping for in the way of a future with this girl? Tough questions, but better to ask them NOW than to wait, wonder, and eventually regret that you didn't ask them sooner.

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RE: Dealing with distance - 3/1/2010 8:14:31 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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23? You wonder why she can't have an adult relationship? Not that being open and honest comes automatically with age but very few 23 year olds have great relationship skills. Then again, neither do most men who want to date 23 year old kids. They tend to be jealous and insecure and need someone young enough not to look them in the eye and ask why they need to date little girls, do the big girls see right through you?

Don't get me wrong, 23 year olds can look hot but they just lose my interest the moment they try and talk.

(in reply to antinomy)

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Post #: 23