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beej -> RE: real dominance and submission ? (3/8/2010 7:44:55 AM)
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i haven't dominated yet, and i've only had one kinky encounter with my guy so far, so i'll skip to the questions i can address:
quote:
Do you submit to your partner because you feel real submission ? or because its his/her turn to take charge?
i came to CMe not knowing what i was. i wasn't even looking to pick an orientation; a friend suggested that i come for intellectual curiosity since i'd expressed an interest in polyamory. so with my guy that i met here, Wood, in our regular conversation and getting to know each other, i responded submissively to his sexual suggestions, to the scheme of his kink in general (as opposed to how i respond to general conversation in which the usual give and take and decorum preside). i might say that he had a vision that appealed to me, a way of being at home and a way of approaching the human body and sexuality, and when i imagined myself in it, i submitted. the way that i wanted to enjoy it was submissive, so i applied myself to that part. secondarily, i was completely new to kink and i'm sure that influenced the dynamic. i didn't know what i was doing; he was going to show me the ropes. but still, in my past vanilla sexuality, i had always been the emotional dominant. i am not naturally attracted to being submissive. i was attracted to being submissive with him. in turn, he has mostly been dominant but his very last love affair was with a dominatrix, so he was engaging his dominance for me.
now that we know each other quite well, the switch is tugging at us both. Wood did not simply say, "okay, now it's time to practice your dominance." as a function of our emotional relationship, my aggression has come into it. we struggle as part of our play, but fending him off submissively was not enough for me. i wanted to conquer. i began to talk to him conversationally and kinkily from that aggression, and so he suggested that i try to take charge. what we don't want is to take turns. what we do want is to ebb and flow into the switch as part of our total connection so that it is a seamless thing. dunno yet how it's going to work out, but i'm looking forward to it.
quote:
Are we really capable of being 100% dominant and 100% submission depending on the moment?
i think so. the arena of play demands that you do your part, and you are there to enjoy and flex your role. you want to give yourself over to dominance or submission. especially in switching with one partner, you have to channel only one aspect fully so that the other person can experience their aspect. though i have not dominated Wood physically yet, we've already had moments in which i was dominating him conversationally and emotionally. he isn't very comfortable with it yet, and the tone change between us is striking. within myself, i feel a total change and not just a shift. i don't simply feel more aggressive; i feel in charge to the point of responsibility for his feelings and sense of security. as a submissive, i never feel any responsibility; i am only responsive. to me, those are two different animals and not a sliding scale.
great topic. :)
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