recovering from oral surgery

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recovering from oral surgery - 3/1/2010 4:59:28 PM

girliekitten

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I just had my wisdom teeth out a few weeks ago, and while I was recovering my Dom decided that we were putting the D/s side of our relationship on hold until I was well, as the drugs made me fairly unable to do much of anything for a while. Now that I am fully healed (more or less) though, I'm having a hard time getting back into our routine. I know it'll just take some time and sticking with it, but it is rather frustrating for me. I was wondering if anyone else had similar experiences and if there was anything that helped them get back into the swing of things other than just time and sticking to it. I did also make sure to speak to him about the difficulty I'm having with this, and asked that he have patience and work with me on this.
A little background info on our situation, is that we are married (5 years this October), have two very young children (11 months, and 4 years), and have only had the D/s aspect of our relationship for a few months before my oral surgery, which is one of the reasons I think I may be having such a hard time getting back into my daily routine. I have a list of things I am supposed to do each day (not a huge list, just normal household chores and some personal tasks) and a list of rules I am to follow (mostly about taking care of myself: only a certain amount of soda, sugary snacks, no chewing on fingernails, etc) and I find it hard to stick to them again now that I haven't been for a few weeks. I wish we'd just had me stick with it while I was healing but he didn't want me to have to worry about getting in trouble because I was so doped up I didn't know what I was doing half the time...

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/1/2010 5:18:28 PM

Thunderstreasure

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How did You get them to be a habit the first time. Maybe the desire to please Him, to live the lifestyle.

Try to recapture the feeling that motivated You to begin with. You are probably just tired, take extra good care of yourself.

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/1/2010 5:28:57 PM

girliekitten

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That's true, I was incerdibly motivated because I want to please him, and I want this to work out. I will work on focusing on those feeling more. Thanks.

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/1/2010 7:23:39 PM

lucylucy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: girliekitten
I wish we'd just had me stick with it while I was healing but he didn't want me to have to worry about getting in trouble because I was so doped up I didn't know what I was doing half the time...

Hindsight is 20/20. I recently had surgery that put me out of commission for about a week. We kept the D/s stuff, but instead of me serving him (which I was unable to do because I was drugged up and bedridden), my submission consisted of doing what he told me to do, which in this case was him telling me to sleep more, drink more water, etc. Basically, he took care of me, but in a kind of "I'm in charge, you'll do as you're told" kind of way.

To address your question of how to get back into it, you might start by adding in rules or activities just a few at a time instead of going from 0 to 60 overnight. Maybe you add one rule or activity every 3 days or something like that. It may seem like it takes a long time to get back into doing everything you used to do, but it will be worth it if it sticks. In a year, you'll look back and probably not remember how long or difficult it was to get it all back.

Good luck.

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/7/2010 6:30:28 PM

DesFIP

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Ask to start it up again slowly, a couple of rules a week. In no time you'll be back to where you were.

And don't worry, this is pretty common. You had a habit formed of doing things, then you started a new habit of not doing them, and now you have to relearn the habit. No big deal.

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/8/2010 9:13:13 PM

slavekal

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I will be in the same situation soon. My right arm will be in a sling for several weeks. I wore it tonight for practice. I was not quite as incapacitated as I thought. I am sure that the pain meds will hit me hard, though. Ms. Mlicious is a very understanding person. I know she will take it easy on me.

< Message edited by slavekal -- 3/8/2010 9:14:24 PM >

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/9/2010 3:02:39 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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Dom/mes lead and take charge etc - which means the problem I see here is mostly with him and a lack of hands-on leadership....

Yep, it's sensible and wise to tone things down when someone has an issue that disrupts your normal routine, esp health issues. No-one likes getting teeth pulled but it's still a long way from open heart surgery and surely he doesn't need a medical certificate to say it's ok to step things up again...?

Handing you lists of chores and rules is domination by proxy - it's a COPOUT. The reason you can't get back into the right headspace is because a sub needs a Dom to put them in that headspace - to take control etc.

Instead of discussing what's wrong with you (re the D/s), how about discussing why he's not getting his finger out and *leading*. Sorry, but I'm getting the vibe that he's not into it as much as you. Handing out lists is one short step from phoning it in and leaving you to do everything, and a *dynamic* can't work singularly.

Focus.[/b]

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/9/2010 5:17:12 AM

CaringandReal

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(rolls eyes as what's directly above my post) We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Dom/mes lead and take charge etc - which means the problem I see here is mostly with him and a lack of hands-on leadership....

Yep, it's sensible and wise to tone things down when someone has an issue that disrupts your normal routine, esp health issues. No-one likes getting teeth pulled but it's still a long way from open heart surgery and surely he doesn't need a medical certificate to say it's ok to step things up again...?

Handing you lists of chores and rules is domination by proxy - it's a COPOUT. The reason you can't get back into the right headspace is because a sub needs a Dom to put them in that headspace - to take control etc.

Instead of discussing what's wrong with you (re the D/s), how about discussing why he's not getting his finger out and *leading*. Sorry, but I'm getting the vibe that he's not into it as much as you. Handing out lists is one short step from phoning it in and leaving you to do everything, and a *dynamic* can't work singularly.

Eh. Different dominants have different styles of control. This is stylistic difference you're describing, not one of substance or quality. You may have one style. He may have another (there isn't enough info in her post for me to say that definitively but that's the feeling I get). I've experienced both, in depth, and appreciate both. Neither one is "less dominant" than the other, to me. Both the delegative style and the micromanaging style have their good points and their bad points. Both inspired devotion and obedience in me, the submissive/slave, which is fairly important, wouldn't you say?

By the way, when she mentioned "a list of things to do" I doubt strongly that she was referring to something literal. "List" is a word also used to refer to a group of things, a number of things, a collection, particularly of tasks. I inferred she meant this second meaning, given the context in which the word was used.

----------------

To girliekitten: Trying to recapture your motivation was a good suggestion. In addition to that, if it were me, I would beg him to help me to recapture that motivation. :) And taking small, gradual steps (not everything at once) is usually a good way to go about any long-term endeavor. But do ask him to dictacte the steps: if the way it which you resume your duties comes from him and not from you, you will feel more of that motivation.

Finally, remember drugs have a half life. Small amounts linger in your system for a considerable time. You may have stopped taking the dopey pills but they may still be affecting you a little. Not enough to make you "out of things" but enough to take the edge off your energy. So be a little forgiving of yourself in the next month or so.

Does your master disciple you if you break the rules?

< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 3/9/2010 5:21:58 AM >

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/9/2010 10:07:33 AM

littleone35

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I had surgery about 3 years ago i could not play for 4 weks and for the first 2 weeks after i got home i was prety medicated. Master did not care that i could not serve him as fully as i wanted because he knew i was not at 100%. His basic rules at that time was to take thngs slow and let mysef heal.

Taking thing slow adding a rule or 2 a week and geting back into it is a very good idea. You said you have talked to him, if you need more hands on direction you should request that. Unles you tell him eaxacly what you need to get into the right headspace he can't help you.

Matt's littleone

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/10/2010 2:25:24 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

(rolls eyes as what's directly above my post) We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Dom/mes lead and take charge etc - which means the problem I see here is mostly with him and a lack of hands-on leadership....

Yep, it's sensible and wise to tone things down when someone has an issue that disrupts your normal routine, esp health issues. No-one likes getting teeth pulled but it's still a long way from open heart surgery and surely he doesn't need a medical certificate to say it's ok to step things up again...?

Handing you lists of chores and rules is domination by proxy - it's a COPOUT. The reason you can't get back into the right headspace is because a sub needs a Dom to put them in that headspace - to take control etc.

Instead of discussing what's wrong with you (re the D/s), how about discussing why he's not getting his finger out and *leading*. Sorry, but I'm getting the vibe that he's not into it as much as you. Handing out lists is one short step from phoning it in and leaving you to do everything, and a *dynamic* can't work singularly.

Eh. Different dominants have different styles of control. This is stylistic difference you're describing, not one of substance or quality. You may have one style. He may have another (there isn't enough info in her post for me to say that definitively but that's the feeling I get). I've experienced both, in depth, and appreciate both. Neither one is "less dominant" than the other, to me. Both the delegative style and the micromanaging style have their good points and their bad points. Both inspired devotion and obedience in me, the submissive/slave, which is fairly important, wouldn't you say?

By the way, when she mentioned "a list of things to do" I doubt strongly that she was referring to something literal. "List" is a word also used to refer to a group of things, a number of things, a collection, particularly of tasks. I inferred she meant this second meaning, given the context in which the word was used.

Since I can find little to agree with in your post, I'll pick out a few points of interest....

I don't get where you're coming from with this "stylistic difference" or why it's even a relevant context. You described two different styles of dominants yet of *both* you say they "inspired devotion and obedience" in you. They inspired....!?! This is not akin to leading and taking charge; of setting the right headspace for you? (which is what I'm advocating in this thread)

It's obvious to me that a delegative style of domination in the circumstances the OP described is a copout. She's obviously lacking confidence and what she needs is a firm hand to guide her proactively. But no, I'm not talking about micromanagement, either! A cold bunch of chores while he's off with the fellas or whatever isn't proactive domination; it's busy work....

And where I come from, when someone says "list", it's MOST LIKELY of the literal kind. Can't say as I've ever heard it used as you've described; not real life, in books, on tv, this site, anywhere.

Focus.

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RE: recovering from oral surgery - 3/14/2010 6:26:51 PM

takemeforyourown

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If only I had had a Dom to make me stop biting my nails...they would be so pretty by now.

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