sunshinemiss
Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Why answer “kneel bitch”? Are you a booty call?
Hello folks,
Well here I am being serious. Jeesh it happens so much.
We all want to be loved, to belong, to enjoy life. But sometimes the big relationship isn't there, and after awhile of emptiness, you just NEED a little fix. Whatever that fix is, of course, depends on the person.
During my 20's and 30's I was wildly sexual. I had a chart to keep track of all the men I was fucking (honest, a real chart). Sex was like going to the movies. It was fun, and I enjoyed it, but I didn't need it cause there was so much available. And then I met the love of my life. He was on the chart, he was just another guy. Somehow all the other men just kind of dropped off the chart. I would rather have been talking with him than fucking the other guys. He made me want to convert to Catholicism (seriously). I would have rather made him a cup of tea and sit with him while he worked and I read than anything else. How fulfillingly joyous that time was! After that relationship ended - very lovingly by the way - I didn't ever want another booty call. It seemed so empty for me. I wanted love again.
And then I went to Peru. Sigh. Swoon. Ohhhh lord did I sow my wild oats! I had a great time, I danced to my heart's content, had wonderful one night stands - or several nights - and felt beautiful! I loved all of them. Right then, in that moment I loved those men. But it never lasted. Some would call it a booty call, but I had an emotional attachment, and that is a line for me about booty calls. If I care about them, it's not a booty call. So, I had fun and a lot of passion.
And then I went to Korea. Sigh. Blech. I was invisible, noone ever touched me - as in pat my hand, slap me on the back, hugs, NOTHING. I felt like I was dying for touch. This phrase came to me at that time: When you are starving, you will eat dirt. That's how I felt. I was desperate for touch and all of a sudden booty calls didn't seem so bad. Yes, I became one. At the end of my year there, one of my students *I taught adults* came to my home and we chatted and laughed. I'd always liked him. He was sweet and smart and caring and had a depth that I didn't often witness in Korea. (It may be there, I just didn't have the opportunity to witness it). He stayed at my apartment one night and we kissed, touched, never had sex, but we were very physical in a gentle way. He healed that lost, starving part of me. Thank goodness!
If we are starving, we wil eat dirt. And sometimes we find a wonderful hidden treasure.
Am I a booty call? When I have to be. Do I want to be? No. I want the love that I had with my wonderful Catholic lover. I want the intimacy I had with my wonderful Korean. But when these things are not there, when I don't have the touch that I need to feed my spirit, yes, I will do that.
Well wishes,
sunshine
Well, I hope people still respect me after I write this, *haven't read the whole thread btw*... but I do undertstand those people who want that "down on your knees bitch" thing. I've been guilty of that a couple of times not because it is what I wanted, I DON'T, but because it was the only thing available. You see, sub frenzy can be incredibly powerful even to an experienced submissive/slave. There is a strong pull to serve for some of us or a need for humiliation or pain, and if there is no outlet, it's like being a caged animal....
Imagine no one to talk to, no movies with sexual inuendo or tension, no magazine ads that even hint at anything like this.... there is nothing... not even a place to ask the question. Noone even looks you in the eye. Noone sees you as a human or as a sexual or passionate being. Who you are is completely denied for ages and ages, and you are sinking into despair, desperate for any little scrap of acknowledgement for what your soul yearns for. What to do? When you are starving, you will eat dirt.
Where I live there is no community whatsoever, so we are easy targets for trolls. There are people around the world who travel hours and hours just to meet others that do the thing we do. There are people who could be arrested for this. There are people who cannot say anything because they will lose their families or friends or livelihood. These are not the typical USA types of people... these are people who live on islands in the Pacific, or in a conservative country like here, in South Korea, or people who are wheelchair dependent and can't move about as easily as others, or those in small farming communities in the middle of nowhere. Or they are people who are new or un-educated about this way of being. Yes, it is true that there are people who have absolutely no access to anything remotely like wiitwd, at least not safely.
Yes, I have answered an email like that a time or two - because there was NOTHING else.. and truly I mean NOTHING else for months (let's see that would be... 8 months I think). Now, after a few emails, and a little steam being blown off, I've come to my senses and luckily never been harmed or anything - although I have had to block some people from my email - or in one case from my phone.... but those of us who are seriously self-confident aren't going to tolerate that behavior for long (IMHO). In real life, the difference between abuse and BDSM generally is the consensuality of it. Same is true in emails. In real life, if there is no Dom / me around, one might be attracted to an abuser. That quickly can lose its appeal, though. Same is true for these types of emails.
So, that is my experience. I'm sure there are others. But you asked for someone who understood... this is my little slice of understanding.
peace.
_____________________________
Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14
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