RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible?

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (Full Version)

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Alumbrado -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (3/30/2006 10:12:17 PM)
In addition to the aspect of manners, or upbringing, politeness also bespeaks (to me at any rate) a level of self control...and I would definitely wonder why any sub would want a Dom who was lacking in that area.

seekingonlyOne -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (3/31/2006 8:11:52 AM)
It is this one's very humble opinion that manners and politeness are in no way a symbol of weakness or lack there of to be a "Dom". But moreover, very much a gesture of true character and personal choices of said "Dom". Perhaps more importantly, each and every Dom/Domme certainly have the right to choose how He/She speaks. i see absolutely nothing wrong with manners/politeness at all. i also have no trouble distinguishing between my Master using manners/being polite and giving me an order...they are often one in the same. Just because He has manners and is polite with me, doesn't mean He is not a Dom or weak as is often mistaken by some submissives/slaves. It is a quality He has that definetly attracted me to Him (along with so many others). No, He doesn't "have to" say please/thank you/what-have-you, but it is a blessing to have a Master that does and displays such dignified examples to all around Him. This is something that just makes me love Him all the more. The sub that expressed You didn't have to say "please" when You want something could have done so for several reasons. It could have been her "topping from the bottom", it could have been that is what she is/was accustomed to and only sharing that information with You, it could have been that since You are somewhat new to Collarme, she was attempting to help You in what she considers "normal", or it could have been done with entirely a different purpose. Without knowing this sub personally and all of the facts that go with it, it is hard for an outsider such as myself to say nor is it my place to judge her/him for it. Having said that, i do firmly agree with so many others here who have already stated You shouldn't change who You are for another. You are who You are and have every right to display Yourself as such. In the end, You must be happy with You. As to Your question about being "normal"....who is classified as "normal"? Isn't "normal" individuality unique to each person and/or their partner(s) that others may agree or disagree with? my thinking is that as long as it is safe, sane, and consentual, it doesn't matter what someone else thinks is normal. Being "weird"....hmmmm, i can certainly think of things much worse. i for one love being "weird". Wink (Everything stated within this post is of my own opinion and in no way is to be considered as the absolute to anything. i am far from perfect and/or having any/all of the answers.) _____________________________________________________________________________ Proudly owned by Master Paul, -jasmine

Targellian -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (3/31/2006 8:33:06 AM)
Whatever the Dom/me says... ... the sub hears "Please do this for me... thank you" ... the slave hears "Move it... about time, what took you so long!"

hummer143 -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (3/31/2006 4:51:56 PM)
I never am polite to my slaves. If you are too polite, it {the relationship} tends to revert to vanilla. Most slaves never want to be reminded of a previous life, nor would you want them to.My advise is: tell tell him what you want, smile and be done with it. He should expect to serve you, not wait to be asked politely. I hope this has helped you.

LordKhensu -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (3/31/2006 5:04:17 PM)
quote: For me the tone of the order is much more important than the words in the order. It is always better to be your natural self then feel you have to change or put on an act for your sub's benefit. justjill I would have to totally agree with this statement. Being polite is as much of my personality as is being a Dom. There is always room for being nice and when you truly know how to read your slave/sub then you will know the correct time to be either polite, demanding or politely demanding!

LuvSponge -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (3/31/2006 6:15:00 PM)
Ya know, every damn time I see one of your comments, I think...(I actually do think), "this chic knows her stuff". You always blow me away.

MizSuz -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (3/31/2006 7:42:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuvSponge "this chic knows her stuff". You always blow me away. These topics are not new between you and I. Weren't you paying attention? Perhaps it's the curve.

AstridLeGlaive -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 11:24:51 AM)
First, I don't think there's any such thing as 'normal'. 'Normal' is what I happen to be used to: for anyone else, normal can be quite different! Second, I agree with everyone who's said that politeness is good. I'm a very refined English Domme, and I'm always most polite to my subs. 'Please fetch the cane for me', 'Please place yourself over the whipping bench': these polite, if a little icy, requests can set the sub's heart racing like no other. I'll add a signature and stuff when I've found out how to! I'm relatively new to CM, though not at all new to domination. A gracious wave to you all (well, maybe a slightly haughty one to all you subs out there) Astrid

CERCKL -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 12:57:34 PM)
I tend to be polite...as I explained to My children when they were young, as their parent I used 'please' and 'thank you' to show respect but because it was framed as such did NOT mean I was making a request which was necessarily negotiable... With My submissive I am polite, just as I can be whimsical, silly, etc...though there are times when she can be silly back and other times she looks at me, pauses and says "Yes Sir" with no playfulness in her voice...I have a relationship with her as well as own her and I tend to cherish and take care of things I own, why wouldn't I with a woman I own and love? C BTW Come to think of it...there are times that being very proper lets her know I am irritated too...such as when a discussion has gone on too long and she still wants to reiterate the same point, I will look at her, smile and say "Yes Ma'am"...it usually ends the discussion...

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 4:01:51 PM)
We have a young man with us who was uncomfortable at first with my politely stated requests and my 'thank yous'. However, as I explained it to him, courtesy and mannerly behavior are a part of my nature. However, in his case, as in the case for any servant, a "please" does not make something any less of a command. I explained that one of his jobs would be to come to understand that, though I would ask with courtesy for him to take care of something, that, for him, those small courtesies would have all of the impetus of the barked command, to be obeyed immediately, and to the best of his ability. As a gentlewoman, I should not have to resort to curt words, rude commands, raising my voice above a pleasant conversational tone, and abstention from phrases of courtesy with my servants. It should be understood that, though I command it with grace, that command still bears the full weight of required obedience. Lady Zephyr

SimplyV -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 6:45:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing We have a young man with us who was uncomfortable at first with my politely stated requests and my 'thank yous'. However, as I explained it to him, courtesy and mannerly behavior are a part of my nature. However, in his case, as in the case for any servant, a "please" does not make something any less of a command. I explained that one of his jobs would be to come to understand that, though I would ask with courtesy for him to take care of something, that, for him, those small courtesies would have all of the impetus of the barked command, to be obeyed immediately, and to the best of his ability. As a gentlewoman, I should not have to resort to curt words, rude commands, raising my voice above a pleasant conversational tone, and abstention from phrases of courtesy with my servants. It should be understood that, though I command it with grace, that command still bears the full weight of required obedience. Lady Zephyr Zephyr.. very well explained. :)

HouseofBear -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 6:52:51 PM)
Everyone has different ways of viewing the lifestyle and what they want out of a relationship. For myself, I value good manners both in myself and those I associate with. Yes, I will say please and thank you. If a submissive can not handle that, then obviously I am the wrong dominant for that person. However, as above mentioned, I do expect the submissive to comply with the request, chuckles. Lady Ursa

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 7:06:26 PM)
I am one of those Dommes as well. I say please and thank you. However with the right emphasis on the words they can be just as venmous as not using them. Sometimes even more so. I've found, for Me anyway, that a whisper can be just as terrifying as a raised voice barking commands. Its simply a matter of personal style. Since I insist on the most repectful and impeccable manners from My subordinants then I choose to lead by example. Whether I say please or not the implication is to hop to it NOW! Ms Jo SDFemDom4cuck

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 7:08:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hummer143 I never am polite to my slaves. If you are too polite, it {the relationship} tends to revert to vanilla. Most slaves never want to be reminded of a previous life, nor would you want them to.My advise is: tell tell him what you want, smile and be done with it. He should expect to serve you, not wait to be asked politely. I hope this has helped you. I would suggest that for those of us who choose to pursue long term, loving relationships with our subs/slaves, the idea that being "too polite" reverts back to "vanilla" is not something that makes sense. Being impolite to a sub 24/7 would take too much negative energy, in my opinion, and I fail to see how a relationship could be nurtured in such a way. Be well, Julie

MochaMistress -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 7:38:07 PM)
In my opinion. Being a Domme and being polite are compatible. Just like leather and latex don't make the domme. I'm a soft spoken polite person. When I say do something please there is no question about it being done. No negotiation. Just do it. The first time its mistaken as an option corrective action is required. Even when I go medieval on someone's ass Im still polite and soft spoken, its who I am. And I will not change for a sub because he doesnt understand or has an fantasy image of a screaming bitch in his brain. It just means he is not compatible with me. I dont pity the fool that mistakes my sweetness for weakness.

sultryvoice -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 8:03:05 PM)
There seems to be several threads going on that have the subject of manners. Being polite will get you more than being rude. But, of course all can be negotiated! Respectfully, sultry

SirKenin -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/2/2006 8:11:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DigitBox Hi everyone in General BDSM Discussions. I'm sort of new on CM, I'm a switch but I've been more in the Domme mode for the last little while although I'd still classify my level of experience to be between newbie and intermediate. Something I've been told by a sub that I was seeing is that I didn't have to say please when I wanted something. But the thing is for me being polite is just something I do for everyone. Saying that, if I'm given a reason to, I can stop being polite and be insistant or demanding. But usually I will say "Could you do this please?" or "Give me your arm please.". It's just something that kind of comes naturally to me. But I dunno, is it normal for the Domme to be polite to the sub? Or will I always seem weird for this habit? [:)] It seems like most Dommes think to be cool or Dommely they have to be a bitch. Just go through the profiles on the other side and you will see what I mean. To Me, I think they deserve a good sound spanking, some timeout in the corner and to be ignored until they smarten up. Politeness is defitely the way to go. You know what they say about attracting bees... If you act like a bitch, you are just going to attract trash... In fact you might even catch them complaining about how bad the responses are they are getting here in the forums. So.. Good for you. I applaud you and respectfully say "Do not change a thing". Good luck [:)]

cillatwhite -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/3/2006 11:22:40 AM)
I must say digit you hit the nail right on the head and I agree with most of what has been said here Politeness shows respect and can be firm yet still respectful Tone of voice is important if not more important than the words themselves and abuse is abuse verbal or otherwise If you want abuse you will probably find it , but not with this one If you want respect that is available too I want my subjects to respect me Princess Priscilla of Wessex

Real0ne -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/5/2006 6:03:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck I am one of those Dommes as well. I say please and thank you. However with the right emphasis on the words they can be just as venmous as not using them. Sometimes even more so. I've found, for Me anyway, that a whisper can be just as terrifying as a raised voice barking commands. Its simply a matter of personal style. Since I insist on the most repectful and impeccable manners from My subordinants then I choose to lead by example. Whether I say please or not the implication is to hop to it NOW! Ms Jo SDFemDom4cuck well said SDFemDom4cuck! i see this version as a sophistocated, refined, and exciting manner of domination.

E110 -> RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? (4/5/2006 6:11:54 PM)
i am very dom.. but am also very nice..and polite..well mannered and proud of it.. being a dom/me doesnt mean you are a bully.... i also like asking often times if my slave is up for...? whatever.. at times it drives her nuts and i laugh she says just take.. i say if i wanted to i would.. tips hat

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