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Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/29/2006 10:16:37 PM

luvdragonx

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I've been away for a needed respite, but I was compelled to post this here.

How many of you see a difference in the "quality" of an untruth?

Is:
"I never got your email" - when you actually did - any different from

"I'm not seeing anyone else" - when you actually are?

This has been a recent topic of debate in my local circle, so I ask: does the magnitude or impact of a lie determine how bad it is? Does a favorable end result negate a lie?

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/29/2006 10:27:44 PM

DesertRat

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From: NM/USA
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To me, lies of any size do matter. That said, "I never got your email", is bad, but "I'm not seeing (or talking to) anyone else" is much worse. Or at least it seems so to me. And then there are, of course, lies of omission.

Good to see you again!

Bob

< Message edited by DesertRat -- 3/29/2006 10:41:33 PM >

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/29/2006 10:30:40 PM

Lordandmaster

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Joined: 6/22/2004
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All lies are lies, and some lies are worse than others. I think this one is pretty simple.

Edited to add: WB luvdragon.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 3/29/2006 10:31:20 PM >

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/29/2006 10:41:19 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Any size lie, when I'm getting to know someone, is a big red flag. When I'm first chatting with a submissive, I'm listening for internal consistency in what he is saying about himself, his desires, his relationship status, anything. While on BDSM sites, I've had people lay real whoppers on me, so I'm hyper-vigilant on this issue.

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"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/29/2006 10:52:26 PM

redpetals

Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
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a lie is a lie..and a lie by omission is still a lie.
i hate liars.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 5

RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/29/2006 10:58:14 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

How many of you see a difference in the "quality" of an untruth?

Hypotheticals - I answer all these questions 'no.'

Scenario one: It's my sisters wedding day. The ceremony is due to start in 10 mins. Her dress looks horrible on her. The hem is crooked and it makes her look 8 months pregnant. She turns to me and says.. "Does this thing look really horrible on me?" My sister, satisfied, has a glorious wedding day. Her dress in her pictures is horrible, but her radiant smile from being so happy overshadows the dress by a mile.

Scenario two: Nazi's are banging on my door. I have Himself's Jewish grandparent upstairs, hiding in my attic. The nazi's ask me.. "Are you hiding any Jews in here?" The nazi's leave and we are able to smuggle Himself's grandparents out of the country to start a new life in another place where we later join them and live happily and in peace.

Scenario three: I'm married, but bored. My sex life has as much excitement as watching paint dry, so I get onto a website for freaks to do some exploration. I meet someone who is cute, single and looking for someone for a LTR. "Are you married?" We have a couple of great dates, some great sex, then my guilt takes over and I tell him the truth. He dumps me and I go back to my boring, sexless life.. till next Tuesday when I change my screenname and start all over again.

Yes, I think there are degrees and sometimes there are scenarios which actually necessitate lies. And yes, sometimes there is a favorable end result because of that lie. And sometimes, you lie just because you're a shit.

Celeste

FTR - My sister looked great on her wedding day and Himself's Jewish grandparents died before I even met him so they never hid in my attic and my sex life is nothing like watching paint dry. ::chuckles::

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/29/2006 11:02:54 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: luvdragonx

I've been away for a needed respite, but I was compelled to post this here.

How many of you see a difference in the "quality" of an untruth?

Is:
"I never got your email" - when you actually did - any different from

"I'm not seeing anyone else" - when you actually are?

This has been a recent topic of debate in my local circle, so I ask: does the magnitude or impact of a lie determine how bad it is? Does a favorable end result negate a lie?

A lie is a lie. You can dress it up and call it Suzie, it's still a lie.

The smaller the lies the more I distrust the person telling them. I don't agree with it but I can understand why a person would lie about being married. I don't understand why a person would lie about something small and insignificant like whether they drank Pepsi or Coke.

I try to live my life as honestly and truthfully as possible, this does not always make me the most popular person but everyone in my life knows that I will be straightforward and honest with them.

Edited because I didn't see Celeste's post until after I posted...and I would definitely lie to save someone's life, there are exceptions to every rule.

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 3/29/2006 11:08:38 PM >

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 2:36:44 AM

Level

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I don't necessarily hate liars, but I deeply hate lying. To save someone's life? Sure I'd lie, and I've lied to spare loved ones feelings.....but I hate it. My employer and I got into a fight over what makes a lie....I told her if it isn't the truth, then it's either a lie or a mistake.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 2:57:40 AM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

The smaller the lies the more I distrust the person telling them.

I totally agree with this statement. If you're going to lie about something as miniscule as what you ate for dinner, or whether you masturbated that day, or not...what makes me think you're not going to lie about something big like, "I'm REALLY NOT the ax murderer you saw on America's Most Wanted last night!"

As always, YMMV.

_____________________________

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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to yourMissTress)

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 4:15:41 AM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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If and when you get busted on a "small" lie, chances are that you will not be trusted on a "Major" truth.

It makes no difference how big or small your lie is. After the lie has been found out, you normally loose the same amount of trust and respect unless the lie has something to do with a special suprise.

_____________________________

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 6:13:06 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Nothing negates a lie. But accepting a lie as reasonable or not, and the impact of a lie changing the consequences of the lie are certainly part of my life. There's a lot of context involved.

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(in reply to luvdragonx)

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 6:47:34 AM

MsAlexaandJack

Posts: 11
Joined: 1/11/2006
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You date a guy online for awhile, you actually meet him, have sex, to you seem compatible and boom suddenly his best friend calls and says Jake died in a car wreck. Three weeks later he shows up online saying Oh Im ok I was just having a bad time in my life and needed some space.

BIG lie. Trust? There is no trust, its gone and can never be regained.

Your best friend buys a outfit that makes her ass look like a volkswagen, she loves it , it makes her happy. You smile and tell her it looks great, her boyfriend says her ass looks like a volkswagen.

Little lie. Trust? shaken...but she may not accept your word on clothes but she might trust you enough to continue being friends.

No matter how big or small a lie shakes our trust in the individual who told it.

~MsAlexa

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 8:06:49 AM

AngelaK

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Joined: 2/27/2006
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Your best friend buys a outfit that makes her ass look like a volkswagen, she loves it , it makes her happy. You smile and tell her it looks great, her boyfriend says her ass looks like a volkswagen.
~MsAlexa
[/quote]
A best friend will tell you when your ass looks like a small foreign car. Your boyfriend never will.

And the reason it's wise not to trust people who tell lies about insignificant matters is that those people are by definition pathological liars. When you find them telling lies that have no real purpose (coke vs pepsi) the underlying reason is to control perceived reality and you can be certain they are trying to control other perceptions too. These are the people who fool their families for years that they've graduated from college, or marry multiple women because they sort of "forgot" to divorce the last marriage they ran out on. In the worst cases, they become homicidal when their lies unravel. Anyone remember the guy in, uh, Utah maybe? Killed his wife a year or two ago and it was a big story because he'd told her and his family all these giant lies?

(in reply to MsAlexaandJack)

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 8:15:49 AM

AngelaK

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Joined: 2/27/2006
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April 2005, Mark Hacking pled guilty to shooting his wife Lori in the head and dumping her body in a dumpster after he became despondent when she found out he wasn't accepted into med school as he'd told her. In fact he hadn't even graduated from the University of Utah as he'd told her and everyone in his family. She found out after she called the med school and found out he wasn't enrolled. Witnesses said she broke down crying at work after the phone call.

(in reply to AngelaK)

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 8:34:05 AM

KatyLied

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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them....

Yes, deception by omission is the same as a lie. It's especially bad if someone is trying to glean the truth from you. Once a liar always a liar.

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- Albert Einstein

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 4:02:11 PM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelaK

A best friend will tell you when your ass looks like a small foreign car. Your boyfriend never will.

If he's honest he will.

(in reply to AngelaK)

Post #: 16

RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 4:18:54 PM

DelightMachine

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Joined: 1/21/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelaK

A best friend will tell you when your ass looks like a small foreign car. Your boyfriend never will.

If he's honest he will.

Honest but dead. It is a boyfriend's solemn duty to deny his girlfriend's ass is as big as a Volkswagen. As boyfriends who compare their girlfriend's ass to a Volkswagen get killed and fail to reproduce, Darwinian evolution slowly creates more diplomatic boyfriends. A hundred thousand years from now, human boyfriends will have evolved to the point where they won't even hesitate when they say, "You look absolutely lovely in that dress, dear."

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Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 4:26:40 PM

sadisticpanda

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Joined: 11/9/2004
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Deception by exageration...

Her: Its my 29th birthday!
Me: Um... haven't you turned 29 each of the past three birthdays?
Her: NO! I"m 29 damn it!

Me: Its ten inches and thick as a beer can.
Me: Okay... Its only seven inches but its pretty thick.
Me: Fine! Its only five and three eighths, but its really... okay.. Its about two fingers thick. Damn. But its not the size of the pen but what you write with it! Yeah... That's it.

Me: Um.. Sure Honey. Your mom can move in with us. It won't bother me at all.

There are some lies we tell that aren't meant to be believed but make us feel better about ourselves. But someday we'll have to give them up, and everyone else knows it before we do.

Like...

"The mind is the most attractive part of any person." Um... So like you never turn anyone down for a date then, or perhaps you are psychic and know everything about their "mind" instantly?

Yeah. Thats it.

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Post #: 18

RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 4:32:22 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sadisticpanda

Deception by exageration...

Her: Its my 29th birthday!
Me: Um... haven't you turned 29 each of the past three birthdays?
Her: NO! I"m 29 damn it!

Me: Its ten inches and thick as a beer can.
Me: Okay... Its only seven inches but its pretty thick.
Me: Fine! Its only five and three eighths, but its really... okay.. Its about two fingers thick. Damn. But its not the size of the pen but what you write with it! Yeah... That's it.

Me: Um.. Sure Honey. Your mom can move in with us. It won't bother me at all.

There are some lies we tell that aren't meant to be believed but make us feel better about ourselves. But someday we'll have to give them up, and everyone else knows it before we do.

Like...

"The mind is the most attractive part of any person." Um... So like you never turn anyone down for a date then, or perhaps you are psychic and know everything about their "mind" instantly?

Yeah. Thats it.

LMFAO......great post! I can't believe all of these others never lied before? Interesting.....not really, I lied!

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: Lies:Big or small - does it matter? - 3/30/2006 5:03:04 PM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightMachine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Honest but dead. It is a boyfriend's solemn duty to deny his girlfriend's ass is as big as a Volkswagen. As boyfriends who compare their girlfriend's ass to a Volkswagen get killed and fail to reproduce, Darwinian evolution slowly creates more diplomatic boyfriends. A hundred thousand years from now, human boyfriends will have evolved to the point where they won't even hesitate when they say, "You look absolutely lovely in that dress, dear."

Heh heh.........well, I will amend my statement this much: I would not use the "big as a Volkswagen" description, but I wouldn't lie either.

(in reply to DelightMachine)

Post #: 20

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