A query on sex and discipline... (Full Version)

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Tayr -> A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 8:29:18 AM)

I have a question that I would like to get both Dom and sub perspectives on.

As a Dominant, I sometimes have to dispense discipline. Well, this often tends to get me all worked up. Nothing like a good ol' spanking to get a Dom all horny, ya know? So, my question is on whether or not the discipline should be followed up with some gratifying sex? Is that something that would have negative effects on my submissive? Should it be avoided? Or should I just indulge my "I don't care how you feel about it" attitude and force the sex on her? The last thing I want is for my sub to start associating sex with anything negative. But I want my cake (or pie, whatever [;)]), too. What are your opinions or experiences with this issue?



AquaticSub -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 8:45:42 AM)

My suggestion would be to have her give you head, breast-fuck her or get a hand job. That or switch punishment styles so that you don't get worked up and save spanking for playtime.



GreedyTop -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 8:53:46 AM)

what Aqua said.



Justme696 -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 9:01:30 AM)

quote:

As a Dominant, I sometimes have to dispense discipline. Well, this often tends to get me all worked up. Nothing like a good ol' spanking to get a Dom all horny


discipline/punishment doesn't make me horny.......when they obey..I get horny



TwistedLeather -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 9:02:37 AM)

Punishment should be just that... punishment. It should not be anything the sub/slave enjoys, or associates with an enjoyable thing. Sometimes, it's worth the endurment of misery for great pleasure. Avoid that connection, to avoid them acting out to GET that. As suggested, switch punishment techniques or indulge your sexual arousal in a manner that they do not like. Just because they're in trouble, doesn't mean YOU can't enjoy the consequences!



UniqueRaven -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 9:03:50 AM)

This is interesting for me because it does bring up something i've been thinking about lately.

i have friends who are a relatively new M/s couple. i talk with both of them, separately, about how things are going as they develop together. And i've talked with him several times about when he's needed to punish her for various infractions - mainly not keeping up with tasks and duties, etc., nothing huge. And when we've talked about punishment, i can tell he's really, really getting off on enjoying punishing her - it pushes his button and makes him excited to do it.

But when i talk with her, it's all about her sadness and disappointment in letting him down, beating herself up, taking her punishment - *not* fun at all. And inside i get a little mad because i can see how much she's suffering and he's really just doing the whole thing for his fun and amusement - setting up tasks he knows she'll fail at sooner or later (everyone is human) just so he can punish her.

So i ask myself, is this *real* punishment? For her it is - but for him, it really isn't. And is it healthy? Is this just "the way we do things?"

i know from my experience with my ex Master, when i did something that warranted a *real* punishment, he hated to do it. It was not fun for him at all. He drew a hard line in the sand between playing with (and beating) me for his fun and amusement, and something that i really needed to be punished for. And afterwards, typically he had to lock me in the cage so we both could regain our composure. There was no being sexually aroused about it at all.

i don't know if this answers your question, but it is something maybe to consider?

The direct answer to your question is that for me, it is whatever he wants, and for an Owner to periodically be able to say "i don't care" and get his way with me is very reinforcing to my dynamic. Even if it really sucks and is very difficult at the time. But that is part of my personal journey, and it is how i grow.

i hope this helps.

julie



LadyPact -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 9:06:11 AM)

I'm in the disciplinary measures don't turn Me on camp.  If something is that seriously wrong in the dynamic that things have gotten to that point, I'm not sexually excited about it.



wisdomtogive -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 9:26:40 AM)

From a submissive experience, I have never been with a Dom who got turned on by punishment. Punishment is just that, correcting something I did. There never was any sex involved in it. Most of the time there never was any physical whipping , spanking etc either.



DWCskitten -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 9:36:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

My suggestion would be to have her give you head, breast-fuck her or get a hand job. That or switch punishment styles so that you don't get worked up and save spanking for playtime.

What she said.



osf -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 9:39:12 AM)

I see discipline, correction and punishment as three separate things. Discipline being the structure of a relationship and willingness to adhere to it, correction as "you're not doing that the way i want, do it this way" and problem solved, then punishment reserved for repeated and or willful acts.

Having to administer punishment to me indicates a breakdown in discipline and could be a failure on both their parts, him for being lax and not maintaining discipline and her for willful behavior. Reason for an examination for the cause.

S/m activity has nothing to do with the above




Wolf2Bear -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 9:40:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tayr

I have a question that I would like to get both Dom and sub perspectives on.

As a Dominant, I sometimes have to dispense discipline. Well, this often tends to get me all worked up. Nothing like a good ol' spanking to get a Dom all horny, ya know? So, my question is on whether or not the discipline should be followed up with some gratifying sex? Is that something that would have negative effects on my submissive? Should it be avoided? Or should I just indulge my "I don't care how you feel about it" attitude and force the sex on her? The last thing I want is for my sub to start associating sex with anything negative. But I want my cake (or pie, whatever [;)]), too. What are your opinions or experiences with this issue?



What maybe should be considered is talking to your sub and see how each scenario affects her if it's in a negative way or not. Use what she says to determine if you will go from discipline right to sex or discipline and then you satisfying your desires without her willingness. When it comes to discipline, not everyone reacts in the same manner and some subs will need the time afterward to process the reasoning for being disciplined especially if it isn't an aspect of roleplaying or "funishment."  Seems to me that the best route is to sit with your submissive and find out exactly her feelings and how she believes she'd react before actually indulging in your desires in this area.



pagansub29 -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 10:11:51 AM)

I agree with osf in that there is a distinction between discipline, correction and punishment. My own humble opinion is that if a situation got so serious as to warrant actual punishment, the seriousness of the infraction should be observed by all involved. If sexual dominance part of the discipline, I say go for it. The line should be clearly defined, but I guess it all depends on the relationship dynamics. I hope all are well here today! 



Mercnbeth -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 10:15:47 AM)

if there is a punishment warranted/dispensed around here, it is in the spirit of a failure on BOTH of our parts...and it excites neither of us.



Smutmonger -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 10:22:41 AM)

Op

I think it's sending mixed signals to behave this way. You are the one who needs to sort himself out on this issue-you are going to do her harm if you keep it up.



Kana -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 10:59:58 AM)

Disciplinary actions in my household are enjoyable for neither party.

If beating her turns me on, I just do it.
I don't need to wrap it up it any other reason.
Hell, why else own a slave if not to slake my desires.
It ain't like I'm running a democracy.



camille65 -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 12:27:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

I see discipline, correction and punishment as three separate things. Discipline being the structure of a relationship and willingness to adhere to it, correction as "you're not doing that the way i want, do it this way" and problem solved, then punishment reserved for repeated and or willful acts.

Having to administer punishment to me indicates a breakdown in discipline and could be a failure on both their parts, him for being lax and not maintaining discipline and her for willful behavior. Reason for an examination for the cause.

S/m activity has nothing to do with the above





Nicely put osf.

OP first, I like your avatar!

In our relationship punishment very rarely happens. However I do get spanked a lot! I get maintanence spankings, or impact sessions when I need them (heh and when he needs them) but because they are not geared toward me being punished they are also combined with great sex.

It would be confusing for me if I were being really punished for something and also used sexually at the same time. It would leave me feeling off balance.



crazyml -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 1:25:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

I see discipline, correction and punishment as three separate things. Discipline being the structure of a relationship and willingness to adhere to it, correction as "you're not doing that the way i want, do it this way" and problem solved, then punishment reserved for repeated and or willful acts.

Having to administer punishment to me indicates a breakdown in discipline and could be a failure on both their parts, him for being lax and not maintaining discipline and her for willful behavior. Reason for an examination for the cause.

S/m activity has nothing to do with the above




Well put osf.





juliaoceania -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 2:17:03 PM)

My Daddy doesn't spank me for punishment.... it is done for our enjoyment

He doesn't use sexual punishments ever.


I get cornertime for displeasing him, and that has been pretty effective. He also believes in positive reinforcement. Rewarding good behavior gets more of the same here.



Lorenzo19 -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 4:17:38 PM)

Personally, I like punishments that hurt. girls need to be hurt. corner time only turns them into spoiled little pigs. hurt them til they cry like little girls. I wouldnt have no wimpy brat that won't let you hurt em. Dont hurt them like you do in sex (if you do) hurt them twice as much as you would ever do in sex. This has the side benifit of pushing thier limits. then you can hurt them more during sex and they can take it cause they take twice as much in a punishment.

For instance cunnt spanking. If the most you ever spanked her cunny during sex was 50 times. then give her att least 100 wacks. if she was real bad 200.

Then after wards cuddle but NO sex. My girl doesnt like anal and I almost never do anal. So if I get horny after punishment (almost never) then I will do her in the ass and she cries all the more.

We have a regular sex night twice a week. So I dont really need to have sex after punishing her.

But you have to understand that I dont like ookie victim sex (Im a Romantic Sadist). If you like that then fucking them when they feel really shitty about themselves would prolly get you off but she wont learn much from it (assuming that is the intention).

course that's My experience others may vary. Works for Me. No gaurantee for you. Some girls just wont learn. But that's for another thread.



camille65 -> RE: A query on sex and discipline... (3/3/2010 4:23:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorenzo19

Personally, I like punishments that hurt. girls need to be hurt. corner time only turns them into spoiled little pigs. hurt them til they cry like little girls. I wouldnt have no wimpy brat that won't let you hurt em. Dont hurt them like you do in sex (if you do) hurt them twice as much as you would ever do in sex. This has the side benifit of pushing thier limits. then you can hurt them more during sex and they can take it cause they take twice as much in a punishment.

For instance cunnt spanking. If the most you ever spanked her cunny during sex was 50 times. then give her att least 100 wacks. if she was real bad 200.

Then after wards cuddle but NO sex. My girl doesnt like anal and I almost never do anal. So if I get horny after punishment (almost never) then I will do her in the ass and she cries all the more.

We have a regular sex night twice a week. So I dont really need to have sex after punishing her.

But you have to understand that I dont like ookie victim sex (Im a Romantic Sadist). If you like that then fucking them when they feel really shitty about themselves would prolly get you off but she wont learn much from it (assuming that is the intention).

course that's My experience others may vary. Works for Me. No gaurantee for you. Some girls just wont learn. But that's for another thread.



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