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RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 4:06:19 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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OP, your thread kind of reminded me of this one: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3046240/tm.htm . In the thread I just listed the OP wanted a Dom but kind of pushed aside all the suggestions that were given to her until the end. She came off as wanting to be pitied and not wanting to do the work involved to find a relationship. I'm not saying this is you but there are similarities.

I'm not attacking you, but you need to look at what it is that you're presenting here. You say you want something and you've pushed aside the advice when you've received it to wallow in the pitiful me syndrome a bit more. Finding a partner is hard but it can be done. It's been mentioned before by other posters but I am older than you are and I am also not slender and I've not had a problem finding men on this site that are interested in me. The common denominator here is you. Not finding someone in 10 years is pretty crazy. What are you looking for? If it's not a Martian you should have had some success by now.

I have a feeling you'll lump this in with the other posts that you categorize as not being helpful but what do you want from us? You come here saying you're going to give up but then you turn away genuine suggestions on how to improve things. It's hard looking at yourself but in this case this is where you need to start. Best of luck if you decide to stick with it....

(in reply to warmwoman29)

Post #: 361

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 4:09:10 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

While I do not deny the inherent sexuality of most males and what is probably the most-basic want that drives them, the level that it comes into play is controlled by them. If all the ones you have met want to do is fuck you, then you are choosing the wrong people.

Whereas i have no basis at hand to back this up (and no desire at all to re-read all 18 pages to find/post a quote) i would be willing to bet it is not always the case of the OP choosing the wrong people, but rather her dainty delicate sensibilities being morally offended by casual adult banter.

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Post #: 362

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 4:14:07 PM

warmwoman29

Posts: 100
Joined: 10/17/2004
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I can banter with the best of them. However, I do not think that banter gives every man license to line up and fuck me. Whenever I have gone the banter route and then met up with a guy, even though he promised not to pressure for sex, he did. So what am I supposed to believe?

To me, if he cannot keep his word on something that simple, how can I trust that he'll respect my limits down the road?

Unlike some people, sex is more than a mere walk in the park for me. It actually means something. Why would I do that with someone I don't know nor trust?

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 363

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 4:51:43 PM

alhamdullilah

Posts: 81
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline

Okay, I'm going to risk defending her again. I think she has a valid question here (regardless of previous posts in reply to advice.) I wouldn't expect to meet anyone off of CM that wasn't looking for me to put out. Maybe I'm a pessimist because I'm hearing some really positive feedback regarding people hooking up. And I've recently been considering giving it a go. So, to reiterate the question, what should she expect when meeting people she encounters on a site like this one? I personally think it's best to anticipate the most likely scenario and, if you're willing to risk it, be safe and don't take it too hard or draw too many generalizations if it turns out to be the case. Oh, but then I just drew a major generalization, didn't I?

You guys are a tough bunch to tango with, you know! I can't help but feel for her. But the advice is very good. And I don't disagree that the hardest stuff to hear is often the most valuable. It's also true that someone has to be in the right frame of mind to hear it. I'm not sure this was the best venue to explore these feelings... at least not at this point. When I'm getting my ass kicked into line, I know I better be ready to bare it! (Did that even make sense? Lol.)

You guys are so cool. Thanks for being so welcoming.

warmwoman... hang in there. You never know when the advice you got will click for you and seem suddenly meaningful rather than something mean.

(in reply to warmwoman29)

Post #: 364

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 4:56:29 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: warmwoman29

Rule .. could you honestly think any worse of me? It doesn't matter what I say anymore. You have condemned me. So please get off your high horse. Haven't you trounced me deep enough in the mire?

Is this Shakespeare?

_____________________________

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(in reply to warmwoman29)

Post #: 365

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 4:56:47 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: warmwoman29

I can banter with the best of them. However, I do not think that banter gives every man license to line up and fuck me. Whenever I have gone the banter route and then met up with a guy, even though he promised not to pressure for sex, he did. So what am I supposed to believe?

That your filtering and selection process obviously isn't working.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to warmwoman29)

Post #: 366

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:03:57 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alhamdullilah

Okay, I'm going to risk defending her again. I think she has a valid question here (regardless of previous posts in reply to advice.) I wouldn't expect to meet anyone off of CM that wasn't looking for me to put out.

Some would expect you to, some would not expect it, but perhaps hope for it, and some would be willing to show patience, and to see what developed. It's just like the "real" world, just kinkier.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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(in reply to alhamdullilah)

Post #: 367

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:05:05 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

From moment one when I talked to someone on here I kept the thought that even though they talked a good game they were probably just out for one thing...and I kept that same frame of mind when I met them....unfortunately a lot of the time I was not disappointed. I didn't treat them like they were going to be a flake, but I kept the thought in the fore front so I would not be totally disappointed, and I had the buh bye speech at the ready...lol Helped me stay safe and most of all helped me stay grounded....when one is alone it's easy for cyber love to creep in...lol

But the times that I was wrong, it was magical. I made some really good friends and the last one it worked out so well I married him...lol Might take a break but can't give up...might take you a while this way, but definitely won't find anyone by sitting on the couch...lol

You are 100% correct....you do have to be in the right frame of mind for advice to work...hopefully once the OP is ready, she will re-read some of these post and take the advice and find the one of her dreams.

Nothing we can do but offer

_____________________________

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(in reply to alhamdullilah)

Post #: 368

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:15:20 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

You guys are so cool. Thanks for being so welcoming.

I'm going to have this post bronzed

Welcome to the boards!

quote:

warmwoman... hang in there. You never know when the advice you got will click for you and seem suddenly meaningful rather than something mean.

OP- you'll notice that alh...alham.... *scowls, dang girl, you need an easier nick!

* the poster above is also new, and started her own thread in ask a submissive that has not turned into a huge trainwreck. That is because she is stepping up, acknowleding the advice she's being given, as well as any criticism, and participating productively in the discussion. Compare that to the discussion lizi linked to, and maybe you can see where this thread jumped the shark.

The people here aren't your enemies, but they also aren't going to coddle you, or tell you that it isn't your fault if they think that it is. Hopefully, you will reflect on some of the things that have been said here and sit yourself down for a good think about what you want, and how to get it.

Good luck, and welcome to the forums.

_____________________________

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(in reply to alhamdullilah)

Post #: 369

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:19:40 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

When I met Jeffff it was magical. I know we met on a kink site and that without words being said that there were certain expectations.

Unlike you whores, Jeffff and I focused on the mental and not the physical. We felt all of the sexual tension but let it pass us by without succumbing to our darkest desires.

Speaking of our darkest desires...I ordered a Bell's Batch 7000 ale @ 12.5% alcohol when at the bar on this last Thursday. Damn near undrinkable. But being the hop bonded pair that we is, we waded through that fucker and then called it a night.

Now if I had interest in any of you subby whores and we were to meet, Those certain expectations might manifest themselves in a way other than a dark beer.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/6/2010 5:25:07 PM >

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Post #: 370

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:21:29 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Hes lieing. Domi is quite the Gentleman.

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(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 371

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:21:52 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

I can banter with the best of them. However, I do not think that banter gives every man license to line up and fuck me.

again...every man you banter with wants to line up and fuck you. Really?

Highly doubtful...and also highly doubtful that that was what you meant to convey. Yet...you did convey exactly that.

Perhaps an examination of your perception may help.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

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(in reply to warmwoman29)

Post #: 372

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:31:01 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alhamdullilah

Okay, I'm going to risk defending her again. I think she has a valid question here (regardless of previous posts in reply to advice.) I wouldn't expect to meet anyone off of CM that wasn't looking for me to put out. Maybe I'm a pessimist because I'm hearing some really positive feedback regarding people hooking up. And I've recently been considering giving it a go. So, to reiterate the question, what should she expect when meeting people she encounters on a site like this one? I personally think it's best to anticipate the most likely scenario and, if you're willing to risk it, be safe and don't take it too hard or draw too many generalizations if it turns out to be the case. Oh, but then I just drew a major generalization, didn't I?

You guys are a tough bunch to tango with, you know! I can't help but feel for her. But the advice is very good. And I don't disagree that the hardest stuff to hear is often the most valuable. It's also true that someone has to be in the right frame of mind to hear it. I'm not sure this was the best venue to explore these feelings... at least not at this point. When I'm getting my ass kicked into line, I know I better be ready to bare it! (Did that even make sense? Lol.)

You guys are so cool. Thanks for being so welcoming.

warmwoman... hang in there. You never know when the advice you got will click for you and seem suddenly meaningful rather than something mean.

Hey baby!

I guess it's funnier when someone else does it lol.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 3/6/2010 5:45:57 PM >

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(in reply to alhamdullilah)

Post #: 373

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:31:06 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

awwww....I do love a good love story...lol

Actually, I was going to tell her when a bad date happens, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and jump right back up on that Domidog and try try again....lol

sigh...a girl can dream....lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 374

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:37:57 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: warmwoman29

I can banter with the best of them. However, I do not think that banter gives every man license to line up and fuck me. Whenever I have gone the banter route and then met up with a guy, even though he promised not to pressure for sex, he did. So what am I supposed to believe?

To me, if he cannot keep his word on something that simple, how can I trust that he'll respect my limits down the road?

Unlike some people, sex is more than a mere walk in the park for me. It actually means something. Why would I do that with someone I don't know nor trust?

You still are on a site that is really geared up towards the kink factor if not more. It doesn't give someone a license to bone you but didn't you exchange any type of information regarding whether they are attached, their needs, wants and desires and so on and on and on?

I am not talking about hours on the phone. But just the basics to see if there is any room for compatability?

If you talk to someone out here or you really have a feel for that person and you meet in person and the physical is there than I think there is a fairly good chance for some immediate fireworks.

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Post #: 375

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:39:55 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

HOLY CRAP!!!! We're still doing this?

Fuck-a-diddle... now I have to read all this crap to catch up.

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Post #: 376

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:40:26 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

You know, I recently did the whole celibate for a year thing myself. I was in a bad head-space. But upon reflection, I decided to end it. I seek to fall in love myself. But I do not want to come off desperate for in "longing "and "seeking" and "pleading".
I just didn't want to be a nun. I also didn't want that load of expectation and pressure heaped on some guy I was interested in. It's one thing to have standards like "no married men" and demanding that all relationships that start as friendship have to move to love with no intimacy along the way. I really don't think men "fall" that way. I think they fall when they are having fun and then they want to see you more and get protective of you.

I decided I liked myself better when I was getting laid. Because I am more fun. Let me tell you, they want you more when you don't need them and don't have the expectation.

So I do believe its ok to be friends with a man and have sex without expectation of more if thats what you want also. Its also ok to find yourself in love because you enjoy someone and the relationship followed a more natural course as opposed to planning the marriage before the first date.

I got laid and then I got the full time job thats great for me. Funny how that worked. Could be possible I shifted my energy and the universe shifted with me? HHHmmmmm????

Edited: to post that this autobiography is posted as a view point for the O.P to ponder...

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 3/6/2010 5:42:56 PM >

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Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
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Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 377

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:40:57 PM

warmwoman29

Posts: 100
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

You misunderstand me. I'm not saying never sex. I'm just saying, not right away. I never knew that being kinky meant drop trou now! *laughs*

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 378

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:44:47 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I dont "drop trou" on a first meet. that is unwise.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to warmwoman29)

Post #: 379

RE: Giving up - 3/6/2010 5:45:35 PM

intenze

Posts: 2176
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

I would drop trou for Level in a New York Minute!

_____________________________

Namaste, bitches!

(in reply to warmwoman29)

Post #: 380

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