wandersalone
Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
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hi OP.... errrrr I mean Warmwoman 
For the record the thread has just started page 22 and I am about to wade through some of the posts you have made and address them individually. why? Because it is a beautiful rainy grey day outside, it is 1pm and I am in my favourite red satin nightie in bed still and life is pretty damn wonderful. wooohooo I love pyjama weekends.
Before you start reading please know that I am saying all of this with kindness in my heart and a sincere wish to provide some assistance. I have no hidden agenda and no reason to align myself with others or to be mean to you.
Re-ead all of these posts I have pasted in this reply....start looking for common threads and themes.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Yes! That's what I've always believed but men lie to me all the time and tell me that I'm wrong! I feel some validation!
Ok ... if they do this all the time...the common denominator unfortunately is you. Think about the choices you make, the things you say, how you present yourself.... what is it that makes more than one person, more than 5 people, say similar things to you? Are all of them wrong and you right?
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
I still don't understand how a friendly hello and a smile can be heartlessly ignored. But you know what? Men do that to me in the real world so I shouldn't be surprised they do it here, where it is so much easier to hide and lie.
Firstly you are attaching an emotion - heartlessly - to a stranger on the internet. What if your mail is filtered out by their settings (eg age, location), what if they read your message thought it was nice and then went on with the rest of their day? Do you reply to every piece of unslicited mail in your letter box at home? think of this as being similar.
I will say though that my experience is that I probably have about a 90% reply rate to emails I send out on CM. I randomly message males, females, doms, subs...hell I am an equal opportunity emailer - to comment on a thoughtful profile or compliment a lovely photo (especially if they have beautiful eyes or a nice smile). Look at the messages you are sending, maybe they could be twweaked a little. One thing I will say is that I never expect nor assume someone will reply to me as I genuinely send my compliment out to them expecting nothing in return. It is the same in real life...I often compliment strangers just because it makes me feel happy to do so. Their smile is just an added pleasure but I would feel just as happy if they ignored me and walked away.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
sirsholly ... I wish I could find ONE man who doesn't view women as potential pussy.Oh right . . .they're all taken!!
We receive what we give out. If you truly believe that all men are out for a quick fuck then you will meet only men who are out for a quick fuck because you wont be open to the others.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Probably why I was afraid of men while growing up because I thought they all wanted to rape me.
That thought concerns me as it is not the usual thinking of a young woman. I would explore that further and ensure that all issues from the past have been fully explored and if not resolved at the very least identified and acknowledged and strategies in place. Again if you are expecting that all men are going to rape you you may subconsciously only be focusing on the type of man who may do this.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
GraciousLady .... I'm no spring chicken and I've talked with more men than I can enumerate, have met even fewer than that. The bottom line is, these Dom types want young slim women. I fit neither bill.
I found this incredibly sad to read. I am 42 and I am being truthful when I say that my life has become even more joyful and blessed since I turned 40. I am not slim at all (and I am short so I am kinda square damnit  ) but I still attract men. the things they say are that my smile, laugh and positivity draw them to me. What is it about you that will attract someone to you? Don't start looking for a friendship or relationship until you can easily reel off at least ten things and know that you sincerely believe this list.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Just because you know ONE couple who made it to the one year anniversary simply means you have met an exception. The real world is far more heartless and cruel.
I call bullshit on this. There are many happy partnerships that have started from this website. Again you are expecting the world to be heartless and cruel and guess what.... the reality is living down to your expectation. I expect nothing less that a fabulously exciting and eventful world and yes.... bingo, that is what I get (well in between my bouts of extreme sloth like today )
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Jeffff ... this bitterness you perceive has come at the cost of 10 years of failure and rejection. I was not always this way, and no matter how many times I pick myself up from yet another rejection, it never bears any fruit.
Case in point? I talked for nearly 2 months with a man I met through collarme and we really seemed to click and I felt the friendship building. Then he blindsides me the other night and says he's not capable of loving anyone ever again because his last love left him for another man. What a crock of BS! He's probably married and realized he was getting in too deep with me so he wussed out!
I ask you ... am I supposed to feel happy and joyous at this turn of events?
Ten years of rejection and failure? Again..... may I gently suggest that you look within yourself. Something in you is attracting similar experiences over and over again. We cannot change others, we can only change ourselves or how we react to others.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
vaguely curious, you're not getting me ...
I talk with all men on equal footing, not as lovers but to see if we even LIKE each other to have a conversation. If we don't, no harm no foul. But the fact that they will not even talk to me, not even to say thanks! if I pay them a small compliment --- hell I even write and say thanks to men who take the time to read my profile. And it is genuine thanks. Out of all the men I have thanked, only one responded back and said he appreciated the thanks. It made me think that's the first time anyo woman ever did.
I touched on this previously.... you are expecting total strangers to reply to you? Instead send your thanks or compliment with a good heart and expecting nothing in return and that way if they respond you will be pleasantly surprised.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Seriously ... why are you people being so mean to me? I'm not a bad woman. I'm not...
There is an advantage to not being face to face -- you can't see how much you hurt people with your words.
If you are letting words (and people have been talking out of a sincere effort to give you guidance, not to kick you when you are down) from a bunch of strangers on the net affect you this deeply you are not ready for internet dating or even being on a message board. Again, look within yourself, why do the words of strangers bother you so much? Could it be because they are all saying similar things? Instead of the hurt you are feeling, think instead of what is being suggested. Open yourself up to scrutiny and accept it knowing that it comes from people who have been sincerely trying to help.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
sblady ... if this is being nice? I don't need mean ... I think this was the reception I got in the past which made me not return to the forums. And believe! I wasn't nearly as sad back then! I was positive and full of hope back then...
Patterns again....if this is the reception you got in the past and it is happening again there still is something within you that encourages this. In the same way that bullies know the kid in school to pick on, there is something within you that attracts this response. Take time out, reflect, listen to yourself, go deep within yourself and free the woman you truly want to be. bring back the woman that was positive and full of hope....
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
I am blunt but honest and truthful... more truthful than most I encounter online.
And in that, I think that is what discourages me the most. I assume everyone i encounter is honest and truthful and then get upset when I discover they are not.
This is naive. I definitely hope that people are honest and truthful however I know this isn't always the case so I don't allow myself to trust too quickly.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
VaguelyCurious ... so now that I am so thoroughly and unremittingly negative, who would befriend me now?
... and if you read my profile I have stated very clearly that I want friendship first and then more if BOTH parties wish. My god! do you think I'm out to rape men!?
Not sure if your first comment above was meant sarcastically but the truth is that I agree with it. Based upon all of these posts of yours....I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with you. Your posts scream of someone who would be emotionally draining to be around and constantly negative and oh woe is me.
You want to make friends.... ok, let me tell you a secret. You first have to be the friend you would want to have. Reread all of your posts, imagine one of your friends was saying those things.... are they someone you would want to spend a lot of time around?
Make a list of attributes you want in a friend...now look in a mirror...how many of those things do you have? I seem to attract people who value openness, integrity, warmth, laughter, positivity and caring. Why? because those are the things about me that I work hard to nurture within myself.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Vaguely ... I wonder how cheerful YOU would be if you went without sex for a year? Try 4 years?! Please .. enlighten me!
Lets not make this into a competition suffice to say you think 4 years is a long time? During the lean years I buried myself in life... worked, studied, read, spent time with family and friends, I laughed, I masterbated, I had lots of hugs, ok I possibly ate a lot of chocolate too....but you know what....my life didn't go on hold and I didn't focus on the lack of sex, I instead focused on everything else I had and also worked on myself to try and become the person wanted to be...that is, a woman who feels just as beautiful and worthy of friendship and love either with or without a significant other.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
What do I find pleasure in? silly things ... like watching squirrels frolic in the trees ... watching the mocking birds strut around like they own the joint... taking a swim, riding my bicycle... a huge plate of pasta ... a warm tight hug from a friend
smiles... yes!!!! much more of this please...we have been blessed to see snippets of this person within you, let her out to shine and blossom.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Angel ... as Meg Ryan said in "You've Got Mail" ... if we are anything, we ought to be personal...
I've always found addressing someone personal is well -- more personal.
ok I apologise but this made me laugh. Tell a guy that you live your life based on a line from a chick flick and see them run for the hills.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
wow ... *blinks in shock* nothing like kicking a woman in the gut when she's down. Way to be the man!
Again more of the feeling hurt by strangers. No one is kicking you in the gut. If you feel victimised examine why everyone is saying similar things. Be honest...has anyone in your real life ever said anything similar to you?
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Then that means that everything we say is BS and has no kernel of truth. Why bother?
I've always wanted to believe that people are real on the other side of the computer. Am I wrong to believe that?
Yes you are wrong as not everyone is here for the reasons they say they are and not everyone is truthful. Use your judgment and your brain and your common sense, get to know them slowly, meet them (close by if you don't drive and not in their car for goodness sake).
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Maybe you are just more fuckable than I am? *chuckles*
Again I think that was meant as sarcasm but I wonder if there is truth behind that? If you truly believe no one wants to fuck you guess what? No one will want to fuck you!!!!! More homework.....make a list of 5 reasons why you are fuckable. Look in a full length mirror, naked...... repeat those things aloud to yourself, looking yourself straight in the eyes. Say this things with love and compassion for the woman looking back at you.
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
Truthfully, it does not matter what I say anymore. I can be polite or not, you will all view me the same.
Oh rubbish, enough of the generalising and catastrophising and the all or nothing thinking (look up cognitive behavioural therapy to see what some of these terms mean...read the information...sound familiar? )
quote:
ORIGINAL: warmwoman29
And you think that I should act all happy joy joy when all of you tell me what a horrible person I am? geeee .. seems to me you're feeding me more self loathing.
As above
ok I see the thread has increased by a few more pages, I haven't read them yet. Warmwoman, if I can just reiterate that I haven't been saying any of these things to hurt you. I have spent more than ten years in and around the bdsm scene and do not have a significant other, sure there have been times that I want to give up and at those times I take a stap back, re-evaluate myself, my readiness for a relationship, what I have to offer someone and I work on the things I feel are lacking in myself. I then start anew, refreshed, loving myself and my life and KNOWING that I have a lot to offer the right person.
I wish you all the best, kudos to you for sticking around on this thread and I sincerely with you happiness, joy and more importantly I hope you remember to love and nurture the woman you are that is worthy of being a friend and a lover to others.
_____________________________
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885
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