LafayetteLady
Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Smutmonger
She fabricated a bunch of garbage and attacked out of the blue. I don't call making things up
and then getting personal "respectful."
quote:
ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
I was going to reply thoughtfully to your post, but you called LafayetteLady a troll when she was responding to you in a perfectly decent way, so never mind. I will say this: people do get to have expectations. If you don't like it, don't message them. Plenty of other people will.
I didn't "fabricate" anything or attack you. That was your perception. I responded to your post that people have expectations of what they want. Even now, even though you put the "disclaimer" that the "demands" go both ways, the truth of the matter is that you don't seem to really accept that the s-types have every right to make that "list" of what they want in a partner. Should they also mention things about themselves? Of course.
But the reality of life is that everyone has expectations. Many here are not looking to meet someone, play and then "hope" it turns into something more. They want to find someone who meets their non-kink requirements and then move on to the kinky stuff. What is the point of responding to, or writing to someone who doesn't meet the basic things you are looking for? If a dominant/master type is looking for a sub/slave type who will not work, why message or pursue someone who has a career that is important to them? The revers is also true. If a sub/slave type does have a career that they love, why would they get involved with someone who wants them to be an "at home" partner? It is a recipe for failure.
A lot of people here have discussed the whole "nothing lasts forever" idea, and believe it is a fantasy. That's kind of like a woman marrying a guy with the idea that he is a good "first husband." If you go into something with the belief that it won't last, it probably won't. The reality is that, while it doesn't happen to everyone or every day, some things CAN last forever. My parents' love for each other transcended death. It does happen.
When people say they are looking for a "long term relationship," it is a CONCEPT. It means they aren't looking for a hook up, a one night stand or a "friends with benefits" playmate. They want a relationship with someone, and for most, they are *hoping* it will last a nice long time. Think back to when we were in high school and had boyfriends or girlfriends. We weren't necessarily dating those people with the idea that it would end in marriage, but we did consider them to be "long term relationships." Sometimes they lasted only a month, other times all through high school, and for some they actually did end up marrying each other.
The bottom line is that "long term relationship" means "I don't plan on meeting you for coffee and then running off someplace for you to tie me up." Sometimes, two people might end up doing that anyway, and then a relationship will continue. But it's always more productive to let someone know what you expect right up front, regardless of what it is. There is a good number of people here who want monogamous relationships. They are "entitled" to want that. There is nothing wrong with making that demand. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be poly either, and poly people are also "entitled" to "demand" that the people they are involved with be accepting of that. Just like everything else that is incompatible, there isn't much chance of a successful relationship between someone who wants to be part of a poly household and someone who wants a monogamous relationship. We see subs/slaves post on the boards all the time how their dominants/masters are telling them they "have" to accept poly, because the "dominant/master" says so. There is no sense to this at all, because they don't "have" to accept it, and if there had been some basic communication at the start, they wouldn't be in that situation. If they had listed that as a "demand" in their profile, they likely would have passed each other by and saved themselves some heartache.
People tend to get hung up on semantics, and then look for deeper or other meaning to what a person is saying. Someone says they are looking for an LTR, and if you (general you) just want to hook up and have some fun, there is no "deeper meaning." It isn't a matter of semantics. It's pretty clear you aren't compatible. Wondering ad nauseam or questioning whether they have the right to make such demands serves no real purpose other than to waste your (presumably) valuable time with thoughts that could have been better spent moving on to the next person who may be more compatible.
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RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 
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