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RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 3:22:25 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeMyProperty
An opposite submissive version might work on me. Depending on what you mean. It's silly, but I get very drawn to a guy who acts submissive without being a wimp. I say silly because usually the guy is just acting that way because it's his job, but it still gets me thinking a bit more about him :)


He's acting submissive because it's his job? Yikes. Well on the good side, I see a bunch of men who just found themselves a new vocation. Does it pay well?

And honestly, if I ever was with a man who I felt was acting submissive with me because it was his job, it would be over. The men who have been with me have simply submitted to me out of sheer devotion and love. And trust me, they were no wimps.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 4:42:16 AM   
submaleinzona


Posts: 77
Joined: 2/23/2009
Status: offline 		I've known guys like the OP mentioned as well, but mainly in my younger years. Not so much in the past 10-15 years, as I don't really go out to clubs or bars anymore. But I have seen this particular strategy work. There are even books written on the subject, and usually, those are the only kinds of books these guys will own. There are also quite a number of TV shows and movies over the years which give validation to the tactics of manipulation and deception. Politicians use it to get elected, so it seems to work rather effectively. Advertisers use it. Salesmen use it.

"There's a sucker born every minute." Why that is, I have no idea. I would have thought the Nigeria scam would have waned by now, but it still goes on because it still works. If people didn't fall for it, it wouldn't exist.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 5:37:58 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		I'm seeing a pattern here.  All the younger people think that the stereotypical game playing and posturing is the way to get a partner.  And it works!  If all you are looking for is a one night hook up.  All us older folks who have been around that block a few times, know better.

Copying someone else is never the way to find a good match.  You have to be yourself.  And you have to find another person who is being his or her true self, not acting like something they are not.  Mr. Cock of the Walk or Blonde Bombshell may be able to attract a lot of attention.  But they are just cartoons.  Most people see through that facade very quickly and move on to the next.

The problem is that most little girls grow up with the "Beauty & the Beast" syndrome.  We truely believe that if we LOVE a bad man enough, then he will change into Prince Charming and be exactly what we want.  Women think that "Cocky" attitude is just a disguise and there is a true heart of gold beating JUST FOR ME under that skin.  We want to be the ONE who is woman enough to change him!  Guess what?  That only works in fairy tales.

So why run around pretending to be the guy who needs to be changed?  Just be the sweet, lovable guy that you are.


_____________________________

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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

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RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 7:40:00 AM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline 		FR

It sounds like the OP's buddy subscribes to Ladder theory or some similar game built around the premise that women are most attracted to assholes. As already noted, it can work to a certain extent... if what you want to be is an asshole exploiting fucked up cultural programming that demeans women. So, no, it's not a very good fit for finding a domme, who by very definition has rejected most if not all of that cultural programming. It's easy to laugh at guys who are running this game, because it really is a ridiculous way to approach getting laid and by playing these stupid games they're only reinforcing all the bullshit programming that makes women less likely to just fuck them to begin with. But from another angle, it's just a really sad way to approach the world. Assuming that women have little value outside of the gash, that they will reward you for treating them as such, that you (the man) have no value to offer in terms of being sensitive/vulnerable/whatever. It is possible to have and enjoy NSA sex on open and honest terms that doesn't involve dehumanizing your partner. It's actually a hell of a lot more fun that way.



(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 7:47:44 AM   
submaleinzona


Posts: 77
Joined: 2/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

The problem is that most little girls grow up with the "Beauty & the Beast" syndrome.  We truely believe that if we LOVE a bad man enough, then he will change into Prince Charming and be exactly what we want.  Women think that "Cocky" attitude is just a disguise and there is a true heart of gold beating JUST FOR ME under that skin.  We want to be the ONE who is woman enough to change him!  Guess what?  That only works in fairy tales.


Sometimes, it actually does work, but it can take years for old habits to die. People mellow out as they mature.

On the other hand, I've seen plenty of guys with the cocky attitude who are usually with a different woman every 2-3 months (sometimes even shorter intervals). The relationships don't last because, "well, she just turned out to be a real ______" (fill in the blank). It's always somebody else who is to blame - not just in relationships, but in anything. Many years ago, I used to pal around with a guy I knew from work - and he fancied himself as this real "pick-up artist" type, and it seemed to work rather well for him. Trouble was, he was always blowing his money and he was constantly broke. He'd be weeks late on his rent and then go on and on about what an "asshole" his landlord is. Somehow, it was the landlord's fault that he hadn't paid his rent. For a while, it was actually astonishing to see him explain a situation that - no matter what he did - he was always in the right. I lost track of him after he moved to California. He was working as a salesman, last I heard.

quote:


So why run around pretending to be the guy who needs to be changed?  Just be the sweet, lovable guy that you are.


I could never pretend to be that. It would go beyond pretending anyway, because, it involves being a pathological liar. Some are quite adept at lying and can do it well - they also know all the tricks to pass a lie detector test. Others are not so good at it. They don't feel good about lying or playing with other people's emotions. Even if they're trying to pretend, it's just so obviously transparent that it rarely works - except perhaps on the very drunk - which is likely another factor in some of these situations.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 10:11:32 AM   
MsHValentine


Posts: 80
Joined: 1/6/2010
Status: offline 		Jeepers, men do all sorts of things to get the attention of a woman. From expensive seminars and books to blowing themselves up and flying planes into buildings over the mere promise of some pussy in the afterlife. Oye Vey.

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RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 10:12:47 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Don't forget for their money.....

nothing like the smell of old money AND old pussy.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MsHValentine)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 10:14:52 AM   
MsHValentine


Posts: 80
Joined: 1/6/2010
Status: offline 		Betas yes.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 10:56:55 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR . . .

And another thing: the 'alpha, cool and cocksure' approach may well work - but, as the years have gone by, I've begun to notice that the 'shy and diffident' thing does, too - with vanillas as well as Dommes.  It always has: right from Cary Grant in almost any of his films, through Christopher Reeves' Clarke Kent, to Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and beyond.  All were (and seem to remain) big hits with the ladies. The shy approach is easier to pull off, too - especially if you happen to be quite shy anyway.  Well, it's a relief to know that a man doesn't have to act like the sort of total dick that Fonz was in Happy Days. 

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 3/8/2010 10:58:21 AM >

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RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/8/2010 9:05:42 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Oh yeah ... a shy guy who blushes easily is a HUGE turn-on for me. I'm likely to ask Holly if we can take a boy like that home with us LOL

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RE: Mistress vs. Vanilla - 3/9/2010 1:27:13 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR . . .

And another thing: the 'alpha, cool and cocksure' approach may well work - but, as the years have gone by, I've begun to notice that the 'shy and diffident' thing does, too - with vanillas as well as Dommes.  It always has: right from Cary Grant in almost any of his films, through Christopher Reeves' Clarke Kent, to Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and beyond.  All were (and seem to remain) big hits with the ladies. The shy approach is easier to pull off, too - especially if you happen to be quite shy anyway.  Well, it's a relief to know that a man doesn't have to act like the sort of total dick that Fonz was in Happy Days. 


Shy might work for me a little at first, but they have to snap out of that shyness relatively quickly. I like confident, which is very different than arrogant. I do also have a lot of fun when flirting to try to destabilise the confident and make them a little blush. The more confident they were to start off with, the hotter it is when I get them tongue tied.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 51
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