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Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/30/2006 4:54:43 PM   
MasterTalion


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have a question for those that may have more than one sub or slave -

As I've posted before, long ago, my current sub and I are seeking another female sub for the both of us.    However, we're not looking for a doormat.  We're looking for a sub, who will be a friend, intellectual equal, someone to spend time with, care about, be a complete part of our lives, but will still obey, respect and respond to any and all requests and orders given.

in the opinon of the group here, has anyone had a similiar situation?  has it worked for you, or am I thinking that this is too much?
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/30/2006 7:18:39 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I've never pursued that sort of relationship.  But for me, there would have to be great affection and friendship, between all three.  Unless you are looking for a casual situation.  I'm sure you will hear from some here at collarme who have done this successfully.  They will tell you that it takes time and effort and open communication, just like any other type of relationship.  And you need to consider that you are looking for someone who is compatible with both of you, so that sort of raises the "how are we going to find this person" stakes a bit higher, because you aren't talking about two people being compatible, but three.  Anyway, that's my inexperienced view of it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MasterTalion)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/30/2006 7:31:37 PM   
CanadianGuy


Posts: 219
Status: offline 		Between two people there is one bond to nurture, protect, and grow.
Between three people there are THREE separate bonds which all need nurturing, protection, and growth.
You're not doubling the responsibility and risk, you're tripling it.  Loving for a lifetime is rare.  Cur your chances in thirds if you add another submissive.  Good luck!

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/30/2006 7:34:03 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Katylied..But I also want to add one more thing..Time...it takes time to know how well the mesh is.Everyone does not show their full selves in a short amount of time,to get to know a person well is like panning for gold..you get a wee nugget here and another there...be well...Tempting

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/30/2006 8:10:12 PM   
MasterTalion


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with everything, this isn't anything we're going into with blind faith or trust - this is something we've talked about extensively ( my sub and I that is ) - we both feel, that with the right person, it could work.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/30/2006 8:52:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Your first poly relationship you will likely completely mangle and make a horrific mess of.  Try reading The Ethical Slut and getting to know other poly people in your area as well.

Oh, and recognize that you're facing IMMENSE competition- the number of established couples hoping to bring in a new girl is huge and the number of sane stable intelligent women capable and desiring to enter into a pre-established poly relationship that has no experience with poly is very small.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/31/2006 5:53:49 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		What LA said. Though I feel that she is understating many things. It may take quite a while and quite a few failures before you finally find one to succeed with.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/31/2006 6:37:13 AM   
Jayxkes


Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline 		Yes it can work,  it did for me .
As said,  this is a LOT of hard work on all sides.  I don't look for additional partners,  but if someone seems suitable and interested and we both feel something more than lust for, then we see how it goes.

You will most likely find it very demanding.  There is a huge amount of communication needed,  both before and during the relationship.

If you both understand why you both want a 3rd person involved and agree that this reasoning is sound,  then you've made a good start.  However be sure you do UNDERSTAND fully!
Actually doing it is somewhat different to thinking, fantasising and talking about it.  Unfortunately you're unlikely to know for sure until you try it!

Get it right and it is very rewarding and lots of fun.  Just don't get it wrong  ;)

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/31/2006 10:34:02 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Your first poly relationship you will likely completely mangle and make a horrific mess of.  Try reading The Ethical Slut and getting to know other poly people in your area as well.


I second this. Further, I add that your first serious attempt to add people to the relationship, even in a non-poly (ie non-comitted relationship, friendship/play only) will probably end up the same way.

Don't stress too much about it, learn from the mistakes and try again. And don't be afraid to appoloigize to the people in question.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/31/2006 10:54:34 AM   
kiska


Posts: 160
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I've had a couple poly relationships ... I actually prefer to be the third coming in ... I feel safer if there's already an established relationship and I can just mesh myself in with them.

Recently my boyfriend and I tried to being a third into our relationship. She was extremely pushy and rushed us ... When we realized this simply wasnt going to work, the whole thing blew up in our faces. I think my relationship is now falling apart as well ...

Be prepared for that ... You may very well loose the good thing you've got going on.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/31/2006 11:37:46 AM   
MasterTalion


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		I appreciate your responses and the advise - we both aren't going into this blindly, we both know that the person we find MUST mesh well with both of us - we have enough drama and stress outside the house, the last thing we want is more at home.

(in reply to kiska)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/31/2006 11:40:24 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		kisha, you're the first woman that I've ever seen mention that she would rather be the third coming in to an established relationship then be part of the established couple. It shows you have little insecurity about doing such. Kudos to you. I know it was horribly hard to find someone with this kind of security in themselves.



_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to kiska)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 3/31/2006 12:25:28 PM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 132
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		My Master and his wife took me in.  I have been called a doormatt on this website by many people because of my opinions on how I should be.  My Master set me straight on these and has actually improved my outlook on the quality of life I can have as his slave.  My Master and his sub/wife treat me like a friend inbetween when I am serving his needs.  His sub is and I get along with eachother very well.  I treat her as the alfa sub therefore take orders from her that dont countermand my Master's.

(in reply to Jayxkes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 4/3/2006 2:31:38 PM   
wetrope


Posts: 117
Joined: 8/9/2004
From: GATINEAU, PQ
Status: offline 		I have never tried adding a sub, with a sub already in place, but I have more than one fem sub and it seems best not to mix up the pot.  I dont think any would appreciate the presence of another at all.  I doubt either the sub or myself would like it.  Although one sub has asked me to have her own sub, a sub boy that she would like to switch on, and would like me to help her dom him, which I can see working ok, but for me more than one fem sub in the room is too much.  

_____________________________

Wetrope

(in reply to ShivaTS)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 4/7/2006 1:03:09 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		I don't want to be part of a poly relationship at this point in time, but I totally believe in the ability to be polyamorous.  I think it's ok to enter the couple with play but agree it would take some amazing magic to find the needle in the hay stack to match both on a loving level. 

(in reply to wetrope)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 4/7/2006 3:33:02 PM   
sweetbbwsub31


Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		I was part of a poly relationship many years ago (BDSM was not involved). It is very difficult to find a 3rd person to add to the mix that blends with the already established couple. However, it can be done and when it happens it is a beautiful thing in my opinion. I believe that a poly relationship has a lot to offer as long as there is honest, open communication between all parties. It takes a lot of time and effort but is worth it when the "match" is found.

(in reply to MasterTalion)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 4/7/2006 5:28:12 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		It can work. Poly for me though is 3 or more living together, not a couple with a 3rd on the side, so to speak. There is almost always room for play and it did work for me years ago. I don't really know what a 'doormat' is when describing a sub/slave but one can imagine them being unexciting and without substance. The intellect, humor, charm and a desire and passion to please is all important and would be expected of both slaves. They would be equal property but have heard the first described as the 'alpha' slave or your current mate. The second like many would be in my mind, the extraordinary woman.  A conversationalist who would enjoy the dynamic in the inclusion of another, accepting training and being so cared for. She doesn't have to but most likely come to love her sister slave. Communication, obedience and respect must reign or it likely won't last.

(in reply to MasterTalion)
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RE: Dom/Sub, also as friends - 4/7/2006 6:07:15 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiska
I've had a couple poly relationships ... I actually prefer to be the third coming in ... I feel safer if there's already an established relationship and I can just mesh myself in with them.


I can understand this sentiment very well.  When I entered the relationship with my Lord, he had his slave alandra that he had been with for almost 20 years and then another girl as his submissive that he had been with for about 3 years.  His submissive has since moved on to grow and explore her desires as the dominant of her own house, but what brought me a sense of security was that he already knew what it took to have a poly relationship.  This wasn't an experiment to see if it worked.  He had a really good grasp on many of the challenges and benefits of poly and how to make the relationships healthy and happy.  I said as much to him when he asked how I felt about coming into the relationship with two other girls already there.  The committment he demonstrated to his relationships made it easier to have faith in the committment he was making to me.

Knight's kyra

**edited for typos 

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 4/7/2006 6:09:52 PM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to kiska)
Profile   Post #: 18
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