New to all of this...nice to see a place to satisfy inner need (Full Version)

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wordnymph -> New to all of this...nice to see a place to satisfy inner need (3/30/2006 11:15:35 PM)

Hello, Im very new to this site, lifestyle, all of it. I know I need to be here. I have ideas and likes and dislikes that confuse me and i dont know how to ask my partner to satisfy them. he doesnt understand if ask him to hold me down and call me a bitch....how do i explain it if i dont understand it myself. [&:]



fullofgrace -> RE: New to all of this...nice to see a place to satisfy inner need (3/31/2006 12:12:33 AM)

i am not terribly new at "this" but i am new at expressing myself...so i can understand some of what you're saying. sometimes it helps me to write Him an email or a handwritten letter, because i have a hard time saying things out loud, or to find some example of it already (a quote or a reference to something) because i have a difficult time articulating. or sometimes He will talk it out with me until i can say, "yes! that's It!" and sometimes, most of the time, we just stumble a little as i learn more and more that it is safe to express myself! i am sure with time communicating your needs and finding out what they are will be much easier...maybe try journaling about what you want or feel you might need, or fantasies you have?

anyway, welcome to cm and good luck to you!  



wordnymph -> RE: New to all of this...nice to see a place to satisfy inner need (3/31/2006 12:22:05 AM)

thankyou fullofgrace, i have seen some of your other posts. your are very helpfull. unoffensive.  i hope to see more of them.!



fullofgrace -> RE: New to all of this...nice to see a place to satisfy inner need (3/31/2006 12:25:20 AM)

aww, thank you! you are very sweet :) i also forgot to mention...that if, while you are unsure, you ask him to do certain things, it might be a good idea to express to -him- just how unsure you are, that way in case you don't react in a way that you expect you would, he won't take that as a personal failure on his part...just more a part of the learning/exploration process. remember to be gentle with yourself, too. *hugs*



Knina -> RE: New to all of this...nice to see a place to satisfy inner need (3/31/2006 1:49:10 AM)

We all started somewhere right? Two things I found helped Me:
1) Find someone you connect with online to talk to - Not online domination, but hang out in some chat rooms and find a person you can let it all out to. I still talk to the person I consider My first sub & at the time it was very new for both of us. Mentally we really clicked (though physically things went a little awry).  However, being able to share things with him online or the phone was so helpful. It made Me feel less confused. It let Me play with the psychology of BDSM & get ideas before I dove into actual play. It's also less intimidating. The people I've met who struggle the most with their feelings/desires are the ones with no one to talk to about them. Once I had someone to talk to, everything in My head fell into place fairly quickly. Just an idea to be able to figure out things for yourself in a neutral environment & once you get a better handle on things it will be easier to approach your bf.

2) The other big thing for Me was finding information - Anything & everything to educate Myself. I highly recommend the Fetish Info Exchange for information. When I was a newbie I found their articles invaluable. There are good books too, just have to weed out the lousy ones. I probably liked Claudia Varrin the best. I think Amazon knows more about My sexual interests than any one person...hehe.

Or if you are impatient...you could throw Secratary in the DVD player & see if he freaks out

Hope this helps!
Knina



wordnymph -> RE: New to all of this...nice to see a place to satisfy inner need (3/31/2006 8:35:34 AM)

thankyou. i am going to read as much as i can. and i like the idea of someone on line to talk to. this isnt something i have shared with anyone. so i will edit my profile to say as much.  this is the third time i have heard about this movie...im very curiouse now and have to see it!



CelticPrince -> RE: New to all of this...nice to see a place to satisfy inner need (4/1/2006 9:50:21 AM)

nymph,

Welcome to CM and the boards.
Trust me just one week of comprehensive board review will solve the problem as many will share the same problem and possible solution.

Good Luck

CP



wordnymph -> RE: New to all of this...nice to see a place to satisfy inner need (4/1/2006 10:16:42 PM)

hey knina,
i put on the movie. secretary. i have to thank you and everyone who suggested it. we stopped it for a little break, refill drink, use the washroom.....and when i came out of the bathroom, he said "you arent supposed to take longer than me!" i said "im sorry, shall i wait in the washroom until you tell me to come out?? and he said.."NO! just get back in here!" and pointed to the tv room. i promptly went in and leaned over the coffee table. "taking the spanking position" . when he came in behind me. i got the first spanking of our relationship!!!!!!!! by the way.....i cried through that whole movie! it was bang on! thanks again to you all!



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