RE: Married to vanilla?

RE: Married to vanilla? (Full Version)

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SassySarijane -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 11:55:42 AM)
Really, you need to ramp it back and focus on her needs right now. New mothers go through a lot and if you are pushing this to her now, it could easily backfire and blow up in your face. She needs you to care and care for her and help her right now. Work on getting through this time and getting to the point where things have settled down some and she is more recovered from all this before focusing on your kink needs. Show her how much she matters to you. That's priority at this time.

husband4fun -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 11:57:54 AM)
I'm taking her out to lunch in an hour, and trust me, after enduring all of this abuse, it'll be nothing but wine and roses, I promise. LOL

divi -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 11:58:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: husband4fun I'm taking her out to lunch in an hour, and trust me, after enduring all of this abuse, it'll be nothing but wine and roses, I promise. LOL just laughs

Jeffff -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 11:59:11 AM)
Let me get this straight. You have exposed your wife, who recently had a baby, to a bunch of "bad" dominants so she now has no interest in the "lifestyle". You are overly concerned with your own sexual kink and desires that you have had no thought of your wifes well being.? And you are calling Me immature. If you say so dude.

husband4fun -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 12:01:37 PM)
I love the way people jump to conclusions about someone they've never met and therefore don't know at all. I've made many, many sacrifices during 10 years of marriage, so watching complete strangers imply that I haven't is more than a little bit annoying. Peace out (for now).

Jeffff -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 12:02:35 PM)
I just read your words dude......... thats all I have to go on.

SassySarijane -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 12:04:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: husband4fun I'm taking her out to lunch in an hour, and trust me, after enduring all of this abuse, it'll be nothing but wine and roses, I promise. LOL ~chuckles~ See that it is. Seriously though, I have been through new motherhood 4 times and it can really be hell and it takes a huge toll on a woman physically, and emotionally and can last months or more. If PPD sets it, multiply that by a gajillion.

divi -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 12:06:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: husband4fun I'm taking her out to lunch in an hour, and trust me, after enduring all of this abuse, it'll be nothing but wine and roses, I promise. LOL When you come back from your pretend lunch let your wife sign on you are getting boring

Lockit -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 12:08:52 PM)
Having been a mother and spouse with a career at different times, I know how easy it is to view a spouse who is demanding sex still be what it was before one was so overwhelmed. When overwhelmed, I was not getting any support from the spouse in caring for those lil bundles he wanted. He just added more to my day and nights and thought nothing of it. I had to remind him many times, I wasn't one of the employee's. I'm not a lineman and don't talk to me like one. It is when he did that I felt used and stopped caring what he wanted. I was too tired to care what I even wanted. Look for the area's in which you may not be attending to some things. As an employed parent, I didn't have time for events and was lucky if I could sit and watch a movie! Did I feel the lack of things? Sure! But I was a parent and that role took over anything else and had to come first at times and I could not resent it either. Give your situation another six months before you go off the deep end. Start thinking of what is most important. Many fathers will get stuck on how much they are not getting after parenthood and the harm that does is seen throughout society. Take an active role if you are not. Don't just be there, but actually be there... in the mix. Many a wife and mother have made extra efforts for those who show them that they are worth their effort and are loved enough to be helped. We make time for those things that matter to us. What matter's most here?

heartcream -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 12:18:08 PM)
I am glad divi sorted the quotey thing, it ws annoying when she posted and her answer was maybe wrapped up in the quote and who knew what ya said divi! I am glad this issue (pronounced isss you) has been resolved. You are so going to get it on with domi!

camille65 -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 12:27:58 PM)
I didn't feel like reading through 5 pages of replies (sorry!), so my post is only going off the OP. For 18 years I was married to a very vanilla man, I got married young and without realizing just how important it was to have matched sexual needs. I honestly thought that eventually he would come around to my way of thinking and to my needs. Looking back I can easily see the selfishness on my end. And I can see now how unfair it was to him to expect that he magically become a dominant and sexually adventurous person. I did try though. I tried to teach him and sometimes I tried to manipulate him but jeez it's awfully hard to top from the bottom if there is no Top lol. The end result was a lot of resentment on both sides. I was utterly unfullfilled both sexually and emotionally, even now I'm not sure what he was but for sure he was not happy. Yes I filed for divorce (there was a LOT more than unfilled needs going on by that point) and finally found my life. He also finally found his, with a perfectly ordinary woman that makes him happy. 'You' just can't force someone into a role that doesn't fit, not and expect them to be happy in life. If she is wholly unwilling to meet your side of needs, then I think it unfair to try and keep pushing her. Sometimes, I wish I'd known about things like checklists before I got married. Maybe if I saw it in black/white I would have seen earlier that severely unmatched sexual needs don't often meet in the middle it would have turned out differently.

Wolf2Bear -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 12:38:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: husband4fun I love the way people jump to conclusions about someone they've never met and therefore don't know at all. I've made many, many sacrifices during 10 years of marriage, so watching complete strangers imply that I haven't is more than a little bit annoying. Peace out (for now). Okay...let me get this in a proper perspective.....you married a wonder woman who also gave birth to your children and for the most part tried to indulge you in youyr kink side and she found it is not to her liking. You provided a home and a stability for her and I assume you do treat her like gold yet still want to force your kinks on her when she obviously has no interest, right? So being the male that you are, you feel you want ideas to push her past what she cares not to go because you want to satisfy your needs regardless of hers. So tell me....if you were single and had a submissive serving you, would you still insist that she comply with your wants and needs when they are not compatible with yours? Why should that be different with your wife? After all she is a human above all else.

divi -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 1:14:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartcream I am glad divi sorted the quotey thing, it ws annoying when she posted and her answer was maybe wrapped up in the quote and who knew what ya said divi! I am glad this issue (pronounced isss you) has been resolved. You are so going to get it on with domi! HC! You should of mentioned it earlier to me..knowing that my posts annoyed you saddens me :( hehe.. And I will never get it on with him

heartcream -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 2:00:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: divi HC! You should of mentioned it earlier to me..knowing that my posts annoyed you saddens me :( hehe.. And I will never get it on with him No divilisious your posts dont annoy me, dont be sad. I found it annoying trying to find what you wrote with the quotey thingy all messed up. I see you have a handle on it. Missing your posts is annoying, not you. You are funny, sweet precious and more funny! Even your mistakes are cute!! Like that recent post where you tried to quote and it looked something like: [/ quote] knowing that my posts annoyed you saddens me[/ quote]

divi -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 2:21:27 PM)
shit !! I will practice lol

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 2:24:23 PM)
She is VANILLA. You have a very basic, huge incompatibility. STOP trying to make her into something she's not. Its just soooo wrong.

FukinTroll -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 2:25:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming She is VANILLA. You have a very basic, huge incompatibility. STOP trying to make her into something she's not. Its just soooo wrong. Didn't ya know... hypnosis can fix it. SLURP!

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 2:31:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming She is VANILLA. You have a very basic, huge incompatibility. STOP trying to make her into something she's not. Its just soooo wrong. Didn't ya know... hypnosis can fix it. SLURP! Crikey! I've been SLURPED! [8\|] ...Do it again... [:D]

FukinTroll -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 2:34:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming Crikey! I've been SLURPED! [8\|] ...Do it again... [:D] Funny... you didn't taste Aussie. SLURP SLURP SLURP!

myotherself -> RE: Married to vanilla? (3/10/2010 2:42:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming She is VANILLA. You have a very basic, huge incompatibility. STOP trying to make her into something she's not. Its just soooo wrong. What she said - with bells on! For the lat 3 years or so (at least) your wife has been either pregnant, a nursing mother, or possibly both! Rather than try to push the poor woman into a role she clearly doesn't want, how about you forcing yourself to be vanilla for a time? Seriously - don't give her anything more to deal with at the moment. It's grossly unfair, and she'll just end up resenting you.

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