quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Nine times out of eight, when someone accuses you of "topping from the bottom" it means "I am a bottom trying to top"....

....
The guys didn't want to give out there number because they are involved with someone more important and only want to call you when they need a fix so tell them to fuck off.

quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

I've had the pleasure of talking with two potential Dominants, with hopes of a stimulating mental connection and real time meeting.  With each potential partner everything seems to going along smoothly until the question or in these cases demand of my phone number. Their reason being, so that they can call me to hear my voice or pursue this to the next level.In one case there was maybe a few exchanged emails, very causal banter and very sporadic with time frames, a few days  passing  between emails, we had not even moved to messenger yet. This all was within about a weeks time.Then I get, GIVE me your number I want to call you.If  and  when I resist, stating my reasons why I am uncomfortable in giving out my phone number.I then asked if He could offer me his number to call to easy my fears, perhaps easing the way to the next level.  I was then told that I was trying top from the bottom, no further converstation would be required of me.  Almost the same exact thing from the next potential partner, again I found some intelligent conversation we chatted via email for about 3 weeks, once or twice a week, feeling comfy I gave out the YIM messenger. First chat went well lasted many hours. Second chat a few days later starts out with " When you are comfy I would like to move this to the next level and talk on the phone "   I agreed.Before I knew it not even 10 minutes went by, He was demanding me to allow him to call me and to make a decision to pursue him or not. I was in shock, I again stated my reasons .. one being I did not feel comfortable giving out my number to him, I at this point had not even seen a photo of him (  I was told to trust he was going to be a good looking man to my pleasing ) and I asked again for him to offer me his number to call to ease my fears. Once again, was told that I like to top from the bottom, and that I was making a big mistake in not pursuing this at the speed of his comfort.  What is proper protocol in matters of next level of communication here in the cyber world ? My view is, I keep it here until I feel comfortable in giving out my  YIM or my phone number.If being protective of my personal privacy  is topping from the bottom, I am doomed to be alone it seems.  [&:] Can you share your views of that topping from the bottom is ?Thank You, in advance for any replies.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

I've had the pleasure of talking with two potential Dominants, with hopes of a stimulating mental connection and real time meeting.  With each potential partner everything seems to going along smoothly until the question or in these cases demand of my phone number. Their reason being, so that they can call me to hear my voice or pursue this to the next level.In one case there was maybe a few exchanged emails, very causal banter and very sporadic with time frames, a few days  passing  between emails, we had not even moved to messenger yet. This all was within about a weeks time.Then I get, GIVE me your number I want to call you.If  and  when I resist, stating my reasons why I am uncomfortable in giving out my phone number.I then asked if He could offer me his number to call to easy my fears, perhaps easing the way to the next level.  I was then told that I was trying top from the bottom, no further converstation would be required of me.  Almost the same exact thing from the next potential partner, again I found some intelligent conversation we chatted via email for about 3 weeks, once or twice a week, feeling comfy I gave out the YIM messenger. First chat went well lasted many hours. Second chat a few days later starts out with " When you are comfy I would like to move this to the next level and talk on the phone "   I agreed.Before I knew it not even 10 minutes went by, He was demanding me to allow him to call me and to make a decision to pursue him or not. I was in shock, I again stated my reasons .. one being I did not feel comfortable giving out my number to him, I at this point had not even seen a photo of him (  I was told to trust he was going to be a good looking man to my pleasing ) and I asked again for him to offer me his number to call to ease my fears. Once again, was told that I like to top from the bottom, and that I was making a big mistake in not pursuing this at the speed of his comfort.  What is proper protocol in matters of next level of communication here in the cyber world ? My view is, I keep it here until I feel comfortable in giving out my  YIM or my phone number.If being protective of my personal privacy  is topping from the bottom, I am doomed to be alone it seems.  [&:] Can you share your views of that topping from the bottom is ?Thank You, in advance for any replies.  

If I were talking to a man for 3 weeks and he refused to talk on the phone, even if I offered to give him my number so he could shield his identity, I'd assume he was either married or an internet wanker and be done with him.

Obviously you have to move at the pace you feel comfortable with but in general after nearly a month if the person is unable to move toward meeting I assume they're just playing games.

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ORIGINAL: DomImus

Another thread where we can slam people in absentia. Oh yay.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

Another thread where we can slam people in absentia. Oh yay.

I would tell them to their face they were dickheads if they wanted to tell me that submissives are always topping them from the bottom, does that make you happy?

I always picture you as a green Muppet in a trashcan...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

If I were talking to a man for 3 weeks and he refused to talk on the phone, even if I offered to give him my number so he could shield his identity, I'd assume he was either married or an internet wanker and be done with him.

Obviously you have to move at the pace you feel comfortable with but in general after nearly a month if the person is unable to move toward meeting I assume they're just playing games.

quote:

Almost the same exact thing from the next potential partner, again I found some intelligent conversation we chatted via email for about 3 weeks, once or twice a week, feeling comfy I gave out the YIM messenger. First chat went well lasted many hours. Second chat a few days later starts out with " When you are comfy I would like to move this to the next level and talk on the phone "   I agreed.Before I knew it not even 10 minutes went by, He was demanding me to allow him to call me and to make a decision to pursue him or not. I was in shock, I again stated my reasons .. one being I did not feel comfortable giving out my number to him, I at this point had not even seen a photo of him (  I was told to trust he was going to be a good looking man to my pleasing ) and I asked again for him to offer me his number to call to ease my fears. Once again, was told that I like to top from the bottom, and that I was making a big mistake in not pursuing this at the speed of his comfort.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

Sorry MSLA, I'm going to have to disagree with you for a couple of reasons. From the OP:

quote:

Almost the same exact thing from the next potential partner, again I found some intelligent conversation we chatted via email for about 3 weeks, once or twice a week, feeling comfy I gave out the YIM messenger. First chat went well lasted many hours. Second chat a few days later starts out with " When you are comfy I would like to move this to the next level and talk on the phone "   I agreed.Before I knew it not even 10 minutes went by, He was demanding me to allow him to call me and to make a decision to pursue him or not. I was in shock, I again stated my reasons .. one being I did not feel comfortable giving out my number to him, I at this point had not even seen a photo of him (  I was told to trust he was going to be a good looking man to my pleasing ) and I asked again for him to offer me his number to call to ease my fears. Once again, was told that I like to top from the bottom, and that I was making a big mistake in not pursuing this at the speed of his comfort.

So, they exchanged maybe 6 emails in those 3 weeks, 1 long YIM convo, and he hits her with the phone thing 10 minutes after telling her he'll wait until she's ready. He won't even send a pic, and won't give up his own digits so that she can call him. Then he pulls the TFTB line.
Red flag city as far as I'm concerned. 

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
But she hadnt even seen what he looked like. If I was chatting and the guy wouldn't give me a picture, I wouldn't give him my phone number either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

If I were talking to a man for 3 weeks and he refused to talk on the phone, even if I offered to give him my number so he could shield his identity, I'd assume he was either married or an internet wanker and be done with him.

Obviously you have to move at the pace you feel comfortable with but in general after nearly a month if the person is unable to move toward meeting I assume they're just playing games.

Exactly!  It never ceases to amaze me how so many on these types of boards encourage the nonsensical... "Awww, honey... you're so right... they shouldn't be pushing you to do anything... stand your ground and move on!"  Move on to what... the next person that feels their time is being WASTED or that someone is playing a GAME with them?!!  Yes, you have to be careful on the internet, but remember... that works BOTH ways.  You're entitled to "careful", and so are the people you're speaking with... to try and ensure YOU are not just playing around on your keyboard.

With regard to the first person in the OPs post, yes... I think she was warranted in not giving her number because he wouldn't give her HIS number; major red flag!  However, with the second person, after THREE WEEKS, it seems just silly to be so unwilling to speak.  I mean really... what's the big deal?  It's not like they're going to leap through the phone?!!  If you're still communicating after three weeks, obviously there was a certain amount of mutual interest, and as such, it's quite NORMAL to want to move things forward.  I will add, however, that it's a bit strange that YOU didn't press for a photo of him (assuming you'd provided a photo of yourself) after this much time? <scratches head>

People frequently complain on these boards about not knowing if another is "serious" or not.  Well, if someone has been communicating with you for three weeks and is then asking for your number in order to continue moving things forward, then OBVIOUSLY they're serious about you at this stage.  Now, if you're NOT "seriously" looking for someone, then be up front about it and state you're only looking for something "online" for now.  Most who ARE serious about finding someone don't want to "email/IM" for WEEKS on end.  Yes, those things give you some window into a person, but a very SMALL window; as it's just text on a screen.  Actually TALKING provides a HUGE window... into someone's personality, how they interact with you, a sense of their feelings/emotions, and a million other little things that can't be captured in mere text.

So if you're not "comfortable" moving at an otherwise normal pace, then be up front about that in your profile, and also be prepared to accept that many are not going to want to wait for weeks and weeks just to talk to you, and will likely think you a flake/player.  Additionally, make note that those that really don't care to move things forward after weeks of emails/IMs likely couldn't give a shit about you, and will probably stick around long enough till someone else (who is seriously looking for a connection) comes along.

In short, if you're ready to pursue this type of dynamic, then do so... if not, then openly state you don't intend on even speaking with anyone for quite a long time in your profile.  At least then people can't say they haven't been warned.  I could be wrong, but personally, I don't think you're ready for any of this.  It's not a matter of "Topping from the bottom" or other similar nonsense... I think this recurring scenario stems from your having an interest in this dynamic, but simply aren't ready to act on it.  Anyway, that's my $02 cents on what's been stated here.

Good Luck. [:)]

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

If I were talking to a man for 3 weeks and he refused to talk on the phone, even if I offered to give him my number so he could shield his identity, I'd assume he was either married or an internet wanker and be done with him.

Obviously you have to move at the pace you feel comfortable with but in general after nearly a month if the person is unable to move toward meeting I assume they're just playing games.

Exactly!  It never ceases to amaze me how so many on these types of boards encourage the nonsensical... "Awww, honey... you're so right... they shouldn't be pushing you to do anything... stand your ground and move on!"  Move on to what... the next person that feels their time is being WASTED or that someone is playing a GAME with them?!!  Yes, you have to be careful on the internet, but remember... that works BOTH ways.  You're entitled to "careful", and so are the people you're speaking with... to try and ensure YOU are not just playing around on your keyboard.

With regard to the first person in the OPs post, yes... I think she was warranted in not giving her number because he wouldn't give her HIS number; major red flag!  However, with the second person, after THREE WEEKS, it seems just silly to be so unwilling to speak.  I mean really... what's the big deal?  It's not like they're going to leap through the phone?!!  If you're still communicating after three weeks, obviously there was a certain amount of mutual interest, and as such, it's quite NORMAL to want to move things forward.  I will add, however, that it's a bit strange that YOU didn't press for a photo of him (assuming you'd provided a photo of yourself) after this much time? <scratches head>

People frequently complain on these boards about not knowing if another is "serious" or not.  Well, if someone has been communicating with you for three weeks and is then asking for your number in order to continue moving things forward, then OBVIOUSLY they're serious about you at this stage.  Now, if you're NOT "seriously" looking for someone, then be up front about it and state you're only looking for something "online" for now.  Most who ARE serious about finding someone don't want to "email/IM" for WEEKS on end.  Yes, those things give you some window into a person, but a very SMALL window; as it's just text on a screen.  Actually TALKING provides a HUGE window... into someone's personality, how they interact with you, a sense of their feelings/emotions, and a million other little things that can't be captured in mere text.

So if you're not "comfortable" moving at an otherwise normal pace, then be up front about that in your profile, and also be prepared to accept that many are not going to want to wait for weeks and weeks just to talk to you, and will likely think you a flake/player.  Additionally, make note that those that really don't care to move things forward after weeks of emails/IMs likely couldn't give a shit about you, and will probably stick around long enough till someone else (who is seriously looking for a connection) comes along.

In short, if you're ready to pursue this type of dynamic, then do so... if not, then openly state you don't intend on even speaking with anyone for quite a long time in your profile.  At least then people can't say they haven't been warned.  I could be wrong, but personally, I don't think you're ready for any of this.  It's not a matter of "Topping from the bottom" or other similar nonsense... I think this recurring scenario stems from your having an interest in this dynamic, but simply aren't ready to act on it.  Anyway, that's my $02 cents on what's been stated here.

Good Luck. [:)]

SO someones messaging her a few weeks but he wont let her see what he looks like. You dont see that as a red flag?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
I think this recurring scenario stems from your having an interest in this dynamic, but simply aren't ready to act on it.  Anyway, that's my $02 cents on what's been stated here.