RE: Do you ask for references?

RE: Do you ask for references? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

DaddysInkedSlut -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/14/2010 7:23:33 PM)
No, I don't ask for references. I take the time to get to know the person and form my own conclusions on them. How they were /were not with others means nothing to me since people are different in every relationship IMO.

Malkinius -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/14/2010 7:25:11 PM)
{fast reply} Greetings all.... I have both offered references to and received references from people I have worked with. I have also told them that if they want to know about me, search out my posts here and elsewhere. Google is your friend for finding out about people and it is free. I have used it with potentials before and will again. If someone has a history that can be independently checked, I think that should be considered a good thing. Reading what they have written and what others say about them and their writing at the time will say a lot about someone. The same thing is true if you look at someone's My Space or Facebook pages or any other online profile they may have. Yes, meeting people offline that you have only met online is a risk. It is a risk that can be mitigated to some extent. The more open and available information about someone I think the safer they are likely to be. The less you can find the less safe. I am advising a girl right now who's Master does not release almost any information about him self and berates and punishes her if she asks for anything. Yes, major red flags all over the place. She is new and has met him a few times offline and no damage yet but is this what someone wants in an owner? The other direction is that someone can give too much information. <grins> That doesn't mean they are safe but if it checks out at least you know whether or not they are worth continuing to work with. Over all...I think references are a good thing and that is true in both directions. Being safe in meeting someone for the first time is also a very good idea. Trust....but verify. Be well.... Malkinius

porcelaine -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/15/2010 12:10:14 AM)
sweetboundesire, quote: This is poetic, intelligent and deep. It's pin point accurate. I love the accountability you assign yourself. Your message is wonderfully illustrated, I cannot help but feel these sentiments ring true in me, too. Thank you for the compliment. I was a functioning adult before I ever found the kneel. My station doesn't preclude me from exercising common sense. As someone else mentioned, I most certainly would not ring someone's ex. The idea seems crass and unthinkable, but perhaps that isn't true for others. I extend the same idea towards friends and advisers. I'm a big girl and with that role comes responsibility and a willingness to make mistakes. Attempts at sheltering or prevention do little to aid my growth. ~porcelaine

GreedyTop -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/15/2010 12:21:10 AM)
Just my take, here: quote: ORIGINAL: Malkinius {fast reply} Greetings all.... I have both offered references to and received references from people I have worked with. I have also told them that if they want to know about me, search out my posts here and elsewhere. Google is your friend for finding out about people and it is free. I have used it with potentials before and will again. This is chancy, since if someone has a name that is shared with ANYONE else, you may not be getting the right info. For instance, whenI google my own name, I get hits for at least 4 other women with the same name. quote: If someone has a history that can be independently checked, I think that should be considered a good thing. Reading what they have written and what others say about them and their writing at the time will say a lot about someone. see above. quote: The same thing is true if you look at someone's My Space or Facebook pages or any other online profile they may have. Yes, meeting people offline that you have only met online is a risk. It is a risk that can be mitigated to some extent. The more open and available information about someone I think the safer they are likely to be. The less you can find the less safe. I am advising a girl right now who's Master does not release almost any information about him self and berates and punishes her if she asks for anything. Yes, major red flags all over the place. She is new and has met him a few times offline and no damage yet but is this what someone wants in an owner? The other direction is that someone can give too much information. <grins> That doesn't mean they are safe but if it checks out at least you know whether or not they are worth continuing to work with. see above.. What you are reading may not actually have anything to do with the person you are talking to. quote: Over all...I think references are a good thing and that is true in both directions. Being safe in meeting someone for the first time is also a very good idea. Trust....but verify. References are only as good as the amount of trust you give the source. And who is going to refer you to a person (or site) that reflects them negatively? Be well.... Malkinius

Malkinius -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/15/2010 2:17:19 AM)
Greetings GreedyTop... quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop This is chancy, since if someone has a name that is shared with ANYONE else, you may not be getting the right info. For instance, whenI google my own name, I get hits for at least 4 other women with the same name. True. Obviously anyone who does this will cross check to make certain you have the right person. The is elementary requirements when working with references. Anyone who doesn't deserves what they get...or don't get. quote: References are only as good as the amount of trust you give the source. And who is going to refer you to a person (or site) that reflects them negatively? I agree that you have to trust the source. This is why I said independent searching. Actually, I have given people as references who were, shall we say, not going to give glowing references about me. I have also required someone to research me and report back with what they have found. I realized a long time ago that I had a pretty long trail that could be researched so why should I try to hide it? Unlike all those who change their nicks and become someone new, there is just me with this name. The data is out there if someone goes to the work to find it. I can't remove it so why try to hide it? Also, it means I stay honest. It is much easier to tell the truth than try to remember which lies you told where. I do know that many people to possibly even most don't do that, especially in places like this. Some of us are just not part of the norm...even here. Be well.... Malkinius

sweetboundesire -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/15/2010 6:29:28 AM)
While trusting you judgment is good, I would also advise the same as Malkinius, do a google search. Here in Wisconsin, we have free circuit court access. I've looked up every Dom from Wisconsin I've ever met, on it. I've found it a good idea vanilla or otherwise, to do this when going on a date. Their are compulsive liars. The internet is your friend.

sweetben -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/16/2010 10:47:05 AM)
But the point is asking for referencesss...plural. the opinions of those who have played with that person should be collectively analyzed. You may get mixed stories, one may say serial killer, the other may say saint; its all in how different people interact and how its perceived. i believe that a potential will have more good than bad if it boils down to where i actually have to think about the references... I also find it difficult to find a point to where i am comfortable enough with the person to consider playing (or ask them to supply references for that reason), but distanced enough to where i would need them... ben

graceadieu -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/17/2010 9:22:45 AM)
Would you ask a vanilla date for references? I know I wouldn't. I don't see that a D/s relationship is much different, really. You just get to know the other person - it'll be obvious sooner or later what sort of person they are, and I trust my own judgement more than that of a total stranger.

Jeffff -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/17/2010 9:26:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire While trusting you judgment is good, I would also advise the same as Malkinius, do a google search. Here in Wisconsin, we have free circuit court access. I've looked up every Dom from Wisconsin I've ever met, on it. I've found it a good idea vanilla or otherwise, to do this when going on a date. Their are compulsive liars. The internet is your friend. There are two authors who happen to have the same name as I do. I once googled myself. It took 86 pages to get to me. It was my disvorce decree...:) Google will only tell you I am divorced, not whether or not I can committed heinous acts without being caught

dovie -> RE: Do you ask for references? (5/17/2010 9:39:36 AM)
Asks for references...gets them. Gets to know the person. Asks a lot of questions. Takes my time....and finally a mind meld a la Spock. dovie

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875