Can I have some guidance?

Can I have some guidance? (Full Version)

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GoddessShawnie -> Can I have some guidance? (3/31/2006 7:03:35 PM)
I have been in a relationship with a man who is a few years older than me for the past few months. When we met, he told me that he was into foot worship but did not mention anything else. I had very little previous experience with anything other than vanilla sex. He keeps telling me he wants me to be his Mistress and calls me this when we are in bed. He tells me everything he wants me to do and he seems to be very concerned of his own needs. He tells me to train him and discipline him. I have yet to have an orgasm but he has had many. I feel like I don't want to play with him anymore as I feel so cheated. If I continue going out with with him, I need to figure out a way to make this work. I feel totally frustrated and upset with him and I continuously wonder what I am doing with him. Help!!!

CAROLF -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (3/31/2006 7:08:34 PM)
ummm, you're the dominate and have had no orgasms??? ummmm big ass problem here, i'd tell him to service you, or else! then stick to it. as a sub, your pleasure is his job. If it doesn't happen, for the love of Gawd, and the love or orgasm, move on sis.

fastlane -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (3/31/2006 7:13:05 PM)
He's Domming your ass..girl! geesh..wake up, the coffee is brewing and Martini's are chilled...where is Mistress H...she would set you straight! Kevin

GoddessShawnie -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (3/31/2006 7:18:01 PM)
Thanks Carole F.. I guess my problem is my lack of experience. I am interested in gaining some experience, so how do I go about it now. I think that I need to move on as I don't think he will be able to give me what I need. When you say to be firm, can you be a little more explicit?

AAkasha -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (3/31/2006 7:23:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessShawnie I have been in a relationship with a man who is a few years older than me for the past few months. When we met, he told me that he was into foot worship but did not mention anything else. I had very little previous experience with anything other than vanilla sex. He keeps telling me he wants me to be his Mistress and calls me this when we are in bed. He tells me everything he wants me to do and he seems to be very concerned of his own needs. He tells me to train him and discipline him. I have yet to have an orgasm but he has had many. I feel like I don't want to play with him anymore as I feel so cheated. If I continue going out with with him, I need to figure out a way to make this work. I feel totally frustrated and upset with him and I continuously wonder what I am doing with him. Help!!! My Good Girl's Guide to Domination addresses issues of sub guys that are pushy and manipulative. http://akashaweb.com/women/goodgirlpreview.html It might help you. Most important thing of all is to remember this is about your pleasure, not his. If he continues to try to push you into things, find someone else. It's not submission or worship if he is nagging you into it... Akasha

sharpwittedfl -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (3/31/2006 7:40:15 PM)
Topping from the bottom is common but intolerable behavior. Even in a vanilla relationship you would be remiss to accept such one sided treatment. If you are in doubt about the relationship, get rid of him. Locate a solid, experienced dominant to mentor you until you get your bearings. Read one or 20 of the written resources available (ie Different Loving). Ask lots of questions, have fun with what you are doing and who you are, enjoy your role. Good Luck and feel free to email if you'd like to talk more. ~Ms. R

GoddessShawnie -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (3/31/2006 8:00:49 PM)
I appreciate all the responses. It's very helpful to ge the honest feedback and I believe that I am very close to getting rid of him. I need to hook up with someone in Toronto to guide me. Thanks again, GS

GoddessShawnie -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/1/2006 4:00:08 AM)
Hi AAkasha, I did go look at "My Good Girl's Guide to domination" and found it most useful. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. From now on, I know what to expect!!! GS

openmindedslave -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/1/2006 4:36:45 AM)
As a sub GoddessShawnie, the relationship is just not going the way it should. Forget control for now. Forget everything about domination and the postion of authority over him. . Forget this lifestyle and everything you know ....With that said , the one thing he is doing is being selfish to your needs .Even if he was blind, he should beable to see that you are not feeling something for all of this. Being with a selfish lover means you always will rank last of the list. By now he should have noticed or at leasted talked to you about what you like ? Thats' why it does not make a differnence whether in this lifestyle or the dozens of others out here, selfish is selfish.

BeachMystress -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/1/2006 4:39:05 AM)
Someone wrote to me not so long back asking about how to be more assertive/Dommely. It doesn't quite fit your situation, but there are a lot of good Domme links on it. Hope it helps. http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=5719614&blogID=88924789&MyToken=cd432113-64cf-4456-be84-dc89496d458d

BeachMystress -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/1/2006 4:48:54 AM)
I noticed after I'd posted, that you're looking for others in your area. Hope these help: http://members.tripod.com/~divamunch/ http://www.dssg.org/ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMPersonals_Canada/ http://www.lucylasticslair.com/munch/ http://www.ehbc.ca/home.html http://www.nla-i.com/ http://www.geocities.com/opalslv/WoodbridgeMunch.html You might want to read http://www.soj.org/articles/A%20Beginners%20Guide%20to%20BDSM%20Munches.htm so you're familiar with the concept of a munch and what goes on there. Good hunting!

FLsubmalecd -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/1/2006 10:22:43 AM)
Goddess Shawnie, If you don't mind the opinion of one more sub male. I have to agree with all the ladies and one opther sub that has already responded with very good suggestions and links to help you grow in this lifestyle. I'm sorry that you had to have a bad introduction to it with this man that in my opinion is not a sub at all. he seems to be a man that wants to play the role for his own satisfaction with little or no regard for doing what a true submissive really cares about doing more then anything....That is pleasing his/her Dom/me. This guy is not thinking about you or considering you at all it seems. He is definately selfish and uncaring. Forget his words,. actions speak louder. I also agree that even if this was purely a vanilla relationship, he is not being fair or considerate at all. Ma'am, if this helps, let me share with you the mindset of one submissive that is not merely a player. As a submissive, my total pleasure is derived out of pleasing my Mistress in any and every way I can. I would be depressed and very hurt if I thought I was not doing that. I'd try harder. My Mistress definately comes first and foremost with me. Sure I want sexual forfillment like any other person. But I want to know I earned it and consider it a reward for loving and caring for the one woman that owns my heart and soul. I would never push for it, suggest it or beg for it. A good Domme that loves me as much as I love her would know when and how to give me all that I need to remain a happy sub. She would reward and punish as needed. She would be strong, strick , yet fair. She would be as loving and giving ONLY to the point that she knows I deserved it for being a good submissive and obeying her every command, pleasing her sexually in any way she desires and just demonstrating inevery way what she means to me. Both in and out of the bedroom. A true sub needs and wants to be dominated. He needs to be directed and punished as needed. He also knows his place and that his needs and wants come only second to those of the one he serves. We understand the use of rewards and punishment. And we desire both for our Domme. If this guy has not shown you anything close to what I said, then please Ma'am, say goodbye to him and look for a serious true submissive that wants and needs to serve you the way I described. I wish you love and luck in your continued grwoth as a Domme. You sound like a loving caring person. Now if I could find a woman with your same desires here in Florida, I'd be one happy sub again. sigh.........

openmindedslave -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/1/2006 1:40:43 PM)
8/8 say its time to drop him....and don't look back!!!!

DiannaVesta -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/1/2006 4:19:29 PM)
It’s all about me! This attitude is one I was born with but I admit it took many years to nurture. There’s a lot I want to say but I’m beat tired today. I would show his ass the door. After that its time for you to define who you are and set the stage for what you want in the future. There are plenty of people who want to waste your time. I have a few articles you might like to read at http://www.diannavesta.com – just click in the area that says education. They are free. Here are a few titles: Erotic Control – The Art of Loving Domination The Art of Adoration Spanking the Big Boy- Attitude Adjustment Much luck to you. If you feel the seed inside you and it passionately drives you, go for it!

LadyKim -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/2/2006 9:24:31 AM)
Shawnie, Sounds like he is trying to train you to be his Mistress and you are only partially getting it. That is not a slam. You were vanilla before meeting him, so you don't know the tricks to getting what you want yet. He is trying to make you into what he wants; however, you will have to go for what YOU want to truly be his Mistress. First suggestion, cut off his orgasms. If his oral abilities are lacking, then have him work at it with your guidance until he gets it right. If you get frustrated with this, do something to keep him aroused, and have him use a vibrator or something on you to get the orgasm you want. Heck, make him work on bringing your numbers up while limiting him. If after 9 or 10 orgasms, you are exhausted, tie him up, take a nap, and get back at it when you are ready. There is no rule that says a subbie has to cum each time he is with his Mistress. Honestly, his orgasms are at your discretion. TURN HIM into YOUR perfect toy. Use his orgasms (and your feet) as his rewards not his right. Good luck, MzKim

MisPandora -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/2/2006 3:16:30 PM)
It sounds to me as though he's just a manipulative worm who is using his kinks as a device to get laid. I'll refrain from telling you to toss him out on his ass because I presume you feel there is something salvagable, or that he's worth your getting up to speed on what it is that he's looking for. So, we'll go to the "help" section: First and foremost -- do you wish to be dominant over him? If it's not manifested from within that you take charge and not let him finish until you do, my thoughts lean towards no. Second -- do you want him to call you Mistress? I'm not speaking titles here, I'm asking YOU if that bothers you. If it does, make it stop. Tell him straight out that he doesn't get that privilege until he starts demonstrating that he's worthy of it. What might his actions be if he were worthy of addressing you in that way? Respect first and foremost. Open communication to determine what YOUR wishes are. Focusing on your pleasure and gratification, and forgoing his own. Entrusting you with his pleasure to be given as you see fit. See a pattern?

thetammyjo -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/2/2006 4:26:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessShawnie I have been in a relationship with a man who is a few years older than me for the past few months. When we met, he told me that he was into foot worship but did not mention anything else. I had very little previous experience with anything other than vanilla sex. He keeps telling me he wants me to be his Mistress and calls me this when we are in bed. He tells me everything he wants me to do and he seems to be very concerned of his own needs. He tells me to train him and discipline him. I have yet to have an orgasm but he has had many. I feel like I don't want to play with him anymore as I feel so cheated. If I continue going out with with him, I need to figure out a way to make this work. I feel totally frustrated and upset with him and I continuously wonder what I am doing with him. Help!!! Sounds to me like you are really trying to be a top here, not a dominant, and that frankly, he seems content with that. You could try to explore stuff on your own (being on this group is part of that) to see what you like. Maybe you are vanilla and in that case really you need to stand up for that and demand good old-fashioned vanilla orgasms. If you are kinky, you need to stand up for what turns you on and makes you come. I'm hoping here you haven't faked any orgasms with him... you need to be honest about that regardless of the flavor of your relationship. Personally, I wouldn't be in a sexual relationship if I didn't get as many (if not more) orgasms as my partner.

Cloudz -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/3/2006 4:57:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessShawnie I have been in a relationship with a man who is a few years older than me for the past few months. When we met, he told me that he was into foot worship but did not mention anything else. I had very little previous experience with anything other than vanilla sex. He keeps telling me he wants me to be his Mistress and calls me this when we are in bed. He tells me everything he wants me to do and he seems to be very concerned of his own needs. He tells me to train him and discipline him. I have yet to have an orgasm but he has had many. I feel like I don't want to play with him anymore as I feel so cheated. If I continue going out with with him, I need to figure out a way to make this work. I feel totally frustrated and upset with him and I continuously wonder what I am doing with him. Help!!! Dearheart, You have NOT been playing with him, HE is playing with you. My advice...stop seeing him immediately...if only for the short term. Take a week or two. Decide what YOU want. WRITE it down. REFER to it often. If you want opinions, run it up the flag pole here. If you want a sub...you may need to keep looking. He is taking SUCH advantage of you....IF you decide to see him again, discipline should be the first order of the day. Since he is so bossy...I would START with a gag!

MHOO314 -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/3/2006 6:42:05 AM)
Good Morning GoddessShawnie and welcome to the boards--I can only assume from your post and your profile that perhaps you are a newly "named" Dominant--(if I am wrong feel free to correcte Me)--as such, I would ask what brough you to that decision? A good deep examination may be in order here---if you did it because "he" wants it, then there are some issues, as it is indeed as My colleagues have said, "topping from the bottom"--you are being manipulated for HIS gain---OR this is just a sexual fantasy for him to get off-- and in IME, even in vanilla for the woman not to have an orgasm on occasion is not acceptable. I suggest you spend some time at this site: http://http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html It is a good thorough site for FemDom relations and relationships---if after that this is YOUR decision, regardless whether he is in the picture or not, then you have some foundation to start with--but if this is what YOU want, you call the shots. quote: I feel totally frustrated and upset with him and I continuously wonder what I am doing with him. This is a question only you can answer.

subrob1967 -> RE: Can I have some guidance? (4/4/2006 3:34:31 AM)
Are you a Domme? Is dominating him what you really want? Or are you doing it because it pleases him? If you really want to become a Dominant, take control of his orgasms, put your needs before his, don't allow him to cum, and see how long he stays with you.

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