RE: BDSM and abuse

RE: BDSM and abuse (Full Version)

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catize -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 12:12:31 AM)
The percentage of those who have been abused is the same whether you are a member of a church, a bowling league, a book club or bdsm. This speaks more to the fact that abuse is rampant in our society and the world, rather than what particular group one has joined.

alhamdullilah -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 12:26:58 AM)
Thank goodness we've clarified that it's merely a theory, however, rather than have some innocent passer-by mistake the notion for absolute fact... at the risk of great harm and utter mayhem. Sperm don't kill people. People kill people. Likewise, even if it were proven fact that there exists a higher prevalence of past abuse among D/s-ophiles, abuse would not define the kink nor the kinkster. I think it's quite the obvious assumption when negating the idea that a correlation exists that it's at least as common in the nilla world were people as forthcoming as they are here. Personally, I still think a correlation exists but it doesn't define me as a slave, nor does it "taint the lifestyle," in my opinion. Please note: No sperm have been harmed in the posting of this message.

crazyml -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 1:31:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize The percentage of those who have been abused is the same whether you are a member of a church, a bowling league, a book club or bdsm. This isn't a snarky response - but is this based on intuition or hard data? The reason I ask is that I have a gut feeling that it may well be the case that BDSM attracts a slightly higher than average proportion of people who have encountered abuse than other groups but I strongly doubt that it's much higher and I have absolutely no hard facts to back up my guess.

crazyml -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 1:49:54 AM)
I don't have any data or factual insight so like MasterSlaveLA I can only talk from personal experience. I've defintitely encountered Subs who have experienced abuse in the past - but I have only properly spoken to a very small number of subs with a history of abuse - But this may be because I filter them out, I look for well adjusted, strong, independent women - A couple of past partners have disclosed prior abuse but in both cases I would say that they'd come through it positively and that it had relatively little bearing on their current kink (I say that as someone who is absolutely not a qualified therapist/psych etc). [edited to remove pointless para]

candisa -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 3:25:10 AM)
I feel that sites like this, a BDSM site, can be a magnet for those people who feel and think that their domineering and abusive traits may be a "true" sign that they are also an Alpha or Dominant. Seeking out their next victim, errr I mean submissive/slave of choice, after all a submissive/slave can't say "no" right ? or she or he is not a "true" slave.

fadedshadow -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 4:35:33 AM)
thanks for your responses though the sperm discussion is kind of random lol

Nslavu -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 7:34:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven Never been abused, had a wonderful childhood, and grew up with a deep, deep-rooted need to be slave - a need i knew about when i was very, very young. [:)] One thing i wonder about is if this "lifestyle" of ours just allows people to be more open about their previous abuse and psychological issues. One thing i've learned and realized over the years is that everyone has issues in this world of some sort or another - we as BDSM-ers don't have the market cornered on this. i did Real Estate for many years and the more i went into other people's houses, the more normal i began to feel about myself. There are some pretty sick tickets out there that have nothing to do with BDSM. Honestly, often the more "proper" the family the more skeletons in the closet - i know, because i saw them. Real Estate agents are actually a lot like therapists in a way, and we definitely have to hide a lot of secrets for our clients. i tend to group this with the line of thought that says we're more "special" or "enlightened" in some way just because we do BDSM - i don't agree with that, it's just one path that people choose. Yes there are studies that show higher intelligence among BDSM folks, but i still don't see that as making us any more unique than any others - i think we're just more open about what we talk about, and abuse falls into that as well. I agree with what you say and generally like your posts. I do think "enlightenment" is something that one can be more or less enlightened. Do you have these sources/studies that show intelligence differential. I think this would be interesting to review. [:)]

UniqueRaven -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 7:37:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nslavu quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven i tend to group this with the line of thought that says we're more "special" or "enlightened" in some way just because we do BDSM - i don't agree with that, it's just one path that people choose. Yes there are studies that show higher intelligence among BDSM folks, but i still don't see that as making us any more unique than any others - i think we're just more open about what we talk about, and abuse falls into that as well. I agree with what you say and generally like your posts. I do think "enlightenment" is something that one can be more or less enlightened. Do you have these sources/studies that show intelligence differential. I think this would be interesting to review. [:)] i actually got that information from a friend on the board who was asked to take part in some studies - i'll ask him for the specific researcher he worked with and see if i can get you some citations. [:)]

Nslavu -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 7:50:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven quote: ORIGINAL: Nslavu quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven i tend to group this with the line of thought that says we're more "special" or "enlightened" in some way just because we do BDSM - i don't agree with that, it's just one path that people choose. Yes there are studies that show higher intelligence among BDSM folks, but i still don't see that as making us any more unique than any others - i think we're just more open about what we talk about, and abuse falls into that as well. I agree with what you say and generally like your posts. I do think "enlightenment" is something that one can be more or less enlightened. Do you have these sources/studies that show intelligence differential. I think this would be interesting to review. [:)] i actually got that information from a friend on the board who was asked to take part in some studies - i'll ask him for the specific researcher he worked with and see if i can get you some citations. [:)] Thanks! [:)]

came4U -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 8:55:25 AM)
I dunno what Raven just said, but I just keep staring at her pic because she is sooo beautiful..............and I'm not even GAY!! lolol huh, what she say? *will scroll back when I am less mezmerized n exhausted.

came4U -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 9:06:02 AM)
quote: Abuse here. Eventually provoking abuse was the only way I could get attention. Puberty hit around the same time and just as the Sleeping Princess woke up and fell in love with the first person she saw, I formed a few inter-weaved associations that could never be unbound. I'm not complaining. I survived albeit with poor confidence. Play acting this stuff is, as the cliche goes, a way of reclaiming and owning the hurt by making it fun. Disclaimer: My experience only. Everyone's journey is different. quote: hell blossom lol, I provoke that and I wasn't even abused. So, there goes anyone's theory on abuse, etc. You are correct, every journey is different.

Tayr -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 9:22:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U I dunno what Raven just said, but I just keep staring at her pic because she is sooo beautiful..............and I'm not even GAY!! lolol Seconded. Although, her pictures don't do her justice. She is so much more beautiful in person. [img]http://www.apartment-zero.com/smilies/emot-drool.gif[/img]

UniqueRaven -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 9:32:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tayr quote: ORIGINAL: came4U I dunno what Raven just said, but I just keep staring at her pic because she is sooo beautiful..............and I'm not even GAY!! lolol Seconded. Although, her pictures don't do her justice. She is so much more beautiful in person. [img]http://www.apartment-zero.com/smilies/emot-drool.gif[/img] Aw, thank you both, and Tayr, i guess the secret is out that we're friends. [;)] Hee hee! [:D]

came4U -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 9:36:27 AM)
LOL well at least I didn't step on someone's cock (speakin of abuse) when I said that...whew. [;)] **but ya, she's hottie, she gonna give me daymares. (if I can ever sleep [:(]) and I don't often find women as 'hotties' lol le droool

UniqueRaven -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 9:39:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U LOL well at least I didn't step on someone's cock (speakin of abuse) when I said that...whew. [;)] No, just friends. Not Owned here, at least not yet. [;)] Tayr is a wonderful friend though and he would be a fabulous Dom for a lucky sub/slave (insert advert here, hee hee!) Any, apologies to the OP for the hijack, and when/if i have some citations about BDSM and intelligence i will be happy to post them.

came4U -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 9:57:58 AM)
me too *hand up, apologizing for taking half of a page flirting with the same sex girl. [:D] should have saved that for the stalking thread [:D] lmao

fadedshadow -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 10:03:29 AM)
i accept both of your apologies

Nslavu -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 10:35:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fadedshadow I have been pondering this for a while now so i'd like to ask you here. It seems that everyone in the lifestyle that i've become good friends with has suffered from abuse in the past. I'm not exception. This got me thinking, is there a link between BDSM and abuse? Like are people who have suffered like this more likely to become more involved in the lifestyle? And i know the lifestyle isn't abusive at all, this was just something i was pondering. Please offer your opinions. I don't think there's any clear link. Not any more than there is a link with abuse and vanilla. I see a lot of A/v behavior in both vanilla and bdsm environs, including websites. BDSM isn't totally sans abuse. Numerous threads are proof. What I think is more appropriately linkable, is one's awareness of their self and a desire to fully experience that through safe and trusted relationships. As Raven said it's a person path and that, I think, involves an evolutionary awareness of self that generally is more successful and personal in bdsm. (just my observation and experience, I have no scientific data to support it) Another thought is, could we link bdsm relationships to less abuse in our vanilla relationships?

came4U -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 11:03:26 AM)
quote: What I think is more appropriately linkable, is one's awareness of their self and a desire to fully experience that through safe and trusted relationships. As Raven said it's a person path and that, I think, involves an evolutionary awareness of self that generally is more successful and personal in bdsm. (just my observation and experience, I have no scientific data to support it) possibly in 'lifestyle' they are more apt to admit to abuse openly.. other outlets are not available or have become exhausted (professionally or personally) and they are more likely to 'tell' here/in this arena. More like a path to a path. It doesn't concern me unless someone (if I find out) is taken advantage of in such a situation (we all know what that could imply). I don't believe those with abuse issues should access this type of venue but hey, I am not God nor a big sister at the gates of kink, so, is their life. All should wander their own way, left, right, straight, narrow, wide, up or down. It isn't the occupation of anyone (until therapy by psychiatrists/psychologist is available online 24/7) to give judement unless it effects their immediate life or causes a present/active danger. We want to say 'who cares?' to some situations then all of a sudden we act like we are Mother fucking Theresa-back patting in another Can't have both, but it depends on the person (just as it is in everyday life). Each requires sensifuckingtivity. *see, I got typing tourettes today, frustration-fucking swearing a lot [;)]

Nslavu -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/18/2010 12:06:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U quote: What I think is more appropriately linkable, is one's awareness of their self and a desire to fully experience that through safe and trusted relationships. As Raven said it's a person path and that, I think, involves an evolutionary awareness of self that generally is more successful and personal in bdsm. (just my observation and experience, I have no scientific data to support it) possibly in 'lifestyle' they are more apt to admit to abuse openly.. other outlets are not available or have become exhausted (professionally or personally) and they are more likely to 'tell' here/in this arena. More like a path to a path. It doesn't concern me unless someone (if I find out) is taken advantage of in such a situation (we all know what that could imply). I don't believe those with abuse issues should access this type of venue but hey, I am not God nor a big sister at the gates of kink, so, is their life. All should wander their own way, left, right, straight, narrow, wide, up or down. It isn't the occupation of anyone (until therapy by psychiatrists/psychologist is available online 24/7) to give judement unless it effects their immediate life or causes a present/active danger. We want to say 'who cares?' to some situations then all of a sudden we act like we are Mother fucking Theresa-back patting in another Can't have both, but it depends on the person (just as it is in everyday life). Each requires sensifuckingtivity. see, I got typing tourettes today, frustration-fucking swearing a lot [;)] quote:* It doesn't concern me unless someone (if I find out) is taken advantage of in such a situation (we all know what that could imply). I don't believe those with abuse issues should access this type of venue but hey, I am not God nor a big sister at the gates of kink, so, is their life. lol .. I was going to debate a small fuckingpoint but I saw your new sig, made me smile and then sensifuckintivity set in. [8D]

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