RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale?

RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

Madame4a -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 5:13:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix MistSelene, I don't mean to cast aspersions on your little subby boy (but I'm going to do it, anyway), but how do you know that's what happened? How do you know he didn't go in there, got cold feet and couldn't go through with the scenario, and made up a story to explain why he came home toy-less? I'm having a really hard time believing that someone (of any age or gender) who works in a sex shop would get that bent out of shape if the note was as innocuous as you say. The little voices in my head tell me there's something more to this. Bingo... I also wonder what the note actually said and why we haven't heard...

Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 5:39:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix MistSelene, I don't mean to cast aspersions on your little subby boy (but I'm going to do it, anyway), but how do you know that's what happened? How do you know he didn't go in there, got cold feet and couldn't go through with the scenario, and made up a story to explain why he came home toy-less? I'm having a really hard time believing that someone (of any age or gender) who works in a sex shop would get that bent out of shape if the note was as innocuous as you say. The little voices in my head tell me there's something more to this. Somehow I don't think this is the case considering the OP remarks: quote: To make it a little more intense I thought I would send him with a sealed note to our favorite sex store. We had shopped there together and apart and we never had a problem. If he's shopped there on his own before and was comfortable, why would this purchase be any different for him, other than the sealed note? Your presumption could be the case here, I'm just not seeing it that way. I still think that those employed in sex stores are likely put-upon countless times a day, and smell a ploy a mile away. In this case, it wasn't a ploy, but to that employee it probably seemed like one. She probably thought, "oh great, another 40something lonely man trying to have a kinky encounter with me...maybe if I threaten to call the cops this time, these boneheads will stop trying to get me to play in their kinky little games." I know I get offended when guys email me their kink wishlists, expecting me to be an eager participant, because I happen to be a dominant woman. I expect those in the sex industry feel similarly. Edited to add: I do think the employee over-reacted by threatening to call the police (unless there was something like "gimme all your money" in the note). She could have just informed him that she was not interested in playing along and if it happens again I will speak with my manager about having you banned from the store. That surely would have made her point just as clearly. But we still do not know the entirety of the note, or the incidents in that clerk's experience at the store/in life in general, which led her to react the way she did. Bolded emphasis in OPs quote is mine for clarity.

Venatrix -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 7:04:09 AM)
Well, D8UD, the problem is that we are going only on what the OP is telling us, and there's something about her story that just doesn't jibe. I've been in a lot of sex shops (London, Miami, Boston, San Francisco), sometimes only to browse, but I usually come away with something, even if it's only a bottle of lube, and the people who work there have been uniformly enthusiastic about what they sell. "Didja see our new __________, huh, huh, didja, didja? It's really fantastic! That's a great bottle of lube you've got there, we sell a lot of it!" That sort of thing. Unless that note contained instructions where they really were dragging the assistant into their kink: Please pick out crotchless panties and make sure he's wearing them when he leaves the shop, I just can't see someone threatening to call the police over being handed a shopping list. From the OP's post, she says that they were now escalating things to a month of solid d/s, so perhaps Little Subby Boy's earlier purchases by himself were more within his comfort zone than whatever was on the list. Maybe he saw what the shop assistant was gathering, and said, "Uh, uh, no way, no how. She ain't using THAT on me." With these types of posts, it just comes down to mental masturbation for the rest of us, as we'll never really know what happened. Still, it's interesting to speculate about it over my morning hot chocolate.

Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 8:12:05 AM)
You make very valid points, perhaps my answer is colored by the local shop near me and the employees who work there...lol. I've only been to that shop twice because each time I've entered, the employee who 'assisted' me was very prudish. Asking me, are you SURE you want to buy THAT?? Really, that is JUST a novelty item, no one ACTUALLY uses those things (referring to a butt plug on one purchase, and a cock ring on another)...lol. Mind you, I now shop elsewhere, but if the employee he encountered was anything like the two I encountered, I can relate...sadly. EFT

LafayetteLady -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 9:50:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz You make very valid points, perhaps my answer is colored by the local shop near me and the employees who work there...lol. I've only been to that shop twice because each time I've entered, the employee who 'assisted' me was very prudish. Asking me, are you SURE you want to buy THAT?? Really, that is JUST a novelty item, no one ACTUALLY uses those things (referring to a butt plug on one purchase, and a cock ring on another)...lol. Mind you, I now shop elsewhere, but if the employee he encountered was anything like the two I encountered, I can relate...sadly. EFT I would have spoken to the manager of that store and expressed to them that the clerk was rather prudish. As to the OP, as we have been discussing, unless the note had anything in it about him being her submissive, there really isn't anything "odd" about a list of things a customer is looking to purchase.

Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 10:14:21 AM)
I did make a point to send a letter to the manager. Each time I visited there was no manager on duty. I explained in the letter, that due to such prudish behavior by the staff that I had no intention of ever setting foot in that place again, and would recommend (sp?) anyone who would listen to shop elsewhere.

LadyPact -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 10:32:41 AM)
Yes, it is just conjecture at this point. Unfortunately, the OP hasn't revealed what she wrote to put in the sealed envelope. I can't say why, but I'm inclined to think it was more than just a shopping list. It could be this part here "I recognize that not everyone has the time or inkling to do these sort of things but I figured that picking out a couple of thongs, a cock ring, a crop and an instructional book was pretty tame." It makes Me think, more or less, that the OP wanted the sales clerk to pick out the items for her husband (which isn't her job), rather than to just direct her husband to where in the store the items could be found (which is her job). The OP very specifically says that she considered it a "favor" and even mentions in her own post that she wanted to make sure this was ok by calling the store. It seems to Me that she was at least asking for a shopping list to be filled, and probably a little more. In My opinion, where a person works doesn't change whether or not they have a right not to be involved in other people's kinks. The gal behind the counter at the sex shop should be treated the same as the person behind the register at the grocery store or at the window at the bank. They are doing their job and aren't there to be a part of someone's amusement.

MsMillgrove -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 11:04:46 AM)
I said that same in my first post--we don't know what was written in the note. How was the salesperson supposed to know that this note really was written by the man's wife? I think when you attempt to get someone on the sidelines into your scenes, you'd better get their permission first. People have surprising reactions sometimes to requests for assistance, even when they are standing in the dungeon--and you know them. I asked someone to play a small 2 minute role in a scene I did, and she refused. I don't know why. One thing that puzzled me--what would you say on the phone to the police--"a man handed me a shopping list in a sealed envelope?" Seems like it wasn't only the clerk who over reacted--why would the sub and his wife be upset.. the idea of calling the police is ridiculous. And a waste of an important resource. Something is funny in this story and not ha-ha funny.

HeathenMa1am -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 11:40:50 AM)
you never know about people. perhaps the clerk's kink is threatening male subs with jail time. just move on.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 3:44:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Yes, it is just conjecture at this point. Unfortunately, the OP hasn't revealed what she wrote to put in the sealed envelope. I can't say why, but I'm inclined to think it was more than just a shopping list. It could be this part here "I recognize that not everyone has the time or inkling to do these sort of things but I figured that picking out a couple of thongs, a cock ring, a crop and an instructional book was pretty tame." It makes Me think, more or less, that the OP wanted the sales clerk to pick out the items for her husband (which isn't her job), rather than to just direct her husband to where in the store the items could be found (which is her job). The OP very specifically says that she considered it a "favor" and even mentions in her own post that she wanted to make sure this was ok by calling the store. It seems to Me that she was at least asking for a shopping list to be filled, and probably a little more. In My opinion, where a person works doesn't change whether or not they have a right not to be involved in other people's kinks. The gal behind the counter at the sex shop should be treated the same as the person behind the register at the grocery store or at the window at the bank. They are doing their job and aren't there to be a part of someone's amusement. Actually, it is a clerk's job to help a customer choose items. She is, after all, a SALES clerk. It would be no different than the man going in there and saying "My wife and I have just begun a D/s relationship and she wanted me to buy some thongs, could you help me pick some out?" It's a SHOPPING list for Christ's sake. For the record, when I go into a store and I tell a clerk I'm shopping for "X" and they just point to where they are, I politely tell them that I will shop somewhere else where the sales people are more interested in assisting their customers. I do not enjoy shopping and when I go I want a clerk to help me choose items that I am looking for without me having to rifle through everything. After all, they should certainly be more aware of the products in the store than I am.

LadyPact -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 5:10:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Yes, it is just conjecture at this point. Unfortunately, the OP hasn't revealed what she wrote to put in the sealed envelope. I can't say why, but I'm inclined to think it was more than just a shopping list. It could be this part here "I recognize that not everyone has the time or inkling to do these sort of things but I figured that picking out a couple of thongs, a cock ring, a crop and an instructional book was pretty tame." It makes Me think, more or less, that the OP wanted the sales clerk to pick out the items for her husband (which isn't her job), rather than to just direct her husband to where in the store the items could be found (which is her job). The OP very specifically says that she considered it a "favor" and even mentions in her own post that she wanted to make sure this was ok by calling the store. It seems to Me that she was at least asking for a shopping list to be filled, and probably a little more. In My opinion, where a person works doesn't change whether or not they have a right not to be involved in other people's kinks. The gal behind the counter at the sex shop should be treated the same as the person behind the register at the grocery store or at the window at the bank. They are doing their job and aren't there to be a part of someone's amusement. Actually, it is a clerk's job to help a customer choose items. She is, after all, a SALES clerk. It would be no different than the man going in there and saying "My wife and I have just begun a D/s relationship and she wanted me to buy some thongs, could you help me pick some out?" It's a SHOPPING list for Christ's sake. For the record, when I go into a store and I tell a clerk I'm shopping for "X" and they just point to where they are, I politely tell them that I will shop somewhere else where the sales people are more interested in assisting their customers. I do not enjoy shopping and when I go I want a clerk to help me choose items that I am looking for without me having to rifle through everything. After all, they should certainly be more aware of the products in the store than I am. When you go to the grocery store, do you walk up to the register and hand the cashier your shopping list? I'm betting you don't. If you have to ask directions as to where the green beans are, the person is likely to provide you with an aisle number. Not an escorted walk to their location, so they can tell you which brand they prefer. For products such as electronics, you might get the kind of assistance on the products that you mentioned because the sales staff is specifically trained on the information about the products. Not every store does that. Someone else already mentioned, we're probably not talking about Mr S Leather here.

WyldHrt -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 5:17:35 PM)
quote: Really, that is JUST a novelty item, no one ACTUALLY uses those things (referring to a butt plug on one purchase, and a cock ring on another) I hope the clerk never ventures into the forums here by accident. Hir head would probably explode. [:D]

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 5:26:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt quote: Really, that is JUST a novelty item, no one ACTUALLY uses those things (referring to a butt plug on one purchase, and a cock ring on another) I hope the clerk never ventures into the forums here by accident. Hir head would probably explode. [:D] But the forums are just a novelty too, silly-nobody ACTUALLY does this stuff... This is my deadpan face On the subject of whether sales clerks are expected to help you out with selecting stuff: The sex shops I've been in place a high value on customer privacy-this may be a cross-Atlantic cultural difference, but if I asked where x, y, z were I'd expect to be told and then left alone, unless I specifically asked for help or advice. Actually, thinking about it, I'd expect the same thing in a clothes shop, though, so maybe this is a Yank thing...

LadyPact -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 5:27:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt quote: Really, that is JUST a novelty item, no one ACTUALLY uses those things (referring to a butt plug on one purchase, and a cock ring on another) I hope the clerk never ventures into the forums here by accident. Hir head would probably explode. [:D] See, now on that point, I would have looked her straight in the face, with a very factual tone of voice and said, "yes they do".

LafayetteLady -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/19/2010 9:04:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact When you go to the grocery store, do you walk up to the register and hand the cashier your shopping list? I'm betting you don't. If you have to ask directions as to where the green beans are, the person is likely to provide you with an aisle number. Not an escorted walk to their location, so they can tell you which brand they prefer. For products such as electronics, you might get the kind of assistance on the products that you mentioned because the sales staff is specifically trained on the information about the products. Not every store does that. Someone else already mentioned, we're probably not talking about Mr S Leather here. When I go to the grocery store, no I don't walk up to a register and expect to be walked to the aisle. When I go to the mall and into a clothing store, yes I do, if I am looking for something specific (jeans, dress, etc.). If I happen to just be browsing I will tell them so, or if I know exactly what I want, I will also tell them I don't need assistance. We aren't talking about a grocery store, the local Walmart or 7-11. An adult store is a specialty shop. There isn't a plethora of employees milling about to help a customer typically (depending on the size of the store). Usually, there is just the person at the register. No, they aren't usually walking about asking, "Can I help you with something?" to every customer who walks in the door. But if someone came in with a shopping list asking for help, management expects them to help, not get freaked out, or threaten to call the police. As I said previously, I would love for the OP to come back and tell us specifically what the note said. Until that happens, we are all just grasping at straws wondering whether it really could be deemed "offensive." But based on the little information that WAS provided, it sounds very much like nothing more than a list of things to be purchased. What if he had gone in there and told her that he wanted to buy some thongs, but really didn't know much about the sizing or anything and asked for assistance? Should she consider him a wanker trying to get his kink on? Honestly, most people who go to those places aren't going and hitting on the sales clerk or trying to involve them in some kind of role playing game. I took a friend for her very first visit to a toy store in Florida, and when we explained to the salespeople that it was her first time, they couldn't wait to show her the products and talk about them. Typically, sex shops aren't hiring a bunch of prudes to work in their stores. It's bad for business.

LadyPact -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/20/2010 11:23:53 AM)
Yes, it's kind of a bummer when folks don't come back and share a little more. Obviously, you can't over detail an original post to death, but it's nice when folks can come back and add information later. Who knows? If we knew what the note contained, maybe we could have helped with different phrasing or whatever so that the assignment would go smoother the next time or some other way to make it fun again. (Definitely with a different shop in mind. LOL.)

LafayetteLady -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/20/2010 1:44:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious On the subject of whether sales clerks are expected to help you out with selecting stuff: The sex shops I've been in place a high value on customer privacy-this may be a cross-Atlantic cultural difference, but if I asked where x, y, z were I'd expect to be told and then left alone, unless I specifically asked for help or advice. Actually, thinking about it, I'd expect the same thing in a clothes shop, though, so maybe this is a Yank thing... It isn't that us "Yanks" don't value our privacy and certainly if a customer doesn't ask for assistance, they will be left alone in a sex shop. In a clothing store, the clerk will greet you and ask if you need assistance in many places upon entering the store. Certainly they aren't going to "bug" you to help you. Expecting assistance isn't a "Yank" thing at all. I, personally, do not typically enjoy shopping at all. If I am going for a particular item, I don't want to rifle through everything trying to find what I'm looking for and then seek out my size. I prefer to tell that "helpful" sales clerk when they ask if they can help me, "Yes, I need a blouse in size "x" for such an such event that I will wear with a black skirt. Can you show me some things that you think will look good?" Yep, I like to be catered to in a store like that. Most of the time, the clerk is delighted to help. In a sex shop, if I went in with a list and handed it to the clerk, I would expect them to help me gather the items and perhaps make recommendations.

MistSelene -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/20/2010 2:19:03 PM)
As requested here is the note I sent. Looking back on it now, it seems pretty boring. The clerk obviously did not think so. I still feel badly that everything got so blown out of proportion. Also to the comment that my sub just got cold feet, he did not. He was initially quite upset but after he saw the note he just figured the clerk was having a very bad day. Live and learn. Thanks for your input and support. -------------------------- Good Morning, Thank you for taking the time to read this note. I would appreciate it if you could pick out the following items for my husband. If you do not have the time, please do not hesitate to reseal this note send him on his way. I do not want to be a bother. 1) A couple of small thongs or briefs, preferably bright colors. I definitely do not want boring. 2) A large metal cock ring, if one is not available in metal, leather will be fine 3) A large riding crop 4) An instructional book or video on oral sex techniques for men to perform on women I am trying to put together a little surprise for my husband so if you would keep him from seeing this note I would appreciate it. I do not want for him to know what I am telling you. Thank you for your time.

LadyPact -> RE: Shopping and the Male Sub - A cautionary tale? (3/20/2010 2:50:56 PM)
I'm glad to see you back. [:)] I tend to be a more conservative type, so I might not have went with the note. Well, the note could have been used more as a prop for the sub/hubby and a reminder for the clerk after I had talked to her. (Yes, probably in person.) Your idea really can still work, if there is another store you could try or even the same store when another clerk is working. Some people might not ever go back to that particular business, but unless it was the owner/manager who acted that way, I can see situations where I would give them another shot. Heck, might even be a bonus if the clerk who gave the bad reaction saw another clerk carrying out your request and maybe have a little crow to eat. (Don't forget that earlier part I said from the other thread about tipping. No, it's not required, but it does create an incentive.) The bad experience was had, so you can't change it, but you could use it to your advantage. If you plan out sending him to a new store, make it one he's never been to before. You go first and do the clearing work that he won't know about. Then, give him a set of street directions and another sealed envelope. No doubt he'll remember the bad incident prior and it will produce what could be a very yummy reaction. If nothing else, when it does turn out well the second time, it will be a trust builder in your capabilities as a Dominant. Even if you're not too fond of the idea now, I'd still like to welcome you to the boards and invite you to stick around. You might find it a fun place.

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

6.054688E-02