looking for the logic (Full Version)

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savvanah -> looking for the logic (3/20/2010 1:59:30 PM)

hi, and good evening . my question stems from something i have always thought to be true . and that is "when you are  complete person and happy in your life is the time you will find a partner that is the same "  and i would say i am there ..... i am happy i am complete ........in fact im dammned content if it wasnt for the pesky "horn" i probably would not even be looking for a partner .
but looking i am . but what i am looking for is a person that is already whole not a person with a sub sized hole in his life , that is just trying to fill it .
to put it the best way ..............i do not wear second hand shoes . i can never be the subs you have had , or even the sub in your mind . what i can be is me .
am i looking for the wrong thing in thinking the vannila concepts of compramise are so important , i mean i know im not going to meet a domly  jensen akles lookalike with a million bucks who lives luckily just down the road and just happens to have a thing for snipy gripy subs who work too much and enjoy way to many bon-bons .
so i accept most of my criteria is the stuff of "never going to happen" and take each dom as i meet them , if they prove too pushy in the first few sentences then i get rid of them . and to me i get rid of them if they sound like they ave that sub sized hole .........................is that wrong ?
oh and apoligies for the spelling



sweetriver -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 2:03:35 PM)

Honestly... can you shorten the question? i'm not exactly what you are asking.




CaffeineOverRide -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 2:05:12 PM)

I'm confused...
Maybe add a more concise statement to sumurize?



savvanah -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 2:06:37 PM)

yep , im a rambler .
what im asking is is it wring for me to dismiss someone simply because they dont seem to be at the same place as me when it comes to meeting new people (and the problem is that it only seems to me not that it is known to me)



sweetriver -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 2:17:23 PM)

That makes more sense. No that isn't wrong. i am definitely not interested in being with a Dom who is wanting to start a family (at a different stage of life in general) or one who is new to the lifestyle and still learning (different stage of the lifestyle). By stating up front that they are not what you are looking for, you are saving the both of you a lot of time and grief. Trust your instincts, they are usually right.



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 2:21:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: savvanah

yep , im a rambler .
what im asking is is it wring for me to dismiss someone simply because they dont seem to be at the same place as me when it comes to meeting new people (and the problem is that it only seems to me not that it is known to me)



I'm not certain I understand the question, but I'll still take a stab at it and let you decide whether it's relevant or not. If the point they're at in their life, and the direction they're going, does not threaten to destabilize the position you've created for yourself in your life, then I don't see why it should necessarily be a dealbreaker. I think the more important thing is, are they heading toward the same goals you're heading for, and does it seem as though they're likely to reach it. If the answer to those questions is "yes," then I'd be inclined to take a leap at them. Assuming they were otherwise leap-worthy.



littleone35 -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 2:21:29 PM)

I don't think you are wrong. I am like you i refused to settle until i found a Dom who was all that i wanted and needed. I was lucky i found him. So it is good you are not settling. Why have silver whan you can get gold?

Matt's littleone



UniqueRaven -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 2:37:41 PM)

i don't think you need to settle - but neither does he either. i question where you said "snipy gripy subs who work too much and enjoy way to many bon-bons" - are you looking for a Dom who will accept a sub like that?

And my thoughts are that if you want a high quality Dom in your life, then you need to be of similar quality. If you've actualized and accepted yourself to where you're happy griping at times and eating too many sweets then you might need to look for a Dom who's willing to be with a sub who does those things. And what you take as "pushiness" may simply be Doms looking for a submissive woman who meets their standards - which generally doesn't include a submissive woman being gripy and so on.

My suggestion is to take a bit of time to decide exactly what it is you need - and then work on figuring out what you want, which are all the "nice to have" sorts of things. You may be surprised what you find out. And then begin talking to people with those needs in mind - and see how many wants they might also fill. And remember that you can probably find someone who will fill most of your needs, but never all of your needs - and any wants you get are just a bonus. We're all human after all. [;)]

Good luck to you. [:)]




osf -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 2:55:59 PM)

are you the person, the person you want, wants



dreamerdreaming -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 5:07:38 PM)

What UniqueRaven and osf said.

Be you, and enjoy being single, and someone will come along and mess up your fine time, in short order.

If it were me maybe I'd just be upfront in my profile that until there's an established dynamic, you won't be dommed. That should be obvious but apparently some doms are frighteningly clueless about it. On second thought, if you want to weed out those clueless doms, maybe don't have a disclaimer... But I gotta tell ya- even my dom, who had decades of experience, made that mistake and I almost missed out on him because I did reject him at first (and repeatedly) due to his attitude of entitlement. I think he just thought it was expected of him, but it was a major turnoff for me... So anyway I almost missed out on the perfect dom for me, because despite his extensive experience he started off on the wrong foot, with me. Just sayin'. [8|]

Take your time and enjoy being single, and in the meantime do go out for coffee with anyone that interests you on a friendship level, if you like- just be clear with them about your limits and expectations. Be aware that when girls play sexually, it can be easy for them to fall for a guy. So it might be difficult to keep from falling for a fuckbuddy. So, you might not want to go there. Its a slippery slope.

Have FUN being at a nice place in your life! Enjoy this time, and this place that you've worked hard (and smart) to get to.

YOU GO, GIRL! [:)]



Smutmonger -> RE: looking for the logic (3/20/2010 6:56:06 PM)

I feel the same about needy subs "looking for daddy."

I've had enough of those-it's time for someone who has her act together-not another perpetually "wounded bird" that needs to be rescued from herself every fifteen minutes or so.

What a pain in the ass.



CaffeineOverRide -> RE: looking for the logic (3/24/2010 5:16:17 AM)

Not really...
in the end, that sounds more like beng campatible, and if you are not compatible, there is no point.
best of luck, don't settle :)



osf -> RE: looking for the logic (3/24/2010 6:14:31 AM)

...



Musicmystery -> RE: looking for the logic (3/24/2010 9:52:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: savvanah

yep , im a rambler .
what im asking is is it wring for me to dismiss someone simply because they dont seem to be at the same place as me when it comes to meeting new people (and the problem is that it only seems to me not that it is known to me)



Why don't you just get to know people and enjoy it, worrying later about forever?

Meeting someone "at the same place" is cool, but you're bound to grow in different directions too. What then?



StrongSpirit -> RE: looking for the logic (3/24/2010 6:41:23 PM)

I agree with Raven.

To shorten a longer post I've made before:   You need to upgrade your standards instead of settling for less than them.

Make a list of things you want.  Be brutally honest and as SHALLOW as you can.  (i.e. include must make at least $X, must be at least y'z" tall, etc.)  Divide it into "Must haves" and "Bonus Stuff".  Must Have is only the things that are 'deal breakers'.  I.E.  If a guy/gal dom/sub has everything else (rich, gorgeous, loves you, etc.) but does not have X, then you won't date him/her.  Then rank the Bonus Stuff by how important to you and also track how often you reject someone for not having enough of each item.

Now check over the list.   Which items are you ashamed of.  Can you do without them?  Can you lower them?   And what qualities do you regret not having?  Can you raise them?  If you keep rejecting people for quality V, then either you need to look into that earlier (by first date at the worst), or maybe you are being too strict about the WRONG thing.   Consider being a tad more generous for one item and less on the other.  That is, if you had a limit of 5'8" for height and $50k/year consider making  it 5''6" and $75k/year.   

When you are done, I find that people consider their new lists to be far better than the original.   When you are done you definitely NOT settling, as your new standards generally are harder to qualify for.  But you do find it is EASIER to find someone, as your standards are closer  what you really, need as opposed to the bullshit that you think you want (when you really dont') 

For example, if you want a man that is faithful, you are smart enough not to marry Tiger Woods, not matter how much money and fame he has.  And if you want to sleep around, you marry a woman that is poly, not a violent psychopathic like Elin Nordegren (who still hasn't apologized for her criminal behavior, despite the fact that her husband apologized for his non-criminal behavior)






LPslittleclip -> RE: looking for the logic (3/24/2010 9:18:07 PM)

no its not incorect to not accept the next one to come along but also know what it is that you are seeking as well. when i met my Mistress i was only looking for a play partner. so keep looking and enjoy what you find you never know what will turn up



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